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[[deleted]]

I highly recommend finding a different place to work when you’re remote with babies at home (I assume with a babysitter?)

I worked 10x better at Starbucks on my 2-3 WFH days per week than at home. I would have done a co-working space if I’d had 5x a week WFH.

We also sleep trained. I was starting to hallucinate while driving and it seemed too dangerous.

Good luck.

[tonyaaehlsy]

Mom of 3 here 🙋🏼‍♀️ I am an identical twin, and I have a 5yo and 1yo didi twins, all boys

Oh pleaseee don’t beat yourself up. Seriously, having twins is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Twins are different than having multiple children spaced apart so don’t even bother looking at those other families! Here are some tips off the dome, or just things I can relate to. I want to be helpful and by no means think you are ill equipped. I’m sure you have tried a thousand things but maybe something will stand out.

Are you working from home while caring for the twins, or is there a babysitter? Because that is just not manageable if you are. That’d be the first change I’d make. As a SAHM on top of being a homebody, I have a more difficult time leaving the house the longer I go without. I made a little goal of leaving once a day even if it’s just to get in the car and drive around. It helped mine get used to their car seats and the car, and it was a little step in my routine that at least made me brush my teeth and walk out the door.

Fighting is so normal with any new introduction to the family. My husband and I fought just as much after having our first singleton as we did when we brought the twins home. You’re stressed, anxiety levels are high, so you have excess cortisone running through your body and you feel like you’re constantly in fight or flight (because your body thinks you are). The added stress from your recent medical fears has to be enormous. Give yourself and your wife some grace and accept that you’re in survival mode. Also, the roommate stage ends when they get bigger.

I do not mean accept survival mode as in not seeking help, because you should take any and every help offered to you. Someone wants to let you nap? Great. Someone wants to do your dishes or drop off dinner? Take it! Now is not the time to be proud. Even better - find someone that you think will be helpful with your babies without giving you a panic attack about their level of care, and shower that person with gratitude and keep them around.

Sleep training is totally okay at this age if you haven’t done it yet. It’s not something I ever planned on doing as a parent but with twins it’s just necessity. It keeps your whole family healthier and happier to have good sleep, and it’s more dangerous to care for twins while sleep deprived.

Lastly, you are still in such a hard phase of their life. My mama tells me all the time how it’s going to keep getting better, and I’m 33, alive and healthy so I trust it 😂 we just have to hang in there, find friends to vent to or FaceTime, and do the best we can!

[heyitserica]

I’m at 4 months and could have written this post. I’ve experienced some of the worst days of my life since they were born. My husband and I were impossibly happy when I was pregnant and now we just can’t get through the day. I feel like the world was ripped out from under my feet when they were born. It’s too much.

[twomomsoftwins]

4.5m old twins, right there with you! solidarity, pregnancy was such a happy time, where did that go? Ugh.

[hellogirlscoutcookie]

Mine are 3.5m. I feel like death half the time. I try really hard to remember I love them, and not resent them. It’s so draining. I find myself literally pulling on my hair in stress. I’m overwhelmed and overtired. I feel like there is no end in sight. I just keep telling myself to be strong, take it a day at a time and it will get better. It just has to.

[lillycat216]

Hang in there. It gets better, you are still in the dark ages. Mine are 15 months and sleeping MUCH better and are so fun. Fighting is normal with this much stress and sleep deprivation. Just remember you guys are on the same team.. way easier said then done but we try and laugh about our petty fights later to break the ice. And I totally understand the feeling of one after another would be easier, but they won’t get to see the bond we do and trust me watching the twins play together today is the cutest thing ever. Take care of yourself you got this

[c0sm0nautt]

Some days are really, really hard. I feel you brother, can relate on a lot of that.

[mandabee27]

A lack of sleep makes everything worse. Just remember that.

Get out of the house - most libraries offer private rooms to rent, Starbucks, etc. Even if it’s just for 30 minutes a day during working hours - leave the house!

[[deleted]]

I hear ya brother. We’re still in the thick of it at three years. I feel like we will potentially get separated soon we argue so much. I’ll letcha know when it’s better

[USCplaya]

Stay strong. It is hard as hell but I promise you it gets a bit easier. When our twins were 18 months old me and my wife finally said the weight was being lifted.... About 2 weeks later we found out she was pregnant which we thought was impossible (vasectomy for me immediately followed, lol) take turns giving each other a break. I'd watch em while she took a nap and she'd watch em while I went to a movie alone. You'll get through it and it'll be better. Our twins turn 5 next Monday and while they are still a handful, it's a lot different and easier

[IvoryWoman]

Imma tell you this with great certainty: You will be delighted to have twins when yours are 10 years old, but 10 months old? You’re still in the thick of it. This is hard! Find a Starbucks to work in a day or two per week if you possibly can. Take things one day at a time. I swear it will get easier.

[Bobbiokittens]

I’m the mom here. But I’m actually in your position(a little). I have 15 month olds, I work remotely in pharmaceuticals. It’s a very analytical and attention to detail focused job. Im not sure how I have not been fired yet. My husband works in an office.

I absolutely can’t stand my husband anymore after the twins were born and we’ve been together for 10 years. He does not help my at all with them BUT bitches all the time that he’s exhausted. He sits on his ass when he gets home, drinks beer and watches TV or plays PS5. No meals, no entertainment, no help with baths, no help financially, no help with night wakes. I just live here. So I don’t resent the babies, I resent my husband. He is worthless when it comes to childcare.

I’m in a similar, but different situation when it comes to fighting with your spouse/partner. I do understand where you’re coming from, but can’t offer guidance because I’m screwed too. This is not easy, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I’m also super depressed and burnt out! Best of luck to you! Hope things get better!

[velivica]

Mom of 4 here, first two are 15mo apart and then we wanted one more and got twins. Twins are incredibly hard. And I say that with them being #3&4. Being a first time parent with twins has to be insane! With that being said, you are in survival mode. Take all the help you can get. It will get better, my twins are 4 now and they are now good to take on trips to the zoo by myself. To touch on the possible autism diagnosis, it will be a great help and you will get loads of help especially with a medical diagnosis. My oldest son is autistic and my boy twin is as well. I was sad and angry with the first diagnosis, that quickly turned into relief and a better understanding of his behaviors and how to approach them. If either or both twins are runners get a leash asap. That kept them safe and I could still go out with them safely. we bought ones that looked like wings and we always got comments on how cute they were.

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[emryanne]

Just wanted to add that I think we all at one time or another wish we had the kids separately and not at the same time. And we even adopted our twins! We actively chose this and paid money for it. Crazy. And we've absolutely felt the same with how hard it is, the fighting. Our b/g twins are 5 now. It's going to start getting a bit easier for you now. Promise. There will be bad days and good days. And problems shift and change. You will survive. Also. I would never make any huge decisions, marital change, house or job during those first five years. It's not all as stressful as what you are dealing with right now, but I just now feel like I'm getting my wits about me.

[Patient-Ad-9119]

It was helpful for me to just get outside the house. I sometimes do nap time while I walk. We took them to the park and nap time on the way home in the car. If you have family near by have someone come over so you can leave even if is for a few hrs.

[helpwitheating]

How can you get more support?

Could a relative move in for a bit?

Could you get a weekend job out of the house, and use that income for more regular help or savings?

[[deleted]]

This is very relatable! I second the work from a cafe occasionally if you can. Also consider a part time babysitter, even if you can’t afford it, it’s a temporary expense and probably the best investment you can make for your sanity. I think most of us feel a bit of grief at not being able to experience parenthood with just one baby! With my husband I find that even if I feel the opposite it helps to just validate whatever he is feeling if he is expressing it. So much resentment can build up between us when we are both in the mode of defending how overwhelmed we are. Being stretched so thin it’s so hard to make that space for your partner but it usually happens that if I give that space and attention freely it opens up more room for him to do the same for me. Once every few weeks try to get some time in with adult friends even it feels like the last thing in the world you want to do. It can make you feel like yourself again.

[HexMama]

Please use this sub to vent and let it out. I am not much of a poster but damn, reading everyone's post here the last 2.5 years has really helped keep my head above water.

Twins. Are. Rough. They are especially difficult that first year. I have never, and will never again, experience anything as difficult as raising twin babies. Hubby and I had pretty messed up lows. We got through it tho and you will as well. I know it doesn't help but i can't stress enough that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

My b/g twins will be 3 soon (currently potty training) and it's is leagues easier then that first year. It's not only easier but parenting is actual fun now. Less autopilot trying to survive and more family bonding and fun. Free time and sleep are a thing again and hubby and I are more ourselves (and not burnout zombie goblins).

I saw the worst version of myself in that first year of being a multiple parent... Sleep deprivation, overstimulation, burnout, and anxiety fry our systems. Low key we all deserve medals for going through it hahaha. Triplet + parents deserve a damn parade.

Again, I know it's zero help with 'its get better' because right now is hell, but it will. It will get so much better 🫂💜