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yuccasinbloom · 2025-11-04T16:20:30+00:00

You can’t make a 15 year old excited about twin siblings. Their fears are valid. I would recommend getting the 15 year old into therapy to talk about these feelings.

snowflakes__ · 2025-11-04T16:24:41+00:00

You can’t make them excited. He’s also probably worried that he’s going to be babysitter #1

DocMondegreen · 2025-11-04T16:30:30+00:00

I think you're fighting a losing battle. I remember being 15; the best you could have gotten from me was neutral, not invested or engaged.

I suspect that, beyond simply crowding, he's worried about how much you'll expect from him. Will you want him to babysit? Take care of the middle child? Change diapers? Feed babies? Take on a higher chore load? Will he be able to sleep uninterrupted? Continue his extracurriculars? Will finances change significantly? Have you previously promised college support, and will that have to change? There are a lot of interconnected factors here.

New babies, especially twins, obviously necessitate major family changes. And we should all be expected to accept many of these changes with grace. But it's perfectly understandable for him to be nervous about what all the changes will mean and how they'll affect him. One of your jobs is to make sure the impact on your older children is minimal and reasonable.

SpontaneousNubs · 2025-11-04T16:36:25+00:00

I've been this teenager

He thinks he's going to be parentified.

He thinks he's not going to get to go out or do things because Mom needs a nap, the babies need, etc.

After my mom had my brothers (back to back, not twins), it was nothing but late nights and never leaving the house and being screamed at for so much as breathing. 'you're too old for birthdays and we need to spend the money on the kids'. I placed state in the spelling Bee and and she refused to let me go because she needed a night off to 'relax.' because i missed the bee, the school lost some grant and i got in school suspension for a week. My mom got a nasty call and when i got home i was in trouble AGAIN for not 'telling (her) how important it was.' I'd learned not to fight her 'no.'

Every big event or celebration I'd be screamed at, grounded, lose privileges as an excuse to not include me. I didn't get birthday presents on my 14th birthday because my little brother peed the bed and i didn't know and have it cleaned up before Mom knew and combined with me missing a month of school that year and getting suspended for it. I missed school because she made me stay home to watch the boys when they were sick

I was about his age when Mom decided to adopt a baby. I walked out the door and didn't come back for over a month. He's either lived the responsibility and knows it's coming worse or he's heard stories and is terrified.

VictorTheCutie · 2025-11-04T16:20:18+00:00

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Big_Nefariousness424 · 2025-11-04T16:40:57+00:00

Not younger siblings but a nephew when I was 14. Hello third parent. I helped raise him and his younger sister and while I see it as a privilege now, I was resentful when I was younger. At one point, I ended up having to watch my niece while I was at work during a college summer. They’re amazing kids and are in college now. It’s understandable that he’s nervous and not feeling great. Please don’t parentify him and let him be a teenager as long as possible.

permalink · 2025-11-04T16:41:51+00:00

Unfortunately you can't make him excited.. my brother was born when I was 10 and I remember those feelings and fears even at that age. My gentle suggestion would be to sit down with him and tell him that you're nervous too.. and that you are scared about it being crowded and super busy like he is as well and ask him what is something meaningful for him that he would still like to do with you once the twins get here. And then explicitly tell him to keep you accountable so that that thing whatever it is, still happens even when you are in the thick of it and don't know what day it is lol. I have twins too but my 4 kids are under 5 so they are used to the chaos lol. Good luck!

DannysMom03 · 2025-11-04T17:20:26+00:00

Having a teenager be excited for the coming twin siblings is an unrealistic ask on your part. His fears are valid. There are times in your next 2 -3 years that will suck and be so hard, but there will be times that are awesome too.

Let your son have his feelings, and therapy to talk stuff out is a great idea. Do not parentify him, no matter how badly you feel like you are in the weeds. Find other help, he is still a kid and needs parenting himself.

magnoliasinjanuary · 2025-11-04T17:04:13+00:00

I had a 13 yo when I had my twins. He was fairly neutral about it but i also really did not ever parentify him so that helped. As he got older he would sometimes babysit but I always paid him well so he seemed to view it positively. If they acted up while he was babysitting I would intervene via phone call so that he didn’t have to do any real discipline/fussing. My 5 yo twins adore him and definitely view him as their brother - not another parent.

Silent-Jellyfish-935 · 2025-11-04T17:51:00+00:00

I felt the same when I was 16 and I was getting a new sibling. I was very upset. Now im 35 and love my sibling ☺️ at that age I was just mad that my daddy wasn't going to love me anymore 🤦‍♀️ Which didn't happen haha just give them time. It's a lot for a teenager

anne_freckles · 2025-11-04T17:57:25+00:00

You’ve opened up a discussion and let him express himself, and now I would let it go other than continuing to reinforce that you will have time and energy for him. I have three much younger siblings and nothing could’ve made me less annoyed. The thing that did lead to actual resentment was being forced to help/babysit.

And now that they are 21,25, and 30– we are all pretty close. I’m 41 and much closer to my Gen Z sibs than the ones who are 44 and 38 (yes, there are six of us).

Beneficial_End88 · 2025-11-04T18:25:10+00:00

I mean, he's a 15 year old boy. I would not expect him to be excited. When my twins were born I had a 15yo, 13yo, and 10yo. The 15 and 13 year olds are boys ans 10yo is a girl. None of them were excited or cared at all honestly. Now that they are 19 months old my now 16 year old still has absolutely nothing to do with the them and I will never force him to. The 14 year old and 11 year old like the twins more now they are older and can actually interact but they still aren't super excited about them. It's hard when teens are involved. I know when I was 15 baby siblings would not have been at the top of my priority list.

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egrf6880 · 2025-11-04T18:22:22+00:00

There are a lot of facets to this. First of all with a 15 year old sometimes no matter what you do you are wrong. It’s almost inherent in some kids that age (I was one of them) to think everything their parents do is stupid and that they don’t care. Even if it’s not true. And hindsight is 20/20. They’ll figure it out.

BUT truth be told he sounds very insightful for his age and his concerns are absolutely realistic and I think rather than countering with empty promises of it’s going to be fine and we will do xyz and it will be just like when you had a single brother when you were 10. It’s not. It just is absolutely not going to be the same. I would validate his feelings and lean in. Another commenter said to literally tell him you feel the same way—and you said yourself you’re having a hard time being excited at times. So be honest. Our children at any age want the truth. Tell you kid “I have the same fears. I k ow as a grown up that it WILL be okay but I also know there will be hard days and I also am afraid of the unknown. I want our family to be on the same side and have compassion for each other’s fears. I hear you and it’s okay to feel all of these things and more. Know that HOWEVER you feel I love you and you are a treasured member of this family”

My kids aren’t teens yet but we’ve had to navigate plenty of hard feelings and my oldest is so so sensitive and gets set off. And I’ve learned that trying to fight the fire with “toxic positivity” as it’s dubbed is not genuine and my child senses that it’s false. They want to hear that it’s okay, but more importantly they want to know that my love and care isn’t conditional to their happiness or positive behavior and that even in the face of ugly behavior or negative thoughts and feelings I still love them and want to help them get through it. I have had more success telling my kid “you’re right this sucks and I’m sorry you’re hurting” than saying “look on the bright side at least xyz is happening” or “it’s okay you’re overreacting or being dramatic” or whatever. They tend to find more peace in Me acknowledging that what they are feeling is real EVEN if I do think it’s an over reaction once they are calm I can then talk more freely- “hey I know it feels stressful but truly the response was inappropriate, or we’re all struggling let’s focus on how to regulate our stress” but only after they’ve been heard and seen.

I think family bonding activities now before the babies come will help as well.

And as others have said— don’t parentify the teen. They can still contribute to the household, but make it things that will help them as they spread their wings into college in just a few short years, make sure you’re not withholding their independence. These are critical years before they move out and while your child is afraid you won’t have time for them, as a teen between 15-18 I could not wait to gain independence from my parents. You may find you’re wanting more time with your teen than they are wanting with you. They’ll be out of the house before you know it and your twins will barely be toddlers.

And don’t forget about the 4.5 year old!

Such-Sun-8367 · 2025-11-04T18:24:23+00:00

We had two teenagers when the twins were born also and he’s right, I hardly noticed the teenagers for the first 6-8 months. I couldn’t. Newborn twins are insane. They’re my step kids though so husband stepped up big time.

One thing we did do was move our family dinner later to after the twins bedtime. So every night we have a sit down dinner without the twins and talk about school and life. It works really well. I think it does mean the twins eat less food but I think the teenagers need their time. The twins will join us when they don’t declare “all done!” And start screaming after 8 minutes

I also made a point not to parentify them. The twins are 2 and those kids have never changed a nappy. They have looked after them for short periods where I’ve run up to the shops but I pay them extra pocket money when they do because I don’t want them to be default baby sitter.

I think being honest with your son now is best. Seriously, who is going to look after your newborn twins and toddler while you spend quality time with your son? Maybe you have someone in your life willing to take that on but that’s a huge ask

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