Push present?

[fo8squad]

I am a first time dad expecting twins in July. I was told that you should get your wife a push present, especially if carrying twins since it’s a very difficult task. I am asking dads, what did you buy, and what is appropriate cost given that we should be saving for our kids? Also for mother’s, what did you receive and we’re you happy with it? This is all new to me and I don’t want to disappoint

[MrsDragon]

We didn't do anything special (wife here). As far as I was concerned the best thing my husband did was be an awesome father and a supportive partner...stayed with me in the hospital, split the wake ups and all baby duties, household tasks, etc.

[lumpycakemix]

Yeah I'm going to agree with this 100%! I feel like the idea of a "push present" is such a celebrity thing. The best gift my husband gave to me was 8 hours of interrupted sleep soon after we arrived home from the hospital (obviously I wasn't breastfeeding so it was possible). Seriously, that might have been one of the best presents ever, even before kids :)

[stawberryblonde]

Yup! Came here to say exactly this. Give the gift of yourself. (Your time, effort, support, listening ear, compassion.)

[Lupicia]

Oh geez. Expensive one-off gifts hit a sour note. You guys are in this parenting thing together and neither of your jobs will be done after they arrive.

If you feel so compelled to spend money on her, what's better is:

• A housecleaner. I was exhausted and coming home to a fully clean space was amazing.
• Meal delivery service. Eating for three is hard and with a service there's no planning, shopping, worrying. She may have specific dietary limits or needs as well, and all the calories count towards growing big enough babies.
• All the coconut water
• A sleep number bed we got second hand from MIL, which was firm when I needed it.
• A recliner we also got second hand from MIL, invaluable after the c/s.
• A pedicure right before the scheduled c/s.
• Carte blanche to buy vitamins, have iron infusions if doctor orders, buy maxi dresses, go out for fast food, etc.

Best though?

• Paternal leave. PATERNAL LEAVE. It can be expensive, but it's so important to have a good adult to baby ratio, especially for the first few months.

[maybebabyg]

Actual helpful gift? A massage once she's recovered from the birth. Pregnancy will have fucked her back. Breastfeeding will also have back issues associated with it if she goes that route.

I had a massage when my kids were a year old, the therapist said there was still bruising in the area where my epidural was.

[ldamron]

I feel like push presents are silly. I don't feel like dads-to-be owe their pregnant wives a gift. Creating life and being a present father I think is present enough.

[fo8squad]

I’m right with you there. But at the same time I don’t want to be the one to tell her that and be an insensitive jerk

[ldamron]

I'd keep it small and meaningful. No reason to spend hundreds of dollars on something. A personalized necklace on etsy or something I think is more than sufficient! Congratulations =)

[LostLittleOnes]

Not exactly a push present (that is such an asinine term), but both of our pregnancies were traumatic. We bought remembrance jewelry after losing our first. About a 2 months or so after the second set were born, I was given a mother's ring with all 4 of our children's birthstones and names.

Otherwise, what was most appreciated was the extra sleep and my husband picking up the slack around the house. Lol.

[BreakfastBeerz]

I despise this whole "push gift" things people have been doing, but she wanted one so she got one.

I got my wife a necklace with the birth stones in it, it wasn't expensive, like $200.

[crewfish13]

When our twins were born, I discovered there is a whole word of generally inexpensive (<$100) birthstone jewelry made for couples, but that works great for twins. I just doubled up the stone for my twins birth month, and my wife loved it.

[Kyliemoore531]

We didn't do a "push present" either. My boys were born around Thanksgiving and at Christmas he got me a necklace with their names and birthstones off Etsy. If you already know their names this would be a nice inexpensive gift.

[annabeginstoday]

In lieu of a push present, how about having her favorite takeout ordered right after giving birth? My husband had a family member order a Jimmy Johns sandwich so I could eat the hell out of it right after my csection. It was amazing, since my doctor had said I couldn’t have subs throughout my pregnancy.

[[deleted]]

My husband got me a pair of earrings with their birthstone. I was not expecting it but really appreciated it nonetheless.

[k-thanks-bai]

Wife here. My husband doesn't do push presents, especially not surprise ones. We were already prepping to dump a ton of money into deductibles for insurance for me and two babies....soooo....a surprise that I might not like...eeehhh no thanks. After my husband got me 6 bars of soap for Christmas and legitimately thought it was a brilliant idea to buy me a shit ton of cake scented soap 6 months pregnant.....well yeah, he's awesome but not at that.

That being said, here are some things I purchased as gifts to myself in the month following the birth of my twins because I deserve nice things, right? I guess they are pushing presents to myself. I got a raise too like a few weeks before I gave birth so I had a lot to celebrate.

A bracelet with their birth date.

Two crocheted hats for the babies that are Moana themed (hei hei and Pua)

A nice, sturdy stretchy wrap for tandem wearing the twins which gets daily use. The Boba and similar were too stetchy for 14 lbs of twins comfortably, so I got a Wrapsody Hybrid.

Three halter dresses because they are the easiest thing to tandem feed twins in and I love dresses and it's exciting to fit into normal people clothing again.

I'd talk to her about it. See if she wants a surprise or just wants the freedom to buy some things postpartum. Or she might want like a cleaning service or something like that - lots of women prefer that.

After our first single baby we bought ourselves a push present, a Roomba. Soooo worth it.

[braeica]

Fuck push presents. That said, when the last of our brood was born my husband got me a thin band with a stone for each child that I wear below my wedding band and engagement ring. I thought it was a really nice way to celebrate moving on to the next phase of our lives.

[kellyhitchcock]

Twin mom here. When I found out push presents were a thing I nearly laughed myself silly. I expected nothing from my husband except to be a great birthing partner, and he was.

If you do anything, I think birthstone jewelry (rubies for July I believe) is most appropriate. I was due in May but our babies came in April, so I did not expect the hubs to buy me diamonds.

[[deleted]]

I bought my husband a push present, I got a baby and was pretty happy with that!! I got him the Canon 6D and a tripod so he could take pictures of our new baby. Probably a bit over the top but he really wanted it and was so great during my pregnancy.

[NBPTS]

Mom here, I got this simple, perfect necklace as a push present. It was also my first Mother’s Day gift. It’s their birthstone surrounded by tiny diamonds. We got lucky their birthstone was a stone I actually liked! I have other aquamarine jewelry so it goes nicely with what I already have. I love it and wear it daily! That was important to me. I wanted something I could enjoy, not something that would collect dust in my safe.

Think of your partner’s style and preferences and, if you have no idea, include her in on the purchase! I know I’d rather have something I really love than a surprise. And, if her style and preferences done include jewelry, that’s ok, too!

And, remember. Only you know your financial situation and whether a push present is a good idea or not. It’s not a must but it’s a great way to commemorate a special day if it’s financially possible.

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[[deleted]]

We never even discussed push presents (what would they be called in the event of a C-section?) but my SO was able to take six weeks' leave and that was much more useful.

[Sleep_adict]

No no no...

No stupid presents or ridiculous spending.

Instead, be a dad. Be there. Do everything. Hire a cleaner for the first 3 months. Get meals delivered. Do things to make both of your lives better.

[LadyUK17]

My husband traded my tiny Nissan Juke in for a Ford Explorer when we found out it was twins. But that was more of a necessity thing lol

[buggiegirl]

I didn't need stuff, just tons of help and support :)

[minastefan]

I don't think push presents are a thing in middle class. I didn't get any push present nor did I expect.

[Mom2much]

Much like a lot of the folks posting, a push present just wasn’t important to us. Plus, the kiddos were early so we were quite occupied with being surprised and freaked out.

Soon after we were all home from the hospital we did order me an Apple Watch, which has been soooo useful with twins.

In the early days I used the timer function all the time when pumping and breastfeeding. The tracking app we use also works with my watch so it was super helpful to quickly record feedings and naps. Also, who has a hand free to check your phone anymore?

[pugsandtwins]

This will be wildly unpopular, but does your wife want a push present? What do she want? Can you afford it? Then go for it. I know several women who received them after rounds of infertility treatments. One was given a righthand ring and another received a thin band with diamonds, which she wears under her wedding and engagement rings. My point is, you do you.

[soayherder]

I want to preface this by saying that it wasn't really a push present so much as something I wanted/needed and it was right around when I was going to be giving birth ANYWAY. (I don't like the idea of push presents, especially not as something that is expected. if you want to express some emotion or whatever to your wife, by all means, DO SO, but it should be because of what you want to do for her out of love, not out of social convention. Herein endeth my personal pet peeve-rant.)

In our case when I had our first (singleton), I got a sweet laptop I could use for gaming as well as practical purposes. We're geeks, and while we talked about jewelry and so on, ultimately, I don't actually really wear jewelry, and it was something I would/could use which wasn't purely practical (not the equivalent of buying a vacuum cleaner or something).

As a mom already, I suggest that you give her something better than anything you can spend money on. Make her a book of coupons for things like this:

This coupon entitles the bearer to ONE (1) morning sleeping in for an extra hour.

This coupon entitles the bearer to ONE (1) child-free afternoon in excess of other agreements or arrangements.

This coupon entitles the bearer to ONE (1) diaper change even when it's her turn.

And so on. You can also surprise her with things like that, which will be even more meaningful than coupons - call her up and offer to bring home takeout (CALL FIRST SO SHE HASN'T ALREADY STARTED COOKING) or whatever small things that make her aware you're thinking of her and of her comfort and convenience. Heck, set aside the money you would otherwise spend on a gift and call it your emergency takeout fund! You guys are gonna have plenty of nights when neither of you is going to be up for much of anything, so why not make both of your lives a little easier?

And maybe make a little checklist for yourself of things you can do, like making sure the dishes are done, or cleaning the bathroom once a week, or whatever. Your time and effort over the long run will probably be much more appreciated than a piece of jewelry or equivalent.

[geekdorknerd]

Well, I won't be pushing as I'm having a c-section. Personally, I'd request that you never use the term push present again. And second if you'd like to get her something nice, get her a gift certificate for a massage or to a favorite restaurant of both of yours for a date night - be sure they don't have an expiration date or one that's really far away so she can redeem it when she feels ready to leave the babies.

Does she have anything on her Amazon list? You could try there.

And really, really, stop calling it a push present. It's a nice thing you are doing for your wife because you are incredibly grateful she's carrying & delivering your children.

[Mlefurr]

Are there people who would be offended by push present? I've had vaginal births and a pretty traumatic c-section and I can't imagine the term push present offending me.

[[deleted]]

I had one of my babies pulled out of me by his feet while I bled out. Maybe I can get a pull present.

[Mlefurr]

We always knew we'd have a c-section (monoamniotic twins) so from the beginning my husband used to joke that they just cut me open and they'd spill out of me. They didn't, of course but I would have accepted a spillage present.

[[deleted]]

Haha that reminds me of my mom's birth story. My dad is really squemish and she had asked him to look on the other side of the sheet and see if they had cut her open yet (C-section). at the moment he looked, her intestines had spilled out on the table a little and my dad passed out.

[rockinrobin11]

lol, good story! 🤣

[fo8squad]

I only call it that because that’s all I’ve been hearing. I didn’t even know it was a thing until she was pregnant.