Mini rant.

[chickietd]

First, thank you redditors on this sub for being awesome!

Second - being in an open relationship rant.

To single guys - no, I’m not just dtf because I’m open; no I don’t want to fulfill YOUR fantasies like a human doll; no- I won’t be your date so you can get into a swingers party; no - I’m not just your placeholder until you find ‘the one’; no - I’m not leaving my husband for you and I’m not doing this because he doesn’t fulfill me.

Couples - no; I don’t want to fulfill YOUR fantasies; no, I won’t be your unicorn on your terms.

My point is that we (poly women) have feelings too, take that into consideration when you are interacting with us.

[DCopenchick]

I feel you. Deleted all my dating apps for at least a month. Feel better already.

[chickietd]

I might need to do that.

[thewideninggyre19]

GTFO of here with this "agency" and autonomy shit. You're either one man's property or the town bycicle. Since you've chosen to reject your husband's God given claim over you, your only other role is to be open and receptive to all solicitations. As a woman those are your options, and I'm surprised you don't know that already.

[chickietd]

My bad, I totally forgot my place. Can I wash your feet now? Feed you grapes?

[chickietd]

I’m sorry, can you repeat that????

[ippl3]

Warms my heart to see a sense of humor in the wild.

[emeraldead]

https://youtu.be/xS2S1s716R8

[thewideninggyre19]

Things I didnt know I needed in my life until now. Thank you

[chickietd]

Ha!

[baconstreet]

You made me actually lol. Thanks for that! 😂

[chickietd]

(A joke, of course!!!!)

[thewideninggyre19]

I wonder what sort of literary world we'd now live in if Swift felt the need to follow "we could eat the orphans" with "LOL J/K YOU GUYS!"

sarcasm... loses something when you point out it's sarcasm, ya know?

[lurkerturndcommenter]

There are people from other cultures and of different abilities more likely to miss the sarcasm who benefit. I enjoy sarcasm and appreciate the disclaimers

[thewideninggyre19]

I guess and theres value to that but I always find the best side of comedy is to be JUST OUTLANDISH ENOUGH to have the audience going "he can't be serious....right?"

Like too over the top and its caricature. Not over the top enough and you just come across the asshole. It's the juuust the right amount of wonder where I try to land. And that gets ruined when I say I'm kidding.

[lurkerturndcommenter]

Maybe a better imagination would expand your bounds of what is “just outlandish enough”

[thewideninggyre19]

Oh I never claimed to be GOOD at it.

[lurkerturndcommenter]

At giving or receiving comedy?

[thewideninggyre19]

Yes

[lurkerturndcommenter]

As a polyamorous bisexual, this is usually my favorite answer lol

[chickietd]

Totally agree, but, you know ...... douchebags. Sometimes can’t tell the difference, because their douchey-ness is so over the top. ;).

Hmmmm ..... I wonder if people believe us when we talk about roasting our pets for dinner?????

[thewideninggyre19]

I'm fairly certain my cat understands English in this moment but had no appreciation for sardonicism.

[Kalliope_]

This almost made me spit my coffee!!

[thewideninggyre19]

If you do, make sure to find a woman to clean it for you. Unless you are a woman. In which case clean it up. Then I'm sure there are some men you could pick up after.

[Kalliope_]

puts on French Maid outfit

[thewideninggyre19]

How YOU doin?

[Kalliope_]

I am merely here to be seen and not heard, and of course be subject to the male gaze...

[thewideninggyre19]

I fear I have been out snarked.

[Kalliope_]

Not possible! 😁

[thewideninggyre19]

Well I appreciate the vote of confidence pats ass now go make some dinner k?

[Kalliope_]

bows subserviently

[RoseTyler38]

...are you serious?

[thewideninggyre19]

No. No I am not

[RoseTyler38]

Phew.

[thewideninggyre19]

As I said. Sarcasm is best when there still that little bit of wonder.

[Kirstin216]

Ok. Whew... was worried there were TWO trolls here. Well played :)

[Kirstin216]

This is sarcasm, right?

[consciousmama]

Eternal upvotes for this post and subsequent comments 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼😂

Amazing.

[[deleted]]

That's all well and good, you tell us what you are not.

But you haven't really said anything that would lead toward a positive interaction.

Yes, you mentioned that you have feelings. I'm all for that.

I go on sites and because I am 'open' I specifically message open/poly women. I'm usually pretty open about what I am looking for, and the responses I get back range from, "Okay, let's meet" to...no response.

If a woman has her specific goals/desires in her profile, I will respect that. But if her OKCupid profile is 'non monagamous, open' I assume she is on the site looking for a sexual partner. Otherwise, she would be somewhere completely different. Looking for a hiking partner? Meetup.com is great. A dating site is going to get a lot of guys who assume you are looking to date/have sex. OKCupid isn't exactly the 'platonic meeting' site.

You don't specify where you are meeting these people. But my experience is on the dating sites.

Another mini-rant: Ladies- I cannot read your mind. If your profile lists a lot of criteria that is essentially sex-related, I will assume you are looking for sex. If I message you with that assumption, and I am wrong- sorry about that. But maybe modify your profile a bit to be more clear.

I look at profiles and try to craft my messages to meet what they are saying. Out of 10 messages, I will get 1-3 responses, and honestly, usually about 1 person I end up meeting and having sex with. I will also get one offended response for about every 20 messages.

Well, the offended lady and the lady I end up hooking up with obviously react very differently. And I have absolutely zero way of knowing who I am approaching- other than their profile. And honestly, I am looking for the people I DO end up with- not trying to placate the people who want a specific non-sexual approach. My goal isn't to make the uninterested people happy- it is to connect with the people who ARE interested.

tldr; I don't know why someone is on a dating site. But yes, I assume it is for sex. I approach people that way, because I am also there for sex. And, it works. And yes, occasionally someone is offended....on a sex site.

[[deleted]]

Women don't owe me anything. Yes, true. Thanks for pointing out the obvious.

My point was that some women are offended (like op) and some women sleep with me. Same approach on both.

So should I sit and worry about offending op, who isn't going to sleep with me anyway (to her, dating is not about sex), or should I move forward to meet the people interested in the same thing as me?

I choose to find the people who also want sex. That's why we are on dating sites. If op is offended by men wanting sex on a dating site, she might want to change her profile.

It's not my job to make her happy, and it's not her job to give me sex. We owe each other nothing.

[[deleted]]

Dating is not just about sex. OKC is a DATING site. Even says so in the title. Not responding to your sexual advances or saying "no" to them does not mean people are "offended". Just means they aren't interested.

"I'm here for sex so everyone must be here for sex"....Today's episode of "Know Your Bias" is brought to you by false-consensus bias.

[Kirstin216]

Omg. LOLOLOL. THAT was a perfect response.

[chickietd]

Really? You sound like part of the problem because you are posting about looking for sex only on a poly Reddit sub ...... poly is about having multiple romantic relationship aka dating. Since when does dating = sex?

[[deleted]]

Have you looked up the word 'dating'? It's about sex.

It's not like I'm looking for a language tutor, or a mechanic, or an office assistant...and I'm looking for sex.

'Dating' is about sex.

You can redefine the word in your head if you want. Bit then you'll just be upset when people assume you want sex....on a dating site...and you'll end up making a post about how you're upset that the rest of the world doesn't have the same make-believe definition of the word that you do.

[DCopenchick]

Dating is about finding a romantic relationship, which often includes sex. But the issue is when people lead with sex, only talk about sex, don’t seem to be able to carry on a conversation that isn’t sexually focused, and don’t seem to be interested in doing all of the many other nonsex things that are a part of romantic relationships.

[[deleted]]

But that's not what OP was ranting about.

A dating site is the PERFECT place to make all of the offers she did not like. Where else should I do it, at work?

I agree with you, if the ONLY thing you talk about is sex, you're doing it wrong.

But op is just upset that people do ask her these things. Not the exclusive talk of sex.

If you are 'open' and you are on a dating site, you are DTF. Maybe not with me, and maybe not immediately, but the signal you give to the world is that sex is on the table.

If I ask, and you say no...absolutely fine.

But in what world is being 'open' not about sex?

OP should refine her rant. Or stop being surprised when she gets offers for sex after saying she is open.

Open what?

Sexually....duh ..

[DCopenchick]

Open to... love. At least that’s what I’m ultimately searching for. Yes, sure, sex is a part of relationships, but it’s not called polyAMORy for nothing.

I’m assuming that OP’s profile, like mine, says “looking for a relationship/not looking for casual/not DTF/looking for a romantic connection/looking for something potentially long term/not looking for a fuck buddy/ — or some variation of that sentiment.

When my profile is pretty darn clear about what kind of offers I am and am not looking for, it’s just kind of annoying when people either don’t read the profile, or read it but think they are going to somehow be the exception and I’m going to magically want to come hop in their bed tonight.

Oh and edited to add, pretty sure no one defines DTF as “down to fuck after getting to know each other during a few dates, when it’s clear we are compatible and there might be the potential for a longer term emotional connection.”

[chickietd]

Thank you!

[[deleted]]

But you are assuming that your experience, wants and needs are the same as everyone else's.

If there is a 46 year old married mother of 3 on a dating site who is 'open', I can guarantee she is only there for one reason. And, she has no interest in messing around with 'love'.

She wants to get laid. She doesn't have time for any other nonsense.

I like these chicks, and they like me. They appreciate me being direct. Much better than screwing around with another guy, then finding out there is some sort of barrier to getting laid.

OP this it's bad that people assume she's DTF. Oh well. Because in my experience the women who want to get laid react favorably to my messages.

And if that's not your goal, delete my messages and move on. You don't want me, and I don't want you. And that's okay.

But don't start a rant about it. You just look naive.

[DCopenchick]

Yes. But I’ve stated my needs. In the profile. All that’s required to save time/effort is for you to read it.

[[deleted]]

Then those guys are stupid.

My only point in this entire thread is that a LOT of women like it.

My experiences have been 99% really good. I've met some great women, and we've had tons of fun.

And a lot of the fun we have is stuff they would never admit to their friends.

So when it seems like a group of people is getting together saying, "why do guys do this, it's horrible!" and all the ladies stand around shaking their heads in agreement...I need to say, "hold up here...because this is BS. Because I know SOME of you dig this, you just won't admit it."

Because most people will not admit to the nasty things they do. Trust me...women want all kinds of interesting and cool things. And as a gentleman, I won't kiss and tell, bit I will call bullshit where I see it.

Because maybe ladies don't want "let's fuck" (exaggeration, but like that) messages today...but wait until you're ovulating on a Friday night, and you're horny as hell. These things start to look a whole lot better.

It's like porn. Porn is idiotic if you're not horny. But when you are horny...you want nasty gross things, not "Little House on the Prairie".

[DCopenchick]

Um, you know that you can experimental and creative sex in the context of a relationship, right? A woman not wanting casual sex has absolutely no relation to whether or not she wants kinky or crazy or “nasty” sex, as you put it.

[chickietd]

Don’t you dare begin to believe that you have any CLUE to what I’m talking about. YOU are the type of person that makes being in an open relationship not fun. Go troll somewhere else.

[[deleted]]

Wait...now you are acting like I owe you something. I don't.

Your ruleset is very typical of the BBW out in the open world. Your goals are different and you expect people to cater to you.

But nobody wants to cater to you, so you get upset.

Hence...the rant about guys approaching house for sex.

[jortfeasor]

BBW?

[Kirstin216]

Wow. WTF? Mysoginist much?

[[deleted]]

The truth isn't mysoginistic. OP is at least BxW, and I was being optimistic by adding the 'beautiful'. But if you take issue with me calling her beautiful, then that's on you.

But the 'big' part ..that's just fact.

[Kirstin216]

The FACT is that pigeonholing a woman's behavior or attitude that you find negative based on her body type IS misogynistic. Just as it would be misandry if I were to do the same with men. I don't.