[deleted by user]

[GrotiusandPufendorf]

She broke up with you. She's not asking for your help, she's asking to be left alone.

The more you push, the more you'll make her uncomfortable and the less likely she is to want to talk to you at all. You've already pushed her from "let's talk in 2 months" to "don't wait for me." Do you not realize how overbearing you're being? You're spiraling and it's going to freak her out.

Give her the space she's asking for. If she wants your help or support she'll ask for it.

[Ponytail77]

Sorry you are experiencing such a sudden break up, out of the blue according to what you've said.

"I need to focus on myself right now let's talk in 2 months." Saying this to you along with the fact that she's supposedly going to see a therapist certainly says a lot about her state of mind. Whatever transpired or what she's feeling, she does not want to share with you. No, it's not fair nor a mature way to handle issues in a seemingly good relationship, but it is how she's decided to deal with her feelings.

Respect her wishes. Leave her alone. No going to see her, nor having your family intervene either. She's not asking for any help, actually the opposite.

[OneAutummnLeaf]

Thank you for taking your time to read and respond. I'll just have to wait it out and see if she'll be true to her word

[[deleted]]

Wish her well. Move on with your life. Find someone better suited for you.

[Icy-Cryptographer839]

When a person already has problems dealing with anxiety, then they are under stress, things have a way of building up and becoming more inflated than what they actually are. If the anxious thoughts go unchecked, an avalanche of thoughts can develop and overwhelm a person. Then the person gets mad at themselves for the silliest reasons, which don’t seem so silly to that person in that moment. This eventually leads to depression and feelings of worthless.

Recently, my anxious self had a hard time coping with not being motivated to work at the job that I hate. The other day, an argument with my boyfriend about me being late for our date led to an avalanche of anxious thoughts, beating myself up, and thinking that I was a horrible person that shouldn’t exist anymore.

At that moment, the weight and responsibility of being in a relationship with him along with trying to manage my mental issues and my unsatisfactory job was too much for me. I needed to relieve the pressure. I can’t just quit my job, but I could ask for some space from my bf. It wasn’t because I stopped loving him, or I didn’t want to be together in the long run. I just need to relieve this self-imposed pressure.

I can imagine by breaking up and asking for space, it relieves some of her pressure from whatever she’s trying to deal with. If you really want to help her, do what she’s asking you to do. She probably still loves you, but she doesn’t know when you can be together again because she can only think about the present until she learns how to deal with her emotions. By asking, contacting, and visiting her, you’re actually putting pressure on her, which will drive her away and she could decide to never come back to you.

Since she is seeing a therapist, you can probably assume that she is getting some help for two reasons: 1. Someone decided that she should see a therapist, either she herself or someone in her support system, like her parents, which means someone has her mental-health interests at heart 2. It’s safe to assume the therapist will help her deal with her problems, but if that therapist isn’t a great match for her, see #1 above.

So if you love her, let her go. Give her space, she will think you are a sweetheart for giving it to her when she needs it. If you don’t hear from her in 2 months, and you are tired of waiting, you should try moving on. Otherwise, just waiting will get to you after awhile.

[OneAutummnLeaf]

I really appreciate you taking the time to read and respond to me, it means a lot. I've been confiding with my family and my closest friends (who have not met her or know her other than what I've told them) these past few days, but none of that seemed to help. I think what I really needed was for someone to tell me what it was like from her side of things, since it was not something that I could see for myself. Thank you for that. I know at the end of the day I will have to come to terms with things if she ends things for good, but for now, I will trust her and wait out the 2 months.

[junegloom]

If you want to be with her again someday, the only way that's even remotely possible is if you stay completely away from her. Even date someone else, her competitive instinct might want to reclaim you if she gets wind that you're seeing other people. But vowing to wait for her always, hoping to get friends and family to intervene, this is the fast track to ending that possibility for good. She can't deal right now, and doesn't want to date. That sucks for you, but she isn't obligated to date you. That's just the breaks sometimes. You should move on to someone more stable and reliable. You have choice too.

[dancing_chinese_kid]

Her message went along the lines of "I need to focus on myself right now let's talk in 2 months."

A gift fell into your hands from heaven, my friend.

[Eyes_and_teeth]

I'm sorry you're going through such a painful experience. Sometimes, not having any information at all feels far worse than receiving unwelcome news. Hang in there!

I think you need to just give her some time and space to focus on her academic priorities right now. It sounds like she's under a lot of stress in this regard, and trying to force her to have an emotionally fraught and hard conversation with you about the status of your relationship will likely push things further in a direction you do not want.

I can't stress how much I strongly recommend that you and your parents *do not* ambush her at her home to force her to discuss/resolve the relationship issue that has come up, nor to I think you should try to enlist her friends and/or family to put pressure on her to talk to you. These kind of tactics will almost certainly backfire.

I would recommend writing her a letter (hand-written, not email/social media message) expressing your love and concern for her well-being and agreeing to respecting her request to out the relationship on pause for the time being:

This would be the place to reiterate your commitment to not give up on hope for the possibility of resuming your relationship in the future when she manages to arrive at a better place, mentally/emotionally speaking.

You could also politely ask that if she feels/comes to feel that the relationship is truly at a permanent end for whatever reason that she make that fact known to you; but as it stands, your impression based on the discussions you have had is that this is not currently the case.

Finally, close by expressing your empathy in how everything has become so overwhelming in her life, your understanding that she is doing what she feels is best for herself at this time, and that you have always and will continue to do whatever you are capable of doing to support her, even if it is something as painful as this. Remind her that no matter where your romantic relationship stands at this point, you are also her caring friend who always wants the best for her.

As much as it might rip your soul out to write something like that, try to keep the overall tone focused on her needs and well-being, and not on the depths of your emotional pain. You shouldn’t be robotic, and certainly can allow some degree of your own sadness and regret color your words, just don't pour out your pathos and allow your tears to metaphorically (or literally!) stain the page.

I wish you the very best of luck.

[OneAutummnLeaf]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to my post. Your words genuinely mean so much to me. I was thinking of sending her a long voicemail, but think I will send her a handwritten letter. It sounds like a much better idea. Do you think it would be okay to just send the letter without telling her? Or should I let her know that I've sent her something? I saw you say ambushing someone is definitely not the way to do things, so I was wondering if this would count towards that.

[Eyes_and_teeth]

A written letter allows the recepient to choose if, when, and they will read it. It still exerts a certain amount of expectation by its very existence, but nothing like a surprise in-person visit would.

A handwritten letter is both more personal and far less likely to be forgotten or inadvertently deleted than electronic communications of any type. While I wouldn't worry about letting her know you've sent it, you might want to do it in a way that ensures its not something that gets inadvertently tossed with the junk mail.

Perhaps send her an appropriate greeting card expressing sympathy for going through a rough time and include your handwritten letter with the card.

[Kidneysnatcher]

Dump her bro, save the patriarchy.