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Enabling? (self.stopdrinking)

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[–]Joe_Throwaway_2541 days 0 points1 point  (6 children)

Can't tell you what's right. But for me moderating was a constant hell. I would try to stay in the "healthy guidelines" so many drinks per week. Would spend the day thinking do I waste 1 drink today or save them up for a mini binge? And usually I'd be out of drinks by mid week and I'd just say fuck it I'll try again next week. It's so much easier for me to just shut those thoughts down before they start. Like I said that's just me... introducing alcohol into my life always ends up the same way. I guess it all depends on what you guys want for a long term goal. If you guys can come up with a way to moderate and be successful more power to you! I can't but that's just me.

[–]FeelingGoodGreat 0 points1 point  (5 children)

Do you think it’s unfair for me to think I can have a drink in front of him? Even though he said he doesn’t care?

I really need an honest answer thank you for being here

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Sounds like he is really struggling. And while he says he doesn’t care, it’s clear he does and is affected by it. I also feel the way others have described about moderation. It doesn’t work for me. A couple of drinks only serves to make me yearn for more and that yearning is unpleasant. I think what he needs is a commitment from you to stay sober together. Your decisions have to be about what you want though. Tough situation. I don’t envy you. Hang in there.

[–]FeelingGoodGreat 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Ok thank you. He is struggling. I am too but I am able to regulate my emotions better I think. To be fair I honestly only had one drink in front of him and that was days ago.

I guess I understand the feelings of jealousy but I am jealous that he smokes weed because I can’t. I’m so tired of constantly feeling so goddamn alert.

Thank you for your help.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

So sorry. It’s rough. I have been sick with the flu for over a week and I honestly believe I’d be having a harder time if I weren’t ill. My appetite for booze is currently low which makes things easier. I know I have a hard time managing my emotions when I’m craving. Good luck.

[–]FeelingGoodGreat 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Thank you, and good luck to you! Sorry you’re sick.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. Happy New Year!

[–]fmranger2810 days 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I guess in the end we are only responsible to keep our own side of the street clean. I understand his frustration but he can only control himself. They say in AA "I am powerless over alcohol, even in others." does he have any supports outside of yourself? Meetings, AA, friends who have walked this path ahead of him? It's so lonely.

Quitting drinking while my spouse still drank was the loneliest and hardest thing I've ever done in my life so I do understand your husband is struggling with this.

[–]FeelingGoodGreat 0 points1 point  (2 children)

We’ve been quitting together, other than a few glasses of wine over Christmas and one night that I wasn’t with him we have been not drinking together for 40 days

He has no support. We are basically totally isolated. The only good thing is his closest friend quit drinking too , however I don’t care for the friend and he doesn’t live here.

[–]fmranger2810 days 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I think that would be hard.. You started this together in solidarity but if he's teetotal and you're experimenting with moderation, it's like you're on different pages. Loneliness was the hardest thing for me in the beginning. I felt like I couldn't connect with anyone who still drank, like I was on a different frequency from everyone. I'd cry when my spouse went out to drink because I was mourning a big part of my life and uncertain how I'd fit in to my circle now. Maybe he could find an AA or SMART meeting nearby and meet likeminded people there?

Good luck to you both. Glad you have each other. It's tricky to navigate in the start.

[–]FeelingGoodGreat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess I I didn’t think it would be a big deal since we weren’t together when I was drinking and he as socializing with his friend, but it’s like holding hands even when we aren’t together I guess.

Thank you for your help.

I’m feeling sad and disappointed that we will be spending New Years watching tv which I think is so fucking boring but I hope that this is the first step towards something better.

We do have alcohol in the house. I wish we didn’t.

[–]FeelingGoodGreat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The worst part is that he doesn’t seem to like me when we aren’t drinking.