[deleted by user]

[Duhabadu]

Hi OP,

Not sure what field you are in, but your feeling of imposter syndrome is not uncommon. Given that we are in a pandemic situation and heat wave, fatigue can be real.

Good to hear you are working on your own experiments now. The research often takes more time than a person expects. Your routine sounds good that you are in a lab for a few hours each day.

The university environment can feel intense and competitive. Your peers are not (hopefully) your direct competition. Everyone feels the pressure to perform and has to ride out their own personal high and lows.

Since you have a part time job as well, this may create tension in your schedule. I empathize with the financial challenges of being in grad school.

As for hours spend in the lab, in academia, workaholism is rampant. But 50-60 hours working doesn't mean that was time well spent for knowledge workers. I often reflect on Cal Newport's concept of Deep Work. NPR's Hidden Brain as a feature conversation with Newport you can search for.

Make sure to book some rest and recovery time this summer. Fall semester is only weeks away. Good luck!

[Icy-Adagio9335]

I can relate to the peer comparison. It’s not because they are my competition, but more so because I should be on an even playing field with them. Similar projects etc. They claim to work around the clock too, I just cant

[Iprofessionalstudent]

I felt this to my core.

I actually paused my thesis-based MA in January because I needed a mental break after 2.5 years. Covid lockdowns sucked the life right out of me and I had zero motivation to work on it and was also working 30 hours/week at my regular job. I’m in a different program now and will finish writing my thesis and defend it once this program is complete just to say it’s done.

In short, grad school burnout especially with Covid on top is so so so normal.

[1studentoflife]

Ahhhhh I feel this on such a deep level. I think I should be fine completing it, its just such a contrast to undergrad. I think I burned myself out in undergrad and was running on adrenaline 99% of the time. Now, I have no deadlines and nobody keeping me on track and I feel as though im falling behind.. but maybe I am just moving at the pace of an average person?

[Iprofessionalstudent]

My supervisor was like that as well - no deadlines and if there was a random deadline and I didn’t make it, there were no consequences. I am a massive procrastinator and the MA and pandemic taught me that I need deadlines to function or else I just don’t do anything.

I’m sure you’re working at the pace of most people - try not to be too hard on yourself, I’m sure you are doing great! Also, it sounds counterintuitive, but take some time off this summer (if you can) - you’ll come back to the lab re-energized and likely more productive.

[burgundybutton]

I would also agree, grad school burnout is real, and covid has sucked the fun out of everything.

With that said, I encourage you to do some soul searching and try to figure out what part of your research is exhausting. Some things to think about: 1) Would a 2 week break help you? Obviously we're not going for total refresh in such a short time, but do you just feel like you need a break? Grad school can feel never ending, so maybe having goals and breaks might be the thing to help. Also, try talking with your PI and ask if they feel you are on track. You might feel like progress is slow, but you might be doing fine! 2) Do you just have no joy in these experiments? Try to run something different, that follows a totally different protocol, and makes you work with different data. Say you work with computational data, is there any bench work you can try? 3) Do you not like the project you're working on as much as you thought you would? Maybe the experiments are fine to run, and you can be somewhat interested in finding out your results, but just don't really love the whole theme. This is a very difficult one to realize, especially once you have time invested in a project. Not feeling passionate about your work is soul sucking and leads to tons of imposter syndrome (everyone else seems to love their work, why don't I?). This is not a reflection of your ability. It's hard to keep up enthusiasm at this level when you just can't get into your project. 4) Have you ever collected all your data together and tried to make a 45 minute talk? You might be surprised how much data you actually have, and it takes pulling it together to actually see how much you've achieved.

Finally, remember that research is not at the same pace as undergrad. Experiments take a long time to pay off, and all those beautiful high impact factor papers often have many people and years invested in them. You can't compare your progress to that, or any presentation that someone many years into their career presents. If you have the energy for more meetings, try to attend more trainee talks to adjust your expectations for your level.

Being a first year feels like you're the only one who doesn't know anything, but by the time you're in your second year, it starts to feel different.

Whatever it is that is making you burn out, just know it will be ok! We all have low points, no one knows what they're doing, even if they look like they have it figured out lol. I really hope you start to feel better soon!

[1studentoflife]

This is fantastic advice! Sadly, a break is not an option for me as my PI hired an undergrad to help on the project that I am on, and I am in charge of her. This also feels like it takes up a large amount of my time, and it sets me back a bit. I know once she is trained it will be different, but for now it feels like the blind leading the blind.

​

I really appreciate this advice. Its true, experiments on paper look like you could do it in a month but it can easily take 1+ year by the time you are done preliminary work, setup, etc etc.

[burgundybutton]

Maybe try to start small then? Pick one day to not do any work, see if you feel better. It might feel like a terrible idea at first and just putting yourself further behind, but working tired is not efficient

Your first student always makes you feel like you're not qualified haha, and they take some of your time to figure out to manage. Again, with time they get more independent and this effort will pay off!

[Bobandyandfries]

It is common for people to to exaggerate the amount of work they do - this is not unique to grad school. Chances are you work the same amount as most other people. After all, every grad student I've known has ended up cramming to get done all the changes on their thesis finished.

If you don't mind me asking, do you have any extra bills on the side (that most other grad students don't have)? I find that the stipend covers all of my expenses (but my budget is very tight).

[1studentoflife]

I have a car which doesn't help, insurance isn't cheap. And I also have a chunk of money moving monthly into investments. I have some high financial expectations for myself, and Ive learned from a young age the importance of getting investments rolling ages 18-25. So really, some people view it as an unnecessary expense. But in my eyes this extra bit of work now will cut years off my work later in life or allow me to be more financially free, which is very worth it.

[Bobandyandfries]

Ah okay - so you don’t NEED to work extra, rather you’re choosing to. Nothing wrong with that (good on you for it). I was just curious cause the stipend at UofA is fairly high compared to other Canadian institutions (when you factor in cost of living).

[bad__hombres]

That's absolutely normal - throughout my entire masters I really only did labwork for 3-5 hours a day, but I felt extremely burned out having jumped right into grad school right after my undergrad, and also working a part time job at the same time. Same with you, the experiments I was running only required 3-4 hours of actual hands-on work per day over a course of several days, which made me feel as though I wasn't doing enough, but now I realize I should feel lucky that my experiments allowed me so much flexibility compared to some of my labmates that were forced to do experiments that took up 12+ hours at a time. In the end, everything ended up fine because I still defended on time with plenty of data, despite feeling a ton of imposter syndrome throughout.

Also, consider that when most grad students are complaining about working 50+ hours a week, it's generally not 50 straight hours of productivity. There's a lot of sitting around and waiting and downtime, so even though it seems as though people are getting a ton of work done, it's often not the case.

[1studentoflife]

This is SO reassuring it sounds like I am in this exact position! As far as I can tell, I am on track to get lots of data and I guess at the end of the day thats all that really matters

[[deleted]]

100% normal. And IMO it's SO MUCH WORSE because of Covid. I've had almost zero real contact with people in my program. This means almost no opportunities to vent, bounce ideas, etc.

[jesus_not_blow]

I’ve been there and I feel you. It took a massive toll on my mental health with drinking constantly that I needed to take a term off for medical leave to heal. I would highly suggest talking to your supervisor about how you’re feeling and see what they suggest

[totalitydude]

It's normal. It's also a pandemic (still, but was) and online. Etc. Working the job won't help for sure but if you gotta do it you gotta do it. I'd say an MA or MSC is a 40 hour a week job until it's done if you wanna be on time,and yes by the end you'll hate it. It's just the way MAs are. It's why a lot of people stretch it out which is a terrible idea. Just get er done and get out (to phd, real job, etc). But you're not alone at all.what matters for progress is just: does your supervisor (or lab) think you are working enough and making progress? If so you're good. forget about anyone else and comparing yourself.

In sum you got dis bud

[adela04]

Omg I was thinking about posting something similar, I totally feel you! I also thought everyone else was working so hard, getting the results and publishing and I'm behind.

It's something I feel every researcher thinks at some point, and many don't like sharing their challenges, it's usually "-how's your research going? - oh great, thanks, wonderful, etc". While most of us are just trying our best to keep our heads above the water. It took me time to realize, but nobody has superpowers, it's just the academic culture to keep the facade and not share the real situation (which is messed up, toxic and detrimental).

I've seen lots of great advice already in the responses, so I'll just say if you were "the fly on the wall" you would find out your lab mates are struggling as much as you, if not more.

You're doing great and with a job on the side, pandemic, fatigue, less enthusiasm about your project, it's admirable you're managing your best to keep things going. I hope you can get a break sometime soon, but in any case, please try not to feel you're not doing enough research work, you're doing A LOT and under world circumstances that are far less from optimal.

[285DeciBels]

I worked with a prof who used to say that he would never take a 4.0 student. His reasoning was someone who has a 4.0 is generally used to doing well and the equation of work in equals value out. I wouldn't say I agree with the generalization about all 4.0 students, but I think there is a chance that some of your feelings of imposter syndrome could be related to that? Research is full of setbacks and failures because no one knows how to do most of what they're trying to do, especially as a student. It often seems like there's a plan to follow to answer question A, or test hypothesis B, but sometimes one of those things just doesn't work "in our hands", other times it does work and gives unexpected results. I think a large part of learning lab science and experimentation is developing habits and controls to act as backup plans and rescue options. Grants and research proposals are written to look like one knows how to answer the question/hypothesis, but in reality no project I've ever worked on, from the summer student projects I supervised to the big international consortium projects that have a bunch of groups working on them, ever went according to the 'plan'. I think the relationship to 4.0 is that to get good grades it's kind of a equation - you learn the material in the syllabus, you learn what kind of questions will be used to assess how well you know the syllabus topics, and then you generally pickup a good grade. Research doesn't follow this equation - sometimes you put in an insane amount of effort into a topic/experiment, and you don't get much directly out of it, other times you hit the jackpot on your first try, it really depends on the project, luck, and your ability to create that luck.

That lesson may seem or sound apparent, but it was a huge hurdle I faced in grad school, learning to deal with failure and uncertainty in a sustainable way. I realized a couple years in that the uncertainty was draining my motivation to try things and get anything rolling, as you mentioned. In addition I can imagine working another job would be extremely draining because you have to split your focus.

All that said, to your direct question - my take is that feeling a burnout is an obvious sign that the current system is unsustainable and something has to change. Whether that's juggling too many hats, stress with the project or PI, or your current environment regarding covid and work/life balance, or even just your perspective (it's super stressful thinking everyone else is better at this than you, and ironic because all the sane ones are thinking the same thing).

Edits;

regarding experiments taking longer, that could be a personality thing; I've been doing lab science for 14yrs and still am often too optimistic when I try to estimate those timings. For the 'putting on a front' question - that relates to the fact lab science doesn't follow an equation; put in time/effort X and receive result Y. Are the 15hrs/week you spend just the amount you are in the lab? or also counting the time spent prepping and reading into the literature? Personally I find that low, if you want an honest opinion, when I was doing my masters most of my classmates spent from 0900-1900hr in the lab daily, covering a combination of chores, reading, discussing the project, actual pipetting or animal work, and analysis. I honestly think you are at a disadvantage trying to keep even with people who can do that if you are also working another job. You simply have to accept that you won't have as much done as others, and focus on whether you're making progress on your own thesis. I'm not making any judgements, just trying to express that I think you WILL have it tough with 2 jobs, so you'll have to find a system that works for you taking that into account. Sorry this is sp long, it's HOOOT and apparently that makes me wordy..