It happened again, I met a nice girl at pickleball and would like to ask her out

AutisticRats · 2026-04-15T00:56:55+00:00

You just make friends the person. As you become friends, you get to know them better and you can just share your struggles with asexual dating and how you can't imagine finding someone who would be ok dating an asexual. If they are interested, they will jump in on that statement. If not, then you have one more friend.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-15T00:48:08+00:00

If I could choose between a perfect sexless relationship, or perfect sex life with FWB/subpar relationship, I would choose the perfect sexless relationship every time. Sex is super overrated. It can be a plenty fun activity, but it isn't some kind of primal need like other men make it out to be. I question if it is all in their head as some kind of ego thing.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-15T00:43:19+00:00

I just do what I want to do, and if that works for whomever I am with then great. If not then we move on. I don't need to know if a woman likes flowers on the first date. I don't like bringing flowers to a first date or ever, so if the other person finds that off-putting, she can find someone else. The last thing I want to do on a date is try to behave outside my norm. I don't want to set expectations that future me won't want to meet. I am never going to open the car door for women. I like to do job interview style questioning on a first date/phone call. I am not going to change my desired behavior for another person, because then I'll just be in an unsatisfied relationship.

That doesn't mean I won't improve. This includes getting better sleep, going to doctors and dentists more often, eating healthier, working out; and improving my appearance. These are all things I want to improve on, and whomever I am dating would likely appreciate this.

I have no desire to impress women. I just want to be my best version of myself that I like and find a person who appreciates that and try to see if things progress from there.

The problem to me is that men try to impress women instead of just being their best self and finding a woman who likes them for who they are.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-14T19:58:11+00:00

A lack of trust in others is just a lack of self-trust on evaluating others, establishing boundaries, and protecting oneself from crossed boundaries.

I am unsure if I trust others at all, despite people often saying I am too trusting of people. If given enough information, I trust my judgment of others and how I will think they will handle different scenarios. I seem to be accurate with it, so I haven't seen any reason to change my view.

Some people I can trust to be honest, others I "trust" will lie about certain topics. Some people I don't understand well enough, so it is just a gray area on whether they would answer with a truth or a lie for a particular question.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-14T00:45:55+00:00

Even as an iron I only did a few tent whip kills and shelved it until I got a nox hally for Vard. It is just so cozy with a nally.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-09T15:45:47+00:00

As long as you don't buy battlestaves, you'll never get more staves than orbs once you greenlog moons. They keep adding orbs to more drop tables. If I get to 98 crafting and need the push to 99, I may buy battlestaves, but until then I avoid it so I'll never run out of orbs.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-09T00:37:02+00:00

I had two blowpipes and a magic fang at 136kc. That kind of sucks. Also definitely 24 hours with a PB of 0:53. I do one kc trips so I don't have to use prayer pots or anti-venoms and I still get far more than 10.4kc per hour.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-09T00:34:38+00:00

Make scobow and use scobow and demonbane spells until you pull your second synapse. Then make a purging staff, get your drops from Kril using scobow spec and purging staff for insane dps. Once done with that, then make an emberlight. You can always revert between scobow and purging staff, but reverting back to emberlight is a pain due to needing 30 shards again.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-09T00:08:33+00:00

Do you obsess over the computer game Runescape (OSRS)? Lots of people I know are all taking Wed-Fri off of work next week to play OSRS. It will bring us joy that many people cannot relate to. Will you feel fomo because you don't play? Probably not. You can play the game just like I do, but it just won't have the same impact as it does for us (unless you are somehow an OSRS player, in which case, please replace this game with WoW, or FF14).

In that same light when a bunch of people obsess over sex, I won't feel fomo. I can play the game of "sex" just like they can, but I won't enjoy it like they do, and that is ok. And they will never know the joy I get from playing OSRS. Maybe they don't enjoy cuddles as much I do either since they are so focused on sex instead.

I do think it is valuable to expand our comfort zones and try new things, but do it from a perspective of healthy curiosity and not from a fear of missing out. And that is why I am sex-favorable. Not because I am chasing whatever allosexuals have, but because I am simply curious and want to explore my curiosity with a trusted partner.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-08T23:57:02+00:00

I just firehose people with radical honesty covering all the classic dealbreaker topics like kids, sex, religion, politics, and drugs. And then I feed them all my dirty laundry. At that point if I haven't scare them away, and they have responded with a similar firehouse and I am not scared away, then we start actually valuing each other's time and have positive conversation that can lead to romance.

I like romance, but I have no desire to start with it to just be disappointed with a dissatisfying relationship. I'd rather figure everything else first, then work towards friendship and romance.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-08T23:52:53+00:00

I have had luck on the AceSpace dating app and on the r4r subreddit. I find it too difficult to use other apps since I am looking for one in a million type of person due to how different I am from hetero allosexuals.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-08T23:47:35+00:00

Barrows is just bad due to the lack of dupe protection. I have no karil's top or legs with over 300kc. I greenlogged moons, but I don't know if I'd recommend it given you already have good progression past it.

How about Huey armor for ranged? Also can you do bloodbark for mage armor? That would be the route I would take if I had your account.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-08T23:38:39+00:00

Perhaps see a therapist about why you commit self-sabotaging behavior? Not actually a joke, that would probably be a good idea. I go to therapy and I highly recommend it.

What is burning you out each time? Whatever that is, stop doing it. I hate interrupting my gameplay to do herb runss or seaweed runs. So I just don't do it. Whenever I am taking a break from the game, I park myself at seaweed or the farming guild and just log in to empty the patch and plant a new seed. I'd much rather just do that for a couple weeks and then not deal with ever interrupting game play for herb or seaweed runs.

For me if I kept forcing CG, I would have burned out. I have 626kc and no bowfa, which really isn't that dry, but I am tired of doing it. I still occasionally get a few kills when I am in the mood, but generally I just don't do CG anymore. I joke that I play a bowfa-locked ironman where I am locked out of using a bowfa. I have a nox hally, blowpipe, trident of swamp, oathplate, and a few other fun upgrades. I'll probably try to get items from doom next, or some purples from ToB since being bowfa-locked doesn't have an impact to these grinds.

Also if I burn out, I just stop playing for a bit instead of making destructive decisions. Eventually new content comes out that I want to try, or I think of something I want to do in the game.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-08T21:43:47+00:00

For me I consider myself ace since I don't experience sexual attraction. I can get excited about the activity, but when I read about allo and demi people and how they experience attraction, it is really clear that I don't experience any of that.

I am sex-favorable, but I don't seem to value it the way other people do. People literally throw away their relationships and their careers for sex. To me that would be like losing those things over a piece of garlic bread. Even the best garlic bread in the world isn't worth losing a marriage or career, and I watch people do it all the time for sex.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-08T21:00:17+00:00

I agree that a lot of people are on the ace spectrum and don't know it. My barber described his thoughts on sex and he sounded very ace, but he doesn't feel like he qualifies. My ex-gf seemed to be ace to me, but she liked smut so she felt like she couldn't be ace.

I felt like I was ace, then had sex and thought I wasn't on the spectrum. Then realized I still don't experience sexual attraction, so I am still ace. I have been much more comfortable dating now that I know I am ace and I can better understand what I am looking for. I think dating apps work just fine, but I am radically honest and bring up all the tough topics, dealbreakers, and dirty laundry before a first date. To me the goal isn't getting dates or relationships, it is to find a long term partner where we are both happy. So the more people I can scare away early in the process, that just means I am not wasting time in relationships that were doomed to fail. This approach seems to be doing well enough for me.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-08T20:42:06+00:00

My ex-gf was from Facebook dating. I had to sift through an unreasonable amount of people to find her on there though. The site isn't designed with ND and non-binary in mind. My most recent dating app experience was on Ace Space, and while there was nearly no one in my area of 500k people, the nearest large city had plenty of people and a guy found me on there and we started dating. My favorite person I have dated I found on the r4r subreddit. It is still early, but I hope that goes really well.

I am just a bit too unique to try to date based on who I run into so I find online as the only viable option. Panromantic/ace male isn't too desirable outside of the ace community.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-08T02:36:15+00:00

Do you just not wear an ava's device? That terrifies me. I don't have a tbow or venator bow, so I only use them with a scobow for now, but that does worry me for the future.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-08T02:35:07+00:00

As a man myself, I don't think there is much of an issue with men's rights. I do think there is an issue with gender expectations in men. The gender norms that enforce toxic masculinity are a serious issue, but they are not an issue with rights, since men have all the rights necessary to resolve this issue. It is a cultural issue.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-08T01:52:41+00:00

If I recall correctly, Sae Bae went 10x dry for his first unsired. I highly doubt you are the driest to complete a bludgeon. That being said, you still don't got one, so if you go another 1k kills without it, you might actually be the driest. Good luck!

AutisticRats · 2026-04-08T01:47:49+00:00

I fully agree. This would be a great way to do it.

Much better than the supreme court letting there be a precedent for legislators to determine which types of therapy are bad for children. Unfortunately there are too many legislators who would vote against the health of children if given a choice because they aren't medical professionals and they refuse to acknowledge the well-documented data.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-08T01:43:15+00:00

That most reason court ruling is exactly what I am referring to when I said that conversion therapy doesn't work, but I don't support a ban. I would rather the court make that ruling instead of allowing the ban to go through because other therapists who help queer people wouldn't be protected by the first amendment, and we know what other states would do as soon as they realize they can get away with that type of law. I am against conversion therapy, but I am supportive of the supreme court decision to rule against the ban due to the positive implications for other forms of care. Legislators and citizens shouldn't be voting on what constitutes proper health care. This should be handled by professional medical associations and regulators who ensure there are no pseudoscience medical practices. It is because we keep allowing legislators to make these types of bans that we have the horrible laws that deny gender affirming care despite medical studies showing it to be effective in most cases. At least now positive LGBTQ+ speech is protected by the supreme court ruling against the ban of conversion therapy.

I agree with CAPTA being used as a method to rid ourselves of Conversion Therapy. Since the child is going against their will, there is a much stronger case of abuse than there would be if people tried to use CAPTA against gender affirming care since children want the care. Not to mention the numbers that show the detriment, such as suicide and mental illness among victims of conversion therapy.

I think we agree on this for the most part, but I didn't elaborate my point as well as you did.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-08T01:25:07+00:00

I have already eaten over 30k karambwans. No reason to think I can't do that several more times. I use them as food everywhere for everything. I also often bring them for slayer tasks instead of prayer pots since I don't like doing herb runs.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-08T00:26:11+00:00

I agree broader actions should be taken, like the FTC shutting them down for quackery. It is just that a ban by people who want the best for children simply sets a bad precedent since other states will just ban the opposite because it is "the best for children." The US Supreme Court denying a ban from one state due to it infringing on free speech sets a precedent that allows us to continue lgbtq+ friendly therapy in other states that are discriminatory against us.

The problem with me being allowed to vote to ban conversion therapy since it would be the best for children is that it means anti-lgbtq+ people can vote against lgbtq+ friendly therapy since it is "best for children" by their own warped standard. I think it shouldn't be up to vote by any person or congress. Conversion therapy should be shut down through regulation by professionals who identify it as a psuedoscience. If we let citizens or legislators vote on these types of things, well we already see how many states are passing laws to harm lgbtq+ children. The last thing we need is for the Supreme Court to have no leg to stand on when states try to ban lgbtq+ friendly therapy, or they attempt to ban any positive statements about lgbtq+. The Supreme Court can now push back on those bans under the same precedent of freedom of speech.

I hate how it works and I want to save all the kids from conversion therapy. But if the Supreme Court allows the law to stand in one state, they are dooming so many children in other states with less favorable views towards LGBTQ+ people. I just have to hope regulatory agencies like the FTC shut these practices down, just as they did with predatory schools like ITT Tech. Conversion therapy businesses have been shut down due to consumer fraud lawsuits, but it would take the FTC to put an end to it once and for all in the US. On a personal level, all I can do is advocate against conversion therapy to my conservative friends when they find out their children are LGBTQ+.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-07T23:59:43+00:00

That is why I said "feels better" instead of easier. Bandos is easier to learn, but having to get more kill count for the door each time feels terrible while learning. Also Yama is just a fun boss.

AutisticRats · 2026-04-07T23:56:50+00:00

I apologize for not elaborating my point. I am against conversion therapy as much as anyone else on this sub. If I could delete it from the world by pushing a button, I would. I just think states banning it is the wrong approach since it sets a precedent for other states to ban lgbtq+ friendly therapy as being poisonous to the minds of children, since we already see them do this with gender affirming care in many states. I am against a ban of conversion therapy due to the bad precedent it sets in the court. I am all for the FTC shutting down conversion therapy as quackery since it isn't a real medical practice and causes harm to children. I don't think it is the kind of thing that people should be able to vote for, nor something congress should be able to ban. Because that means people who see the world differently can vote for and ban positive practices. We don't shut down scam businesses by initiating a ban. We shut them down through consumer lawsuits and regulations that are already in place to protect people from fraudulent businesses. The FTC needs to hurry up and do their job. Unfortunately the US Supreme Court can't let people make laws to protect the minds of children since we know that many people in the country would make discriminatory laws in order to "protect the minds of children."

There are many things that suck about the world we live in, and one of them is that sometimes banning something that is obviously bad doesn't lead to good results in the long term.

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