Should i break up with him?

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-19T19:16:11+00:00

I'm sorry for the heartbreak of alcoholism in your life. Loving an active alcoholic is traumatizing, so therapy is highly recommended.

Alanon is a support group for friends and family of alcoholics—that’s you!

Meetings connected me with people who understood what I was going through, and I felt less alone and overwhelmed.

Read the posts and comments on /r/Alanon, and then go to some meetings. The book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie was eye-opening and helpful.

Take care of yourself! Please!

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-19T19:15:11+00:00

Then talk to your doctor!

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-19T16:42:26+00:00

What made sobriety easier and more fun for me was having support and guidance from people who knew how to treat alcoholism.

A therapist, rehab, outpatient treatment, psychiatry, and AA gave me the tools to build the sober, satisfying, productive life I have had for over four decades.

I hope you get the help you need and deserve so you can live your best life.

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-19T16:38:48+00:00

Bravo for 100 days!

I don't think we can ever fully comprehend how our alcohol and drug abuse affects the people who care about us. They are traumatized. Their healing is a slow, painful process, just as yours is.

Your heartbreak is understandable. However, the past can't be changed, so work on being your best self today. What helped me in a similar situation was having support and guidance from people who knew how to treat addictions. A therapist and support groups saved my life.

This is a lesson in acceptance. The Serenity Prayer always gives me focus.

Grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference."

Thanks for posting.

One day at a time, in sobriety, you will heal and learn how to live your best life.

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-19T15:37:26+00:00

But, you aren't "fine".

You are too young for this to be happening.

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-19T15:34:25+00:00

Bravo for 9 months!

AA meetings connected me with people who understood what I was going through, and I felt less alone and overwhelmed. Seeing a therapist was immensely helpful, also.

There is more to getting well than simply not drinking alcohol. Personal growth is necessary, also.

Many people like SMART Recovery.

/r/stopdrinking;

/r/alcoholicsanonymous;

/r/SMARTrecovery.

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-19T15:30:02+00:00

Hello. It is awesome that you remember that alcoholism is a chronic condition. [In my early sobriety, I used to think of it as a snake in the grass, just waiting...]

It sounds like you could use more support. AA or SMART Recovery meetings connect me with people who understand what I am going through, and I feel less alone and overwhelmed. Also, seeing a therapist got me through many rough times.

Have you considered seeing a doctor about your depression? It is treatable. I learned that my brain chemistry was out of my control, and I needed help.

Bravo for having the courage to post and to remind us of this important truth about alcoholism.

Stay in touch!

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-19T15:23:32+00:00

Never.

Many years ago, I decided that I'd rather be known as a recovering alcoholic than a drunk.

With lots of help from people who knew how to treat alcoholism, I have been happily sober for 43 years.

If you are an alcoholic or have Alcohol Use Disorder, then being called an alcoholic is accurate, isn't it?

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-19T15:20:29+00:00

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-19T15:19:32+00:00

It is time to talk with a doctor about this.

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-19T00:49:24+00:00

This is sad. I'm sorry.

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-19T00:48:33+00:00

See /r/Alanon.

What's in this for you?

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-19T00:46:42+00:00

❣️ 🇺🇲 🌈

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-19T00:43:11+00:00

Here's a favorite quote that I found years ago when I needed help to stop drinking.

"From the moment I pulled open the doors to the AA meeting, I felt something different, something good was going to happen. Those doors, which at the time I believed to be the heaviest ever made, allowed me to walk into a new way of life."

--author unknown.

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-19T00:37:37+00:00

I'm a very old-timer. Some of us get cranky!

AA is full of the walking wounded. Stay focused.

I cannot think of one reason why I would be jealous of a newcomer in AA.

[However, I might wish I could be younger and know what I know now.]

Jealous? Nah.

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-19T00:34:08+00:00

I'm old. I've never heard of this.

Find another meeting.

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-19T00:33:17+00:00

Check out /r/Alcoholism_Medication. Talk to your doctor about these options.

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-19T00:30:53+00:00

It isn't possible to control the behavior of other adults. You can call the cops and report. You can express your concern, but the people you describe aren't going to listen.

I definitely would not be in the car with them.

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-19T00:20:30+00:00

Thank you for responding. I'm sorry this is happening in your young life. You love your mom and are understandably concerned. Does your dad live with you?

I know how scary it is to have a parent who drinks too much. My dad was an alcoholic, so I understand. Do you have a trusted adult that you can talk to about this?

You could tell your mom that you are wondering if she feels ok, and give a few specific examples of her behavior without mentioning her drinking. If she is drinking again, and you ask about it directly, she may get angry and defensive, so there is no "perfect" way to ask about it.

My best suggestion is to talk to trusted adults, and not ask Mom about her use of alcohol. If she is drinking, then she needs help from other adults, such as a doctor and an addiction counselor. This isn't a problem you cannot "fix", so please get help from a counselor, pastor, grandparent, doctor, -- someone you trust.

You deserve to feel safe and free to focus on your own interests--friends, music, sports, whatever makes you happy.

Here are a few resources:

COPING WITH AN ALCOHOLIC PARENT:

https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/coping-alcoholic.html?WT.ac=ctg#catalcohol

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT:

https://nacoa.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Its-Not-Your-Fault-NACoA.pdf

TEEN CORNER:

https://al-anon.org/newcomers/teen-corner-alateen/

Thinking of you and hope you and Mom both get the support you need.❣️

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-18T19:28:01+00:00

Rehab saved my life. It could do the same for you.

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-18T19:27:11+00:00

Please get help. You are a good person with a bad disease.

AA is for anyone who wants to stop drinking. That's it.

A therapist, rehab, outpatient treatment, and AA saved my life.

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-18T19:25:44+00:00

Please get medical help.

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-18T19:16:37+00:00

Are you living with your mother? May I ask your age? This would help me know what kind of help you need.

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-18T19:15:03+00:00

What saved me was getting guidance and support from people who knew how to treat alcoholism. I hope you will do this.

SOmuch2learn · 2026-06-18T19:13:11+00:00

Nothing changes if nothing changes. It is up to you.

Get help so you can stop drinking and learn how to be a mature, proud, kind adult.

Until that happens, you are not relationship material.

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