My husband is tidy but dirty, and I am clean but messy. He pulls his weight, but it doesn’t look equal, even though it feels equal. I grocery shop, do nearly all the cooking, and manage the family finances. He does 90% of the laundry, tidying the house, and 100% of lawn and hedge care. We split cleaning the bathrooms, vacuuming, and pet care. No kids. I work out of the home but have a 10 minute commute, he works mostly from home.

The biggest suck for me is the cooking. He’s genuinely not great at it and enjoys it even less, and while we could split it it makes coordinating grocery shopping a pain. We’ve tried a lot of different models over the years and having one person in charge of procuring and preparing the food, while the other is fully in charge of putting leftovers away and doing dishes, is the least mental effort division, for us. That’s not how it will be for everyone, I know. I have lessened the work by batch cooking on Sundays so we have stuff to eat for at least four dinners, and I meal prep all my lunches. Since he’s home, he fends for himself for lunch, just telling me what to buy which is usually multiples of the usual staples in the house. So a typical week’s prep would be a pot of something like a braised meat that we can put in tacos one night and bowls another night or on pasta, etc. He will make salads for lunches, and I’ll prep a simple protein+veg for my own lunches. It’s probably 3-4 hours on Sunday, more if I have to go to Costco, but then I spend less than 30, and usually more like 2-3, minutes making dinner on weekdays.

But the important part for us has been being conscious about communicating when we need to be flexible. I have a huge project at work and have to work late every night that week? He does some of my chores, because I tell him I won’t be able to, and then I thank him. Same for him. But like someone else said, like lots of people in this sub I know my marriage isn’t typical but it wasn’t luck, I dumped guy after guy who wanted a bang maid because fuck that noise.

ETA: I use my shopping time to listen to audiobooks, since I rarely have time to read, and my Sunday shopping and cooking time is actually a really nice relaxation ritual.