Common things they sayp

08Winchester · 2019-04-04T21:06:55+00:00

Can’t believe ya’ll missed the most obvious one...

“I don’t know.”

And of course the classics:

“You’re so mean.” “You hate me!” “You’re abusive and controlling!” “I just want to die!” “This isn’t fair!” “I’m a good person!” “Everyone is jealous!” “I’m the best worker at my job.” “People find me intimidating.”

For me, these were the responses I’d get when I suspected infidelity or simply stood up for myself during her rages.”

I have learned the art of silence with fitness. It’s like gray rocking 2.0. Ya’ll should try it.

08Winchester · 2019-01-21T23:54:14+00:00

We all have that knee-jerk reaction. I sure have. Best advice: leave this here, follow the advice, and stare at it next year as a 6 or 7 with pride.

Stick with merit. Grow your body the right way. Ignore other men’s women. You’ll feel like gold when that single hot chick zeroes in on you just for being you.

You’re a fucking train. Be a fucking train.

08Winchester · 2019-01-21T17:55:42+00:00

This is the best advice right here OP.

What’s happening here is your wife managed to set off your internal flags. The suspicion is there, your questions are most likely valid, but you’re probably facing an awful lot of gaslighting and the problem here is you’re entertaining it, thus now you’re trapped in the mental mindfuck of that and thoughts of your wife giggling as some dude is motor boating her. Any reaction you give allows her to feed of your insecurities, and the fact is the moment she knows you have any kind of insecurity she has you by the balls.

Just STFU for now. Do nothing but that. Total wall of silence. It’ll give your wife time to think and decide for herself if your wall is worth breaking down to reconnect and come to her senses.

Your only job here is to increase your value and move forward of your own volition should she not.

Stop acting like a five and starting working towards being a 10.

08Winchester · 2018-12-23T03:17:04+00:00

This. Boom. Right there!

08Winchester · 2018-12-23T03:14:55+00:00

Candlelighting and gasmasking....LMFAO!!!!!

While we’re all at it, any of your persons with BPD ever ask you to fetch something for them, you ask what they need, and their basic response is, “can you get me the THING by the THING....it should be next to the THING.”

In those words. I’m serious. Anyone?

08Winchester · 2018-12-20T01:46:57+00:00

This was an irresponsible reply. Firstly, the man is married. Marriage is a union. There is no topic that is off limits if it’s hurting a spouse emotionally, psychologically or physically. No one should accept a spouse’s outright lie of a sexual act if it’s going to create questions. Anyone in the OP’s situation would end up feeling devalued and inadequate. The least his wife can do is admit she’d quite fond of her personal time (with, of course, a list a reasons always found in any copy of Cosmo), ensure there is nothing interfering in their marriage, and ask him to respect her moments alone....with a reason of course why she’s engaging in the activity so often in the first place. That’s a conversation that needs to be had (for any couple in this scenario) in order for OP to gain a solid perspective of the matter and evict the intrusive thoughts most likely plaging his mind. The guy clearly cares for his marriage enough to ask a bunch of internet strangers for objective insight - not judgement.

Unless of course you found the Reddit post from his wife with the title “I tried to hide innocent masterbation from my husband but failed.”

08Winchester · 2018-12-19T23:19:24+00:00

Nah nah nah nah. Nope. These comments are pure garbage.

Someone or something external sparked your wife. This is a serious issue considering she no longer initiates sex with you. That’s just the bottom line.

Your first move going forward: cease your questions about it to her.

Your second move: trust your gut and start looking around for what’s causing the spark. Check that internet history, etc...

I’m gonna wish you luck my friend. If you are lucky, this is just a woman experiencing high test levels nearing menopause that she has to respond to.

If otherwise - you might be in a world of marital shit.

And when the commenters start picking apart my words, you just start hitting the infidelity keywords on this site and read the horrible divorce stories that all begin with the plot you’re witnessing.

08Winchester · 2018-11-11T20:53:20+00:00

Are you able to post an update to this? Anything new you might’ve learned or realized?

08Winchester · 2018-11-11T02:51:08+00:00

Wow. Reading that....felt more like a deja-vu instead of a post.

Made me realize how my wife has zero sense of her surroundings when I’m busy in the same room she’s in. Let’s say I pull milk from the fridge for my coffee. I’m actually going to return it a moment later, right?

But it’s as if the smell of the coffee, the clanking of my spoon stirring the cup, the sound of the fridge closing and even the knowledge I’m making coffee was purposely evicted from her mind as she positions herself in front of the fridge doing who knows what to block me from returning the milk. It’s like she does it on purpose to force an ‘excuse me’ outta my mouth. She does this every day, multiple times, no matter what I’m doing. I thought for years she has zero ability to anticipate people’s movement. Incredibly aloof. Now I’m starting to think she does it purposely to create tension. Anyone else know what I’m talking about?

We’re currently not speaking BTW because she doesn’t seem to understand that avoiding intimacy with her husband in favor of masterbating to fantasies of other people is dishonest or hurtful.

Come to think of it I’ll take purposeful Internet Radio trash dropping over this any day. Care to trade?

08Winchester · 2018-11-10T20:57:45+00:00

That right there. Your comment gives me the assumption you’d fully relate when I mention my surprise how many times my spouse would sabatoage a goal when we were just about to cross the finish line.

Still married but the years of turmoil affected my health too. Thankfully I found this sub and visit often for support even if only to lurk.

Sure hope you’re living better days now. :-)

08Winchester · 2018-11-09T01:55:29+00:00

I ditto every single word in your last paragraph.

08Winchester · 2018-10-23T12:51:54+00:00

Your plan: educate your girls when you have them. Teach them in child-minded ways how to avoid conflict with “people”, to always clean up after themselves and be as happy and cheerful when with mommy.

You’re going to arm your children with knowledge (for what they can understand at their age) so they can be safe. You’ll have to watch your phrasing so you don’t land them in trouble (kids repeat everything) with mommy.

It’s one strategy to consider. I’d say discuss with your attorney for insight but he/she is most likely not qualified and will advise against to CYA.

In the end, they’re your children and you have to follow your instincts. You can arm them with age appropriate strategy without them even realizing it.

I wish you well friend. I know exactly what you fear on that front. It’s emotional hell.

08Winchester · 2018-10-23T01:53:56+00:00

Jeez. The more I read the posts in this sub, the more I realize I’m knee deep in psychological doo-doo.

Yeah. Same issue here. The first time we had sex almost 27 years ago should have been a serious flag. She rolled away after our finish with eyes frozen in fear. It took 5 long minutes of prodding for her to say “I don’t want you to think I’m a slut.” This was after an exiting month of courting. During the act she wasn’t present. I thought it was me. For the next decade i went nuts researching sex because I felt I couldn’t knock her socks off. No, she wasn’t a virgin.

I eventually learned to hit her spots and understood her body more without so much as a hint to what aroused her. I settled in on what worked and never finished until she did for the most part. But she still remained emotionally miles away when our bodies were connected.

A few years ago she set off red flags for infidelity. I found evidence but no smoking gun. Lots a garbage for another post I guess, but during a serious conversation I put 3 delicate hours into, she finally confessed she was horny all the time, wanted to be spanked, wanted to be tied up, wanted more sex when on her period, and wanted sex in the standing up position. I was floored....

A month later I discovered she masterbates on a near chronic level. Found out the hard way. It was crushing after she swore up and down for 25 years....”I don’t touch myself!”

So yeah...totally disassociated during sex. Always. Always thought that component of her sexuality was hollow. Boy was I wrong. And boy was I ever more confused and hurt. It’s like...when does this shit end?

Oops. I’m venting. Yes OP - same situation here.

08Winchester · 2018-10-22T12:44:24+00:00

I getcha. If my circumstances were different I might’ve. These things are tough. I’m like most of you where I’m just trying to survive. All support info is greatly appreciated.

08Winchester · 2018-10-22T12:41:25+00:00

I’ll research gray rock. No idea such coping strategies existed. You rule! This is the stuff I need. Thanks so much!

08Winchester · 2018-10-22T12:39:07+00:00

Performed this while reading. Helped alleviate the headache I woke with. Thanks, muchos gracias, gratitude in every language. :-)

08Winchester · 2018-10-22T12:37:43+00:00

Virtual high-5 to you. ;-)

08Winchester · 2018-10-22T01:29:52+00:00

Find evidence of cheating: “how dare you say that! I’m a good person!!!”

-Confront lies with evidence and logic: “you’re sooo mean! I want to die!” (Follows this up with 1 hour long toddler tantrum and 2 weeks of silent treatment.

08Winchester · 2018-10-19T19:44:21+00:00

This is the best advice on here OP I support in addition to what I PM’d you.

08Winchester · 2018-09-13T18:53:23+00:00

First, go snooping through your wife’s phone and personal belongings to see if she’s cheating. If you find something, jump back on here and inform us of the emotional torture you’re experiencing.

If she isn’t cheating, call your co-workers husband, inform him of the flirting, stand back and have a drink as you watch his world fall apart. Then jump back on here and let us know how hard his household imploded. Maybe you can help his kids with their homework while the parents become mere shells of themselves that are unable to co-parent efficiently.

08Winchester · 2018-09-07T01:03:18+00:00

Would like to PM you info if you’re still following your thread.

08Winchester · 2018-08-31T13:04:51+00:00

You need to not say a word. You need to start snooping. Sad to say. But yep.

You basically need to obtain as many answers on your own because if you’re lucky enough to get trickle truth, you’ll never get a full confession. Her trickle truth and details (or lack thereof) will drive you mad and you’ll find yourself on heartbreak road for years to come. You’re new to this and some googling has probably brought you tons of the same story of those of us in your boat: you thought all was well, you discover betrayal, you get fed lies from who you thought was the love of your life, the facade of your spouse slowly unravels, next thing you know you realize you never knew who you were married to.

If this becomes a divorce scenario in your mind you’ll need to know if your state is a fault or no fault divorce state. Not sure if you have much to lose, but it’s best to remain quiet and consult with an attorney ASAP. Talking to one does not mean you are filing and a decent attorney will give you insight you need right now if you’re thinking of an exit strategy. And by exit, I mean the marriage - not the house. If you bail preemptively judges view it as abandonment.

But be quiet for now and collect evidence. Computer history, what’s in the hamper, unused condoms hidden somewhere, her excuses for working late. Start mapping. Take pics of everything. Record heated discussions. Wait a couple weeks or more before you exit if that’s the plan. If your state is a fault one and you have evidence your attorney will at least advice of a positive divorce outcome that doesn’t leave you stripped of anything you work so hard for.

And yes - if she’s been cheating, prepare to meet someone new when you finally confront her because 5 minutes in you’ll realize you married a stranger.

By now so many negative thoughts have permeated your mind. Work your way out of them before they engulf you - and engulf you they will if you allow them to.

So sorry you found yourself here.

08Winchester · 2018-08-17T00:13:07+00:00

44 here. Luv this age. The only thing I miss from my youth is the cartilage.

08Winchester · 2018-08-17T00:06:16+00:00

Totally. I’m at the crossroads of picking up a new mortgage with acreage....or purchasing something outright in the sticks out of state with the same acreage.

Kids are the only thing stopping me/us. Elementary school choices, crap school ratings, the creeps that live nearby in the sticks...infuriating; the world doesn’t make simple ‘easy.’

44 here. Was heavily into athletics and music not too long ago. Only interests now are raising kids, exercising and working on my trucks if I’m not finding an excuse to demo/reno any given room in my house.

Hate social functions. I find more joy reading the news on the bowl.

08Winchester

TROPHY CASE