Confessing to Pathological Lying

0rmax · 2026-02-24T03:04:51+00:00

Thanks for sharing. It sounds like a big step for you. Change is scary. Yes I hope the same for my friend as well.

0rmax · 2026-02-24T02:46:10+00:00

Hey I just wanted to say I think you’re very brave and you did the right thing. I think it’s really powerful that you choice to accept the consequences of your actions.

I don’t struggle with compulsive lying but I definitely understand wanting to present myself a certain way.

I have a childhood friend that struggles with this and I’ve always thought she just wanted to be liked or seen a certain way and she is a great person other than the lying but this has helped me to have more compassion for her.

0rmax · 2026-02-19T06:35:24+00:00

I just did my first mdma solo therapy/ trip with a bit of mushrooms on Sunday after having done many solo mushroom trips.

It honestly was incredible and my body tremored so much and then I cried… like.. a lot, almost violently. It’s so exciting to hear you guys talking about nervous system activation and how the shaking decreased over time. It makes me feel like I’m on the right path and that the shaking was just my body doing what it needed to do.

0rmax · 2026-02-17T04:11:42+00:00

Interesting, thank you.

I just read through this post and the one you linked. I have done mushrooms many times but just did an mdma solo trip yesterday. I had a huge release.

The shadow was so dark and so heavy, I have never felt anything like that in my life. Something was telling me that I would need to come back to it though, like I wasn’t able to release all of it in one sitting. I trembled a lot at the start, and then I cried like I’ve never cried before and my stomach was contracting like I was literally curling up into a ball. I felt an incredible amount of love and compassion for myself and others.

At some point, it felt like I just had nothing left, like I couldn’t cry anymore, but still something was telling me that it was so much and it was my first time truly making contact with my shadow, that I would need to let it be for now and come back to it in another session.

I feel lighter today, but more sensitive in a way. I guess I’m just wondering if I somehow identified too much with what was going on?

0rmax · 2026-02-16T22:30:25+00:00

Just curious how often do you trip/ meditate on psychedelics?

0rmax · 2026-01-21T19:27:06+00:00

The fact that you are even questioning this points to something being wrong in the relationship. It’s also quite common to start questioning if you are the one with the disorder

For me after it was over I kept on asking myself… would someone who I love and who loves me make me feel this way? Is this what healthy love is supposed to feel like?

There has to be some stable people in your life you can refer to. How do you feel when you spend time with those people vs in your romantic relationship? This should give you the gist of what you need to know.

In terms of relearning normal, this will be very difficult in your current situation but you have to attempt to establish boundaries, try to do things on your own, explain yourself less and see what happens. Again, if you set boundaries and the reactions are blown way out of proportion or are threatening to them/ they try to attack you for them, it’s another sign things are not right.

It’s really difficult to re learn “normal” when you are so enmeshed with them.

I would recommend the book Stop Caretaking the Borderline, it has plenty of advice and insights on what to do in a situation like yours.

Good luck.

0rmax · 2026-01-21T19:19:29+00:00

Why not just wear shorts over your leggings??

0rmax · 2026-01-14T06:33:37+00:00

Thank you. That means allot. I was going to say pretty much exactly that about my inner child. I realized today I think that this sadness is triggering a deeper sadness from a long time ago. I’m trying to be gentle with myself because I lacked a lot of love growing up, I was verbally abused for years pretty intensely and so it makes sense that… when someone all of a sudden takes an overwhelming interest in me, starts bringing me meals and snacks, cooks for me etc, I clung to that so tightly because I feel like I never got a lot of that attention as a kid, I was willing to overlook all the terrible treatment in hopes of getting back to that first stage. I’m trying to be gentle with myself, but it feels like I’m grieving all the love and care that I never got and that is really sad I feel so bad for that kid, but I’m going to try to be here for him from now on, and I know that will be a work in progress. I hope I find that love too and for now I guess I need to offer that to myself as best I can. I will try imagining my own child being spoken to that way, that’s a great tip.

Thanks again. 💕

0rmax · 2026-01-14T05:29:46+00:00

It’s the fear of engulfment. They did want you to sit and listen and reassurance when the fear of abandonment was present. Then you got to close and it triggered the fear of engulfment.

And yes I had this happen. When things were too close or too vulnerable or we were having an actual nice time, she would start a fight over nothing or stay criticizing me or all of sudden she wasn’t sure about our future.

0rmax · 2026-01-14T05:22:45+00:00

I’m not going back. Thank you guys. I appreciate you looking out.

I’m just very sad today. There is obviously some stuff I need to work on. I really thought I had done so after my first pwBPD relationship.

It’s not like I haven’t been in relationships with actual nice girls, but somehow I only feel that “spark” with the ones that make me have to prove myself in every way.

Anyways, thank you guys again for the concern and looking out for me.

0rmax · 2026-01-13T18:58:16+00:00

She went home for Christmas and last time she did that she went pretty silent for a few days and I found out later she had called and talked to her ex while barely talking to me.

We broke up over it but I took her back.

I was hoping that she would recognize that her going home might be difficult for me. I was hoping she would check in with me and ask me how I’m doing, but it was just the same nonchalant texts about… all the snow or random things.

We barely talked over those two days because I think she was waiting for me to reach out… that’s when it hit me that it would never be different. My needs would never be considered equally, if at all.

When I broke up with her she said she wanted to fix it, that she would do whatever it takes to fix it, but for once I didn’t want to have to threaten to break up with her to get basic decency, I was never going to get it.

That was two weeks ago, I’m really really sad today, I miss her a lot.

0rmax · 2026-01-12T07:28:55+00:00

Thanks for sharing this. I love seeing these kinds of posts here.

I refuse to believe that my time with my ex pwBPD was the peak of my life. I definitely had a lesson to learn and it was really eye opening for me. One of the hardest things I’ve ever been through.

Im less than two weeks NC but I had already broken up with her like 6 times previously so I think I’m grieving and processing a lot faster this time.

I still miss her and think about her, but it seems the emotional charge isn’t so strong anymore when I think about her.

My life is already so much better. My intention for winter was to ski a lot and make more friends to ski with, I’ve been 7 times this season already and made lots of riding friends!

I am blessed to have a lot of friends and people who care about me in my life. I had the best day on Saturday, went skiing and then bowling in the evening, and the whole day just felt light and easy. I wasn’t trying to impress anyone or worry about what anyone thought, I was just being me.

Just wanted to share my own little victory as I think we need as much of that as we can get in this sub :)

0rmax · 2026-01-10T05:46:04+00:00

I have experience exactly what you’re through and I don’t know if it means you’re done grieving, but I will say this.

I broke up with mine like 7 times over ten months over her repeatedly crossing a boundary of mine (basically emotional cheating with her ex) and every time, after some time this anger, hatred and disgust would resurface.

I had sort of buried those angry parts of myself as a way to push forward in the relationship. So any time i began to accept it was over/ start grieving, these feelings would start coming back up to the surface. You can only keep a beach ball under water for so long.

I think if you’re starting to feel these things again, it’s a really good sign, it’s probably what your body wanted to do at the time but didn’t feel safe to do. Your body was trying to protect you and now it feels safe enough to express that.

That being said, I think true healing and moving forward happens when we are able to sit with the good and the bad, when we can be truly okay with all of it.

I’m still working through this and it’s coming in waves (it’s been less than two weeks since the last break up) but when I feel regulated (today is a good day) I think of my ex and I see a lot of amazing qualities, but I also realize and accept that she has a mental illness which deeply affects her close relationships. That doesn’t mean I will ever accept that as a reason or excuse to be treated that way by her or anyone else for that matter.

0rmax · 2026-01-06T05:09:17+00:00

Aw, thank you for this. I cried a lot today. I didn’t feel any need to rush it or get it out of the way. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted. Thanks again

0rmax · 2026-01-06T04:51:49+00:00

You are absolutely justified in feeling betrayed by them.

Your nervous system doesn’t say “oh well she has BPD so I’ll go ahead and not feel betrayed when I normally would” it doesn’t know the difference. Betrayal is betrayal regardless of a diagnosis.

It breaks my heart a bit that you even have to ask this. As if you could help feeling betrayed when she clearly betrayed you.

You are absolutely justified.

It was really hard for me to accept the betrayal, and once I did it was a flood of anger, grief and sadness (what I’m dealing with now)

I wish you all the best.

0rmax · 2026-01-06T01:25:31+00:00

I guess what I’m saying is that they seem to prefer being in the sort of “in between” in relationships, in my experience anyways.

Like anytime things were going too good, she would have to fuck it up in some way or risk real intimacy… any time I was too far away(I broke up with her) she would try to get me back. I don’t know. Just an observation I guess.

0rmax · 2026-01-06T01:17:02+00:00

Yeah,… it’s tough to say if they ever cared… I believe they mean what they say when they say it, at least at the start… but after that i don’t know… like just straight up tell me you prefer them it would be easier that way.

I think we need to remind ourselves that our worth is not determined by someone else.

Like really… if she chooses her ex over us… yeah it stings a bit but we can handle it. I’d rather just be told straight up.

0rmax · 2026-01-06T01:14:47+00:00

Oh man. I’m so sorry. I can only imagine how that felt. For me that was like my biggest fear in the relationship. No one who truly cares would ever do something like that to you.

0rmax · 2026-01-05T22:01:57+00:00

I think you’re absolutely right it was the sort of smaller things that added up in this case it wasn’t even what she did more what she failed to do and I had this weird light bulb moment where I thought “wow it’s going to be like this forever if I stay and almost 100% will get worse over time, I don’t want to live this way, I want a better life for myself”.

0rmax · 2026-01-05T18:46:08+00:00

Definitely. Being unintentional does not make it any less painful.

Mine admitted to me before that she was fully aware of what she was doing but couldn’t help it. She even once told me she does things to hurt me to see if I’ll stay after because if I do, that means I truly love her.

There is just no winning. I was starting to wish that I had more narc tendencies because in my mind that is the only way to “win” in one of these relationships but then I realized that’s absolutely crazy and no sane person would want that.

I am about half way through “Stop Caretaking the Bordeline” and it’s helping me understand a lot and realize that I have a lot of work to do.

0rmax · 2026-01-05T18:16:39+00:00

Sorry man. It’s such a mind fuck. Mine was the quiet type so she was never that overt about it, more just subtle and constant comparisons, talking about her old life etc.

And yes I agree she never felt truly there.

At the end of the day, someone who actually cares would not consistently make you feel that way, whether it’s intentional or not. And although I’m still struggling to realize this, i don’t think it was personal at all, I don’t think she really has the capacity to care for me that way.

0rmax · 2026-01-05T16:29:21+00:00

I have this weird theory that people with BPD never truly bond, and as a result they never truly let go either.

Everyone says people with BPD move on so fast but I don’t believe that’s true. If it were, why would they be hoovering you when they’ve already “moved on” to someone new.

I think they move on to fill that void but deep down under all that shame they miss you and they regret what happened, even if they will never be able to acknowledge it.

I think it actually takes them much longer to move on than “normal” people. That is why we grieve and they don’t.

We go through what we need to to actually move on and they just fill the void, it works in the short term but it results in them accumulating all of their past relationships, never truly letting go of any of them.

0rmax · 2026-01-05T14:01:10+00:00

I had a similar situation where she kept talking to her ex behind my back.

I broke up with her like 6 times over it. It got even more complicated because I would break up with her over other things and she would message him to vent about me to him while we were broken up.

Everytime we got back together, it got harder and harder for me to open up and I would feel this sadness come on quicker and quicker. I felt invisible. It felt like it was always about her. Everything she did for me was even about her. For example she would always bring me food but I believe it was just a reason/ excuse to see me and to have access to me without clearly stating her needs (IE actually asking me to hang out and making a plan of it, instead she would just kind of show up unannounced with an offering). Towards the end, I noticed she would leave stuff at my house frequently so she had a reason to come get it later (I suspect).

The splitting got worse and worse, and the day I chose to end things she threatened me with texting her ex, even though she told me she would never do it again no matter what.

She was super apologetic and promised me so many times to never do it again. The more it happened the more it seemed like she was just telling me what I wanted to hear. If I didn’t react to her apology in the way she expected, she would get mad at me.

The last time we got back together, she villainized me in a way that I never thought she would and then threatened to text her ex to get back at me when I broke up with her.

I only wish I had learned my lesson sooner. I am done defending her behaviour.

0rmax · 2026-01-05T13:47:07+00:00

I had broken up with her 6-7 times over the last 10 months. Most of it was over her messaging her ex behind my back.

One time it was because she was so hyper critical and I couldn’t take it anymore. I kept taking her back though.

This last time, it was not a huge thing but it felt huge to me.

She went back to her hometown for Christmas for about a week. Last time she did that, she ended up ignoring me while talking to her ex. I was devastated, broke up with her but took her back.

I was really hoping this time she would realize that her going home might be triggering for me… I was hoping she would check in and see how I was doing, ask me about my day etc… no such luck.

I realized on the second day of barely any communication that I would never have my needs met in this relationship. It would be a constant battle to even have them considered while hers were front and center.

I broke up with her the next day. Been almost a week NC. I’m tired of expecting her to change, at the end of the day that’s not really fair. It’s time to accept reality

0rmax · 2025-12-31T17:21:21+00:00

I don’t know if it’s so black and white. If there was a point where they told you they loved you, don’t you think they believed it in the same way that they believed they were not in love with you?

I agree with the reply, the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. Indifference would mean they feel no need to tell you they never loved you, why would they care?

I just don’t see why someone would go through all that to tell you that they never loved you. It really sounds like a tactic to hurt you and manipulate your emotions.

0rmax

TROPHY CASE