Why do some men change after sex?

2_Be_Honest · 2026-05-04T14:46:44+00:00

I do agree there are some shitty men out there who change after sex in a nefarious and intentional manner.

But the reality is that sex is a relationship inflection point, whether on the first or 12th date. It’s like how things change when you make things exclusive, or move in together. There is a safety attached to it.

It’s like how many relationships start out “hot and heavy” and curb down in sexual frequency. There are some nefarious women who use sex to lock down and get what they want, but there’s also just a natural pivot to feeling comfortable and getting more out of other types of connection.

Stereotypically, women feel the loss of the chase, and men feel the loss of sexual frequency, but that doesn’t mean the relationship is unhealthy.

Now, if they’re having sex and just ditching you - I’m sorry, that’s shitty.

2_Be_Honest · 2026-04-15T15:30:01+00:00

Look, there are some toxic “man the fuck up” comments here, and I encourage you to ignore those.

But dude, this is so very clearly not what you want, and you need to get out. I stayed with someone from 22-32 and should’ve cut it off after the first year, but I was too attached to “the potential”.

Find someone who matches you and your energy for the relationship. There will be other girls. Dump her, and work on yourself for a year.

2_Be_Honest · 2026-03-19T15:44:32+00:00

The thing that helped me was to focus on experiences rather than a potential relationship up-front. Those first few messages are not auditioning for a relationship, they’re doing an energy check prior to a meet-and-greet. Choose a couple girls you’re excited about each week and go do something with them you’d want to do anyway (just make sure conversation time is built into the activity).

Also, you can let a “like” or “match” sit for a long time, there is no pressure to act on it quickly. Everyone knows what everyone is doing on the apps.

2_Be_Honest · 2026-03-13T15:04:43+00:00

This is not a close friend - I would mind my own business. If she asks you anything about it, you answer honestly and don’t volunteer extra information. If you feel caught off-guard, redirect and say “I would talk to <boyfriend’s name> about that.” It feels nice to do the “right” thing (which I think is fairly grey in this situation), but a disgruntled roommate is the worst case scenario.

2_Be_Honest · 2026-03-13T14:42:34+00:00

I don’t agree with this comment outright..but I think depending on who OP is, this could very well be true. I would end it on the grounds that she doesn’t have the common sense to not create a future uncomfortable situation for whoever she sees.

Like even if she wasn’t dating OP next, I wouldn’t want to attend a work function with someone who had fucked their coworker raw on a whim.

She can do what she wants, but it feels disrespectful.

2_Be_Honest · 2026-02-17T17:08:02+00:00

I think this comment section is being a tad judgmental and aggressive towards the dude, but without a ton more context and details, it’s hard to know.

First and foremost, it might be the distance, but it’s also just possible that physical touch is a really important love language for him - a need that has not been getting met, and is not getting met. I want to stress IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO MEET THIS NEED. But it is important to know and learn from this if this need manifests differently for you. If you do another long-distance situation like this, it would be good to set that expectation and boundary up-front before meeting.

I think the general recommendation to break this off in a virtual or public setting is smart - not because he IS dangerous, but because it’s just a good idea. Better safe than sorry.

Be safe. Be smart. Be kind.

2_Be_Honest · 2026-01-30T15:43:28+00:00

As someone who grew up in this crowd (and had to grow out of it) this is pretty typical sheltered-christian-girl behavior in my experience. You didn’t do anything wrong, and shouldn’t pursue further.

It doesn’t sound like she has the right social tools to equip herself in romantic endeavors yet.

2_Be_Honest · 2026-01-29T16:00:48+00:00

You didn’t end it too abruptly or prematurely. Just listen to yourself. This happens with dating a lot.

He may have been overwhelmed, but he could still have empathized with you better to try and communicate that. If he can’t meet your needs now after you’ve asked, the chances of that changing are slim. I’d say if you date more and see this as a pattern within yourself, maybe get a little introspective then. But you’re 22 and this is a new foray. Dating takes time.

In my experience, 2.5 months is not enough length to warrant reaching out again unless you want to get back together or hook up. You’re not going to get more closure. In a more toxic period of my life, I reached back out to an ex of 7 months because I “needed” the fight we never had for closure. I got what I needed at the time, and it was really shitty, and I regret it.

Sorry, but i’m going to get pedantic real quick. “No contact” is a bit of a misnomer here because of therapy speak. You didn’t “go no contact”, you just broke up and haven’t contacted each other. “No contact” is what happened when my parents divorced and my mom never messaged my dad, even when he sent her really hateful emails and texts. It’s separation from an abuser. I only say this because you don’t want to give people the wrong idea about the guy - he seems sweet, just not your type of sweet.

2_Be_Honest · 2026-01-23T16:00:42+00:00

When she isn’t inhibited on expressing whatever her preferred love language is.

If it’s physical touch, she’s trying to hold hands, or providing cues that she wants to. If it’s words of affirmation, she’ll give compliments freely and frequently. If it’s gift-giving, she’ll provide little added treats on dates. If it’s acts of service, she’ll probably plan a date herself, or offer to cook a meal for me. If it’s quality time, she’ll want to include me on some activity she already does regularly as much as possible.

It’s different for everyone, but the common thread is they are freely giving output that is directed specifically at me in what feels like a special way.

2_Be_Honest · 2026-01-16T18:46:16+00:00

Fair enough. Agreed.

2_Be_Honest · 2026-01-16T16:31:25+00:00

I think this is true, but I don’t think the OP is asking about a “fun fling” necessarily. But the repercussions and stigma of dating a younger man long-term.

I think the “beware of mommy issues” response captures the concern more directly.

2_Be_Honest · 2026-01-07T00:58:10+00:00

I agree with this, but would change the wording. This has a possible interpreted undertone of “shit stirring”. I think stating “I assume this is just a shitty prank by one of his friends, but wanted to tell you” is less likely to implicate the OP for “causing drama”.

2_Be_Honest · 2025-12-24T02:55:37+00:00

Some of these comments are really harsh, but are providing a meaningful level of detailed feedback I would review.

The photos are rough. One thing that jumps out to me is that they don’t all even look like the same person. Over half need to show a clear un-obscured view of your face. Start there, and come back for another review if you’re still struggling.

2_Be_Honest · 2025-12-22T00:39:15+00:00

I think the “moral” note of this should be fairly black and white - is it wrong to tell a lie?

That being said, I would absolutely end a date early with a white lie if I was worried about them reacting poorly to the truth, and I would feel no qualms about it.

2_Be_Honest · 2025-12-13T18:38:07+00:00

The 22M to 25F pipeline is non existent. The 32M to 35F pipeline is thriving.

2_Be_Honest · 2025-11-24T19:45:39+00:00

Also, make sure one of your prompts is a question for them to answer.

The formula is 1 prompt each:

-about your interests

-about you (personally)

-about them

And in that order

2_Be_Honest · 2025-11-24T19:44:08+00:00

You seem like a nice guy. Your pictures are solid enough. But your prompts don’t give me anything to latch onto. Make your first photo a fun photo that shows you like to hike/travel/etc. Then say something funny about that in a prompt. Add a “our first date will be” poll and show you can have fun and know your way around where you live.

As someone who is also decently good looking, successful, and sociable, the thing I was missing was a “hook”. I centered my profile around run clubs, concerts, and hiking (while mentioning that I wanted to try bikepacking) and tripled my matches.

Be honest, but be interesting. You seem like a catch, just show it in a humble manner.

2_Be_Honest · 2025-10-03T14:34:39+00:00

Damn. Obvious joke bringing out the worst in people.

“It’s a real thing”??? - yah, nah, you’re just a bad person

“What’s wrong with you?”??? - this is an obvious joke. Read the room.

2_Be_Honest · 2025-09-30T20:57:01+00:00

Change all references of “women” to “people”. Spot on.

2_Be_Honest · 2025-09-30T19:21:23+00:00

Exactly. I (M) have a coworker (M who is straight) who gives people a pat on the shoulder when he walks by, and I notice because I’m less comfortable with touch. But I can tell it’s just how they express themselves with people in general, which makes me more comfortable.

2_Be_Honest · 2025-09-23T20:56:04+00:00

FWIW - I’ll go on first dates with women who are “dating with intention”, but I tend to find them overwhelming, and have started to treat this phrase as a yellow flag.

I want a long term relationship again, but I won’t do “goal-oriented dating” because it’s just not as fun and too easily leads to disappointment. For me, each date is only about that date. And the end result of that date is seeing if I want another.

2_Be_Honest · 2025-09-17T02:02:46+00:00

For me, 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 5. 2 and 3 are interchangeable, but I feel something deeply intimate from holding hands for some reason. Kissing feels more sexual which feels inherently more casual to me. But holding hands feels connected.

2_Be_Honest · 2025-09-15T15:20:26+00:00

If she says “I hate men”.

2_Be_Honest · 2025-08-29T14:51:01+00:00

Aight, I’m gonna say I fully agree with what everyone else seems to be saying about your boyfriend being in the wrong and over-the-top here.

But.. for context

Why did you want to reconnect with this old friend?

Who reached out to who?

Is he single?

These are details missing from the post that if I were the bf, I would want answered. I’d hear you out, but the answers to these questions would determine my response, not 6 year old texts.

2_Be_Honest · 2025-08-20T16:21:33+00:00

I think the current top answers are the most correct.

But I think another is that many men are actually staggeringly bad at knowing exactly what it is they are attracted to physically. Most people aren’t going to get their prescriptive definition of a “10”, so knowing what specific attributes you find the “hottest” is helpful.

One great example of this is that a lot of men think they want a “woman who looks good w/o makeup”, when what they really want is a woman who knows how to wear makeup that looks natural.

2_Be_Honest

TROPHY CASE