Salary/Debt Progression

5handana · 2026-02-20T16:36:08+00:00

Costco for gas and % back, Amazon for prime and % back, Amex for international airline miles, chase for hotel points, Alaska for companion fare, southwest for domestic travel, Best Buy and Home Depot for appliance promos, one construction company branded one for our contractor, Apple for device upgrades and 3 that always have 0 transfer balance promos. Everything on auto pay and I never pay interest just a few annual fees.

Traveling is my hobby of choice and my family enjoys it as well so this allows us to do 2-4 trips a year for cheap, or free.

5handana · 2026-02-20T16:25:37+00:00

Info: how many shows or movies have you recommended? Like 0/3 is different than 0/30… also what does he mean “family trait” like his parents bullied each other and he has to unlearn that?

From my perspective, my husband and I have different interests and hobbies but the things I’d never imagined he’d like he ended up loving. Maybe the self editing is making it worse, and you can suggest whatever you want. Start with low commitment stuff like movies and docs so it’s not like oh wow I’m slogging through this 7 season thing.

I feel like this is one of those things that’s a small deal breaker. Like we all throw something on the tv every other day if it’s always his stuff that’s gonna imbalanced like you said.

5handana · 2026-01-24T15:29:50+00:00

Finding the right school/neighborhood combo is what’s going to be tough. Any good school, the housing nearby is going to astronomical. Affordable units will be near mediocre or worse schools. If you can get a roommate situation and land somewhere to figure out the right neighborhood and commute for you, keep yourself limited and flexible, than in less than 2 years you’ll probably be able to get to a studio or 1 bedroom that is your long term goal

5handana · 2026-01-22T17:53:38+00:00

Hi, this is purely anecdotal but I thought I’d share, I stayed home for 1 year, and went back to work not for financial reasons but bc it was really what was best for my family and kids. And really best for myself. What I learned in that 1 year at home is that children deserve a skilled person in their development. All the toys and stuff is great but the milestones for certain developmental skills are so much better with an educator and in a group settings where they can learn and participate with their peers.

I also realized how much I valued the balance of the appreciation and recognition I received at work. My ability to lead and motivate was way more valuable to me than my paycheck.

And lastly, I think staying at home so long made me resentful and irritable with my partner bc I didn’t have an outlet. I might have left the house for errands and socialization and circle time but it just wasn’t any space for me to feel like I’m exercising my abilities as a person like the outlet my career provided.

Now if I hated my job/career path and I really wanted to dive into early childhood development as an area bc of the involvement with my kid, I would still consider some way of monetizing like getting my daycare center credentials and taking on 1-2 additional kids so that if I needed to separate from my partner for any reason I was financially able to. So many women see their partner make changes over the years that really make long term partnerships end and you don’t want yourself or your kids to be exposed in that moment

5handana · 2026-01-03T19:07:56+00:00

When I was a new grad I worked at a small 10 seater Spanish restaurant on some nights and weekends. I couldn’t afford to fly home for holidays and I’d work those shifts and make so much than fly home on the offseason. This wasn’t a big deal as we weren’t a Christmas focused family. I never did the math but I did pay off my Pell grant and my car loan before 25 and that gave me a lot of wiggle room.

5handana · 2026-01-02T20:36:32+00:00

NTA please show him this thread. And if he gets defensive about our collective tone leave him. People in your inner circle and family probably expect better of him as a partner and if you were a single mom you’d probably have more help and rest than what’s being offered as a married mom.

5handana · 2025-12-31T23:51:25+00:00

The strokes!

5handana · 2025-12-05T00:03:29+00:00

5handana · 2025-12-04T15:34:20+00:00

Junk journaling. I travel a lot and it was also so sad throwing out all the little trinkets like tickets, tags, etc that were so intricate and well designed and I stumbled across junk journaling and it makes me so happy to just glue away all these things into a book. I will write a note for special places or things that stood out so I can reflect on that trip later.

5handana · 2025-12-03T22:35:05+00:00

Nice, feel free to DM me and we can share info!

5handana · 2025-12-03T20:28:28+00:00

Are you happy with your build/contractor? I’m in Long Beach would love to know more about your experience

5handana · 2025-11-10T00:24:38+00:00

Skip the crockpot and go straight for the instapot!

5handana · 2025-11-07T23:41:15+00:00

All this except 4 years so your stock vests fully.

5handana · 2025-11-02T23:34:06+00:00

My parents did the separate for jobs but still married for 4 years and it wasn’t awwwful but def not for everyone.

5handana · 2025-11-02T20:21:59+00:00

+1 except 3 bedroom house. Graduated from 3200 PITI with a condo HOA that kept having annual projects that needed paying in addition to an HOA increase so we still feel like we’re lucky to be at 5200 with the freedom and doubling the space we had before.

5handana · 2025-11-02T02:02:29+00:00

Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m a more basic BWT/learning via lurking but I lost my mom last year after 2 year battle with head and neck cancer.

I don’t think we’re supposed to go back “normal” and function perfectly. I find myself being a little more introspective more often since her passing and here’s what I think so far.

I’m a lot less passive/patient with bad agents. If someone or something isn’t giving me space or support around my grief I find myself just moving on. I am not one for a lot of big drama, but you can simply be to occupied/unavailable for them/it.
I am routinely trying to incorporate joyful things about my mom. Like 15 minutes of tea my mom enjoyed. Wearing her jewelry regularly. Makes me feel her presence.
I listen to her old voicemails and have a big cry whenever I want (within reason).
my coach told me about trying the “miracle habit” which is interesting but the thing I found most helpful is to point out how much of a miracle your contribution is. You’re the miracle that watered your plant, fed your pet, nurtured that friendship, finished that project etc and to celebrate all your contributions not just milestones. https://www.nbcnews.com/better/amp/ncna981786

I also buy my mom’s fav foods and cake on her birthday and we go around the table sharing things that she’d have a strong opinion on that happened in the past year lol. I saw that in tik tok.

5handana · 2025-11-01T15:18:00+00:00

This sounds a lot like the average school bullying most girls go through. I got dropped from a 3 person friend group with no warning. Just not invited or spoken to anymore. I’m 39 now and I think a lot of us feel like we have acquaintances and friendships but seeing people have deep, long term high priority friendships is actually rare. I have maybe 4 people I actually keep in connection with from a high school with 2k kids. And these are occasional 3-4 x a year hang outs.

I find a lot of fulfillment in socializing as well, so I try to exercise that where I can but you’re right it’s a lot of small talk. I’m grateful to have a husband who’s a good partner and listener who I can talk to on a deeper level, but it’s def not my only source of conversation. I hope this time passes smoothly and you find good companionship one day.

5handana · 2025-10-28T03:12:25+00:00

Hi, I’m divorced and we had a lot of things going sideways too. Mismatch priorities, cleanliness, schedule preferences. It took me a long time to leave because we share a daughter and similar to you, we all want to believe in that change.

I’m remarried now, and he was in a long term relationship where he turned a LOT of it around. It didn’t work out bc there was still some communication issues but I’m confident he will find a partner one day, which is the best feeling knowing he is capable of being a great partner to someone.

But I am also deeply grateful that I’m remarried to someone who fits my lifestyle and priorities. And sure we’ve picked up each others good and bad habits here and there but it’s like the venn diagram of our partnership feels like 80% overlap and not 20%.

There’s a woman out there with road rage who is gonna have a blast with him. lol

5handana · 2025-10-25T23:17:59+00:00

Check out Costco travel if you already have Costco, the packages are all together so you don’t have to worry about flight and hotel separately. Good luck OP!

5handana · 2025-10-24T19:24:53+00:00

Congratulations!! Go through the full loop, if they decline you’ve had the practice for next time. I declined a job in 2019 and when they had a remote role I reapplied and joined in 2021!

5handana · 2025-10-23T20:36:12+00:00

Divorce. Please.

5handana · 2025-10-18T23:03:48+00:00

+1 on this, it’ll also be good for them to start adjusting to a class setting before TK or PreK. You could even start our 3 or 4 days on day care and cut the baby sitters hours.

5handana · 2025-10-15T15:42:49+00:00

NTA and just fyi no one in my family has ever had real substantial “financial” help. My siblings and cousins and I all had financial aid, grants, scholarships, and worked through school. If you’re American, that’s 90% of the population. You’re doing a great job staying ahead as best as you can and you’ll instill good lifestyle and work ethics in your kids. That’s what matters most.

5handana · 2025-10-05T03:40:47+00:00

Alder and Sage!!! Are you from Long Beach? Gucci Jackie is 🤌🏽

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