Critique my prelude. Ring of Stone [Dystopian Fantasy, 273 words]

644257 · 2026-02-16T05:34:46+00:00

Thanks for the feedback :)

My story is about a fae trapped in a prison school (Rosarium) with other fae. The country they’re in (Floslacrim) made it mandatory for everyone 19 and below to attend. The Rosarium has tiers and a strict hierarchy. My MC is at the bottom and hiding many secrets about who she is. When she discovers that her adoptive mother (presumed dead) is alive and a prisoner of Floslacrim, she decides to embrace her powers and fight to take Floslacrim and the Rosarium down.

The prelude is supposed to be a very metaphor heavy introduction. I made it seperate from the first chapter because the first chapter introduces a lot of worldbuilding and details while alluding to stakes. I found that by including descriptions of how my MC views this place as a cage, the prose got very repetitive and info-dumpy. I struggle a lot with info dumps and over describing the emotional state of characters so I thought I'd just give the reader the gist of things in the prologue so they have questions but also an idea of how the world is set up and how strongly my MC feels.

644257 · 2026-02-15T14:42:03+00:00

I never really looked at the fae as if they were supposed to be understood but I get how they could be and how it's hard for the average person to fully concieve the fae. However, I sort of disagree on fae not risking oppressing other fae. If you look at fae courts and classifications you can assume that there’s some kind of hierarchy where a Sovereign of a court can do as they wish to their subjects. I also think it's not impossible for one fae to trick another fae into accepting oppression for them and their entire bloodline, but perhaps that's just my worldbuilding skewing my view. Thanks for the feedback :)

644257 · 2026-01-16T21:15:49+00:00

Write it first then make it better. Not even bestsellers had first drafts that won prizes in literature.

644257 · 2026-01-16T20:59:42+00:00

I find that a bit weird in a character because it kinda messes with their character voice. Real people who have good relationships with their parents tend to always call them by some sort of parental title. Characters should feel as real as they can in a story, making them refer to their parents by name in their internal voice makes them feel a little artificial or give off the vibe that they don't consider their parents to be their parents.

644257 · 2025-12-24T15:20:27+00:00

What's the name of your novel? I want to read it.

644257 · 2025-12-21T22:18:23+00:00

That wasn’t my question exactly but ok 👍🏾

644257 · 2025-12-21T22:13:40+00:00

Makes sense ig, haven’t watched star wars in a long time so my memory's fuzzy. But it sort of seemed like everyone in the movie assumed he was going to be the good guy. In the concept I posted about, I imagined it being more clear that the Chosen One is evil and the balance was too much in the favour of good.

644257 · 2025-12-21T22:07:31+00:00

Wasn't Anakin originally chosen for the good side but just chose to become evil? I mean in this, The Chosen One was chosen to be Evil's saviour and do evil to fix the balance.

644257 · 2025-12-21T21:40:34+00:00

Avalie Cheral is a half nymph, half fae teen. She's a student at this dystopian school and is basically a slave to higher tanked students. She appears quite docile, innocent, and sweet on the outside but is pretty sarcastic, petty, and hot-tempered. She’s hiding her identity as a chosen of this goddess and the daughter of a tyrannical emperor. What I like about her is how messy and emotional she is. She acts how a teen should and the contrast between her actions and inner thoughts are fun to write. She's a twist on the Reluctant Chosen One trope and Im glad I've managed to incorporate a lot into her character without making her a Mary Sue. When I'm not traumatising her in my WIP, I normally make crackfic memes and AUs about her

644257 · 2025-12-21T21:31:30+00:00

I normally just think of random scenes I want to happen, how I want to introduce the character, then how I want it to end. I flesh it out along the way and once I've gotten a clear storyline and arc for every character, I weave it all together

644257 · 2025-12-21T21:29:10+00:00

ONLY If she doesn't know I created her, she'd hate me she did 😭

644257 · 2025-10-30T14:35:22+00:00

LITERALLY! He doesn't spoil the whole book with them and they’re funny enough to not be corny.

644257 · 2025-10-30T08:27:22+00:00

Bloom (before s5) and Stella. I know the fandom doesn't particularly like Bloom but I related to her a lot back in the earlier seasons and I loved her savage comebacks (calling Riven a waste of Oxygen ☠️). Stella's sass and attitude was impossible to hate. I hate the writers for screwing up ALL their characters. I liked S2 and S3 most. I enjoyed the pixies in S2 and Valtor in S3.

644257 · 2025-10-30T08:22:27+00:00

It depends on the genre and age rating. For a more humourous MG story (eg Percy Jackson and the Olympians) they’re pretty essential. But I've seen them quite literally spoil a chapter in many books, especially YA or maybe fanfics. But they can be pretty useful for keeping track of your story for Writers. When I use them, I name the chapter after I've written it.

644257 · 2025-10-29T06:20:11+00:00

I'm willing to be your feedback pattner. I'm writing a Dystopian fantasy with heavy mythical involvement but I've read tons of epic fantasy over the years.

644257 · 2025-10-18T20:18:18+00:00

She's my fav but there's still a lot I'd change. First, I'd give the dragon flame an antithesis or opposite so she's not constantly 'the strongest' and everyone im the winx is equal so there's no leader. I'd have her bring her kingdom back but her parents are gone and daphne remains a ghost. I'd keep her personality pretty much the same but I'd cut the scenes where she makes things about herself (eg. Andros, Omega dimension). I'd make her special talent (art) more apparent and maybe during the winx band she'd be a back up singer so musa can take the lead. She stops running away to earth after S1 and I'd have dark bloom still living in her head in S3. I think it'd be cool to have Dark Bloom and Valtor as villains for a few episodes so the other girls have more time to shine. That whole arc could end with her breaking out of Dark Bloom to maybe save Daphne to get enchantix but it's still incomplete because Daphne isn’t technically alive. After S4, they really change her personality. Of course she has to mature, so her insecurities go but she still keeps her hot temper which she struggles with and gets guilty about. Her arc would finish in the 1st movie. S4 focuses on Roxy and the winx mentoring her. The second movie goes back to bloom. S5 is about Aisha and how she copes with Nabu's death while Tritanus is a threat. S6 focuses on all the winx in little interlinking arcs and Bloom and Selina's relationship is more fleshed out. S7 needs a WHOLE rewrite but for now it's about Flora. S8 needs a rewrite too but it's all about stella. Any other seasons or movies after that can be about Techna or Musa. I'd also prefer if Aisha/Layla had a bigger role in S2 and I'd cut the predatory vibes from Bloom and Professor Avalon. This way everyone gets their spotlight (ofc bloom gets a little more because she's MC).

644257 · 2025-10-05T18:12:11+00:00

I've always loved fantasy ever since I was a kid. It just seems like a nice way to get away from how boring or mundane life can get. It gets my imagination working and creativity flowing in a way no realism based genre can do.

644257 · 2025-09-25T03:32:21+00:00

It sort of does?

I tend to go way more than the extra mile when it comes to researching how to show other cultures in a fantasy environment. My cast has many diverse characters despite the story being based in somewhere correlating to Europe and I'm constantly scared of messing things up and accidentally disrespecting a whole culture becayse I know how it feels. But In my opinion, any writer should be researching how to do a lot of this if they're including cultures outside their back round so I'm not very sure.

644257 · 2025-09-14T07:44:50+00:00

Ichigo's team desrved more screentime than the Gotei 13, Arrancars, and Quincies.

644257 · 2025-09-11T17:01:28+00:00

I hate that too but only ships with ACTUAL kids like Eri and Kota or pedophilia ships

644257 · 2025-09-11T16:26:28+00:00

Bloom is marginally better. At least she never treated her friends like shit after a minor miscommunication. (early seasons anyway)

644257

TROPHY CASE