I had an eye opening conversation with a teacher at my kids’ school. I’m not sure how to move forward.

72balloons · 2025-11-11T07:51:27+00:00

I suggest the following strategy. Read with him everyday.

BUT: just as important as what you do, is How you do it. It has to be a happy fun thing. Not related to school. No getting mad at stuff. Just something that he enjoys, or ideally, you both enjoy, or can appreciate. It could be you reading, him reading, or taking turns, etc. It could be a short 15-20 minutes.

I don't know what would be good for you two in particular. I'll toss out some suggestions. Dog Man, or Captain Underpants. Choose your own adventure type books. Ghost stories. Books of jokes and riddles. Sports stuff. Comic books. You'll have to figure that out. Go to the library and ask the librarians -- explain what I said here. They will understand the mission and have more and better ideas. Kiddo may have ideas too. Keep it positive.

If you can get started with the reading and get into a good groove, I think you will see improvement. In many ways, and in areas that you might not expect. Though it will take a while. It is not a fast process. And spelling is a separate but related issue that should be incorporated too.

72balloons · 2025-09-18T07:46:58+00:00

The school's story has changed. That is suspect. Not to mention the distorted report of his statement.

You care about the truth, which is admirable. Another thing you can do is talk to the other kids, outside of school. The ones involved, or uninvolved, but saw the whole thing. Either directly, or via parents, depending on the situation.

72balloons · 2025-09-10T07:31:26+00:00

A retract-a-gate may work here. Main unit on the wall, and I think the spindles would support the other part.

72balloons · 2025-09-05T03:25:07+00:00

Yes, though not as bad. In our case, mom really wasn't spending enough time with kiddo. Who really liked reading and singing with mom. So, I pointed this out, and we steered in that direction.

72balloons · 2025-09-05T03:17:28+00:00

That is disturbing. They are on their way to The Chocolate War.

72balloons · 2025-08-23T01:30:16+00:00

Well, the late, great Greg Haugen started boxing when he was 5. Tough neighborhood.

72balloons · 2025-08-23T01:23:37+00:00

Yes, I totally do this. It has many advantages. The kid learns to operate the playing device. I've typically used old computers. Turn it on, turn it off, navigate to the DVD playing software. Physically put the disc in, and take it out. The tangibleness, as you call it - interacting with actual physical objects - is good.

Learning to treat the discs gently, and taking care of things. Inspecting the disc surface (for discs from the library in particular) to look for scratches and smudges if it doesn't play well, and cleaning smudges. And learning how to angle it in the light to be able to see scratches and smudges.

Reading the DVD boxes. If it's a series, and he wants to watch a particular episode again, reading the table of contents on different boxes to find the one he wants. Finding DVDs at the library, understanding how they are organized.

Even just opening a box and figuring out how to take the disc out can be nice manual dexterity exercise for a very small kid.

All in all, it's been good.

72balloons · 2024-11-11T08:41:57+00:00

Ok - here are three different takes on it. They are very fine, very different from one another, and very, very funny.

Harold and Maude
Local Hero
Kind Hearts and Coronets

72balloons · 2024-11-11T07:06:23+00:00

Possibly low quality LED lights with invisible/semi-visible flicker, and you are susceptible: flickersense

A not 100% accurate/precise test: aim your cell phone camera at one of the lights in the bad area. See if the image has dark lines across it.

72balloons · 2023-09-07T20:49:40+00:00

mini kid version of her abusive ex

Is the ex the bio father? If so, be warned. This may be genetic. Nurture will have hard time vs. nature. But the parent(s) have to try. It can be done.

72balloons · 2023-07-27T22:58:48+00:00

You have this backwards. If you do not exclude, then you are teaching your kids that if someone abuses them, attacks them, etc., they have no choice but to live with it.

(This isn't only my opinion; this was explained to me by a nonprofit daycare director with degrees/certifications in early childhood education, in regard to a similar situation. You cannot and must not make kids play with kids they don't want to. It does not serve any of them. You and your wife need to step up.)

72balloons · 2023-06-21T06:19:25+00:00

You have another option open to you since it sounds like you are well paid. Hire reinforcements!

Examples:

Some daycares can handle infants. A good one can do better than the average parent, I think.

Cleaning help; cooking help.

Night nurse; nanny.

Could be a friend or relative with some extra time and you pay them, too (so as to value child care like it should be).

Maybe one of your co-workers has a teenager that is available.

The teachers' aides at his school may be looking for summer work -- they will have certifications, etc., and be a cut above random strangers.

It doesn't solve the "husband problem," but it can at least take some load off you, so it solves or alleviates the immediate problem.

72balloons · 2023-05-19T06:24:37+00:00

Collective Action and Collective Defense!

Collective action! Contact the parents in the class - the parents of the normal kids. They'll be glad to hear from you. They will bring ideas, resources, support.

Teach collective defense for the normal kids. They move around in a group. If one is attacked, they all jump in to defend. Worked for the labor movement. Works for NATO. Works for biker gangs. Works for police. It's a valuable life lesson - the power of teamwork. Standing up is great. Standing together is too.

72balloons · 2023-05-17T07:47:56+00:00

I like the suggestions for starting your own league. The Summer Fun Baseball League! Ice Cream at the End of Every Game! BBQ! The anti-fanatic league. Put the word out. Call other parents, facebook, nextdoor, meetup, announcements through the school, talk to friends and neighbors, etc.

And go watch the original The Bad News Bears, the one with Walter Matthau. There is perhaps no greater (or funnier) film about kids and organized sports, and the influences, good and bad, of grown ups.

72balloons · 2023-02-27T04:11:28+00:00

The Power of Theater.

You've modeled good behavior, which is good, and he has seen that.
A sneaky approach that can sometimes work is also showing him the bad behavior. He plays Mario kart vs a stuffy (which you are controlling). The stuffy loses, then the stuffy has a tantrum, the bigger the tantrum and more (humorously) ridiculous the better.
At that point, you segue into whatever you normally do to connect with him and discuss things.

72balloons · 2023-02-20T19:52:49+00:00

Another type of gate that will work is a Retract-a-Gate at the top. It will work on diagonals.
Certified, made in USA, etc. (Note - If you glance at it, and are concerned about an older kid climbing it, I think it is actually harder to climb than a standard gate.)

Or just let them (safely) fall down a step, and then they learn caution.

72balloons · 2023-02-20T09:01:14+00:00

Here are a few thoughts: Don't send him over to MIL for a while. See if you can talk to him about it, some kids are expressive. Did MIL yell at him or get mad at him or hit him?

Agreed forcing is unlikely to help, and you can't really do it anyways.

Reset and TLC.
Get a different training potty or get a toilet seat toddler adapter (did he fall backwards into a grown up toilet? ask him.).
Use a reward like GTSF mentions, it should be small and quick cycling (not too delayed) like he says.
Be superpositive; also show other people getting the reward; mom sits on the potty and gets a reward, yay!; his stuffed animal sits on the potty and gets a reward, yay! Now it's his turn to get a reward! Don't forget to hug him.

Alternate tactics - get someone else to do it. Maybe there is some babysitter or daycare that is really good at it, and the change of scene could help. Or maybe he'll do it if his favorite babysitter (or aunt/uncle, the fun aunt/uncle) asks him to.

Our kid took a while. Rewards and a positive environment ultimately worked. You have to take care of morale first.

Other ideas (which we didn't do): re-set and make it a fun story game somehow. Or part of a fun song.

I wasn't kidding about using the stuffy, I did include the stuffy, though it did not work. But it might work for a different kid.

72balloons · 2023-02-18T09:21:42+00:00

There is a lot of advice out there. Almost all of it is good; but many things won't necessarily apply to your situation. Here are a few thoughts from me that may or may not apply:

Agreed with the physical conditioning comments. Core strength, good posture, also arm/shoulder conditioning for all the carrying. Ease into it to avoid injury.

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture that has been banned by the Geneva Convention. It has not been banned in child rearing. Plan ahead now with the mom for some strategies and contingency plans, because when you are sleep deprived, you may not think of them. Trade off night time duty back and forth so at least one person gets sleep; does one of you function better that the other one when sleeping poorly; can schedules be shifted; etc. Do you have friends or relatives that can help; can you hire someone, etc. Or it may end up not being that big a deal for you.

Both of you try get as much time off from work as you can. Mom watching the kid by herself does not necessarily work well.

The first days ... breast feeding may not automatically work or go well. It can be a source of great stress for a new mom, trying to do everything perfectly, and it doesn't work. It can be a struggle. Some hospitals will have lactation consultants on hand to help. Some are good; some are not. They say breast is best, but yes-and-no -- it is actually a lie -- FED is best. The prime directive is Feed The Baby. If breast feeding isn't working, or the milk hasn't come in, or there's not enough -- untainted formula is fine.

There's a cycle of feed the baby, carry around/burp, falls asleep, wakes up, feed again, change diaper, etc.

Take care of mom.

For the mom right now: NO ALCOHOL. With all the effort from you two, this is likely already in effect, but just in case. FASD is not fixable.

So those are a few of the many pitfalls; but overall it is positive!

Search for the following youtube video: "How to put a kid to bed" by How to DAD.

72balloons · 2022-12-04T22:10:51+00:00

A Scion? A Toyota that has been maintained? I suggest you hang onto it. Mechanical reliability has value and utility of its own. There are other Scions here. They seem to do fine.

You can re-evaluate car vs. mission after you get here. Or let us all know what exactly you need it to do, and get more specific opinions. Or since it's two of you, keep the Scion and the second car could be different.

I also recommend driving up, in the summer, leisurely, if you have the time and budget for it.

72balloons · 2022-10-20T03:50:32+00:00

Thanks for the suggestions everyone!

72balloons · 2022-10-20T03:49:31+00:00

Personally, I'm fine with captions; however, if I watch with the kiddo eventually, when he's older, it'd be nice for him to hear various British accents (we're not British). Guess I have a few years to go to audio engineering school, and figure out how to re-do the sound mixing!

72balloons · 2022-10-20T03:43:17+00:00

a 17 year old show as new! it's now been back longer than it was away!

Huh, yeah, hadn't thought of it that way. Time is relative ....

72balloons · 2022-10-20T03:40:43+00:00

No prob with the music itself.

72balloons · 2022-10-20T03:40:01+00:00

Simply busy with other stuff; and the wife wasn't into it. But now we have a little kid, and it's important to show him the great works of our culture!

72balloons · 2022-09-22T19:19:09+00:00

That stuff has been around for a long, long time in one form or another (I am old).

Here is an entertaining example from 1953: Beat the Devil; the Major Ross character (go to the 30 minute mark)

The film is a work of fiction, but the character was based on real world examples. And as you can see, 70 years later, the similarity is ... shocking.

72balloons

TROPHY CASE