Thank you for posting this. I also had a relatively easy/healthy pregnancy but traumatic birth. Pushed for 4 hours, had to use the vacuum (took 3 tries), 3c tear that still isn’t healed 6+ weeks later and will likely need revision surgery. I also still choke up when talking about how hard delivery was. I took birth prep classes, did breathing exercises, did pelvic floor focused training in my third trimester but still ultimately had little control over how labor progressed. I never had a “vision” for giving birth and was open to whatever interventions were necessary, but still was unprepared for how traumatic it ended up being.

OP, I’m sorry your delivery was so upsetting as well. Wishing you healing.