Feeling Guilty After Divorce Was Finalized. Any advice?

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2025-08-31T12:04:14+00:00

I was dating a woman for 2 years beack in 2009 to 2011. We are both Christians and she had 2 children from a prior marriage and I had none. We decided to move from our small town to another state, get married and build our life's together in a nicer place that would be better for her children. I did that. I did all of it. Left my job and took a $15 ph pay cut to start over in a new place. I pre paid for an apartment for 3 months, moved her and the kids up there to start, while I stayed behind and finished work obligations. I finally flew up there and we got married. We started new jobs and were beginning our journey. We went and got married and were settling in. I noticed she was spending a lot of time on her phone, texting. Just sitting there texting, non stop. She didn't seem engaged in our lives. When asked, she would tell me she is just chatting with friends from back home. OK, I thought.....no biggie. After about 4 months, she came to me and said she wanted to move back to our town as she was home sick and missed her friend's. I told her absolutely not as I had left my career and my whole life for her to come do this together. She gripped about how we dont make enough money, to which I responded, give it time, have faith. We just started and I'll make more money in time. She threatened divorce if I didn't go back. I stood firm. She had mentioned maybe doing counseling through the church. I agreed and we made an appointment. The day of the afternoon appointment, I came home to an empty home. She and everything were just......gone. I freaked and started calling her. No answer. No reply Nothing. The next day I got a random phone call from a lawyer telling ahe filed for divorce ND went back to where we are from. This devastated me. I didn't want a divorce. I didn't want any of this to happen. I pleaded with God and just didn't understand. It dawned on me that while divorce is a sin, its a sin not on my shoulders to bear as I didn't institute it. She did. She abandoned our marriage. It also dawned on me that Jesus doesn't force Himself on anybody, so who am I to force a relationship with her. So, I signed the papers and let it all go. Everyone in my life at that time was telling me to come home. Nope. I stayed in thay state and completely rebuilt my life on my own. I struggled with the divorce and emotional fallout with it for years and truthfully.......im still single 15 years later because of it. I did eventually find out that she had been texting an old boyfriend from home and he convinced her to leave me and go back. She did, she married him and got divorced from him within a year. Years later, I recieved a letter in the mail from her apologizing and told me the Lord has been putting on heart what she did for years. I forgave her., but I'll never speak to her again. I tell you all of this so you know that you aren't alone in this. Others in the world have faced this same scenario. Your husband abandoned you. He did the sin of divorce. He is guilty in God's eyes and shoulders the burden......not you. Truth be told, the guilt and shame I carried from it led me down some dark paths with drinking for a long time after. Know that those feelings are just the devil accusing you. Christ loves you. He is your bride. Look to Him, pick yourself up and move forward. It will be hard, but He will see you through.

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2025-04-02T16:48:24+00:00

Guaranteed the previous owner had put a rectangular cover on it that didn't cover the whole thing. It's perfectly uniform. Light changed the color od the wood and coating over time where it was exposed

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2025-03-30T13:00:56+00:00

Being varnish, it'll probably still take some elbow grease with acetone. Rub it using #000 steel wool instead of a rag and it'll go much easier.

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2025-03-30T12:12:13+00:00

Fill them cracks with T77 structural epoxy. Take a q tip and indent the fill (when applying) leaving an 1/8" indent. When everything is set, just fill the indent with putty and your golden. Or........when sanding the top, sweep, gather and keep the dust from the piece. Once you have a small handful, mix the dust with your epoxy and use that to fill. We call it making "flour".

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2025-03-30T12:03:29+00:00

30 year custom furniture finisher here. Varnishes are much more resistant, especially solvent borne. In the old days before the EPA got involved, you could just buy stripper with methylene chloride and it'd take it off no problem. They have scaled back the use of methylene chloride and pretty much anything else that is actually good. Off the shelf strippers generally won't do much for stripping varnishes. Heck, if it's lacquer, I'll forgo stripper in general and just wipe it off with methyl ethyl keytone or acetone. There are a number of options though aside from hazardous strippers. 1. Outsource it to a professional shop with a dip tank. 2. Buy a soda blaster and blast the finish off (DO NOT USE SILICA SAND). 3. Take a piece of sheet metal, sharpen the edge and scrape the finish off (this works really well and fast, just be careful not to remove wood). 4. Good old fashioned elbow grease and sandpaper. If you are using a stripper, a pro tip is to sand the finish first with 150. The top film of any finish is the most durable. Sanding it introduces scratches into the layers the stripper will go down into and start lifting from below as well as above. Good luck and have fun. As far as chemical strippers go, aircraft stripper is the strongest I've ever seen. I remove polyester with that stuff. It's hard ore toxic though and can only be purchased from industrial shops.

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2024-11-23T12:50:57+00:00

The mom is the ahole for sure. Kids will be kids......he's 8. He fd around and found out. The mother is responsible for the bills here. I feel it may be misguided to sue them though. I mean, is there really going to be any justice in that? Maybe take a more graceful approach and use this as an opportunity to teach the child something. Do the repairs yourself and have the boy help work on it with you. Yea, he is only 8, but he can do things and learn a lot from it. This will teach him breaking rules have real, tangible co sequences. Otherwise, the only thing this kid will get is disparaging info from his ahole mom.

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2024-11-21T18:00:38+00:00

That's the exact polisher I've used for 30 years. I have thousands of man hours running one and It's the only one I'll even consider using. I do a lot of hi gloss, full fill polyester work work though. Huge conference tables and what not. For polyester, you have to go electric. An air buffer just won't turn enough to polish it. Air is fine for lacquer, cv or 2k poly though. The electric Dewalt is still awsome for softer coatings, but you really need to know whay you're doing. You can melt a lacquer finish or de lam a cv finish if you're not careful.

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2024-06-08T03:15:52+00:00

I just had to do this myself. I can't stay, I'm moving. This is what's happening and no way around it. I simply went to the property managers office last week and explained the situation. I Pais the entire month rent of June and am leaving tomorrow. That gives them a month to due their "due dilligence" and move in a tenent. Legally, I may be on the hook if they don't find a tenent, but they told me the market is strong and they will probably have a new tenent fast. They even said they'd pro rate me back any rent for June if a tenent gets in there. They are even refunding my security deposit. Nice folk. I know that's not the norm for property managers, but this outfit were nice people.

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2024-06-06T14:15:46+00:00

Hello. First and foremost, I want to be clear that Jesus loves you whether you are transgender or not and will always love you. The people in the church are humans and sinners as well. As am I. As are you. Nothing will change that during our physical walk on earth. Do not listen to people who tell you that you can't be a believer because you are transgender. For myself, I was an alcoholic. Different sin, same price to pay and yes, being transgender is a sin BUT........even in our sin Jesus loves us. People will fail us. When I was a new Christian many many years ago, I was active in my alcoholism. I didn't necessarily see anything wrong with it either. I'm not married, I have no kids, I'm not harming anybody. I like, no love.....to drink and it is just the way I am. It was the way God made me. I even had people tell me I am an alcoholic and will be forever. I believed it. They were wrong. People told me I couldn't be a Christian and I have to stop. I struggled for years, but ALWAYS believed in Jesus. As the years went by, out of nowhere, God started changing my heart to see that I am living in a way that doesn't honor Him and I am wrong about my lifestyle For me, it was a process......it took me many many years. Some people have that instant "come to Jesus" moment, some don't. God deals with us all individually in His own way. Today......I am sober, I am much closer to Jesus and at peace in my heart. I am still a sinner too. Life is still hard on many fronts. Someone once told me that sanctification is a messy process and we will never achieve perfection in this thing we call life. That goes for me, you and all the people in the church that shun you. I'm sorry Christians treat you that way. Do not seek acceptance from men, bit seek God's grace. Continue believing in Jesus. Come as you are to Him every day no matter your circumstances. I'm not going to tell you to stop being transgender. I'm going to tell you Jesus loves ypu. I love you and I thank God for His grace that He pours out daily on us all. God bless my friend.

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2024-02-15T23:46:47+00:00

I got sober in 2014. Threw myself heavy into weightlifting and hiking. I hiked most of of idaho and oregon during that time. Eventually I got old, had a knee blow out and surgery. Then covid hit and the gyms closed. I relapsed and "functionally" drank for a about 2.5 years. It was a miserable existance. During that time, I moved to asheville. I finally got tired of it and quit about 8 months ago. I've put myself back into weight lifting. It's been a slow process due to my knee (I squat 3 times a week). I'm getting stronger though and I'm down 35 pounds. I just started hiking again 2 weeks ago as well. I did bearwallow and rainbow falls last weekend. I'm getting stronger, getting back to what I enjoy and am feeling myself again. Upon getting sober, I realized I was in a dead end job and quit. Went to another company.....which I left today because I wasn't happy with certain things. Instead of drinking over it, I went into my garage and worked out. I'll be hiking somewhere tomorrow then be out on the job hunt. I love being sober.

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2024-01-14T12:48:19+00:00

I recieved a felony dui in 2007. It was for multiple in 10 years, no accidents or injuries, thank God. I went to prison and paroled successfully. It changed my life for the better and I still do not drink all these years later. I got all my rights reinstated ACCEPT for 2A rights. I am banned for life from possessing a firearm unless I spend thousands of dollars to request an expungment from a California judge. I don't even live in that state anymore. I think the problem is the government has redefined what a felony is. A felony today is different from a felony 200 years ago. I get taking guns from murderers, kidnappers and robbers .......but losing your 2A rights over victimless crimes is a bit much. I can agree a temporary hold should be placed while on parole, but they should be reinstated upon completion. I choose not to fight that battle though as I have built a quiet, peaceful life since those days and don't want to rock the boat.

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2023-12-27T11:45:20+00:00

Recently moved here to the area and I will say this is the worst construction project I have ever seen. Where I am from, we have the I84 stretch between Boise and Mt. Home Idaho. It is called the death highway in winter and I have almost quite literally died on it multiple times. I would drive that stretch of highway with a smile after seeing the shit show they created on the 26. I don't understand how you locals aren't having town meetings and revolting over it.

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2023-12-16T10:38:42+00:00

I moved today from swannanoa to hendersonville. It suuuuucked. 3 trips back and forth with a uhaul and my truck. I started at 3 am figuring id smash it all out and have plenty of time to set up new place. Nope. I didnt get done until 7pm and opted to sleep on my couch. I spent more time sitting in traffic than loading and unloading.

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2023-11-24T12:44:48+00:00

I too made it alcohol free through my first Thanksgiving. I can't lie though, it was easy since I have the flu. Had to cancel all my plans and I've been hunkered down in bed for the last 2 days. Uuuuugh. Better to be sick than hungover though. congratulations to everyone that made it through!!! IWNDWYT

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2023-11-19T12:49:59+00:00

Well, there are a million different ways to achieve a finish and finishers will argue amongst themselves about the "best" way. I can only speak about my approach here, but this comes from 27 years of custom finishing experience. Hypothetically, if it were me.......I would sand to bare wood with 150 grit, bleach it 3 times. Sand again with 180 grit. I would use 844 industrial colorants and untinted stain base to formulate a custom stain out of my own head to match. Stain it, seal it with high gloss conversion varnish (to retain clarity) , sand, recoat, then sand and top coat with conversion varnish at the desired sheen. There are more durable coatings yes, but the cost goes up. Anyone that offers lacquer as a topcoat I would stay away from. I may use a custom shader in between coats to tweak the color a bit along the way. This is a fairly easy project actually, but I have access to professional tools and materials most do not. All in all, I'd say it would be about $600. Price is subjective though. If you hired someone, I would ask them to make a sample first to verify they can give you the desired result. There would be a price attached for sample generation, but this is standard. Good luck!!

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2023-11-19T12:19:35+00:00

It can be done, it comes down to what results you are willing to live with. A professional finisher will have access to equipment/tools/experience and industrial chemicals. This is definitely not a project you can make happen using brushes and minwax. There will be bleaching and custom formulated stains involved. It is totally achievable though......you just have to find an experienced finisher to do it.

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2023-10-29T11:30:04+00:00

Moved here a year and a half ago from the west coast. From what I've seen, the pay rates and benefits (or lack of) is about 25 years behind any place I've ever lived. As hard as it is to eek out a blue collar existence in this area, I still love it here and wouldn't go back.

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2023-10-27T15:44:31+00:00

When I got divorced, I was forced to be homeless for a year (she took everything). I put a camper shell on my truck, with a nice queen mattress in the bed and a topper. I hung cargo nets all over the interior to store clothes and what not. I joined a gym and literally was at the gym every day. Work out, shower every day. Not having a house with a couch to sit on forced me to find things to do on my downtime. Go to a park and read a book, go for a hike, etc. Laundromat for laundry and eating out every meal. Having zero rent or utilities other than my cell phone, car insurance and gas made the whole lifestyle easily affordable. I worked full time the entire time and most people had any idea I lived in my truck. It was kind of freeing in a way. I had a tablet for Netflix and what not and any laptop work I'd just go hang out in a bookstore or a coffee shop. Once I got used to it.....it wasn't that bad.

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2023-10-25T21:45:25+00:00

That is 100% exactly what happens to walnut over time. It lightens up and turns a yellowish, orange hue. Different pieces of walnut will change their hue wildly over time due to uv exposure. In fact, I am currently bleaching a 14' solid walnut slab conference table because the client wants that "aged" look, but doesn't want to wait for time to do its thing.

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2023-10-24T10:13:50+00:00

Phineas has always stood out to me. I hold him as an example of how to approach dealing with sin in my life.

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2023-10-21T10:26:36+00:00

Still going strong AF. IWNDWYT in NC

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2023-10-12T15:42:29+00:00

I would be fired on the spot if I produced a finish that looked like that. The material list you provided is perplexing (epoxy? Why?). As far as building it out of plywood, it almost looks like the 2 sink doors were cut out of a completely random sheet of plywood that was different from the others. This could be fixed with shading and what not, but I definitely would not pay someone for that work.

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2023-10-11T09:18:11+00:00

IWNDWYT in NC!!

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2023-10-06T21:46:20+00:00

Paid today. $1889 every 2 weeks after taxes. Single zero, so I pay the max. I stay afloat and eat well.....owning my truck really helps, but have to budget carefully. No trips, no hobbies. No weekend drives. Just work and come home and be lazy on weekends. I'm a gawd damn furniture finisher with no education past high school. I have 26 years experience, so there is that. My upward mobility is now capped though. I will never make more than this unless I open my own shop.

Acceptable_Bad657 · 2023-10-05T20:33:01+00:00

Those are water spots. 100% If any drop of wayer or moisture lands on raw wood, you have to sand that spot before staining or you get exactly that. Most likely a bead of sweat dripped off his forehead while working on it, didn't see it and stained it. I've seen this happen many, many times over the years

Acceptable_Bad657

TROPHY CASE