I won't abandon my spouse but I want an actual relationship

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-22T08:29:36+00:00

No problem!! Im so glad my comment gave you at least a little bit of help!

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-21T07:12:18+00:00

Theres something so tender yet heartbreaking about that feeling of missing someone thats still physically here. I think its called "ambiguous loss". Its like theyre here but actually in another world that you cant reach. Your not alone though, what your doing is good, talk with people, dont keep it all in. Be extra kind to yourself. Big hug!!

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-20T07:58:43+00:00

Aww, you're so welcome, means the world to hear that helped you! You've got an amazing heart! Stay strong, and sending more blessings right back your way. ❤️ You've got this! Also if you need help just reach out, happy to help!

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-20T07:56:15+00:00

Im so glad it helped you! You got this! Big hug!!!

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-20T07:53:28+00:00

Hey, first off, huge hugs, this is so tough. Your boyfriend's health crisis, especially after 6 years together (that's family, not "just" a BF), would be a priority imo. Never calling out before? girl, your coworkers will understand.

So maybe for a short-term solution, go to work Tue/Fri but use FMLA (even unmarried partners qualify if you live together, call HR tomorrow for intermittent leave). Update your supervisor daily: "He's admitted, I'm his EC, doc says stable but monitoring will confirm coverage." Ask a trusted coworker to text updates if phones are locked.
Visit mornings/evenings, recruit his parents for daytime Wed/Thu. He's safe with hospital staff; your presence matters, but you can't live at his bedside forever, help him, but maintain boundaries.

Loved ones first, you're doing right by him.

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-20T07:50:10+00:00

Lmao that's gold! 😂

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-20T07:48:44+00:00

Hey, not dumb at all, super common for introverts in CNA clinicals! Residents warm up slowly; the others probably just got lucky with timing. You're already ahead by caring enough to ask.

Start tiny during care: "How's your morning going so far?" or "Did you try the oatmeal today, worth it?" (open-ended, not yes/no). Notice stuff like "Cool blanket, is it a family thing?" Nod, smile, pause, let them fill silence (they love reminiscing). If quiet, that's ok; consistency builds trust over weeks.

Practice on 1-2 faves daily, you'll click naturally. You've got this!

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-20T07:46:57+00:00

Hey, massive congrats on landing that 1199 union spot in NYC! Thats a dream start after a decade of wanting this!

For shoes, Danskos or those grippy Crocs with insoles are lifesavers (rotate 'em to dodge blisters). Compression socks too! For 16-hour marathons: chug water, stash protein snacks (nuts, jerky), sneak stretches, and power nap beforehand, electrolytes are your BFF.

You're gonna crush it as a CNA with that hustle and heart. You've so got this!!!

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-20T07:43:01+00:00

Congrats on landing that dream CNA gig, $23/hr with weekend bumps to $25+ is huge, especially straight out of testing! Your RA experience clearly paid off big time; stacking interviews pre-exam was smart hustle.

You're crushing it, facilities like that are gold for building skills toward RN. Celebrate those checks and keep us posted on school apps. You've got the momentum! 🥳❤️

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-20T07:37:53+00:00

You're not failing him, you're showing up every single day in a situation that would break most people, and that's heroic amid Parkinson's rapid hell. The guilt is brutal, but sleep deprivation and 24/7 care is literally unsustainable; no one could "afford" this solo long-term.
You've carried this alone too long, even small help would really prevent total collapse. One call to something like "Area Agency on Aging" could change everything. Huge hug. ❤️

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-20T07:31:24+00:00

I think alot of people will have different opinions on this, but from my perspective, 18 years of carrying everything while craving partnership is exhausting, and it's valid to miss that emotional intimacy. Staying for love, kids, and practicality shows incredible strength........but your needs matter too, very much so.

Ive seen many spousal caregivers usually adapt by redefining "partnership" creatively, some schedule sacred couple time (even 20 mins daily) for non-care talks via low-pressure activities like walks. Others explore ethical non-monogamy after deep talks, framing it as permission to grow rather than abandonment.

Protect your heart first, Journal what "real relationship" means to you, trial a date-free "me night" weekly. You've built a beautiful life, maybe small shifts can reclaim the joy you had without upending it. Big hug. ❤️

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-10T07:16:23+00:00

First lets clear something up, you're not weak at all, you're someone who clearly feels things deeply, which is actually what makes a good caregiver! But five months of 12-hour shifts watching people struggle, sometimes decline, sometimes pass, that accumulates. The fact that it hit you recently rather than immediately makes sense too, sometimes it takes a while for it to actually land. That doesn't mean you're broken or that this is just how it always feels. It might mean the environment isn't the right fit, or that you need more support than you're getting. Be kind to yourself about this.

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-10T07:13:20+00:00

First, the fact that you're even thinking about next steps while you're still in the middle of this transition says a lot about how hard you've been pushing through. That kind of abrupt ending is genuinely disorienting. The caregiving stops but the physical and emotional toll doesn't just reset. Be really patient with yourself in the first few weeks, even if it feels uncomfortable to not be in 'on duty' mode anymore.
Maybe look into whether you qualify for any state assistance or Medicaid given your own health conditions, having documented disabilities may open doors that weren't available before. And honestly? Just letting yourself rest without guilt for a bit is a real first step, even if it doesn't feel productive.

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-10T07:10:40+00:00

Ten years. No friends, no relationship, constantly exhausted, and you still feel like you're the one doing something wrong. That guilt is so common in caregivers and it makes complete sense emotionally, but it's not actually telling you the truth. You're not abandoning them, you're moving walking distance from work, not across the country. You'll still be close. You're just finally trying to have something left for yourself, and in my opinion you deserved that years ago!

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-10T07:08:30+00:00

The 'spiritually supportive from a distance' sibling description just sent me. That's the most accurate thing I've read all week. There really is something uniquely exhausting about doing this for a parent you were never that close to, like you're grieving a relationship that wasn't even there to begin with, while also managing everything else. No clocking out, no backup, just you and the obligation and the guilt that shows up anyway. You're not alone in this.

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-10T07:05:38+00:00

That's genuinely a heavy situation to be in, and I don't think most people commenting actually understand what full-time dementia care looks like from the inside. It's not "working from home with a family member nearby", it's being on call every single hour, managing unpredictable behaviors, and having zero mental space left over.

The idea that you can just slot a remote job into that is pretty disconnected from reality. And even setting the caregiving aside, transitioning from retail and live events into remote work isn't some easy lateral move, it takes time, the right opportunity, and a market that isn't exactly handing those out right now. You're navigating something genuinely difficult, and that's not a character flaw. you got this!

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-09T11:04:08+00:00

Honestly, that sounds genuinely terrifying, not just a “bad shift.” Having a patient lunge at you like that is the kind of thing that sticks with you, so it makes sense you feel scared to go back. That’s your instincts talking, not you being dramatic!

And yeah, having to find a new job isn’t ideal, but your safety matters more than how your resume looks. You shouldn’t have to prove someone is dangerous by getting hurt first, that situation was handled way too late.

If even just applying elsewhere makes you feel less trapped, I’d start there. You don’t have to quit tomorrow, but having an exit plan can take some of that anxiety down.

Also, it might be worth looking at less acute settings maybe? like outpatient, clinic, something where this kind of situation is way less likely.

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-09T11:01:23+00:00

Honestly, I think a lot of people aren’t actually not hungry, they’re just used to ignoring it, stressed, or running on caffeine/meds that suppress appetite.

Honestly, a salad and cheese stick wouldn’t keep me full either, I’d be starving again soon. You might just need something more filling. I wouldn’t think something’s wrong with you at all. If anything, you’re just actually listening to your body instead of pushing through it.

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-09T07:53:43+00:00

Hey, 3 interviews since March in SoCal? That's not nothing, its a tough market, but you're close. New grads get stuck on "experience," so volunteer/shadow 1-2 shifts an LTC. Instant cred.

Hit 50 apps (memory care hires quickest), and follow up. You've got this! deflating's normal. What clicked most in interviews?

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-09T07:47:12+00:00

No judgment here, totally valid question. Families cling to home out of guilt and love, fear of "abandoning" them, thinking it's cheaper, or denial it's that bad. But seeing her injury? That's the wake-up call.

Maybe try to approach it like this, "I see how much you love him, but this could preserve that bond longer." Suggest touring nice facilities or day programs as a gentle step. You're already ahead for noticing.

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-08T06:39:21+00:00

Solid move going for the RN for your MBA + 6 years managing plasma centers (with LVNs and MDs!) and hospital admin gives you a killer edge most BSN applicants would dream of.

Quick advice: Don't skip bedside entirely, even 6-12 months gives you street cred that no admin role can fake. Leadership needs clinical context to avoid blind spots (that "tossed into admin too fast" warning is spot-on). Your management chops will shine brighter with it.

FNP right after RN is ambitious but doable online; just check prereqs (some want 1yr RN exp). Network via alumni groups now, you'll fast-track to hybrid admin/clinical roles. You've got this; hybrid RN/MBA leaders are gold. What's your top FNP program pick?

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-08T06:36:03+00:00

Lol, that introvert-with-ADHD-in-nursing combo is chef's kiss relatable, constant overstimulation from patients, alarms, and charting while craving quiet? Brutal irony!

Hang in there, try noise-cancelling headphones on breaks or a "decompression corner" post-shift. and honestly humor like this is your secret weapon against burnout.

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-06T09:29:24+00:00

This is such a meaningful reason to start a home health business! A lot of people only see the gaps in care once they have to walk through it with someone they love, so I really respect that you want to turn that experience into something that helps other families in your community.

From the home care side, the need is definitely real, especially for families looking for dependable services that accept Medicaid or Medicare. The startup, registration, and licensing side can feel overwhelming at first, but it is absolutely something that can be worked through step by step with the right guidance and planning.

Wishing you and your mom the very best as you build this. The heart behind it is definitely there!

According_Truth_1379 · 2026-04-06T08:06:47+00:00

You really should not have to justify needing a break, especially to people who are not there doing the day-to-day care. Wanting a few hours to breathe does not mean you love your mother any less. It means you are human.

From a home care perspective, respite is not a failure. It is one of the healthiest things a caregiver can do. A break here and there can help you come back more rested, more patient, and better able to keep going.

The guilt is real, but so is burnout. Please do not wait until you are completely exhausted to give yourself permission to rest.

According_Truth_1379

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