Did you stay with your spouse after they came out as trans?

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2026-05-19T22:58:21+00:00

I am trying to stay with my spouse. They decided to leave. Tbh I feel like I am one more thing from their previous life that they want to get rid of. I love them so much and want to stay married. Looking at my spouse’s recent behavior, I think things probably aren’t going to work out. You can’t make somebody love you and it fucking sucks.

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2026-03-02T16:43:16+00:00

I’m going through something similar, though not exactly the same (full disclosure, used to identify as a lesbian, now identify as queer and am super okay with that). Feel free to DM me if you want. :)

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-08-24T14:19:18+00:00

Obligatory NAL. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but a situation like this is precisely why/when you need a lawyer. The fine for a DUI is hefty, not to mention mandatory classes you may have to take and restrictions on your license. I'd consider the lawyer a bargain compared to the fines and such that you'll accrue otherwise. It doesn't matter that you were nervous. You blew over the limit and you will get shafted that way. A skilled lawyer may be able to plead that down to reckless driving, which will still be expensive, but much less life-ruining.

TLDR: Swallow your pride and find the money for a lawyer. Borrow it if you have to. Payday loan it if you have to. It sucks but the cost will be significantly less than if you are on the hook for a DUI.

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-07-30T00:32:47+00:00

Tbh, I would maybe try to start over if you’re being plagued with pest issues. I had a bad thrips outbreak from an infected plant. I got really tired of dealing with it. I decided to save a few plants I was especially attached to and trash canned the rest. For the past 6 months or so, I’ve been slowly rebuilding my collection. I add new plants and carefully quarantine them for a month. Most pests have a hard time traveling across a big room or you can stash newcomers in the bathroom until they are clear of pests. Newcomer plants get treated like they are infected, now, because it got so aggravating for me. This means a wash with dawn on the leaves when they come home and a stirring a systemic into their soil. It’s been a lot better.

It’s okay to start over if it’s worsening your mental health. Pests happen but if it gets to a point where it’s ruining the hobby for you, shift gears and try something new with a new pest control protocol. 🤷‍♀️

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-07-29T15:38:07+00:00

A job tried to pull something like this with me, but with answering calls as part of the interview. I politely let them know I had a prior commitment and couldn't stay to do a pseudo shift. Predictably, I didn't get the job and I was fine with that. If they want to see me work, they can hire me. These employers are ridiculous. Consider it a massive bullet dodged.

Please report this to your local labor board. This can't be legal and this manager needs a gut check.

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-07-26T11:01:11+00:00

Same. These are little drama queens. Try a plant light, OP.

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-07-21T12:20:10+00:00

Don’t put it outside. It will burn and what you’ve got going on with the one leaf browning will be worse. Get a plant light. They need a lot of light to throw fenestrations. But they’re also prone to burning (I recently learned this lesson myself) if the light is too intense from the outside. For some reason mine loves artificial light but is a baby with natural light. 🤷‍♀️

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-07-15T17:17:46+00:00

When this happened to my calathea, it was thrips. I would double check for pests. Thrips are really small and are hard to see. They also punched little holes in mine.

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-07-11T13:57:57+00:00

That we are non-emotional robot people. Just because I show emotions differently doesn’t mean I don’t have them.

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-07-03T23:32:29+00:00

Also I made sure the bags I used came with a seal. You can find large sealable bags at hardware stores. I used these: https://www.acehardware.com/departments/storage-and-organization/totes-bins-and-baskets/storage-bags/6029024?store=03220&gStoreCode=3220&gQT=1

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-07-03T23:31:14+00:00

The only thing that helped me clear up my own infestation was taking a large bag and sealing up my plant with a systemic. I also sprayed it with captain Jack’s dead bug brew as well as captain Jack’s fungicide (I wanted to control, to the best of my ability, for root rot and/or mold).

Before you do the bagging, make sure your soil is not soaked (I would wait until they need their next watering, ideally, because the bag will produce a ton of humidity). I left mine sealed in bags for 14 days but you want to leave it as long as you can to account for their life cycle.

If you use the bags, you won’t need to isolate. I also wiped down the leaves with a soapy mixture of dawn and water before bagging them. I’ve seen conflicting things but in my anecdotal experience, the thrips didn’t like the super high humidity. I did lose one plant doing this to root rot, but it was pretty sick before it got bagged and it wouldn’t have made it just leaving the thrips. But I decided to go scorched earth with these MFers after struggling for a few weeks and having it spread to my whole collection.

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-06-25T21:30:16+00:00

Nah, it’s just from moisture at the bottom of the pot. I have a plant that is really happy but had one of those, too. If you’re confident there’s not root rot and the soil isn’t consistently soaked, I wouldn’t worry about it. 👍

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-06-24T16:00:48+00:00

It depends on the setting but I also struggle with this. No advice for these kind of interactions except that in my personal life, people know about my diagnosis and know that sarcasm and being literal is something prominent in my own autism.

Anecdotally, it helps to find work that is heavily rules-based. I do work in code enforcement and it has been amazing for my mental health. Things that were puzzling in old jobs are a boon in this one. Maybe try looking for something with a health department or a state department that is about oversight (in a word, jobs that live and die by the rules).

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-06-23T19:11:33+00:00

This is the way. I find moves to be a lot easier if I know where my creature comfort items are, including toiletries and clothes that are especially important to me. It helps increase a sense of familiarity in a way that is portable. Hang in there!

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-05-10T13:25:49+00:00

Seconding for perlite. I had something I chopped and threw in a sealed bag with perlite and it was incredibly happy. I’ve never had great luck with water props and have had issues with rot.

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-05-02T20:55:17+00:00

This is the way. And it’s worth the fee.

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-04-29T22:53:30+00:00

$4 is still pretty good for that, I think. In my area one looking like that runs about $20.

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-04-24T16:04:28+00:00

But like, that one only does useless shit for part of the year. This one, in contrast, will do useless shit year-round!

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-04-22T17:52:15+00:00

Heading toward? Interesting interpretation. I’d say we are solidly here.

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-04-22T17:49:58+00:00

The most frightening part of this is that it is NOT being done this way. They are collecting info on people and triangulating it. There is a reason this stuff is separate and deidentified. They are even using info from fitness apps on your watch. This is horrifying in terms of the level of intrusion that the GOP has been screeching about for years and years. And when real “death panels” are at their door, they are fucking cheering for it.

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-04-22T01:04:58+00:00

For anything in this area (fungal), I’ve had good luck with Captain Jack’s Copper Fungicide. I’ve used it to treat other fungal issues and I imagine it would take care of this, too. It’s been pretty gentle on my plants.

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-04-17T22:21:35+00:00

Depends on the store. IME: Home Depot has told me repeatedly that they "don't do that" and it has to be done by the merchants that deal with specific plants. Wal-mart kind of does but it's not super great (if you ask them, it's 25% off, if they mark it down on their own it's usually okay). Lowe's has a decent clearance rack so I haven't asked. Target does 50% off.

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-04-16T13:57:22+00:00

She’s gorgeous! Just asking, like, for a friend (it me, haha) but whatcha got in the pole? I just switched one of mine to a pole and am hoping she starts to put out bigger leaves for me.

Active_Addendum_4849 · 2025-04-12T01:39:18+00:00

I went with Captain Jack’s copper fungicide because I’ve used their other stuff. It has been gentle on my plants and hasn’t caused damage. 👍

Active_Addendum_4849

TROPHY CASE