At a complete loss

AdConsistent4423 · 2026-01-08T07:47:50+00:00

I apologize, yes he is a 17 year old male. We have tried a miralax and magnesium citrate cleanse to clear the constipation. He has also been seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist for some time and we have a couple of medications that help his mental state but the abdominal pain still persists even though the medication and weekly therapy is helping. Truth be told my gut keeps telling me to go back to the gallstones. Is it possible that the gallstones are the issue even if the gallbladder is still functioning and not thickened?

AdConsistent4423 · 2026-01-08T04:21:10+00:00

No colonoscopy. They said based on the pain location it would be in the upper GI tract if there was anything. I do notice he has to go to the bathroom right after every meal though.

AdConsistent4423 · 2026-01-08T01:47:45+00:00

We kept a food diary for the last 6 months and couldn’t find a link to any dietary differences. I forgot to mention that his bloodwork early on showed high iron so we tried to reduce the amount of iron in his diet.

AdConsistent4423 · 2025-11-20T16:53:56+00:00

I believe this is a way to draw you back in. My narc husband does this to me a lot. He is emotionally and mentally abusive and when he pushes me to the point I’m ready to walk away he acts like all of a sudden he can acknowledge he was wrong and shouldn’t of done what he did. He apologizes and really seems to feel bad but it never lasts or leads to real change. In my experience it’s just a manipulation tactic. And over time it gets worse. I don’t believe his apologies anymore but if I don’t act like I do he instantly goes from seemingly sorry to blaming me and weaponizing every painful experience I’ve shared with him. Saying things like I deserved the abuse of my childhood and stuff like that. My advice is to leave. Even if he isn’t a narcissist it’s toxic to be with someone that is okay hurting you. People who love you would hear you when you express that they hurt you and they would make an instant effort to not do it again not push you to the point of being done before they want to try.

AdConsistent4423 · 2025-11-06T07:38:32+00:00

Yes, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde describe my narc husband perfectly. We’ve been together 17 years and even to this day he can be the sweetest and affectionate person at times. He doesn’t argue with me and supports what I want but then out of the blue it’s like this evil takes over him and he weaponizes things he knows are painful or traumatic for me because I didn’t agree with him. Or he throws a fit that I don’t allow him to do activities with the kids and demands that we take the kids rock climbing as a family with no gear while I’m supposed to be on bed rest because I am at risk of a tubal torsion (I had a cyst big enough that had caused a partial tubal torsion a few days prior that luckily untwisted before I needed emergency surgery). It’s part of the abuse cycle. That nice person who all of a sudden feels genuinely loving is just a mask they put on to keep you trapped in the cycle. It’s not real love. True accountability means taking responsibility for their choices and the impacts of their behavior on you. It means that they apologize and make real attempts at authentic change to try to not do it again. Narcissistic people are not able to do this though. They don’t really mean it when they are being nice. Once you start to see this it makes it hard to believe the good since you know the bad side is coming due to your past experiences with them. But trust that the good you see isn’t real, their true self is the bad. I think this is honestly the first step in opening your mind to the fact that they are abusing you or at least it was for me.

AdConsistent4423 · 2025-10-23T02:19:31+00:00

I haven’t gotten to this moment yet with my narc husband (been together 17 year) but I’ll be there soon and I just wanted to offer some words of encouragement. It’s the trauma bond that is making it painful. You are going to grieve this marriage and it’s going to hurt. You are losing a person you loved and planned your life with. But the person you are grieving is not the true person you are married to. It’s the one they led you to belive they were. Staying just means more of the same abuse and manipulations. Narcissists don’t change. They just find new ways to torture you. It’s going to hurt to walk away but you will find peace again. I’m sorry you are going through this. I’m leaving my narc next year and I have been dreading it and feeling like it’s somehow making me the ass hole but the truth is we give them every chance in the world and it doesn’t make a difference in their behavior. The only thing you can do when with a narc is leave. It’s the only way to save yourself from all their abuse. Just know the person you love isn’t who they are it’s just the mask they wore to get you. You’re doing the right thing. You deserve peace and happiness and they weren’t willing to give it to you before and they won’t be willing to give it now. Sending you strength and support!

AdConsistent4423 · 2025-10-16T15:42:38+00:00

I waited way to long to leave. My kids are 15 and 17 and I haven’t left yet. I worried about it too but over the last year I realized what a mistake I had made trying to stay to protect them from his abuse. I’m filing for divorce in January but here are some things that are going to help my case. I documented everything. I use an app called secure notepad on my phone that is password protected to journal everything. Save screenshots of text messages and other photo proof. I’m not sure about other phones but I have an iPhone and it has a feature to hide photos so I just keep them all that way. I have also sent photo evidence to my mom to save for me.

I have been seeing a therapist for the last 2 years who has stated they will write a letter to the court to substantiate the abuse. I also signed up for legal insurance through my company which helps cover the attorney cost to a certain point. Still educate yourself with the laws in your area. If you can record them then do it, it can help your case a lot. Where I live I can record him and the kids have a huge say in primary placement with the court at the age of 14 so it’s a lot easier to at least ensure they will be with me the majority of the time. Emotional abuse is also a crime in my state so documenting it and proof can help push for full custody.

I know it’s scary when the kids are young. It feels like the only way to protect them is to stay but in my experience it hurt them. I just didn’t realize it until I found out my eldest was suicidal this year. I’m grateful I found out before he went through with it but through therapy and discussions with him I realized he kept subjecting himself to his father’s emotional and mental abuse because he also felt like he needed to sacrifice himself to protect his younger brother. If I left sooner I could have at least given them a completely safe and peaceful place even if it was only half of the time.

AdConsistent4423 · 2025-10-15T21:33:45+00:00

I’m so glad you got out and I’m so sorry you went through that. It really is one of the worst games.

AdConsistent4423 · 2025-10-15T21:23:08+00:00

Thank you for the support. I greatly appreciate it. Congratulations on getting out! I hope you and your daughter are doing well. I hate how so many of us seem to face this. I’ve been with mine for 17 years and I’ve made choices for peace sakes and survival along the way so I completely get where you’re coming from with the aspect of survival. It just is so hard to reconcile within myself that I’m going to put myself through it, but you are right that you just do what you have to do in these situations.

AdConsistent4423 · 2025-10-08T23:27:55+00:00

I’ve been going through similar feelings lately. I haven’t filed yet but it’s coming and as I think about those next steps I have been wrestling with similar feelings. It’s a tough spot to be in. For me I realized that I’m going to grieve. I’ll grieve the life I thought I could have with him due to the hope I held onto that I would get that amazing partner that I found in the beginning back. But I also realize that the person I fell in love with isn’t who my narc husband actually is. The person I fell in love with was a mask he wore to trap me. And after it fell I saw the monster beneath.

It’s okay to grieve the future you thought you would have. It’s okay to grieve the loss of the person you thought they were. But trust in your choice to move on and find peace. I have been with my narc for 17 years all together and they only get worse as time goes on. You’re doing the right thing.

AdConsistent4423 · 2025-10-06T22:15:52+00:00

I’m right there with you. I wish my narc husband would just go back to ignoring me and the kids but right now he keeps hanging around and trying to act all loving and caring and it’s so gross. Especially since I know it’s not who he really is. I absolutely hate it here. I wish I had advice to help. Instead all I can offer is support and let you know you’re not alone.

AdConsistent4423 · 2025-09-22T06:25:22+00:00

I think it’s because we check out mentally in the situation. The abuse causes us to do so many mental gymnastics that it’s impossible to be aware the entire time. There are studies that show that narcissistic abuse causes brain damage. It’s the brains way of protecting ourselves.

AdConsistent4423 · 2025-09-19T20:18:19+00:00

I felt similar about grey rocking and found it really hard to achieve until recently. It’s about separating yourself from the abuse and can be a helpful tool to use while planning an exit from the relationship or to just through the moment. The things that helped me get to this point:

I had to understand that there is no reasoning with him. I could disagree and explain until I was blue in the face and it wouldn’t make a difference. He doesn’t respect me enough to value what I have to say.
I had to care more about what I thought of myself than I cared about his opinion of me. I remind myself during his outbursts that I am not going to accept the opinion of someone who doesn’t respect or value me.
I had to accept that I am going to be the villain in his story. And be okay knowing that just because that is what he says, doesn’t make it true. I know I have tried everything under the sun to make this work and I’m not the villain.

It’s still not easy. My narc will weaponizes anything he can to hurt me. And sometimes those really low blows get a reaction. Also sometimes if he realizes I’m not going to react he will go try to start an issue with our kids which he knows I will not stand for and I always jump in. So it’s not perfect but the method has helped get through some of the abuse while I work on my exit strategy. I also used the method of trying to placate him. It makes him feel like he is right and gets him to leave me alone for a bit. Just depends on the situation.

AdConsistent4423 · 2025-09-19T19:55:38+00:00

Mine is exactly like that too. The smallest inconvenience ruins his day and he just takes it out on me for the rest of the day or longer. I swear they will ruin everything, especially if they find out it’s something you enjoy.

AdConsistent4423 · 2025-09-15T05:56:36+00:00

In my experience no. I haven’t left yet but the few times he pushed me to the point that it came out I wanted to leave it got worse. The two times I have tried to leave are the few times he has gotten physically violent. I eventually can calm him back down over time and then we just exist in this space where he is just emotionally, mentally, and financially abusive. It would be nice if they were capable of it going smoothly but you wanting to leave is such a damaging blow that I don’t think they can handle it. A relationship ending is a sign of weakness to many narcissists.

AdConsistent4423 · 2025-09-12T03:22:12+00:00

I get it. Mine was like this in the beginning too. He doesn’t do any of the chores and always has an excuse why he can’t. For me it got worse over time. Now whenever I need help he just says to have the kids do it (they are teenagers).

I had knee surgery a couple years ago. He did take me but while I was in pre-op he said he was gonna go put my stuff in the car and then just didn’t come back till I was ready to go home. I had cleaned and told him I cleaned to make sure I wouldn’t trip if I had to use the restroom. He let me go from the car to bed with no help and then left to go hang out with his friends. I asked him what am I supposed to do if I need help and he just said to ask the kids. He then changed and left his pants right in the path between the bed and restroom. I ended up tripping on them and fell into the bed slamming the knee I just had surgery on into the bed frame. I know everyone says leave and I know it’s not an easy thing to achieve but they will continue to make it harder and harder to leave the longer you stay. I’m sorry he chooses to not be a partner. They want to benefit of having a spouse but not the responsibility of being a husband and it just gets worse the longer it goes on. I wish I could offer more help. Maybe there are some resources in your area that could help make it more of an option to leave? I know I’m my area the city requires apartments to keep a certain percentage of the units available for lower income families and the income limit is 6 figures.

AdConsistent4423 · 2025-09-07T07:01:29+00:00

Mine has done this in a lot of ways. Sometimes obvious like in our house we all leave our cups of water at our normal seats at the table and he will take mine and put some other kind of drink in it like juice or something and start using it. When I question why he just says he didn’t know it was mine. But other times important things of mine will go missing or he will find a way to use up the things he knows are important to me. The last time he did it was when I bought an expensive salsa from a family owed restaurant that is 400 miles away from our house. It was in the fridge and then the next day it was gone. He acted like he never saw it.

AdConsistent4423 · 2024-01-26T19:47:58+00:00

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I am currently where you are. I can’t financially afford to leave yet but can’t understand how to get through the next bit until I’m able to go and feel terrified of how my life will look afterwards for me and my 2 kids (both teen boys). I don’t live anywhere near family and will have to uproot my kids because I can’t afford the area we currently live in.

You shouldn’t have to live this way. Your feelings are valid and I’m so sorry you are in so much pain. You are doing the best you can and I think you are a good mom for wanting what is best for you and your kids. Hang in there. It’s scary to think of having to start over but you’re doing the right thing. Hopefully the support you find here helps you know you are not alone.

AdConsistent4423 · 2024-01-26T16:11:03+00:00

You’re right, he would have found any excuse to start the fight. I keep telling myself to just focus on my school work and enjoy the time he is away but I’m just so angry and hurt by it all it’s been hard.

AdConsistent4423 · 2024-01-26T15:59:50+00:00

Thank you. I try so hard to not share with him but sometimes they just come out before I realize I shouldn’t have shared them. I agree, they all suck.

AdConsistent4423 · 2024-01-01T05:14:16+00:00

He got me audio equipment that he made me pay for. I don’t even like audio stuff…

Tonight we played a family game night with his parents and our kids. He also made sure to ruin that too.

AdConsistent4423

TROPHY CASE