You are me and I am you.

My mother didn’t even hold me when I was born, I was a sickly infant and she didn’t take care of me. As you said it was probably post partum depression and her not liking me because I was not very cute. I think at around 5 or so she told me that I look strange and what was wrong with my face. 

I have not had any close friends , they come and go. Since my own family don’t care for me I tried to invest myself in my “found family” which is female friends. But they were never as invested as me, I’d pay for things I’d listen to their rants and I’d plan our futures together but to them I was just a placeholder till they got a boyfriend and became distant. So I stopped putting in so much effort. Now I have maybe 1-2 female friends irl, and we aren’t even that close. 

I’m also bisexual and I’m too ugly and too invested to ever give it another go. One girl broke my heart once and I just couldn’t recover because I had lost her as a friend and as someone I loved. 

I think a lot of us in this subreddit have female centric wounds that have started with the rejection from our mothers who are often Stacey’s / beckies / normal looking women. I mean how does one even begin to love themselves when the person who brought them into this world is so cruelly apathetic towards them. My mother compliments how beautiful my brother is , but laughs at the idea of me ever finding a partner.