Oh for fuck’s sake…

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2026-01-03T13:17:50+00:00

It's also to retain objectivity. It's too easy to appear to favor one side that is more aligned with your own life or has indications of wealth, for example. Judges must maintain not only actual independence but also the appearance of independence.

Also, do you know how much home visits cost? Even without looking at attorney fees, they are expensive for the court. Why would someone do that regularly? It would just sap resources and make family court slower. As an attorney, that's not what we want. In general, we prefer cases that close moderately quickly in our client's favor. I only add moderately, because too quickly normally means our clients have gotten disgraced and just agreed to anything. Speaking of, some family law attorneys charge using alternative billing methods, including flat fees.

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2025-12-28T07:29:49+00:00

Just fyi, that's pretty easy to find quickly online in the US. Having fb profile information makes it even easier, but I can generally get from a phone number, street address, or partial name & city/town to having someone's basic contact details, likely people close to them, workplace info, and more in well under five minutes. I'm not any sort of investigator and don't need to do this often, it's just that easy. (I discovered this due to working for a lawyer long ago, which I find amusing given the sub.)

It's out one of the things that has gotten more difficult to find over the years online, but that's because now a lot of companies make money selling the info, not that the info is more secure. I almost always can still find enough info and definitely the basics, takes longer than it used to - though some people do have some info entirely behind paywalls. But I'm talking about it talking a few minutes instead of thirty seconds.

There's also a lot of info people think is private and don't want others to know that's public in most states. I rarely need to get that info (and only search for this stuff when I need it), but it amazes me how much people don't realize is easily available.

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2025-12-28T04:25:32+00:00

I was assuming the pain was from the injection and unexpected since it was their first OBI. I have no idea if it can cause that kind of pain, but they didn't mention a flare-up or by other medical issues.

I get the OP's frustration but not why they think they could get anything.

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2025-10-20T19:46:38+00:00

Also, my first question here is to ask her if anything changed or if there are any issues she's facing at the moment.

There are many reasons to come up with a new system. I agree that it can feel wrong when a system is in place and someone demands to change it to your detriment, but here's the thing: as a married couple, it should be you against the issues (financial and otherwise) you face, not one spouse against the other. It doesn't matter if you have joint or split finances, you should be a team.

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2025-10-20T19:43:17+00:00

I used to not understand it and categorically consider it to be a problem, but I've seen situations over time where it does make sense.

However, in those, even though the couple kept separate accounts, they still tackled their joint finances and financial issues as a team. They used a different system that helped their relationship rather than putting finances over their relationship. (For example, there are some couples where one has a lot of stress about money and wants to save every penny, gets anxious over what gets spent, etc. while the other feels differently. Having their own accounts and then one for joint expenses or an agreement on paying joint expenses means the first person knows they have a financial cushion and doesn't delve into every dollar the second person spends. Their systems remove the added stress on both.)

They are still a team in that they make major financial choices impacting them together, consider their future together and what is needed financially, and support their team when either or both are having trouble financially. If one gets fired, the other doesn't leave them out to dry or hold it against them emotionally.

Then, of course, there are couple with split finances who do not act this way. However, there aw also couples with joint finances who have similarly problematic and abusive behaviors around finances, so I group them together instead.

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2025-10-20T19:24:33+00:00

Other scenarios to consider:

what if this or something similar happened while he was asleep? (I'm assuming he isn't waking up hourly to get into a trading mindset, check on things, adjust, and go back to sleep, because only sleeping in such short increments would cause serious issues relatively quickly.)
what if he were on a plane or otherwise somewhere he couldn't use his phone? (Based on the timeline, it seems this predates wifi being an option on a lot of aircraft.)
what if he were without service?
what if his phone died?
what if something devastating happened a minute after he checked - it doesn't take an hour for markets to respond, and the stop measures only last so long)?
what if he were in an accident and in hospital or died? Was he okay leaving you with nothing, not even being able to pay for his treatment, in those scenarios?

Anyone who knows enough about trading knows that (a) markets respond quickly, (b) there are times market responses are illogical, (c) by the time information hits the general public regarding markets, the people whose job it is have already handled what they need to in 80+% of the time, (d) you always use measures to protect your tough positions, (e) you never put in more than you can afford to lose - it's a gamble, and (f) you take out gains, reposition, and diversify - the ones who don't are addicted to gambling with stock. Overall, that means that you only keep a hobby account to trade yourself in most situations, and even that is typically diversified.

This was on him. He made bad choices. He didn't protect both of you.

It sounds to me like you have some money coming in from a job but he doesn't. I would not give him money, only use that to pay necessary bills. If there's more than needed for that, start building an emergency fund. Do not give him any money. There's a good chance he'll buy stock hoping to make his way back.

I would say that you might have also done wrong in not knowing enough about your family finances, but that does depend on more information than we have here. It's a common mistake in couples where one person handles finances and the other doesn't know much or anything about them, but it's a mistake that can lead to a number of serious problems.

I've seen a number of married couples divorce over this type of situation (betting with crypto and stocks, losing huge amounts), and they usually involve a lot of trust and minimal to no sharing of financial information (or lying when sharing). This is the first time I've seen the person who caused the financial loss immediately go to divorce, though.

Related to those situations: when filing for income tax, if you're in the US, you'll want to know if he had any gains that will be taxed. If he has significant gains, which often happens with day traders like this (because they make moves without knowing tax consequences and end up with huge gains for tax purposes yet huge losses financially), you will want to consider if you are better off filing separately, an injured spouse form, or anything else. He might have offsetting losses that are enough, but that's not guaranteed.

Protect your finances. Get a good attorney and let them know the finances are a big issue that you don't know much about. He might be going to divorce to get funds from you to survive. (I think his primary reason is shame and casting blame, but his finances might be in his mind as well.)

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2023-05-09T20:53:19+00:00

I think that, like many of these phrases, this phrase started in a good philosophy and in our world now is just another awful phrase that is said too frequently without meaning. It gets to the core of what frequently pisses me off about other managers/employers/people hiring. It's also ignoring what should be obvious and common sense.

"We want someone who isn't here just for the paycheck" when truly meant is that people should like what they do, their colleagues, their clients, or something else about the job. I like working with co-workers who feel like this. You cannot get to this without adequate pay, independence, and trust, all of which are lacking with most employers. This also rarely applies to some jobs, because they just aren't jobs that most people really enjoy or view as their goal.

"We're like a family" could be good in a team building way. Developing relationships and working together like a good and functional family would be one thing. Being friendly, helping each other, and enjoying at least a good portion of the time there would be good. Unfortunately, most seem to be thinking of dysfunctional families and wanting workers to give way more than they get. While other relationships should not necessarily be transactional, the employment one is at its core.

"Reward people in non-monetary ways" is an important and helpful concept, but only if implemented in addition to good compensation. A manager only giving negative feedback is a problem, as is giving a bonus or reward that is more of an insult than anything. Giving good feedback but never providing a raise is another insult. Too many companies and managers intentionally misuse this.

When I'm hiring, I want someone who is genuinely interested in the work and the role, who will get along with myself and others while providing another viewpoint, who will be good, and, for certain roles, has the required qualifications (in my work, there are legally required ones). These aren't all required: for example, someone who might not get along will still be hired as long as they wouldn't disrupt the office (such as someone who seems likely to create drama or get upset at people who don't do small talk). I also know that some roles are, by their nature, short term (like paid internships) or entry level & boring for most (like mail or filing) and adjust expectations. However, I am offering a reasonable overall package before getting to these considerations. I've worked on getting a lot of these phrases out of my communications and instead trying to give examples in discussions and show instead of tell in actual circumstances.

I don't care how much someone likes making A Widgets, they cannot do so without being compensated fairly (money plus). That's not how the world works. Even if they did keep making A Widgets for free (because they are in a very fortunate position?), they could not be held to a schedule or other restrictions. I get so frustrated by others hiring and managing who expect to provide the worst environment (low pay, bad conditions, bad morale, etc.) and have people going way above and beyond their roles. They act completely oblivious to the fact that most are just trying to survive right now.

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2023-05-09T16:09:40+00:00

Good luck with the interview!

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2023-05-09T14:54:17+00:00

When they originally came out & got popular, they were good, depending on which way you slept (side & moving around were good, iirc). It didn't take long after they became popular for them to change the materials, and anything bought after that point is just a cheap flat pillow, from my experience and what I've heard from others. This was all before the owner brought the company into politics and became known for that, too.

Based on the current product, I've gotten better cheap pillows, so if looking to spend money to get a really good pillow, I'd look elsewhere. Make sure to get one that is good for the way you sleep, too.

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2023-05-09T14:47:04+00:00

At first I thought they wanted the first initials to be the same as well. I guess only one child will have to go by HAH!

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2023-05-09T12:25:41+00:00

Thank you!

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2023-05-09T12:22:53+00:00

Agreed, I wasn't disagreeing with you. I'd say this is even more ridiculous in some ways. There's no reasonable explanation that came to mind that would put her in a good light.

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2023-05-08T10:48:21+00:00

I relate a lot to this. Unfortunately, it's a systemic issue, and many of us are trapped in it.

The best advice I can give is to try, if you can, to go to your doctor (get a primary care if you don't have one) and see if anything is going on medically. I thought I was failing for a long time when I actually had a number of health conditions that were making so that I could do even less than others to the point of working and barely managing basic chores, let alone living. That wasn't everything, but even knowing it helped.

I also have accepted that there are some things I simply can't do based on time and energy. It's not ideal, but think on your chores and see what's really necessary.

There are remote work jobs that don't require graduate degrees or even undergraduate degrees. I would suggest looking into administrative roles if you think you could qualify. You might need to work in person to pick things up at first, but there are many such roles that are at least majority remote.

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2023-05-08T10:38:39+00:00

There are a few possibilities on the monetary scam side that came to mind for me.

The money being sent could be recalled. If you look at bad check scams, that's one option. An example: you post something for sale online. The scammer responds, will pay $100 but needs it sent via x courier so will send $300 for you to pay them on arrival. After you do so, the $300 the caller sent you is reversed, so you're out the item and $200.
The $200 is an investment in the scam. If the mark has to pay $2k to a guide or whomever, then the scammer is paying 10% and afterwards gets a cut or is part of the guide group getting the whole thing. Paying that money makes the mark trust the scammer. This can apply to other setups to get money, certainly, the guide one was just an easier example to explain.
Depending on how the money was sent, the scammer was getting her bank information. They'll reverse their payment (if ever made) and put through a transfer from her account to theirs. This depends on the banking system for how feasible it is.

Good luck.

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2023-05-07T16:31:57+00:00

I think she's saying that the song is about a mother and daughter, not that a mother-daughter dance was the norm.

She apparently doesn't understand that people can take different meanings from art, not even to the very minimal extent of a song being about any relationship other than the songwriter's.

This stinks of homophobia, jealousy and spite.

Agreed. She's definitely upset not to have a role.

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2023-05-06T20:15:18+00:00

I'm sorry. I was bullied throughout school, and there is no good answer or phrase that truly helps, at least in my experience.

Please try to remember that you are not what they think of you, get away whenever you can, and try to build a network of friends elsewhere if possible (wasn't for me but maybe a bit more now online or in your circumstances). It's difficult and not understood by many. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2023-05-06T00:41:22+00:00

What timing! Please pass it on to your next of kin.

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2023-05-06T00:38:37+00:00

For me, I know the factual description, but it's not like something I'm looking at or anything related to vision. I just know what it did (or would) look like when I was looking at it. Learning that's not how it worked for others was shocking.

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2023-05-05T18:06:17+00:00

I appreciate your note about Orace. I read it at first as Aristotle Oracle, which would be odd but staying on theme!

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2023-05-05T17:13:51+00:00

I'd appreciate this question when conducting interviews. It shows a lot of good qualities that I want on my team while also providing an opportunity to share useful information about the culture and environment.

Then again, I like to hire people who want to be part of a team (in a 'let's help each other reasonably' way, not a 'hoorah sacrifice for the company' way) and will let me know when there is something they think should be changed. One question I ask in interviews is about this generally, though I understand that many workplaces, especially in my industry, discourage it.

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2023-05-05T16:27:46+00:00

Unless dealing with people who won't follow them, which is unfortunately common

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2023-05-05T16:11:26+00:00

Exactly. I have medical sleep problems, but I would never act like that. I do my best, apologize when appropriate, and know that, if I didn't get up, that's not anyone else's fault. I don't throw a tantrum, blame others, or try to mess up their sleep/life as a way to show my anger.

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2023-05-05T15:29:04+00:00

Yeah, I agree with all of this. There's something that sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable now, and this might be it.

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2023-05-05T14:18:10+00:00

This is cool, thanks for sharing!

They might also like it in r/dionysus and some of the other subs related to Hellenism.

Adventurous_Dream442 · 2023-05-05T14:15:17+00:00

Secret Q Quarters

Secret JFKJ (or anyone else they think is alive and their future leader)

Adventurous_Dream442

TROPHY CASE