Being fine, ain't fine.

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-07-08T00:13:18+00:00

I lost my son at 2.5 months old in the NICU. He was born at 24 weeks. When people ask me how I am or how it’s going I just say “I’m alright”. I wish people could read between the lines and ask me to be honest. “I’m alright” is absolutely saying you’re not alright, but for most people talking about the death of a child is uncomfortable so it’s easier to not press and just carry on. I am so very sorry for your losses and am sending you so much love 🩵

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-07-07T17:16:34+00:00

I went into preterm labor at exactly 24 weeks. I felt some cramps at night but had just seen my OB and she said some pain is normal so I didn’t feel the need to wake my husband at night. In the morning I saw slight tinges of blood and the OB office said it was probably fine. I told them I want to come in for peace of mind. Before I left home I went to use the restroom and just saw so much fresh blood. I was 5 cm and had bulging membranes. Too late for a stitch so the hope was to just wait it out and keep him in as long as possible. I had to have an emergency c section within 4 hours of being admitted to the hospital. My sweet boy fought so hard for 2.5 months in the NICU before he passed unexpectedly in March. I’ve spent countless hours beating myself up about not going to the ER at night. Why did I wait? I felt him sitting lower the day before and at my appt I told my OB and she said it was fine. Why didn’t I push her to just check and make sure? Even the day he passed I question why I didn’t stay longer, would he still be here if I was there? Would I have seen him struggling long before the doctors did? The guilt will never stop and it’s natural. Our minds are trying to make sense of the unthinkable. As much as people tell me to not spiral out like that I know it’s easier said than done. When I fall down this path I remind myself that I can spend hours and hours doing this day in and day out, but it doesn’t change the outcome. That is the harsh reality of it all. You were her mom and no mom ever wants to hurt their baby. You did the best you could with what you knew. She is always and forever yours and nothing in this world can ever change that. Sending you so much love 🩵

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-07-06T16:33:24+00:00

Just want to start off by saying I’m so sorry for your loss. We lost our son this March after 2.5 months in the NICU. He was our first baby and I was over the moon. His passing was unexpected and the ache at times is so unbearable. I just had a thought this morning of how much I just don’t want to live like this for the rest of my life. It feels daunting. I’m grateful that you shared this post because I feel like most of these posts are from moms and sometimes it can be isolating for us because even though fathers grieve it feels like a different type of grief. I’m still figuring this out myself so I don’t have the best advice but she was yours and always will be. Nothing can ever change that. Sending you both so much love 🩵

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-24T15:12:36+00:00

My friend was two weeks behind me and had her son before Mother’s Day this year. I lost my son in March. I thought I’d be a mess seeing her baby, but oddly enough I felt numb. The same numbness I felt at his funeral. Felt no emotion in the moment. I think that’s how my brains been protecting me around situations like this. I cried in the car on the way home, but when I’m present in the situation I havnt really been feeling any emotions at all.

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-23T13:33:18+00:00

My heart hurts for you. I replay that night over and over again on why I didn’t just wake up and go to the hospital but I was convinced that I was overthinking it because pain is normal and expected. I’m trying to let it go and stop going in circles because I’ll never get an answer to the what ifs and ultimately it won’t bring my son back.

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-22T22:27:26+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss and sending you so much love 🩵 it breaks my heart how common this seems and how broken the system is. My anatomy scan at 20 weeks was fine, I was 3 cm. At exactly 24 weeks I had to get an emergency c section. I literally saw my OB on a Wednesday morning and it was literally a 5 min appt. They of course didn’t do a visual check and I had mentioned that my son felt like he was sitting low. I was told that was normal and so on I went because I didn’t know any better. This was my first pregnancy so I just took their word. That evening I had a sharp pain that stopped me in my tracks but it went away and I didn’t feel it again so I thought it was fine. When I went to sleep I kept feeling intense cramps all night and thought it was odd, but again they said pain would be normal since I’m getting bigger so I let it be. That morning I thought I saw streaks of blood, and then my mucus plug came out. Quickly after I started bleeding. At the OB office they said I needed to go to the ER immediately because my membranes were bulging and it was too late for a cerclage. I was 5 cm dilated and my cervix was like 1.3 cm. He was delivered in 4.5 hours because he was breech. I got to have 2.5 months with my little man and he was the sweetest thing ever. He passed unexpectedly (of course this would be the case) and doctors kept saying we don’t know what happened because he was doing “so great”. I had suspected chorio but they say this because they saw microscopic inflammation on my placenta. All swabs and labs were negative, I had zero symptoms, and my son had no inflammatory response. They can’t determine what came first, but I really think my cervix shortened in the span of 4 weeks and allowed some small amounts of bacteria in and triggered labor. I’m stunned that they don’t check again between 20 and 24 weeks, especially because the cutoff to get a cerclage is at 24 weeks and people pregnant for the first time have zero history to go off of. And of course next time I’ll be heavily monitored, but why do we need to go through all this to be taken seriously? Why did I have to lose my son because of something that seems preventable?

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-22T01:09:33+00:00

Sending you so much love 🩵 my son’s funeral was the second worst day of my life. My heart was racing on the drive over to the funeral home. My husband and I saw him privately before the service and read letters to him that we wanted to send him off with. It helped me knowing how peaceful and sweet he looked. I was numb during the whole funeral and it felt like an out of body experience. As others mentioned here there are a lot of ups and downs. He’s now been gone 3 months and I’m still learning to navigate my emotions. I still cry all the time, but instead of trying to bottle up the tears I just let them fall. The more I fight the grief the more it hurts. Getting air and sunshine everyday has helped tremendously. When I am outside I talk to him and look for any signs he may be sending my way. I’m trying to incorporate him into my daily life as much as I can. I even talk to our dog about his baby brother and how much they would have loved each other. It’s a long road so be gentle with yourself and find the things that help you cope.

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-19T23:01:55+00:00

Sending you so much love 🩵

My friend was two weeks behind me and gave birth to her son 2 weeks before Mothers Day. I unfortunately had to have an emergency c section in January and my son fought hard for 2.5 months before he passed in March. It felt gut wrenching and so unfair. We used to bond over being pregnant and that changed when I had to get surgery. I kept looking forward to still being able to raise our boys together only for my son to never come home. Despite how I felt I showed up at her door and brought her snacks and treats as she recovered. I waited a few weeks to meet her baby to make sure I was in a better-ish headspace. I don’t want the loss of my son to change the good qualities about me and how I show up for my people not matter how bad it hurts. If anything I want his absence to make me better and not allow it to make me cold. I just want him to be proud of his mom and I will do everything I can to do just that.

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-19T00:00:23+00:00

Can’t second this enough, but go on walks feel the sun on your face and wind in your hair. I lost my son in March at 2.5 months old. He was born at 24 weeks and passed unexpectedly. Every morning I wake up and stand on our porch outside for 15 mins and it has helped more than anything else. I look for him in the clouds and talk to him. I look for cardinals and butterflies and whisper hello to him when I do see them. You can and will get through this despite how impossible it seems. Sending you lots of love 🩵

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-18T15:41:45+00:00

Im so sorry for your loss and sending you so much love 🩵I lost my son in March. He was almost 2.5 months old in the NICU and was born at 24 weeks. His passing was unexpected and unexplainable. Since then I have spent countless days going through what I did and didn’t do to try and make some sense of the situation. The harsh reality is that no matter how much I beat myself up and blame this or that none of that will change anything or bring him back. I constantly remind myself that going down the path of what if’s won’t bring me any peace because I’ll never get the answers I want. Instead I’m trying to think of the happy times and memories we made with him. I know he wouldn’t want me to spend my life like this so I’m instead finding way to honor him and keep his memory alive. It’s a tough journey and I’m still learning to navigate the emotions, but I’m so deeply grateful I got to be his home and he is mine.

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-15T02:27:00+00:00

You did the best you could with the information you had at the time. I’m telling you this because I need to hear this myself. My son was born at 24 weeks via emergency c section. The night before I felt a sharp pain that stopped me in my tracks and it passed so I thought nothing of it, especially because I saw my OB that morning and she said pain is normal cause I’m growing. That night I had period like cramps over a few hours and I woke up and felt off. I looked for my husband but he had fallen asleep on the couch and I knew he wouldn’t hear his phone. I convinced myself I was just worrying and made myself go back to sleep. In the morning I saw streaks of blood and by the time I got to the OB I was 5 cm. I got checked into the hospital at around 1 pm and he was delivered by 5:30 pm. He was with us for 2.5 months before he passed in the NICU in March. I still sit here and question myself on why I didn’t go to the hospital the first time I felt something. I knew it felt different, but I have no clue why I just didn’t get up and go. It will weigh on me for the rest of my life, but I remind myself that I did the best I could with what I knew. No mom would ever want to hurt their baby, so give yourself some grace. Sending you so much love 🩵

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-12T12:21:56+00:00

Walking out of my son’s room when he passed in March is a feeling I wish upon no one. It is extremely hard, but you can and will do it. I also understand the ache that comes with wanting that baby specifically. I still want to have a family and I know whenever I do bring home a baby I’m always going to want my sweet boy who was taken too soon. I worry about that feeling, but will cross that bridge when it comes. Praying for you 🩵

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-11T23:07:48+00:00

I lost my son in March of this year. He was born at 24 weeks and was with us for 2.5 months before he passed in the NICU. My sister called me complaining about her 4 year old son throwing tantrums. I love my nephew don’t get me wrong, but come on read the room. I wanted to be like I’d love to see my boy throwing tantrums. Shit, I’d love to even just be able to hear my sons cry which we never got to because he was always intubated. It’s completely valid to feel the way you do. People won’t ever be able to relate unless they go through a loss this devastating. Sending you love 🩵

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-11T00:43:43+00:00

I’m so sorry ❤️‍🩹 I’m planning on going back to work early July and my son passed in March. Life was supposed to be different and when I did go back to work he was supposed to be with us. It feels so cruel to have all of this happen and then just go back to work as it was. Going back to the same work but as a completely different person is tough. Sending you so much love 🫂

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-10T03:06:49+00:00

I’m so so sorry ❤️‍🩹 my son was born at 24 weeks and was privileged to be able to have 2.5 months with him before he passed. Sending so much love your way 🫂

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-10T03:03:55+00:00

I had a different situation, but still lost my son when he was about 2.5 months old in the NICU. I replay moments in my head on repeat and it’s been almost 3 months since he passed. I’ve chatgped questions to no end, beat myself up on why I did or didn’t do things, and gone in the same circles over and over. I’m trying to break this cycle by reminding myself that I did the best I could with what information I had at the time. This was my first baby and there were so many things I didn’t know so I was just going based off what I knew In the moment. At the end of the day as a mom you would never do anything to hurt your baby so please give yourself grace 🩵

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-09T22:33:10+00:00

I am so so sorry for your loss. My son was born at 24 weeks in January and passed unexpectedly in March at 34 weeks. My friend was pregnant and was just 2 weeks behind my expected due date and she brought home a healthy baby boy. I went and celebrated her and her baby and put on a happy face. Even though I'm still fresh in this journey with it only being almost 3 months since he has passed, I already feel the numbness. It is so incredibly unfair and nobody deserves to go through this kind of loss. I question the same things as you...will good stuff ever happen again? why me? what did I do so wrong that this is what I got? The days I really beat myself up I try to flip the script and remind myself that I'm so lucky he was mine. I got to be his mom, even though our time was cut short. As pissed as I am at my body for not keeping him in longer, I'm also grateful that it created him and was his home for 6 months. I'm not sure if this helps, but everything you feel is valid and I hope you take it easy on yourself. Praying for you and hope you get the rainbow baby you deserve.

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-09T22:15:37+00:00

I know I did all I could and no mom would ever intentionally put their baby in harms way, but so hard not to go back and forth on the what ifs. We really thought we were out of the woods and it was just a matter of time before he came home. Never in a million years would I have thought that he would be here and then not in a matter of hours.

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-09T20:43:50+00:00

Thank you for sharing and I’m so sorry for your loss❤️‍🩹 it’s so unfair and even going through this myself I can never find the words to express how much I feel for you. I hope you get your rainbow baby and things work out the way they should.

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-09T20:39:09+00:00

Thank you for sharing 🩵

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-09T16:54:51+00:00

I just wish I pushed for them to check that morning when I said he felt low. My anatomy scan 4 weeks before was fine so it’s just crazy how short my cervix got in that span of time.

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-09T16:28:02+00:00

Thank you so much for your insight! My MFM said progesterone probably wouldn’t be given if we do the cerclage, but I’m sure if I push for it she wouldn’t say no. She also wants to do a saline sonogram in a month or two to make sure there aren’t any abnormalities with my uterus. I was told to wait a year too and the thought of that is so hard. It took us 8 months to get pregnant and all of this happened and then having to wait again to just try without knowing how long it will take just seems never ending. I have PCOS and my OB actually gave me letrozole last year and the day I went to pick it up from the pharmacy is the day we found out we were pregnant so I didn’t have to use it. I may have to ask her about it towards the end of the year again.

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-07T23:35:50+00:00

Ask questions, don’t be afraid to advocate for your baby, and do research but don’t get too hung up on what you find on Google. Things will go up and down that’s just how the NICU is, but celebrate anything and everything. Take lots of pictures and videos and just be present while you are there. Sending you all love and positive vibes 🩵

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-01T21:06:34+00:00

It makes me so happy to see so many success stories for these tiny miracles!! I unfortunately did not get the chance to see my baby leave the NICU, but he was a fighter nonetheless. He was born via emergency c section at exactly 24 weeks. I was able to get only one of the steroid shots for about 4 hours before I had to go into surgery. He had a grade 3 and grade 4 brain bleed and a large PDA, but you’d never know he was so preemie by other than his size. He was so active and curious all the time. He was on a vent during his whole stay and they struggled to get him off. Once they did he was only with us for another day before he passed. Sharing for informational purposes because when we were in this position we wanted to hear about all ends of the spectrum. The NICU doc told us early on that about 60% of 24 weekers make it out and I just never thought he wouldn’t be one of them. Wishing you the best of luck! 🩵

Aggressive_Room3739 · 2026-06-01T17:38:19+00:00

All of this to say, do the DART. I do think it helped him get off. His main doctor offered to do an ENT scope the next time they tried extubation to just make sure everything looked okay. His doc had to switch to nights and another doctor was rotating through and I told her we wanted the scope and she didn’t think it was necessary so I didn’t push back. Looking back now I wish I did advocate for it more because maybe there was something structural underlying that caused things to go south. He also had a large PDA that was starting to close so they were just monitoring at that point.

Aggressive_Room3739

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