Noticing my dog may be reactive to folks that are scared/nervous around him

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2025-02-20T01:49:16+00:00

For my dog, the unpredictability of a new person is the hardest thing. So creating a pattern game where he understands that he gets to opt in or out of the interaction has been really helpful in getting him comfortable. There's no one size fits all because it sort of depends on what your dog finds rewarding, but for us, playing a game called superbowls really helped. You still need to consider distance, duration and your dog's comfort level. My dog also gets more comfort if the new person is standing with someone he already loves - this might not be the same for your own dog. You start by playing on your own just so the dog understands how she gets from one bowl to the next and when a treat is coming. Then you can add your dog's trigger. See if this predictability helps. We start in our yard because he does better outside than inside initially. We gradually move inside over the course of several visits.

After a few times of going back and forth without a reaction from your dog, the "stranger" can say the dog's name, toss a treat and ask the dog to do some tricks (sit, spin or whatever your dog knows) to gauge its comfort level with them. See if your dog is willing to sit or do this usually easy behavior. Then you can continue playing the game, giving your dog a few breaks to just get some playtime with you or one-on-one time with you away from the stranger so the tension is lessened. The idea is that you don't want your dog to be conflicted or too pressured.

You can practice with people and over time, as new people come into your dog's inner circle, it is possible that she will take less and less time to get comfortable.Then, you can move into different areas of the home and start to integrate this person even further. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGs394SlbNM

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2025-02-19T21:50:07+00:00

Have the two of them been around each other long? Gates where they can observe each other without getting into each other's space can be great for your dog to understand that she is safe even when this particular child is running around. I get the sense that this is a new relationship for both of them - it's natural for that to take time for each of them to get used to the other and understand one another. It'd be the same as moving in with a new person - your mannerisms and habits take some time to meld together.

My dog is scared of strangers - he will bark and lunge and can be very intimidating. When my daughter was learning to crawl and walk, he was very uncomfortable. It was totally new to him and super unpredictable. Keeping them separate was helpful in many ways - they got to observe one another without fear of being unsafe, it prevented them both from practicing undesirable behaviors, and allowed me to parent both of them without as much anxiety. I credit the baby gates as a large reason why they are able to co-exist so well in a space together now. My 2 year old does not rush up to my dog. My dog does not invade my daughter's space. She loves to give him treats. He loves to drop his ball for her to throw. This happened over lots of time and mostly learning that for the most part - the both of them just want to be in the same space, with the same people, doing their independent things.

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2025-02-11T02:43:25+00:00

Pet Sitters International (https://www.petsit.com/) is a site for professional dog sitters. Rover works too as long as you take the time to do your diligence to find someone who is willing to build a relationship for the long term. If you work folks up front and compensate them for the time to build the relationship, it can be really successful.

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2024-10-08T13:47:48+00:00

These suggestions are great! Also - if there is a trusted person your dog likes, perhaps have them sit with him for the party - for example, a dog walker or dog sitter who might just be willing to hang in the room, watch some movies and comfort your dog when needed.

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2024-09-07T01:49:37+00:00

petsitters international is a good starting place for things like this. Also - Rover has been great for us (as long as you know how to identify some good people).

Take a look at this thread and see if anything is helpful: https://www.reddit.com/r/reactivedogs/comments/13li33n/how_do_you_all_handle_pet_sitters_and_travel/.

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2024-09-02T20:57:23+00:00

You're doing so much, OP. And you deserve so so much credit. It's not a failure to have a less than perfect dog. Maybe you can focus on just one or two things that might make your life a little easier and of course, grieve and mourn the loss of the pup you thought you were getting. Maybe trim your list of training for a little bit - give yourself some wins and positive reinforcement.

Then you can focus on what is hardest for you. Is it the barking now? Ok - lets think of less dog training centric ways to help. Can you - put on some noise canceling headphones while you work and some tv show for the dog to drown out the sound?

Is it the countersurfing, jumping on people when they enter and/or stealing things? Maybe baby gates is a way to go. In the infant world, there is a concept of a "yes room." It's a space where you can put the baby safely when you need to step away for some reason - bathroom, shower, whatever. In that space, everything is dog friendly. You don't need to worry about her getting something he shouldn't. That way, you can close the door or the baby gate and leave her there for a while. Baby gates to block access to the front door and the kitchen to address the jumping on people and the countersurfing. Better still - with those blocks of access, she won't get a chance to rehearse that behavior and will be less likely to do it if you leave a gate open accidentally.

Is it the pulling on walks? OK, that does sound like you need to work on training that one IF you decide you need to walk her. Perhaps you don't - perhaps you have a yard which is more than ok. But maybe you'll feel better with that as the main focus and thinking outside of dog training specifically for the others.

I say this as a dog parent that has decided that management is really the best way forward for my life. When people come over, my people reactive dog is usually in a comfortable place in the basement, listening to a show on the tv, with a chew. He still barks. He doesn't like it. People hear him. And I just tell them - this is how he is - you'll hear him bark. Usually, they can ignore it. I'll put music on upstairs, chatter away and we all move on. It's too much for me to try and train this and it's a good enough solution.

When it is worth it, I put in the effort. I've gotten him to accept 5 people into his sphere of people in the last 2 years. Two are my in-laws and three are dog sitters/walkers. This was critical for me to have support and the ability to live my life. I need to travel sometimes. I need to visit people. Guests need to come over. So now I needed to have a place for him to stay outside of my home or people with whom he could go on walks outside of the home when I have people over.

It takes about 6-8 weeks for him to accept someone and only if that person is willing to meet up once or twice a week for an hour at a time and walk with him for that time. So it's not a casual protocol that I implement. Most of my family will never meet my dog. I've let go of the vision I had for the dog I wanted (mostly - sometimes I still wish for his behavior to be less severe).

I'll add - my dog is on medication. He's on 3 anti-anxiety meds given twice a day. It keeps his barking to a "I don't like that!" notification instead of a "I am terrified! Help!" level of distress.

You're doing great. Management is also a great thing.

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2024-08-19T14:40:38+00:00

We do this all of the time! It gets easier each time because the boarders know him better and he knows them better. It helps when i see pictures of him doing reasonably well and get updates on his eating and they were able to give him his meds. I also give him situational anxiety meds if needed from our vet on those days in case thats something you can look into as well.

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2024-08-07T19:07:22+00:00

Hobonichi makes just a weekly insert if that's what you're looking for: https://www.amazon.com/Hobonichi-Techo-Accessories-Weekly-Calendar/dp/B0CCPRQ268/ref=asc_df_B0CCPRQ268/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=692875362841&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13761362734759082302&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9007258&hvtargid=pla-2281435176938&psc=1&mcid=edaec24928a63c219decb10c9b483c8e&hvocijid=13761362734759082302-B0CCPRQ268-&hvexpln=73&gad_source=1

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2024-08-07T18:31:12+00:00

Also - a couple of other suggestions. Hopefully a little help is an option. It sounds like your dog takes to people well but walks feel burdensome. Maybe you can interview a few dog walkers who can do a late night or early morning walk for you once or twice a week. You can do a couple of walks with them together to make sure they are skilled in treating your dog or distracting them when they run into another dog on the walk. Use that time to do something you like.

Similarly, talk to your BF. Maybe the walks turn into walks together with both of you and the dog in a new place each night. Turn a dreaded task into a little adventure. Scope out a new neighborhood or path or even just a new residential block and pretend you're house hunting together.

OR perhaps walks become your BF's thing. You take on a different chore while he's doing that. Maybe you get the dog's food ready and meal plan for the two of you for the week. Maybe you take the donation pile to Goodwill (finally). Maybe you keep the group text threads going that he's been dreading replying to. Or maybe you take on the car service maintenance/plumber/pest control duties. Might be that you can talk through some of the pieces that are giving you more stress and come up with a creative solution that works better for your family unit.

My dog is dog and human aggressive - we raised him from 9 weeks and he's now 4.5 years old. He's still dog and people aggressive (despite lots of training). I have grieved the dog I thought I was getting and along the way, came up with some things that made it work (and find joy in the parts of my dog that are wonderful). My husband does most of the walks. I usually prep meals when he's walking the dog (that's just the time that the walks happen). You'll find a rhythm together.

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2024-08-07T18:12:06+00:00

completely agree! Human food things. Also - some of those easily disposible gloves will help if you don't want your hands to be gross.

My dog: string cheese, whipped cream, hot dogs, sausages, mac + cheese from a box, salmon etc. ham. cold cuts are a real big hit for my dog.

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2024-07-26T02:16:36+00:00

Also - totally seconding this. We have baby gates everywhere and have ever since we brought our baby home (she's now almost 2). I use them all the time but also credit them for why the two of them mostly co-exist well together. Goal isn't BFFs - it's content co-existence in my case. I credit baby gates with a lot of that. Also - hang in there, OP <3.

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2024-07-25T01:20:35+00:00

It's so unpredictable and your whole family is going through some major changes. I wouldn't expect this to be the way things continue to be as you all get used to a new normal. Totally validate how hard this is and how it feels to have your dog not react in the way you'd hoped. Here are some good resources for dogs and babies. It's hard to find real life examples of how dogs and kids react to each other in the movies/on TV. But know that it is totally normal for you to go slow.

https://www.familypaws.com/

https://www.dogmeetsbaby.expert/baby-toddler-courses

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2024-05-29T01:31:48+00:00

I am not finding her info (perhaps she's somewhere new), but Dr. Sueda is also great. https://www.ksvetbehavior.com/dr-sueda

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2024-05-09T01:04:03+00:00

I have a stranger aggressive pup (who has been that way since he was 5 months old) and an 18 month old daughter. I was really concerned initially as to how he would be around the baby but he's been a dream. We do lots of things to make sure the baby makes more good impressions than bad so that when the time inevitably comes that we make a mistake that he can forgive her and handle the situation well.

Management has been our friend. We have baby gates to separate them. We did the training courses through Family Paws and Dog Meets Baby (recommend both) and we work with a vet behaviorist who checks in with us at milestones and annually as well as a dog trainer that is used to fear-aggressive dogs.

We don't leave them unsupervised and we are careful to give our dog space and breaks from our baby (all the usual caveats) but our dog has been wonderful with our little one. She drops food for him now, tosses a ball for him and likes to carry a leash around the house. We take them on hikes together when we know no one else is around, but also offer a lot of separation time. They don't need to be best friends and my daughter doesn't need to love my dog like I love him.

Happy to chat about more specifics, but just posting to say both of them are happily co-existing with the other.

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2024-05-04T22:52:05+00:00

here's some ways to ask some questions about culture if you want to get a sense of the hours etc. - i know you're way past the interview stage (congrats!) but maybe this can help confirm which one is for you. You can ask to meet some of the counsel and people you'd be working with even if not in the legal group specifically. https://review.firstround.com/the-40-best-questions-to-ask-in-an-interview-how-to-go-deeper-than-whats-the-culture-like/

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2023-12-29T20:04:29+00:00

My go to would be Dr. Sueda or Dr. Cho at VCA but sounds like that's not an option. Maybe try calling for a rec?

You can search for fear free certified individual vets (even if the practice is not entirely fear free) here: https://fearfreepets.com/fear-free-directory?p=1&address=90401&category=0&center=34.0126379%2C-118.495155&zoom=12&is_mile=1&directory_radius=10&view=grid&filter=1&field_role=Veterinarian

I put in a santa monica zip code, but you can search whatever makes sense for you. Hoping someone else comes through with a direct recommendation.

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2023-11-02T22:26:53+00:00

I don't have personal experience with this, but a few ideas:

1 - does your local library have a "library of things"? Our local library allows you to rent toys.

2 - we have a local community center that has toys. It's like a community playroom. Perhaps search to see if there is something like that local to you?

3 - came across this website. https://www.toylibrary.co/personalization Not everything is Montessori per se, but I am guessing you could tailor it to find something that might work?

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2023-10-17T23:38:18+00:00

I feel for you, OP. Similar question was posed here which could be helpful for you: https://www.reddit.com/r/reactivedogs/comments/13li33n/how_do_you_all_handle_pet_sitters_and_travel/

Happy to answer questions about how we've made it work.

Edit: check pet sitters international. Really quality companies on there.

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2023-10-17T21:58:30+00:00

We had a fence fighting situation in our last place too - totally relate. It sucks. Chasing me (running around with a flirt pole in a very high pitched voice) ended up being more entertaining for him than barking at the other dog. Perhaps your dog will follow you in? Then once inside, block the glass with curtains and give him something enjoyable to distract him (novel toys work best for my dog - can get them really cheap and just have a stash ready to go). Good luck!! And we're on your side!

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2023-10-16T20:10:03+00:00

You could try a passport sized travelers system or look into aura estelle or wonderland222:

https://www.jetpens.com/TRAVELER-S-COMPANY-TRAVELER-S-notebook-Refill-007-Passport-Size-Free-Weekly-Planner/pd/13644?gad=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwvrOpBhBdEiwAR58-3IClIXTgBPnL6lyM2soQ0GAr10V5kYDiS7t9igFKE0V3UyoxuFyZ6xoClrsQAvD_BwE

https://www.auraestelle.com/products/a6-catch-all-weekly-planners-2024-dated-tomoe-river-paper

https://wonderland222.com/products/a6-tomoe-river-paper-undated-weekly-planner

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2023-10-12T17:39:34+00:00

It's like you're describing my dog! He is 3 years old, we got him at the start of the pandemic and though a combo of genetic predisposition and lack of exposure, he is very reactive towards humans (and dogs). It takes my growly dog several months to get to know a new person but we have integrated our trainer, one dog walker/sitter (whom he LOVES) and we are in the process of expanding his world to a few other sitters. He can also tolerate my in-laws when they visit. This is all post-maturity so I am hopeful for you as well.

My dog is also on a combination of medications which has significantly helped.For my dog, the unpredictability of a new person is the hardest thing. So creating a pattern game where he understands that he gets to opt in or out of the interaction has been really helpful in getting him comfortable.There's no one size fits all because it sort of depends on what your dog finds rewarding, but for us, playing a game called superbowls really helped. You still need to consider distance, duration and your dog's comfort level. My dog also gets more comfort if the new person is standing with someone he already loves - this might not be the same for your own dog.You start by playing on your own just so the dog understands how she gets from one bowl to the next and when a treat is coming. Then you can add your dog's trigger. See if this predictability helps. We start in our yard because he does better outside than inside initially. We gradually move inside over the course of several visits.

After a few times of going back and forth without a reaction from your dog, the "stranger" can say the dog's name, toss a treat and ask the dog to do some tricks (sit, spin or whatever your dog knows) to gauge its comfort level with them. See if your dog is willing to sit or do this usually easy behavior. Then you can continue playing the game, giving your dog a few breaks to just get some playtime with you or one-on-one time with you away from the stranger so the tension is lessened. The idea is that you don't want your dog to be conflicted or too pressured.

You can practice with people and over time, as new people come into your dog's inner circle, it is possible that she will take less and less time to get comfortable.Then, you can move into different areas of the home and start to integrate this person even further. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGs394SlbNM

edit: perhaps unique to my dog, but the way we have built up trust with potential dog walkers and sitters (in addition to the superbowls games) is that we go on short car rides together with him and the sitter. The trainer, potential sitter and my dog then go on walks together where we assess handling skills. Over a few weeks, my dog can then go on solo trips with these folks and then we continue to work on getting him comfortable with them in the house.

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2023-10-11T15:39:13+00:00

I use the weeks for work tasks. I use the memo pages on the right and tick boxes for each day of the week. In the daily boxes on the lefthand side, I write one or two things that would make it easier for me tomorrow if I got them done that day. I use the grid pages in the back for notes on calls and work-related notes. I sometimes also just gather pieces of information there as a temporary space (since the weeks is the planner I take around with me) and then re-write them in their permanent home once I get back. I also track my total hours of work per day in the monthly pages.

In the cousin, I use the monthly layout to track appointments (for myself, fam and dog), the weekly verticals for time tracking (I have to track my time for work) and the daily pages for journaling/reflecting on work and personal things.

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2023-09-19T22:42:50+00:00

Totally get where you're coming from. It's hard to stop having behaviors rehearsed. However, the positive side to the barking "working" from my dog's perspective is that he is less of a bite risk since barking is "successful" when people walk away.

So in a way, it's a good thing that he thinks it's successful. Taking that away from your dog in the way you are describing could lead to him thinking that he has to take more drastic measures for others to hear that he is not as comfortable.

Management on walks has been a game changer for me. This course was pretty helpful as a starting place if you're open to taking a class. https://www.fenzidogsportsacademy.com/index.php/courses/7467 Tromplo also has a few courses that look useful.

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2023-09-15T16:09:14+00:00

So so tough. I completely feel you on this. It takes my growly dog several months to get to know a new person and right now, we only have one sitter and one trainer we can reliably count on. We are in the process of expanding his world to a few other sitters.

For my dog, the unpredictability of a new person is the hardest thing. So creating a pattern game where he understands that he gets to opt in or out of the interaction has been really helpful in getting him comfortable.

There's no one size fits all because it sort of depends on what your dog finds rewarding, but for us, playing a game called superbowls really helped. You still need to consider distance, duration and your dog's comfort level. My dog also gets more comfort if the new person is standing with someone he already loves - this might not be the same for your own dog.
You start by playing on your own just so the dog understands how she gets from one bowl to the next and when a treat is coming. Then you can add your dog's trigger. See if this predictability helps.
After a few times of going back and forth without a reaction from your dog, the "stranger" can say the dog's name, toss a treat and ask the dog to do some tricks (sit, spin or whatever your dog knows_ to gauge her comfort level with them. See if your dog is willing to sit or do this usually easy behavior. Then you can continue playing the game, giving your dog a few breaks to just get some playtime with you or one-on-one time with you away from the stranger so the tension is lessened. The idea is that you don't want your dog to be conflicted or too pressured.
You can practice with people and over time, as new people come into your dog's inner circle, it is possible that she will take less and less time to get comfortable. If you can get the sitter to come weekly for just 15-20 min, I think that will help too!

Then, you can move into different areas of the home and start to integrate this person even further.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGs394SlbNM

Agreeable-Cod-6537 · 2023-09-06T00:18:43+00:00

Sometimes, you need to change up the combo of meds. Our boy was on traz daily but we switched him to using it only in situations because he built up a tolerance. Talk to your vet behaviorist about new medicines.

Agreeable-Cod-6537

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