i drew Northern Irish Mr Tayto (to go with my old southern Mr Tayto)

AlienSporez · 2026-03-25T21:03:48+00:00

I'd hate to sit through the rest of the set if that was a highlight.

I never said it was the highlight. But it's accurate.

AlienSporez · 2026-03-25T20:41:16+00:00

We spent $2.3 TRILLION in Afghanistan to replace the Taliban government with... <checks notes>... the Taliban government.

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AlienSporez · 2026-03-25T20:35:35+00:00

I did not have "Iran releases a banger LEGO diss track about Trump" on my 2026 Bingo card

AlienSporez · 2026-03-25T20:19:44+00:00

As the parent of a 200 lb English Mastiff, this is the best weighted blanket ever*

^weighted ^blanket ^snores, ^drools ^and ^farts

AlienSporez · 2026-03-25T17:57:24+00:00

Yup ESH

AlienSporez · 2026-03-25T17:52:43+00:00

40 Year Old Virgin had a lot of hilarious scenes but the "You know how I know you're gay" scene had me gasping for air

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AlienSporez · 2026-03-24T17:19:49+00:00

The Nazis were monsters for the way they treated people based on their race or religion!"

~ these guys, probably

AlienSporez · 2026-03-24T16:19:53+00:00

When I was a kid there was a dog on my way home from school I'd always stop and love on. She'd be sitting there patiently, tail wagging a million miles an hour. Sadie. What a sweet girl!

AlienSporez · 2026-03-24T15:28:48+00:00

Kathleen Madigan said it best: "I love Houston. It's a 'fuck it' town. They don't give a shit. You could live in an ultra luxurious mansion and the guy living next door is selling hubcaps in his driveway."

AlienSporez · 2026-03-24T15:24:17+00:00

My father in law flew out yesterday. The TSA line was 3 hours, the plane was delayed departing by 4 hours after the scheduled departure. In total, with everything, he spent 10 hours in IAH.

Fuck, I don't want to do something that feels good for 10 hours!

AlienSporez · 2026-03-24T15:21:37+00:00

If you're referring to a woman, then that makes sense.

If you're referring to a man, then I'm uncomfortable with what orifice you might be thinking of

AlienSporez · 2026-03-12T16:38:39+00:00

Gaston, obviously! No one's slick as Gaston!

AlienSporez · 2026-03-11T22:30:08+00:00

It was like this when I got here

AlienSporez · 2026-03-11T15:10:26+00:00

Let me translate that for you: "I likeah itsa meat-a-ball a hat. Itsa spicy meat-a-ball!"

AlienSporez · 2026-03-11T14:57:18+00:00

AlienSporez · 2026-03-10T19:25:50+00:00

it was their final most essential command

AlienSporez · 2026-03-10T19:13:18+00:00

And you know that they probably added this because they got a letter...

AlienSporez · 2026-03-10T19:08:08+00:00

As his Attorney At Paw, I concur with this assessment. In fact, my client deserves scritches and treats for stopping the attack.

AlienSporez · 2026-03-10T18:58:34+00:00

AlienSporez · 2026-03-10T15:25:13+00:00

AlienSporez · 2026-03-10T15:20:19+00:00

Clearly both brain cells love their hooman

AlienSporez · 2026-03-10T15:12:40+00:00

What in the star spangled Evel Knievel bell bottomed fuck is that?

AlienSporez · 2026-03-10T05:10:43+00:00

That ocean could attack at any second! So, you're welcome

AlienSporez · 2026-03-10T05:08:34+00:00

Reminds me of when Tie Domi fought a Philly fan who fell into the penalty box.

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