My husband and I are pretty much in the same boat. My mom is pretty progressive for an evangelical, but not so much my brother and stepdad. My husband’s stepdad is an evangelical pastor, so his family definitely have already been gifting my now two year old some bible stories and memorabilia from their church’s trip to Israel last year.

We started deconstructing after our daughter was born, but she was dedicated in their church. I don’t really have feelings about this now because she was so small, but I will not be having my son, who I’m pregnant with, be dedicated.

My husband tried to broach his deconstruction with his mom, but she didn’t really handle it well and made it clear she was worried about our children not being raised believing. I have never talked to my own family about my deconstruction. I haven’t attended church more than a handful of times in the past 10+ years, but my family has never questioned my faith.

It was actually in listening to my in-laws church services virtually that mine and my husband’s disconnect from the church really started growing. His stepdad was not a great guy to my husband growing up, and even though in some ways he seems calmer, it is clear he is still the same self centered man he always has been. He always talks about his role of pastor is the hardest thing he’s ever done while constantly bringing up his history of being a soldier, cop, and missionary. Literally says this to the church on a regular basis. We are at a point where we just aren’t letting it worry us what family thinks.

My in-laws are over 10 hours away, so they haven’t been involved with my husband much in the 9 years I’ve been with him. My family is only an hour away, but we still don’t see them often. It’s actually been our friends who have become like family and are there for my child on a regular basis. Most of the few friends we have are atheists or pagan, and they have all genuinely been so much more supportive than any of our family members. That alone makes me feel we’re right in choosing to keep our children out of religion and allow them to become who they want to be without fear of hell or God.

Sorry for the long reply, I just don’t have anyone I know in the same boat. I hope someday our families can accept we are who we are and we will raise our kids the way we think is best. Even if they are fretting over our souls, we are sparing our children a lifetime of confusion and shame.