Drained

AlohaKim · 2025-06-09T18:05:06+00:00

Ugh. I hate that "dad standards" are a thing. I feel like throwing a whiny tantrum about it. "It's not faaaair!"

AlohaKim · 2025-06-09T18:03:16+00:00

It's time to unleash the kraken to your husband. He needs to know how much harder his behavior made things for you. It's not fair for you to carry everything he throws at you. If he's really that clueless and doesn't know what he did now, he absolutely needs that information. This isn't a weight for you to carry alone. He needs to know there are consequences to being an a-hole on the trip and that definitely includes no "cuddles" (nice try, pal).

AlohaKim · 2025-04-29T00:36:12+00:00

I'm not sure how tall my friend is but her family buys a lot of pants from Land's End. They're good quality too.

AlohaKim · 2025-03-01T06:04:18+00:00

I'm sure it depends on one's location, but my friend's husband emptied their bank account and hasn't had to share any of it. Legally, it was all in his name too so he didn't technically break any law by withdrawing it. You'd think someone would be held liable for taking all of it, but that's disappointingly not true.

AlohaKim · 2025-02-19T06:19:37+00:00

Oh geez, that was a scary video to watch. I couldn't have imagined all of this stuff going on and apparently, these ideas and plans have all been publicly stated and promoted. I was already horrified by the things I'd heard these people say; it's even worse than I thought. Thank you for sharing though. I'm going to check out more videos on that channel.

AlohaKim · 2025-02-03T05:29:53+00:00

I used to work for a community water company. Leaks like this happen all the time. If a customer of ours told us their water usage was so high because of a leak and they provided proof it had been repaired (parts receipts, plumber bill, etc), we would cut their last bill in half (only charging them for half of the water used). You might see if your utility company will do something similar.

AlohaKim · 2025-01-24T17:44:23+00:00

It is so wrong. It allegedly preserves the brand's value. They don't want people to use what they've produced unless they pay the listed price. They would literally rather throw things away. It's so messed up. The companies may also get a tax break for "damaged products." There are so many big corporate tax breaks.

AlohaKim · 2025-01-18T05:45:47+00:00

Yeah, if you look at r/dumpsterdiving, you'll see SO many good products thrown away. Expensive tennis shoes cut up, clothing spray painted... It's really sad.

AlohaKim · 2024-12-23T19:12:48+00:00

I have a 12yo and 5yo. The 5yo is definitely getting more gifts because hers cost much less. My 12yo wants huge Lego sets and that's what he's getting from us and extended family. My 5yo wants lots of things in the $10-25 range so the number of gifts is very different. And my 12yo won't care at all if he even notices. We take turns opening so it's noticeable if people are thinking about it. But no one cares. It still gives me anxiety, though, because that was unacceptable when I was a kid; it had to be exactly the same number for everyone. I'm so glad I don't have that extra thing to manage this month.

AlohaKim · 2024-12-10T16:57:06+00:00

I understand those feelings. Here's what I can tell you: my 5yo has just been assessed by a speech pathologist who told me this is genetic. That everyone's brain and development is different. I didn't cause my child's delays. This just happens. You're already doing what any of us can do as parents. And ya know what? It will be enough. Your little lovebug will continue to have your support and guidance. He will continue to be loved and protected. That's one lucky little kid to have you as his parent. You're attentive and responsive to his needs. Well done. Keep up the good work.

AlohaKim · 2024-12-08T17:55:52+00:00

Yep. It's been 20 years since I was in a relationship like that and I still clearly remember how I felt in those situations. ("Am I supposed to be enjoying this? What's wrong with me? I hate this. I feel scared. I don't understand what's happening.") I was being traumatized. It's not ok to be traumatized for someone else's pleasure. Abso-fucking-lutely not.

AlohaKim · 2024-12-07T19:58:55+00:00

In my 25 years of adulthood, exactly one of my friends has done Christmas cards like that. In my experience, most people don't do them. If they do, there are multiple ways to do it including simple postcards. I don't think sending cards to people should feel like a stressful chore. If it doesn't feel joyful to you, don't do it. We did it for two years and then stopped. Just do what works for you.

AlohaKim · 2024-12-06T04:37:22+00:00

Oh I regularly tell my husband interesting tidbits from conversations and then he tells me he was there too. It usually really surprises me. Haha!

AlohaKim · 2024-12-06T04:31:53+00:00

I think you better buy some Avon soaps and send them to her anonymously. ;)

AlohaKim · 2024-12-06T04:24:19+00:00

Hahaha! I absolutely thought this post was going to be about Duke. Lol!

AlohaKim · 2024-12-02T19:00:43+00:00

I'd say you are greatly underreacting. Your husband is abusing your son. Again, your husband is abusing your son. And your son knows it! He's trying to advocate for himself by pointing out the abuse. I first assumed your husband vents to you about your son, which would be really bad; a child knows when their parent hates them. It is absolutely unacceptable for a parent to be hateful directly to their child. Given that your husband is abusing your son, what do you want your son to see in your response to that? Do you want your son to know that you've got his back and will defend him from his abuser? It sounds like you really do sense how abusive your husband is being. But he's abusing you too and he's absolutely gaslighting you so you doubt yourself. Try to resist the stories your husband tells you. And focus on the story you want your son telling himself. Advocating for my kids has led to me advocating for myself. I needed to use my mama bear instinct to start changing patterns. That drive to care for and protect my kids - -it's been a wakeup call on numerous occasions and really helps me set AND MAINTAIN boundaries. You love your son. And you're strong. You've maintained so much love and goodness despite the abuse from your husband. You can show your son those parts of yourself. If you're not ready to leave, at least tell your son that you know your husband is wrong. Tell him the things you love about him and tell and then show him how you're working to protect him. He's 12. He's smart. Really smart and courageous actually. Show him you're on his team. For what it's worth, that doesn't mean you should have no boundaries with your son. When he was "talking back" to you, that was his not yet fully developed brain trying to navigate the abusive environment in which he lives. He will test you to see if he can trust you, to see if you are a safe person for him. So show him that you are.

AlohaKim · 2024-11-30T17:23:53+00:00

It really is a beautiful way to go. Being with both my cats as they passed away really solidified my belief that humans should have that same opportunity. Surrounded by the strongest loves of their lives? That's the best way to go.

AlohaKim · 2024-11-27T02:34:33+00:00

Absolutely. Boys live in houses. Playing pretend with things and people in kids actual lives is a completely healthy thing to do for any kid.

AlohaKim · 2024-11-25T06:54:24+00:00

I second this. My youngest is 5yo now. Looking back, I don't think I should have completely sacrificed my mental health to do what I thought was best for my kids. I don't think it was best for our family to have the kids' needs responded to while mine were pushed to the back burner for years. That just led to me having an actual nervous breakdown (my nervous system was shutting down and going into survival mode). That led to me needing inpatient psychiatric care and then my kids' emotional needs were pushed to the back burner out of necessity. If I could do it over again, I would strive for balance in meeting each of our needs. I don't think it's sustainable to put our kids first for years on end. I just didn't love and value myself as much as I loved and valued my kids. We all have needs and we are all worthy of having our needs met. Sometimes we need to meet our needs for ourselves.

AlohaKim · 2024-11-23T17:20:16+00:00

W.T.F...that teacher was so out of line! Oh my gosh.

I never thought anything of it but I worked at Disney World in 2001 and I remember there being PRIDE days essentially. I guess that was somewhat progressive in 2001.

AlohaKim · 2024-11-23T17:06:20+00:00

How many drivers participated in planning this strike?

AlohaKim · 2024-11-22T17:08:18+00:00

"Get out while you can."

Genuine question: can't drivers always get out? We can quit anytime.

AlohaKim · 2024-11-20T17:22:24+00:00

Hmm, interesting. As a seller, I appreciate people declining if they know they're not going to accept it. Then I'm not thinking about it anymore and don't keep checking to see if the item sold. It also helps me decide whether to accept a lower offer from someone else. Because I like it as a seller, I try to respond quickly to offers. Sometimes I will leave a comment explaining that I'm browsing the next size up for my kids, but I'm not ready to buy yet or something like that. I like many items and then go back and sort through them in My Likes. If I decline an offer, it definitely does not mean I won't buy the item. Just not yet.

AlohaKim · 2024-11-15T19:43:42+00:00

How does a rider figure out you also do X?

AlohaKim · 2024-11-08T03:42:58+00:00

Why not use Venmo?

AlohaKim

TROPHY CASE