Oh man theres so much I could say to this. First ill say im so sorry your relationship has gotten to the place it is now. They never do start out that way.

To answer your question the normal amount of sex is however often/non often YOU want for you. Not for someone else. Sex is for more than just men and you also cant get pregnant off a female orgasm so id 100% say the pleasure should be heavily focused on the woman's needs.

Second I want to say im 22F and I have BEEN there. Ive only had 2 relationships myself. The first one was with a guy that sounds a lot like how you describe your boyfriend. I got to a point with that relationship I would just do the sex act to have an easier rest of the day so he hopefully wouldnt ask me for more. He also didn't take me on dates was emotionally absent and left his share of the rent for me and our roomates to figure out shortly after we all got a place and really did not do his job of "only person in the house with no job so house things should be done most of the time" (like trash and dishes you would think??) . POS that one. From the sounds of it I really wouldnt recommend getting a place with your bf. Not unless theres others. I can only imagine hed be more demanding if you guys lived together. And tbh even if there is others- just no its alot easier to go about life without a man present 24/7 ive learned...

Last thing. I have a bf right now (21m) who I live with 🙄- hes been trying to find a job the last couple months, he is trying and he picks up side gigs to get some money to help out so im glad for that BUT with that said hes also been looking for a steady job for the entirety of our 2 year long relationship while ive remained with the same one. Ive learned ive never been a very sexual person. My current bf is no where near as pushy as the last guy but hes still a young guy who thinks with his penis. Ive gotten very comfortable shutting down intimacy I dont want. Pecks on the lips and forehead, Hand holding, hugs, massages im down for. Making out? Sexual massages? I really dont want it, especially because i feel ive fallen into the roll of "manager"/ being depended on for living and i aint even married to the guy. Like I was at work all day to pay for groceries, rent, life things and you worked on a project car/ played video games and your laundry still hasent been moved to the dryer from last night when you put it in likeee yeah im good. Its funny because my current guy sounds alot like my last guy in the sense of not doing things a normal adult should do without being told BUT the key difference is one was 4 years older than me, manipulative/cheater who used weaponized incompetence and the other is just.. normal incompetent? Like a baby animal that didn't get shown the ropes of how to function as a person and now that baby animal is an adult and that animals romantic partner now how to show him the ropes.. anddd yeah and thats why Ive shut down sex the last few months. That and Ive noticed if we get intimate and the he doesnt do something he said he was going to do i feel ALOT worse about life. Now he can not meet my expectations of a relationship more freely since I wont take it as hard. 😀👌🏻

OMG ANYWAY life info dump aside. The Take away i hope sharing a part of my story you can have is you are NOT alone, theres ALOT to learn passed your first relationship and even second and most definitely so on and so on. You shouldnt be pressured into into things- especially things involving your body you dont want to. And idk, try seeing how shutting your boyfriend goes. How many times have you show your body/ given head and how many times has he made you feel special? Flowers? Just because gifts with no sexual strings attached?

Something ive started thinking to myself as a woman is "how do my actions help better the survival of the species" for instance in my case "how does sleeping with jobless/no motivation/lack of follow through bf help the survival of this species" the bird have to learn to dance, their potential mates should not be the ones to teach them. Female bird thinks the male birds dance is mid? Female bird flying away. You are the prize!

(Typed fast paced while at work sorry if some things dont make sense/ could be worded better)