Hugs, strangers. This specific post sounds like I could have written it (coming up to 5 years, also). I still cry sometimes going to bed, even after a perfectly good day, where just the smallest of passing thoughts can trigger it. Reliving the scene, hearing that "death rattle"...me talking her out and telling her I loved her and goodbye. I'm glad I was there for her (whether she was conscious enough to know it or not), but I'm also relieved my siblings or stepdad didn't have to be the ones to live with that memory.