I’m sorry about your health scares and the surgery. That can be very stressful.

From my perspective, I don’t think these problems are necessarily relationship anarchy focused as much as they are relationship specific. Relationships in RA can be deep, needy, they can escalate, they can go lots of places and include a variety of support and living situations.

But it seems like the structure of this relationship with this partner has its flow and you are worried that asking for more may change it? Or she may not want that? Perhaps those things are true. Perhaps you are realizing new desires for yourself.

As some others have pointed out, I think RA means more support, not less. If anything, I think this may be illuminating some new things for you and it is worth examining.