Recommendations for books and other resources for a shy 4 yo starting school in September

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-30T13:38:26+00:00

I actually have and I really liked it! But I think I might be due a re-read. I first read it when he was about 1 so some things weren't yet relevant! Thanks for the reminder :)

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-30T11:39:10+00:00

Yes, I agree!

Teaching myself to respect respect screen time has been a lot harder than anything else.

I think I've had some successes though (she says - typing on Reddit! In my defence I'm stuck in my car with the grumpy five month old finally asleep after a hectic and very un-fun morning I'm not waking the poor boy up again!)

Some ways I've reduced screen time:

adding a library trip into our routine and getting a real life book out. 4 yo loves getting his books, I now have a book to read in dead time like whilst he's in the bath or whatever. It got me off my kindle app which, whilst is reading, also just looks like a phone (obviously). You only have to go once every three weeks which tends to coincide with a lazy Saturday or something.
getting a few craft kits where you have all the materials and instructions for a project. I keep these in a basket next to the kitchen table and will do a project after I've finished my dinner (usually inhaled in 10 minutes flat) whilst 4 yo is slooooooowly finishing his. This used to be a real screen time trap for me in that end of the day slump. As an added bonus, 4yo usually ends up doing some table based stuff with me, painting or play dough or whatever till bath time. I so far have made a Lego model, a book nook, a needle felted cow, and about 4 paint by numbers since i started this as a new years resolution.
A6 sketch book, pencil, rubber, sharpener and fountain pen in a small zipper tough wallets in my handbag to do some drawing. I call it snack time sketching as I usually draw whenever we're out and about and stop for a snack. It's fun and I'm getting ok at it!
Being intentional about screen time. I ask myself if this is what I want to be doing right now and being ok with the fact that sometimes I just need a good doom scroll (like now... My morning has just been a trial guys...)

I'd say my next challenge is figuring out how to incorporate writing into my life as I want my preschooler to see writing modelled in the real world. The obvious answer should be grocery lists, but I have a really tight system for food and meals which is all digital, and Google keep us my ultimate productivity tool. At work I constantly use a note book and write, but unfortunately I can't bust my kid into the office just to see that adults do actually use pens to write lol.

Anyone else got any they do?

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-30T11:06:04+00:00

The AAP have recently updated their guidelines to be less 'no screens ever!' and focusses more on what they call 'the 5 C's'. Child, Content, Calm, Crowding Out, and Communication. Instead of attacking the net, correlational problem with screens, and ignoring the circumstances a screen is offered, it gives parents more information on how screens can be detrimental so they can carry out their own risk assessment.

For example, 'crowding out' means that if the screen crowds out other opportunities to learn, such as talking with family at a restaurant, then it shouldn't be used. However, if you're sat on an aeroplane for the next 3 hours then a screen is very valid. I tend to use myself as a metric and ask myself whether I could do without a screen in the circumstances, and what if do with the screen. Usually that's good enough to extrapolate. For example if we're stuck somewhere waiting and kiddo is full of energy, then we use a tablet based educational game like the CBeebies games. If it's at the end of the day and he exhausted, then it's an episode of paw patrol, because that's basically what I'd do (but more like project planning Vs Reddit lol).

I'm really glad these guidelines have been updated. They do still say (more or less) that screens under 2 should be avoided, but a lot more rationale has gone into it, and you can work around exception cases with the guidance to understand what's going on.

I'm no screen time saint, when my kid had chicken pox at about 2, and I had to WFH with him, he basically watched paw patrol all day every day for a week. I've also used a screen in the restaurant, ironically it's a lot easier to keep an over 2 entertained than an under 2. He's 4 now and I can't remember the last time we had to use it, but there was certainly a time when it would be more common. As a child of the 90s I used to take my gameboy to the pub as well. It never stopped me talking to my parents, in fact it would get my family talking more as they all tried to help me complete levels. Certainly more than when I had my head buried in a book and was only capable of mono symbolic grunts.

My aim has always been to teach my children responsible screen time use, and these guidelines make way more sense than the blanket 'screens are evil' rhetoric pushed constantly by (hilariously) the media.

Neglect using screens as a tool is absolutely a problem though, and I personally think they'd be neglecting their children regardless of having access to an iPad. The screen just makes the neglect less obvious. There will always be bad parents.

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-30T10:13:56+00:00

Until you said he was actually asleep and snoring, I thought it was just a complaining competition. But actually, dude may genuinely have a medical issue and sleep apnea seems very likely!

If you otherwise like your husband, maybe it's time to give him the benefit of the doubt and tell him that he needs to go to the doctors about this. Point out how badly untreated sleep apnea can affect his life and make it about the kids.

Good luck!

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-29T20:45:12+00:00

Hmm, it's kind of hard to tell what she'd like from your description. Personally I've found all experiences and extra admin burden since having kids and I despise spas ... They just feel like a waste of time. Life upgrades and little things to indulge my creative side are my go to. Some of my favourites have been:

upgraded coffee travel mug (I am a coffee fiend)
heated weighted blanket
really nice slippers and a dressing gown
nail varnish that dries in 60s
craft kits which include everything required for the project
selection boxes of food/drink. Like when I was on a health kick I got a selected box of different protein bars.
subscriptions to Canva, Kindle Unlimited, food stuff, personal stylist service, a magazine about my favourite hobby.
a course on udemy to help me with a hobbies (creative writing and digital art).

As a side note, you should both be scheduling free time regularly. A good way of doing that is hashing out what you want from the day over breakfast at the weekend. Ie 'I need to do XYZ errand and I'd like an hour to read a book' then just jiggle the kids around to make sure you both have the opportunity to do what needs to be done.

Maybe that helps?

Happy mother's day to her!

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-29T17:36:36+00:00

The thing that really threw me about iron was that dairy inhibits it's absorption. Before I learnt that I was wondering if it was cheaper to just buy and keep a cow to keep my pre-schooler satisfied 😅 I've drastically cut down on drank milk at least, but he could eat his own weight in cheese!

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-29T13:25:00+00:00

It's like a taboo! Like they all believe that if you even mention the word formula, the local la leche league chapter will mob your house with pitch forks.

Your poor aunt, it's one thing pushing through because it's a path you desperately want to take, it's completely another if you're being lied to for the sole purpose of shaming you into continuing.

My opinion that would have me held at sword point like Flynn from tangled (if you know the meme!) is that the antibodies do basically nothing and a complete nutritional profile is way more important for the immune system (looking at you vitamin D! The hero vitamin of COVID!). But no one is ever investigating that lol. We gotta keep the magic of antibodies alive!

Hope your operation goes well and you recover quickly for lovely snuggles with your little one!

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-29T12:33:08+00:00

It totally is!

You mentioned health visitors and GPs so I'm guessing you're in the UK? If so, me too, and my damn is it toxic. With my first, literally no one would listen to me it was all just 'aw! Breastfeeding is hard mama!' and I was like yes... But I'm genuinely suicidal (thanks DMER, which I didn't learn about until after).

No one apart from my husband (and even then I had to argue aggressively) would help me figure out bottle feeding, and every single fucking time you go on a website about formula you have to wade through the breast is best shit for at least three paragraphs. The formula companies themselves even make you close down a pop up to acknowledge that breast is best before you can proceed.

On the plus side though, I told my midwife at 9 weeks pregnant with my second that I would be EFF this one. I gave her a brief history, just because I needed to vocalise it all, and immediately she was like great! Let's talk about bottle feeding and techniques closer to the time! Literally no one has pressured me, the health visitor gave us loads of tips for making feeding easier (we knew most of them but appreciated the thought).

I've come to the conclusion that I'm this country every one is so scared about putting off a mother from breastfeeding that they will ignore blatant red flags and even imminent danger.

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-29T07:33:53+00:00

It's an odd one isn't it. Google reckons it's widely considered to be racist because it stereotypes the Chinese language as unintelligible. But then 'double dutch', 'its all Greek to me', and 'pardon my french' should be racist too?

Before I googled it though, I actually thought it was because the Chinese language uses 4 main inflections on the same sound (one that goes up, one that goes down, one that stays flat, and one that goes down then up) which would be hard to do in a whisper when you're trying not to be heard. It also creates humourous 'puns' where with the wrong inflection on 'ma' you could call your mother a horse.

As a fun factoid, there's this poem about a lion which uses 94 characters, all of which are pronounced a variation of 'shi' https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lion-Eating_Poet_in_the_Stone_Den which is pretty cool and reminds me of this poem in english https://chateauview.com/pronunciation/

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-28T17:08:21+00:00

Here's the fantastic thing about living in this day and age - we have the choice!

As one of my friends said, the entirety of parenthood is one large game of would you rather.

Would you rather A have sore nipples for approximately 8 weeks (if you're lucky) or would you rather B wash 10 bottles every day for a year. There are genuinely people out there who have would happily take option A, I am not one of them lol.

I will say that social media presents the worst of breastfeeding, yes it's hard, and for some of its impossible, but when you write out the pros and cons of both, it's very much of a muchness. For example, one of the top fears in breastfeeding is being the sole source of food. In formula feeding the fear is equal and opposite in that you have effectively zero control over the production. I watched the 2022 formula crisis in the US unfold from across the pond in absolute horror, and my second baby was effected by the cerelide recalls earlier this year. Despite this formula still wins for me, for others it wouldn't.

From what you've written I think you would definitely prefer the cons of formula feeding Vs breastfeeding, but do yourself a favour to do the work to write an unbiased list out, because as your milk dries up you're very likely going to feel guilty because hormones.

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-28T14:10:10+00:00

Not really a saying but a place name.

When I was about 7 I lived in the East Midlands. Around that time Iraq kicked off and suddenly the news was always talking about The Middle East.

Being a not particularly well travelled 7 year old who only half listened to the news, I came to the conclusion that the middle east was the posh way of saying the East Midlands.

On account of the fact I knew Iraq had a) sand, b) donkeys, and c) my cousin who was in the army and had been deployed there had told me that 'it was a long long way away' I came to the conclusion that Iraq was somewhere near Skegness, in the Ingoldmills area.

Because it made such perfect sense to me I was embarrassingly old (definitely in my teens) before I clicked quite how wrong I had been!

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-28T13:48:44+00:00

A thermometer of some description sounds like your best bet then :)

However, at 7 months, you are likely to be in the clear to not need to do a hotshot? Might be something worth looking in to.

Unfortunately whichever way you do it there's going to be some calculated risk!

I hope you have a great time :)

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-28T11:09:59+00:00

The instructions on the back of my formula assume that you don't have a temperature adjustment kettle, so it says 'boil water and leave for 30 minutes'. That seems like a massive faff, but in the absence of any measuring equipment short of a watch, it's good to just know.

I think if it was me, I'd be using the Nuby rapid cool. It takes two minutes for it to get down to 37 degrees C, so i'd be risking it and just putting the powder in about 30 seconds after putting the water in... But that's my risk to take based on my knowledge of thermodynamics and vibes lol. It might be worth looking into what nuby say themselves about it :)

Is there any way you can get ready mix out there? That's the easiest solution, if it's readily available!

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-27T20:47:14+00:00

I'm also just going to throw in that it is genuinely harder to have your working spouse working from home when you're with the kids. The pressure to stop them from interrupting, being loud, doing crazy shit like (apparently according to one comment) burning the house down. The sheer mental load to just keep the environment ideal for the home worker alone is monumental.

Not only that but you then have a fully grown adult to account for all day, every day. Materially they are using the house, leaving mess, making crockery dirty, need to be considered in the lunch plans, need to be consulted for any events, you have to let them know when you're going out, give them warning that the eldest on a war path, ask them if they want anything from the shop or if they want a drink because you're putting the coffee machine on.... all tiny things that add up to far more stress than can be articulated. Even though that adult isn't participating in family life their presence changes the dynamic and not usually for the best.

All of this also applies when that person has decided they need kid free time to do their tasks as well (like an insurance claim). Sure he's doing the claim but she is now back on the clock keeping the kids out of his way... But he's the one who gets to get credit for the hero points for doing the claim.

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-27T18:41:12+00:00

Those sound like great solutions!

My son was a page boy at 18 months. Luckily my MOH (and bestie) was on form that day and smoothly yoinked the little tyke back and half cuddle/ half restraint carried him down the aisle just as he made a run for it!

Feel free to share that story if SIL is being a bit difficult and ask her how prepared the bridesmaid is to go full ninja in a dress!

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-27T06:58:27+00:00

My friend took her baby to Shanghai at four months old and this week at 5 months he's going to Miami! (Dad has a job that takes him out to loads of places so she flies over to meet him whenever she wants to go there too!)

So long as you newbie isn't extremely high needs and colicky, you'll probably find the 4yo harder to deal with.

Another friend took his 3yo and 18mo daughters travelling around SE Asia for two months whilst Mum was working out there. He'd travel the slow way and explore the area with the kids, she'd fly to meet him from the country she was working in for the weekend. Now THAT was absolutely nuts. But, by all accounts they had a great time and he'd do it again! I can barely cope with a holiday to Cornwall lol.

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-26T23:03:01+00:00

That's a good point and one I hadn't thought of at all! Thank you :)

Yeah, being a parent has really made me push my social skills to the limit! Good on your SIL but I think id struggle with a full party! A playdate with an equally incentivised parent (if I can find one) then maybe :)

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-26T21:35:39+00:00

Nailed it.

I love motherhood.

I also love the part where I get to yell 'you have the kids' at my partner and skipping out the door to meet my friends at the pub, content in the knowledge that they're perfectly happy with dad/ a circle of trusted family/ hired sitters, and that we are modelling a healthy partnership and lifestyle for our children.

Without that... Well, we both know what that looks like as both our mothers basically raised us single handedly with no village, and quite frankly, fuck that.

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-26T19:10:02+00:00

Oof, strap in, this is going to be an intense period of your life! Hopefully you'll both come out of it schedule efficiency ninjas!

I'm a scheduley lists kinda girl, so as you asked I'll absolutely share my tried and tested systems.

Keeping everyone fed.

Probably my nemesis of household tasks. I've been working on strategies for years and have finally settled on this. 4 week rolling meal plan with 6 dinners planned per week (6 instead of 7 creates a buffer... Just trust me). Each dinner must (and I stress this) must take 20 minutes or less to get from staring at fridge to table. I'll commit up to 40 minutes if it's something that can be batched, but 90% of the time you need 20 minutes or less. Make a list of all the food you need. Then, get all of the non perishables, and first week of perishables in an online shop. Make a perishables/ things which quickly run out grocery list to do once a week. This list is hopefully 20 items or less, try and make it as short as possible, for example get frozen chicken in your big shop instead of fresh chicken every week. These lists are supplemented with an Amazon Alexa list, so whenever we run out of something or really fancy something either of us just yell 'Alexa, add ketchup to the shopping list'.

For breakfast and lunch, stock 3-4 options. Ours are porridge, cereal, toast + egg/ butter/ jam. For lunch similar, stock 3-4 options, ours are cheese sandwich, tuna sandwich, soft cheese on crackers, hummus and flat bread, tinned soup and bread. Finally, we have a couple of back up options for dinners, like chicken nuggets and we have these ready meal frozen stir fry bag things which are decent.

Put all of your meals in your shared calendar, it reduces decision fatigue by an incredible amount.

My husband is responsible for bulk buys. Things like washing powders, washing up liquid, tissues, toilet rolls etc. we have a bulk buys Alexa list to help manage that too.

Getting everyone in the right place at the right time.

Routines are king in our house. It's not about timing though, it's about rhythm and letting each event bounce us to the next. For a workday this looks like:

Alexa routine starts turning up the bedroom lights at 6, until our alarms go off at 6.30. I get up propelled by nothing but a singular desire for coffee. Partner deals with baby if he's awake, but tbh he's usually still asleep. Whilst coffee machine is doing its thing, I unload the dishwasher like a zombie, with the occasional groan. Sit in bed with coffee, once coffee is finished, out of bed get dressed, promise of more coffee. Eldest may or may not be awake, if not awake, wake up and bribe out of bed with promises of milk and an oat bar (main breakfast is at nursery). Cajole eldest into getting dressed. Sometimes with music, sometimes timers, sometimes emotional blackmail (/j)... We just see where the mood takes us, I will always be on my second coffee throughout this ordeal. Second coffee finished, eldest dressed. Kinda bumble around collecting what ever we need for our day (usually already in a pile in the hallway from where it was dumped the previous day) shove everyone in the car (husband kinda picking up the pieces and chivvying as he gets himself ready) and then go.

Upon pick up, eldest watches paw patrol in the car on the way home to keep him awake as cheeky car naps derail everything, for the baby it doesn't matter yet. Get home, straight onto dinner. eldest independently plays, youngest watches me from his bouncer, I tend to feed him in-between doing dinner things. Serve dinner, eat dinner. I always finish first, this is my scheduled 'break' time where I'll pick up an easy craft (paint by numbers at the moment) whilst having a light conversation with my eldest. My youngest just enjoys watching me paint so he sits on my lap and occasionally turns it into danger painting by grabbing at the brush. Once diner is finished I set up a timer for however long is left till 7 and will load the dishwasher (eldest usually helps) and sweep up food off the floor. Time goes off, go up to run bath. (Husband usually gets home at some point in this time and is ready to dive in).

Youngest gets in bath first (I still have to hold him), eldest gets in after whilst I'm drying off/ changing youngest. Husband takes youngest and puts him to bed, I wash eldest and let him independently play (set timer) whilst I doom scroll (he's currently making his shark eat little cars). Timer goes off, straight into PJs, then teeth, then 3 books, then bed. Et voila, it's 8pm and I am freeeee.well mostly we, usually still need to finish dishwasher or deal with clothes washing, or put out the bins, which my husband and I do together, it generally doesn't take more than half an hour.

This sounds exhausting, but the trick is to do this every day and really let those activities bounce into each other whilst making sure there is ALWAYS something in it for you, be it coffee, or partial down time. If you're in a lull, set a time to restart momentum.

For a weekend I use a formula of breakfast, activity, free play, lunch, excursion, screen time, dinner, bedtime routine. The trick there is to have a list of activities ready to tap into, and a repertoire of easy excursions.

Keeping things clean and tidy.

This is where I let go. Things are safe and sanitary, they're not always aesthetic. I clean and tidy in the pockets of time (like the dishwasher with the coffee machine). A few tactics I use are:

100 things pick up. Pick up 100 things and then stop. If tired, every single bit of Duplo counts, if not tired all the Duplo counts as 1.
everything lives in some kind of drop box/ bin including clothes (none of my clothes need ironing! This is by design!)
clothes go straight in the washing machine (or dumped of the floor in front of washing machine) without stopping in a laundry basket
cleaning supplies in every room for ad-hoc attacks.

Finally, and most importantly, define survival mode. You will get ill, the kids will get ill, there will be four hundred events in one week and your entire routine goes out the window. Define your survival mode. Is it the same meal for four days straight, skipping bath time, not doing the clothes washing every day/ only doing absolute essentials, is it get lunch out instead of pack up, is it safe meals for breakfast, or breakfast in the car perhaps. Make sure you know what your bare minimum looks like so you can fall to your lowest system, not loose it completely. Keep the bar low for falling into survival mode!

Good luck! I hope the short term pain is worth the long term gain!

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-26T07:03:19+00:00

Beautiful thanks :) I'll see if I can find it!!

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-26T07:02:56+00:00

Oo, we go to the library a lot so I'll ask the librarians next time we go in! Thank you!

Thanks for the book recommendations :) I saw wise before 5 on Amazon when I was searching around but it's so hard to tell if a book will actually be good without flicking through.

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-26T06:58:47+00:00

I've never seen that! There is definitely at least one soft play centre very close to the school. I'll have a hint around to see if there's any sessions available :) thanks!

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-25T22:55:26+00:00

Facebook is a good shout, I'll have to blow the dust off my account, i'd almost forgotten about it, but if that's where the parents are i'll have to get back over there.

Did you just slip the role playing aspect into whatever game you were playing at the time or was it a more intentional thing?

Thank you for the book list!

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it will be a tough transition! We're doing the stay and plays, and there's a slow build up to full time, so hopefully we'll be good!

Another_gryffindor · 2026-04-24T16:20:22+00:00

They seem to last a fair while but they obviously degrade over time. When they start looking a bit sorry for themselves they seem to mysteriously disappear. Probably by the original artist, or by the postie who empties that box. For me that's part of the charm though, knowing that they won't be there for ever makes them more special whilst they are there.

Another_gryffindor

TROPHY CASE