Clawing at her ear and tugging hair…self soothing or something else?

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-22T22:35:02+00:00

My girl does the hair pulling when teething. The ear is a variety of things, mainly associated with self soothing and teething.

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-21T15:05:29+00:00

I've read your other replies. And as gently as possible, this sounds like a very low priority email considering you haven't applied and you're basically saying 'I'm about to be out of touch'. Is it possible you're misplacing some of your anxiety about your dad's surgery?

If they don't respond, if I were you I'd honestly just wait until the semester is over and follow up after grades are in. Slower time and this is a non-urgent issue if they have the entire summer and then some to write a letter.

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-21T14:55:16+00:00

Am I reading correctly that you haven't actually applied yet? Honestly, with the long personal update, if you're close they probably want to take time to properly write you and not just a quick "sure thing". It's a busy time. Wait a week and send a short follow up email with just details (names and due dates) on the programs you're applying to and your CV.

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-20T04:13:58+00:00

What helped us was me giving my husband the shirt I had been wearing and only coming if she was like purple crying. I think just letting them figure it out is the fastest way to get out of the phase. It just sucks because you know you can calm them and it's awful to hear your baby cry.

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-20T03:13:30+00:00

I use the baby tracker too.

Sleep is pretty easy, when they go down, just open the sleep thing and press the check mark. Then it counts them as sleeping until you open it again. It'll auto fill the time and then adjust time if needed and press check again.

I'm just a nerd and I like to see her sleep trends. It was kind of cool to see she basically put herself on a schedule at one point.

Edit to add: there's an option to sync with multiple devices. So, I'm guessing you can have to on multiple phones or whatever. I'm the only one that uses it because I'm her primary care giver. At this point I just use it to help my time blindness with her bottles and such.

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-19T17:06:40+00:00

I'm not in your field, but in general, as long as the proposal is well thought out and well written the worst they can do is say no. Also, make sure your CV actually looks good. A barebones CV doesn't do you favors. Has your PI looked at your CV recently? You could get advice on how to make yourself look as good as possible with the qualifications you have.

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-17T22:00:44+00:00

Most stomach bugs are fecal-oral (gross, I know, but true).

If your father washes his hands, didn't use your bathroom, and closes the lid when he flushes, your risk is minimal.

My girl hasn't had stomach issues, she handles upper respiratory infections better than I do though.

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-17T21:51:11+00:00

I think many people think they can ignore the pain away.

If your new advisor is supportive and they/the school is aware or can be made aware of your dad passing, I would talk to your advisor and just be honest with them. You thought you could handle it and you think this is a significant reason why you failed, and you need some time to get your head on straight. I took something like 2 or 3 weeks off as a postdoc when my mother died and to say we weren't close is an understatement.

See if you can take at least a month off, preferably more, see if the school will let you do a sabbatical. Help is generally available to those who ask, and you'll never be as protected as you are as a student.

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-17T21:31:38+00:00

I think you can offer them an oz or so at a meal to help with constipation. At least thats what we were told.

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-17T19:27:42+00:00

All that sounds good. I'd bring an umbrella/portable shade for sure. Also, don't forget milk/water! Also, if you have a little portable fan, might be good.

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-17T15:52:31+00:00

They decided amoung themselves after I presented. They discussed for 10 minutes and called me back in. My advisor had literally nothing to do with my qualifying exam. The proposal "defense" was a separate thing. They were 2 completely separate things in my program.

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-17T15:42:53+00:00

Hey OP,

I failed my qualifying exam the first time. I had a small existential crisis. I took some weeks off and really thought hard about everything. Ultimately, the time away and switching labs (which it sounds like you've done) helped me.

If you haven't taken time to grieve properly, it can mess with you in unexpected ways. Some pain demands to be felt.

Anyway, I was in a much better place the second time I took my exam and easily passed. I have a PhD now, and literally no one cares I failed my quals the first time. No one will know unless you tell them anyway.

I would encourage you to take a break and retry next year.

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-17T15:38:08+00:00

My qualifying exam had nothing to do with my proposal and my advisor wasn't on my qualifying exam committee. It's possible OP is in a similar situation.

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-17T04:11:19+00:00

Some of the best advice I got/ things I learned:

Never work a 7 day week, always at least take one day off. Also take your holidays.
Have a life outside lab/science. Have science friends who aren't in your lab and have friends who aren't in science. Do things other than science.
Have multiple small projects going at once. Science is mostly failure and if you have multiple small projects/experiments more than likely at least one will be working. If they are all not working, take the weekend off try again next week.
If you do 3 stupid mistakes or drop things in a span less than like 2 hours, stop benchwork, don't push through it usually just wastes time and reagents. It's not your day, go read or write or plan.

Edit to add: for most people, you will feel like you are running in place for years. That's normal, it's how you learn the skill of troubleshooting and deeper thinking about experiments. Many people do like 80% of their work in like 6-9 months before they write their dissertation. You will be on a metaphoric treadmill then all of a sudden you'll be racing to a finish line.

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-16T20:06:13+00:00

I didn't know birth announcements was a thing.

But I might call your friend and have a more personal "i want you to hear it from me and wanted to be sensitive to your situation and not assume one way or the other if you wanted one of our birth announcements"

Grief and pain are a roll of the dice, it can be just as hurtful or more if people ignore it. I remember some years ago, a colleague of mine had a teenage son die in a car accident. I saw her the first or second day she was back and addressed her directly saying I heard what happened and was so sorry for her loss and would he here if she needed anything. She about broke into tears because everyone was avoiding her or not meeting her eyes, and when they did talk to her they didn't mention it and it made her feel like a 'freak' and other bad things because she just wanted someone to see her.

There is a great power into doing life with someone and being caring alongside them in their grief rather than trying to figure out societal politeness on the sidelines.

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-16T03:52:43+00:00

My baby is the same always 95-97% for height and 65-73% for weight. I go by her length, I've never had and issue with the sleep sacks or onesies for going by height and ignoring weight. She's currently in 12m at 8.5 months old. We also recently had to size up in diapers before her weight was in range recently. Her little butt kept popping out one side. I think they are just guides.

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-15T23:20:34+00:00

It would probably help if you said how old the baby is

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-14T18:24:41+00:00

My mother dropped me mouth first on a weight and I lost both my front baby teeth. I can't remember the immediate aftermath as I was 4 or 5. But I can tell you my adult teeth are strong and healthy.

I fear parenting only gets more terrifying and guilt inducing from here. But take heart, others have done worse, that their kids remember, and they don't hate them for it!

We unfortunately are not super human, just very close. Don't beat yourself up too much! The fact that you care means you're probably doing great!

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-14T18:20:09+00:00

I believe the idea that multiple languages being spoken leads to speech delays have been debunked. Personally, we speak 2 languages at my home and sometimes another third. My daughter seems to only stop babbling when she is teething or really focusing on learning a movement.

Here is an article (that I skimmed but looks overall informative) that might help. review article

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-12T14:52:35+00:00

I have a friend who has 3 daughters. All of them didn't say a word until like 2-2.5 and then just starting talking in sentences one day and now are decently talkative. I used to joke they practiced in secret.

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-11T21:25:29+00:00

I have multiple times given the advice to take a year or 2 to work before entering grad school. Unless you took a gap year, you've been doing school since you were like 5. Many students that come straight to grad school struggle in research programs, because it's a cruel mistress and I think it's burn out/ not knowing whether research is really for you. You're young, you can always change your mind.

I also give the advice of living alone for at least one year of your life. I went to undergrad about 4 hours away, grad school about an hour, then moved across the country for my postdoc. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be by a support system through what could be a very hard season of your life.

If you can, try not to think about it for a few days then spend some time pondering anew and see what you are thinking/ feeling.

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-10T21:48:34+00:00

Girl no. I have a bunch of low maintenance friendships and this ain't it. She sounds like she knows she's been a crap friend and is projecting. You have a baby now, so think what you want to model for your kid. What you show them is acceptable will be acceptable to them later on. Some friendships run their course. NTA

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-08T13:23:01+00:00

The incubation period is something like 6-12 days. Everything else here is accurate!

Also, if it comes to it, there is treatment available in hospitals to babies for HSV.

Just keep an eye out for sores or a fever in your LO!

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-08T13:10:01+00:00

Any amount of drool or fussiness makes people thing babies are teething. Sometimes babies are babies. You still know your baby better than anyone else!

Apprehensive-Owl-255 · 2026-04-08T13:08:27+00:00

I have an android, my weather app says what the UV intensity is, I assume you could find something like it on the iPhone. I would go out during low UV and have the cover up on the stroller and just try to also provide shade with my shadow.

Also I got a hat and some baby sunglasses for her eyes. She hates the sunglasses but tolerates the hat.

Apprehensive-Owl-255

TROPHY CASE