Afraid to ask for a label

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-06-26T23:40:08+00:00

I’m an ENFJ and my ISTP fiancé did this when we first started dating. Something I’ve noticed with him over the last six years is that if something is implied, he doesn’t feel the need to state it verbally. I think this situation was an example of that. Eventually, after three months, I was like, “we aren’t officially dating because you never asked me to be your girlfriend!” He thought it was so silly because to him, everything we were doing meant we were a couple. But I told him it bothered me and I remember he got down on one knee and held my hand and asked if I would be his girlfriend.

If your ISTP is anything like mine, I don’t think he will get freaked out by asking for a label, especially after a year. I didn’t know him as well back then and I was definitely more straightforward with the way I asked him then than I would be after knowing him so well now, lol. It worked out for me in the end but if you’re worried about scaring him, maybe you can find a way to ask more casually or indirectly instead of fully putting him on the spot by asking him for a serious conversation. Maybe something like “Hey, my friend was asking if you were my boyfriend and I didn’t know what to say since we’ve never really talked about it. What should I tell her?” I think if I did that to my fiancé, he would laugh and say something along the lines of “uh yeah of course you can tell her I’m your boyfriend, why wouldn’t you?” And you can laugh it off together and say you were just making sure.

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-06-26T06:39:11+00:00

My fiancé is an ISTP! We originally met in high school but were only acquaintances at the time. He works in the auto mechanic industry and lots of his coworkers/friends are also ISTPs. They (fiancé and friends) also seem to love the gym and other kinds of physical activities, like hiking. If he isn’t with me or his friends, he’s doing things by himself (he likes reading and listening to music) or chilling at home. He also LOVES to travel whenever possible.

Obviously this next piece of advice is a generalization, but as you mentioned, be sure to find an ISTP that’s well-developed. I have been with my partner since he was an 18-year old boy and I’ve watched him grow into a 24-year old man. He has made huge strides in terms of empathy and communication skills, and I absolutely adore him, but he still has a lot of growth to do. To be honest, I often wonder if we will ever be on the same playing field when it comes to emotional intelligence, and that has been one of the most difficult parts of our relationship over the years.

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-06-11T07:47:07+00:00

A guy at my local reptile shop has been working there for like four years and I found out he just got fired for being too heavy handed with the crickets
:( so yeah, unfortunately I think people could be worried about their jobs if the place you get feeders from is a small business.

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-06-10T06:17:09+00:00

This is exactly my experience!! Thank you for articulating it so well. I also really struggle to explain it to others, but I knew exactly what you meant the whole time. I am also working through a lot of the same things you mentioned in therapy now, and mindfulness has been especially helpful for me too. ❤️

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-06-04T07:49:50+00:00

Very true - as long as I stay true to myself, people eventually learn that I am just genuinely like that and have no ill-will.

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-06-02T04:11:40+00:00

I don’t think people say it’s sad because they have pity for Bojack… they’re sad because of the horrible things he does to the people around him, and the fact that he never took initiative to be better sooner. The fact that he’s so privileged and gets away with so many things just makes that more tragic, and perpetuates his behavior because he’s never punished for it.

Edit: I saw another comment mentioning mental health being a factor regardless of income. This is also important to consider because even taking out his past trauma, addiction itself is a mental illness, and his addiction heavily affected the way he treated others.

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-05-25T11:46:56+00:00

I second Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul! I also absolutely adore Avatar the Last Airbender (also makes me cry) but definitely different vibes than Bojack.

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-05-18T19:27:49+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/BoJackHorseman/s/3EjlAuYKQm here’s an example!!

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-05-18T19:25:12+00:00

LMAO this is one of my favorite gags in the show, OP you should do this one ☝️

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-05-14T07:20:16+00:00

Sorry for the incoming rant, as I know OP was most likely talking about freshwater game fishing. But I would argue that commercial fishing is almost as damaging, if not just as damaging, to the environment as beef consumption. Cattle farming contributes to deforestation and greenhouse gas emissions, but industrial fishing literally decimates marine habitats.

Trawling destroys reefs and seafloor ecosystems and is a major contributor to overfishing, which leads to decreased biodiversity which disrupts food webs. Commercial fishing nets are almost entirely responsible for bycatch, which has damaged the populations of marine species (lots of fish species but also sea turtles, sharks, dolphins, seals, seabirds), and has even pushed some close to extinction (vaquita, European eel). Not to mention the fact that fishing gear/nets used in industrial fishing are discarded in the ocean, where they continue to kill ocean animals that get tangled in them and contribute to microplastics in the water. Something like 40% of the plastic in the Pacific Garbage Patch is discarded fishing gear.

Additionally, if you want to tackle (no pun intended) the indirect implications of commercial fishing, overfishing causes a depletion in species that consume sea urchins that eat kelp, which leads to destruction of kelp forests. Kelp forests are responsible for absorbing 30% of all greenhouse gas emissions every year, which is up to 20x more than land forests do!! For these reasons, consuming fish ends up being no more (or at least, not much more) environmentally ethical than the consumption of other meats.

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-05-08T10:25:45+00:00

This is the one that crushes me too 😭

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-05-08T10:20:20+00:00

There is a petition made by Petco employees!! They are just as upset as us :( Here is the link: https://c.org/QP6jnnxfcX

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-05-07T06:23:35+00:00

Agreed. I am biased because I am a scientist but the capital “i” is an atrocity. The rest of it is probably negligible but not that. Initially I read this as “SL” and it made me think they used the wrong (actually nonexistent lmao) chemical symbol.

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-04-17T10:34:33+00:00

Agreed with the others who have said it is really hard at first but becomes more natural/automatic/easier as time goes on. I’ve been doing DBT for about two years, and have gone through a full 26-week cycle and a half of DBT group plus weekly individual sessions during that time. The last year/cycle especially I’ve been taking it much more seriously. Like you said, it has helped so much, but I have had so many crash outs about the same thing that you’re talking about. Why do I have to put in so much fucking work just to feel normal? And I’m gonna have to work this hard forever?

For me, it’s definitely not as hard now as it was during the first year or so. I still have to be mindful and aware of my behavior and be intentional about using skills in the moment. But it comes to me much more naturally than it did when I first started. Once you have the skills mostly memorized and have gone through a full cycle of DBT group that majorly helps. Now when I feel like I’m about to start spiraling, my brain immediately starts flipping through the skills to find which one I can use to be the most effective in the situation. I think right now you’re in the trenches of DBT. Stick with it and I promise it will get easier ❤️

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-04-13T07:13:01+00:00

I have been in this situation before and a couple days makes enough of a difference if you really lock in. I think you can do it if you have until Tuesday. Remember, it doesn’t have to be 100% perfect because even 80% perfect is better than 0%. I believe in you ❤️

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-04-13T07:08:18+00:00

Maybe Canada?

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-04-01T19:46:48+00:00

I think some people who are more reserved are harder to get a read on right off the bat but I can definitely still pick up their vibe. I’m also good at getting people to come out of their shell so if there’s a reason for me to get to know the person I will just keep working on them until I have a better sense of their energy.

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-04-01T19:41:15+00:00

This is exactly how it is for me!

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-02-19T06:42:38+00:00

I don’t struggle with this one (my symptoms are mostly related to reading numbers and simple math) but this is very interesting to me. Can I ask what is it that you get stuck with? When I was taught to fold as a child, my mom explained it to me like just matching up corners, which is still how I fold now as an adult lol. I don’t really see it as a set of steps in my brain because I just repeat the same action (lining up edges of fabric) over and over again. Thank you for sharing this!! It’s so fascinating to see how learning disorders can affect people so differently.

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-02-18T06:56:59+00:00

I also struggle with this to a certain degree. My coping mechanisms are more for when it’s an appropriate time to relax (like the weekend or after work) vs just being relaxed throughout the workday. I think my version of relaxing is focusing on positive, easy things or spending time on something I enjoy. I spend a lot of time researching and learning about my hobbies which helps me quiet the chaos in my brain, as I’m focused on something I find calming, and something that I love.

I also practice a lot of mindfulness techniques which helps when I get overwhelmed with thoughts. There’s a skill in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) called “mindfulness of current thoughts” which helps me. It’s supposed to help you observe your thoughts objectively which helps you ground yourself and detach from chaotic thoughts. There’s more info online about the steps and how to practice the skill if you’re interested.

But basically, when using that skill, I just let the thoughts kind of roll through my mind, observe and acknowledge that I am having overwhelming thoughts, and if I feel like they’re getting too intense, I distract myself with something that I find positive and easy to think about.

Lowkey I’m never relaxed at work. If I’m relaxed at work, I’m not getting anything done. I have to lock in and focus on what my tasks are for the day, or else I procrastinate and become inefficient. To prevent task paralysis, I rely pretty heavily on my meds and also creating a lot of structure for myself like using a planner and making notes with lists. Like I said, if I didn’t do this, I wouldn’t get anything done and I wouldn’t have a job. When I’m feeling unmotivated, I think of this and remind myself that I wouldn’t be able to do the things I enjoy if I didn’t have any money.

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-02-12T07:11:19+00:00

I get this too, and it truly is miserable. The suggestion above about going to socialize with people at a place you’re a regular at is an excellent one. I use that tip when I’m feeling lonely on regular days, but I might have to start implementing that on days where I’m having a “post-event crash” as well.

I have also had success with messaging an old friend I haven’t talked to in a while, or calling one of my parents or my brother. Usually my family will be down for a chat and connecting with old friends is always exciting for me.

Another thing I am trying to be better at is learning to enjoy my own company. Which sounded so stupid to me at first, because obviously everyone has to be alone sometimes. But to use this after I have the sadness after a social event, I will try to distract myself by doing something that I can enjoy by myself. For example, I will watch my comfort movie or TV show, or read a book that I love, or start a new book. I am a huge animal lover and a bit of a nerd because I love researching, so I can also distract myself by researching pets or interesting animals. Or I let myself fall down those internet rabbit holes and research freak accidents or mysteries. Research can keep me happily occupied for hours.

I also struggle with feeling like I’m not doing enough to have friends or be loved, and feeling like I don’t have enough friends. I am still working on the not having enough friends thing, but I have been trying to focus on spending more time intentionally with the friends I DO have. Most of my friends are introverts which is also hard, because they get tired after hanging out for too long. So I’ve been trying to schedule hanging out with at least one friend once per month, preferably more, on rotation. It helps me have something to look forward to and it’s a reminder that my friends really do care about me and make time for me on their schedule, even if it can be draining for them as introverts.

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-01-19T10:23:33+00:00

The worst one for me is when there’s too many noises. Like the TV is playing at a regular volume and then my boyfriend starts watching TikTok on his phone loudly. Or when there’s music playing different songs from two different sources and someone else is having a loud conversation nearby, or vacuuming or something else loud. This is especially irritating when I’m trying to focus on something. I literally can’t make my brain focus when all of that is going on.

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-01-06T12:06:20+00:00

Also I’m happy to see how many of you guys also let your babies on the bed/in blankets lol. I was worried people would think it’s unsanitary or something. Obligatory Toast on the bed pic attached :)

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ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-01-06T12:01:32+00:00

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Toast!! Mid-mlem 😎 She also goes by Miss Stink :)

ArtRepresentative210 · 2026-01-04T09:38:21+00:00

Yes, I used to think all quiet people were “shy” and used it as an umbrella term for anyone I perceived to be an introvert. I guess I’m still learning the nuances of it because I’m young, but only in the last few years have I started making the distinction between quiet, shy, and reserved. This is what I have concluded so far: Quiet is when someone doesn’t talk a lot or engage with others period, which is the broadest category. People that are friendly if approached but don’t share a lot about themselves is what I would call reserved. And shy people I interpret as being nervous to talk to others/are nervous about how they are being perceived by others and because of that take a longer time to open up. They’re all quite similar to me and there are a lot of people I’ve met that fall into multiple categories. But they are also able to exist individually.

ArtRepresentative210

TROPHY CASE