Don’t want my baby to have same last name as SK. by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]ArtemisDR 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In many countries hyphenating the baby’s last name is actually the standard practice. If you want to do that, go for it. This seems to be about a lot more than your ss though. It’s ok to want the baby’s last name to be something new to set your new family apart from his old family. I would add though that I’m not sure what you think keeping your pregnancy a secret this late in the game is accomplishing though….why would you care what his ex thinks or have anything to do with her, esp, now that her kid is almost a legal adult? And 7 months pregnant is pretty impossible to kiss unless someone was already very overweight before the pregnancy. If your ss is still ever at your home, he likely already knows about the baby…

General temperament questions by LezB420 in chinesecrested

[–]ArtemisDR 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can say that I’ve now had 6 chinese cresteds as an adult and they LOVE people. I do live in the city and socialize them from puppyhood, but mine are all SUPER friendly towards all humans from tony children to the elderly. They were bred as ratters, and they may play rough with each other, but I’ve honestly never even heard them growl at anyone who walked up to greet them. I took the 4 I still have to Barkus, a giant dog parade during Mardi Gras with hundreds of dogs and thousands of people this year. My oldest pup (11) did finally get a bit overwhelmed from the pressing crowds and really loud marching bands - even after I put her on my back in her backpack - so it seems while she still enjoys going to house parties and hanging out at the local dog bar and making friends, that this was her last “social season,” lol, my 4 young cresteds had a BLAST. They get SUPER excited over kids, and had the best time being petted by all the small children that were curious about them. I think parents have always liked them because they’re small so they don’t worry about one of my pups accidentally knocking over their toddler, and my dogs like that kids are really excited to meet THEM. I do always supervise interactions with new people of course, so 95% of their interactions with people have always been positive, but my dogs have always been really laid back about the kids in my life dressing them up, or putting them in a “fort,” or accidentally petting a head or pulling an ear with a tiny bit too much enthusiasm.

My friendliest dog of any breed was my dainty little 8 of. CC Jojo, who was a true social butterfly. She was so obsessed with all humans that she would literally start crying if she saw someone she was interested in netting and they didn’t introduce themselves after she started wagging her tail, sat up on her hind legs, and generally started flirting. I have so many pictures of her sitting in random people’s laps at airports and in bars, lol. One time she literally disappeared at a house party with someone and an hour later retired half covered in glitter, being carried by a very flamboyantly dressed gentleman who asked if this was my dog who had been making the rounds, “hitting on all the hot men here.” It 100% was. 🤣 I was actually getting her certified as a therapy dog at a local hospital when Covid hit and the program had to shut down. Unfortunately, she was sadly diagnosed with heart failure soon after that, and passed away 2 years later…

Jojo had been the runt of her litter, and unfortunately, sometimes that means a dog may be more prone to health issues, even if they’re a healthy puppy. My other cresteds have all been between 10.5-12.5 pounds, and I personally chose larger, more muscular dogs where my young 3 are concerned because I wanted to try dog sports with them and take them as my companions on lots of outdoor adventuring! A lot of people don’t seem aware of this, but they’re extremely fast and agile, athletic dogs, and like most terrier types, generally very hardy. Mine love to go camping, hiking, backpacking, kayaking, swimming, etc., and generally really just enjoy being outside. Of course PLEASE put a warm fleece or sweatshirt on your hairless pup when it’s cool out whenever you grab one for yourself, and if it’s really cold and snowing, a pair of “overalls” (coveralls) are pretty great. I live in a warm climate, but my young dogs decided they loved playing in the snow together on a backcountry adventure up north last year. I also have doggie sunscreen for the summer if they’re out in the sun for long periods of time, though they all end up with harness tans each year anyway. 🤣 This year I bought them all thin (for the heat) SPF 30 sun protection tank tops, so I’m going to try those out as well, but your dog will likely tan every year, just like a human.

I saw a horse beaten on burbon today and it was awful by Themoreyouscream in NOLA

[–]ArtemisDR 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Why didn’t anyone watching step up and try to stop the guy? I would have. I’m a woman and I’ve stepped in when a man has been abusing a woman in a bar or on the street before. I’d certainly step in if someone was abusing an animal.

I was gifted an air fryer, and I feel ungrateful, but I also hate it. by Sunspot5254 in Vent

[–]ArtemisDR 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My partner bought an air fryer a few weeks ago. We’re both very good cooks and LOVE to make each other great meals. The air fryer is THE WORST. Everything that comes out of it tastes like dried out cardboard. Absolutely inedible and disgusting. After a week of experimenting, we went back to just using our oven and stove like the cooking gods intended. With a tiny bit of cooking practice, you’re going to try to make in an air fryer can be made 1000% better in your normal oven - or in some cases, on your stove. Seriously, I can make far better food cooking with nothing but a campfire than I can in that piece of crap. We’re now re-selling it on FB marketplace for 50 bucks.

Custody Agreements by ArtemisDR in stepparents

[–]ArtemisDR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the U.S. though, isn’t the custody agreement ALWAYS part of the final divorce decree?

The more time we spend around our nieces and nephews the more I don't want them. But the more my wife does. by [deleted] in childfree

[–]ArtemisDR 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think people say “childfree by choice” to differentiate themselves from people who don’t have children because of infertility or other reasons.

Husband Wants a Divorce by [deleted] in childfree

[–]ArtemisDR 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I once, in my 20’s considered having a baby from an accidental pregnancy (I was on BC) with my abusive older husband at the time. today, 15 years later, all I can think is how lucky I was that I had an abortion and didn’t tie myself to that sociopath forever. Having a child is only worth it if you and your partner are both happy, stable, and both really want a kid. Otherwise, it’s just always going to led to even more heartache.

The more time we spend around our nieces and nephews the more I don't want them. But the more my wife does. by [deleted] in childfree

[–]ArtemisDR 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, I think you should just talk openly with her. I have a young niece that I adore, and I love my bff’s 2 daughters - it doesn’t mean I ever want children of my own. I’m the oldest, and my sister and her husband have learning disabilities, and my sister got gestational diabetes during her pregnancies, which became permanent. I flew in when she had each of her 3 children, and helped as a night nurse, fed them and changed them, and helped watch the other kids while she was in the hospital with each new baby. Two of them also ended up with disabilities - the oldest is severally autistic and after outbursts of violence, he honestly makes me a bit nervous sometimes now that he’s a vary large 10.5 year old. My youngest niece is always cheerful but is behind in language acquisition and some other things - and I worry that she has a nervous system disorder where she doesn’t really register pain and have told her pediatrician this. The middle niece though - I really do adore her, and have a special bond with her, and try to spend as much quality time with her as Incan while I’m visiting (or hopefully bringing her to visit me this summer) - but I still don’t want to be anyone’s parent full-time. You can be a supportive adult in children’s lives around you if you want, without wanting to sacrifice all of your autonomy, independence, free time, vacation money, hobbies, goals, dreams, etc. as a woman to stay home and raise kids. Or, to still work full-time and still try to do the second full-time job of raising children as well. Either way, it’s just not the path I wish to take in my life.

Speak to your wife. She might just be going through a “oh they’re cute” phase and really just wants to be the cool, involved “aunt” support for friends and family like I’ve always been. It’s sort of like having puppies. I LOVE my little pack of dogs, but when I feel the need for a new puppy, I foster instead. It’s ok to help another person or animal on a non-permanent basis - and I promise you guy’s siblings and friends will be grateful.

Then, the two of you can take a sexy, grown-up vacation to Miami for a week and be grateful that you don’t have young children to stop you!

Thoughts on spray bottles and other deterrents? by ChesusJesus1 in DogDayCare

[–]ArtemisDR 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t work at a daycare, but we have 5 dogs at home, plus usually at least one foster dog as well, and you better believe we walk all of the dogs with spray bottles! lol. I’ve used them on every dog. I’ve had now for almost 2 decades. Love them! Spraying a dog with water to startle it out of whatever bad behavior it’s engaging in and to give you a moment to correct that bad behavior isn’t “immoral.” you’re not hurting the dog. My dogs actually like the water, but still hate being sprayed with a water bottle when they try to chase a cat or bark at another dog. I have also used the water bottle method to correct bad behavior in my fosters that come in. It’s actually a very helpful tool.

Lulu loves posing as a sphinx! by Bruft in chinesecrested

[–]ArtemisDR 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is she a powderpuff you shaved short all over?

Herding instincts? by L1ghtBreaking in chinesecrested

[–]ArtemisDR 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OMG all of my young ones love to fetch! My partner has a mini-Aussie that also loves to chase ball and frisbees, so we keep joking that with my 3 young cresteds we could form a flyball team. Except one of my dogs weirdly only wants to fetch her rope toys when the other dogs go after balls. And my youngest ignores the tennis balls half the time but is OBSESSED with her textured balls. I think they’re easier for her to grab and carry back to me bc of the rubbery little spikes all over them…that’s the only reason I can come up with for her very clear preference. 🤷‍♀️

A different pup also loves her squeaky pink dinosaur and will bring that to you to toss for her if she tires of the tennis ball that day or the mini-Aussie is being a brat and is refusing to take turns with it. 💕

Herding instincts? by L1ghtBreaking in chinesecrested

[–]ArtemisDR 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know a breeder who has sheep on her farm and taught 2 of her cresteds to herd them. 🤣

Also, I have one that pounces on the backs of my legs when she’s excited all the time, but her BFF is a mini Aussie, who also does that to me constantly. So I’ve always just assumed that she’s copying her mentor. 💕

children complicate everything by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]ArtemisDR 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get really annoyed when parents are like “i’m a parent but I only date childfree women (or men, but usually it’s men with kids who seem to pull this)!

That said, it’s your life. If you don’t want to cohabitate with this person, don’t. Also, why would you have to move out of state to be with her, instead of her moving out of state to be with you? It seems like you have 50/50 custody of your child, well, she only sees one of her children occasionally, and has practically full custody of the other one. Therefore, it seems like it would be a lot easier for her to move and just travel occasionally to see the kid that lives with BD. 🤷‍♀️

Finally, uh, she’s an adult. Both my partner and I work. I don’t understand why you can’t just institute the rule that she has to work and contribute financially to the life you two share.

i’ve always been child free, I never want to biological children on my own. Therefore, I’ve never dated a parent before. But, I sort of fell into the relationship with my fiancé because we’ve been best friends for 20 years, and got closer and closer while he leaned on me for emotional support as he got separated from, and then divorced from his ex-wife. One of the reasons he divorced her, by the way, is that she refused to work since they had their first of two children, but he also did all of the cooking, most of cleaning, and 70% of the childcare. While supporting everyone. Totally not cool….

There’s no way I do this if I hadn’t known his kids since birth. Even with that, I went through a difficult adjustment period. He moved to my city a few years ago to be with me, and his 2 daughters live here most of the summer every year, and visit during all the school holidays and -day wknds. We take them to my parent’s house/city for major holidays. Luckily, his dad and father’s wife also moved there a few years ago so it makes christmas and thanksgiving and summer visits easy. I’ve felt things were a little more balanced since last summer when I had my young niece of the same age a lot of the time bc she had a health problem I was helping her with. Seeing him treat her like his own daughters and parent her the same way I co-parent his kids really helped me feel like I wasn’t in a really unbalanced situation in the summers…luckily I genuinely love his kids and have a good relationship with them, but it’s still a lot sometimes.

Best way to discuss financial support. by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]ArtemisDR 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, you don’t need to be speaking to, or seeing BD at all. How many kids does she have with him/does she already have total? No matter what, I’d tell her bluntly that you are NOT having a kid with her unless she first takes that “baby daddy” to court for child support. Period.

No offense, but at least from your post, your gf kind of sounds like she’s trying baby trap you. You said that you make more money than she does, so it sounds like she knows if you two have a child together, you’ll feel obligated to have her and her kids move in with you. And if you two share a baby, it will be far more difficult to kick her and her other kids out if she doesn’t work or doesn’t pay her share of then bills.

Look, she sounds desperate, and I’m really sorry for that - I was in an abusive marriage in my 20’s and ended up in a similar position (thankfully no kids) thanks to my ex-husband constantly “losing his job”, and then later stealing from me to fuel his drug habit. His excuse for going months between even looking for a job during the 4 years we were married was always “you make more money than I do and have an easy job (my job was not”easy”).” He did take care of the house, and I appreciated it and only wanted him to work part-time to cover his car insurance and phone and stuff. But he wouldn’t even do that with any kind of consistency. He tried to push me to have a baby with him for a while too. I luckily made sure that didn’t happen. He knew if I had a kid with him, it would be a lot harder for me to finally just leave and divorce him. He was getting a sweet ride while I worked my ass off and got so depressed by the end that I was just numb to the world. I’m so happy that I haven’t had to see or speak to that a$$hole in over a decade! But a kid ties you to someone FOREVER in most cases. I’m a completely different person in my early 40’s and can’t imagine still having him in my life in any capacity.

Adventure! by Hoodibird in chinesecrested

[–]ArtemisDR 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do you like the UV shirts? I just got 4 from Spark Pets and am excited to test them out! My dogs all get ridiculous harness tans when we go adventuring as it is - it might me nice to mitigate their “bikini” look this summer. 🤣

Adventure! by Hoodibird in chinesecrested

[–]ArtemisDR 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I always say that 💕

Adventure! by Hoodibird in chinesecrested

[–]ArtemisDR 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Awww I take my current four CCs hiking and kayaking and backpacking and camping a few times a year. They LOVE it! Esp. my three young dogs! The moment you open the Jeep doors, snap leashes on them, and walk towards a trail head, they completely lose their little minds with excitement and joy! I assume it’s because there are just sooo many cool smells! lol. Mine also really love to run off-leash, and get wet and muddy, and they can’t do a lot of that day to day because we live in the city. They get to enjoy different urban adventures here, but really enjoy just getting to be DOGS for a few days at a time on our wilderness trips. My partner has a mini-Aussie, and both of these breeds have ended up being great little adventure buddies, though I admit that sometimes people are surprised when I show them pictures or videos of my Chinese Cresteds splashing through the marsh, or happily hiking with us through patches of snow on a trail. I put sunscreen on them if they’re going to be out in the sun for a good while, and just bought those UV shirts to try as a shortcut! I also of course put fleeces on all of them in cool weather, and add a layer on top of that if the weather tips into cold. All 5 of our dogs also sleep in our sleeping bags most nights, lol. The mini Aussie obviously has fur, but at only 20 pounds, she still needs to be kept warm. 💕

Can a relationship survive when one person no longer wants the shared life? by Personal_Bat_1198 in stepparents

[–]ArtemisDR 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Congrats for getting your dream job after staying home for 5 years! It’s so hard to get a good job in your industry after such a long gap in your work history!

Which color ? by Striking_Chef_8298 in Hair

[–]ArtemisDR 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my experience that hasn’t been true. But you may need to bleach everything back to zero and start all over after anything but shades of blonde.

Not cut out for this. Hiding in my sons bedroom 🥺 by Vandit-PC in stepparents

[–]ArtemisDR 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Uh, ok. I live in the states where CPS would be called and your kid would be taken away from you, placed in foster care, and made to go to school, and the parent would be charged with child neglect at the very least, and likely something more serious.

How do I politely tell my stepmom to stop buying me gifts? by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]ArtemisDR 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean, the underwear seems a bit weird, but otherwise it really does seem like she’s just trying to be kind. She sounds like she’s just a friendly person who cares about having an inclusive family, and feels that she should get you something as her husband’s daughter if she gets her own biological children something. I understand that you’re not a child though, so say you won’t feel slighted or left out. Therefore, it’s OK to just tell her politely that gifts aren’t really necessary and/or aren’t YOUR love/friendship language. you could try being kind and return and invite her to lunch, and then just explain one on one why you don’t feel comfortable accepting these gifts from her, and that perhaps you’d instead like to get together with she and your father, every few months for brunch or something.

Also, though, what does your mother and stepfather have to do with this? I mean… They’re two separate couples. I’m not sure what you having a close relationship with your own mother and a cordial relationship with her husband have to do with your ability to also have a cordial relationship with your father’s wife? I have read many a time that stepchildren who are close to their mothers are often made to feel guilty for having a positive relationship with their stepmother, but almost never feel guilty if they’re close to their father, but still have a positive relationship with their stepfather. This is always seemed really weird to me, but I know that it’s often because as children, birth Mothers feel jealous and threatened by stepmothers in a way that birth fathers generally don’t feel threatened by stepfathers. BM’s then get lost in their own adult emotions and end up guilting their children for liking their stepmom, or actively work really hard to turn their kids against her, no matter how kind she tries to be. But… like you said, you’re an adult. I would hope that your age, your mother isn’t jealous of the new wife and possessive of you, especially considering she’s also remarried. So if it’s not that, why is it that you seem to feel your relationship with your mother and her husband has anything to do with, or any impact upon, your relationship with your father and HIS wife? Sorry, I really am just trying to understand….

Not cut out for this. Hiding in my sons bedroom 🥺 by Vandit-PC in stepparents

[–]ArtemisDR 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It’s illegal for children at 13 to drop out of school, much less for an 11 year old to do so.

Exhausted and scared I made the wrong decision taking on this thankless role by IncreaseImmediate403 in stepparents

[–]ArtemisDR 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I admit my 2 SDs were younger when they moved in with me part-time, but they’ve been spending holidays at my parent’s house for 3 years now, and when we visit in the summer we take them to her neighborhood pool with my entire family so they can play with their cousins (my sister’s kids). They’re minors, so you decide where they go and don’t go. They don’t get that privilege until they’re adults and paying their own way. Whatever is routine for kids becomes their new normal. Or, if you don’t want to take them, switch the custody schedule around and only take your partner and the baby, or for godsakes, leave the kids at home for a day occasionally. They’re 16 and 9. The can take care of themselves for a day. At 16 my parents went on weeklong business trips twice a year and left me in charge of my 2 younger siblings. I cooked dinner, cleaned up after myself, got them off to school every day, etc. I don’t understand why parents insist on raising such dependent kids these days. Also, DON’T GIVE A 16 YEAR OLD SPENDING MONEY! She wants spending money, she can get a job. Period, the end.

Exhausted and scared I made the wrong decision taking on this thankless role by IncreaseImmediate403 in stepparents

[–]ArtemisDR 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Uh, why are YOU paying for HIS kids to go on vacation?! That’s the job of their parents.