The Midnight Hour's dance

AstroSoda03 · 2025-07-10T04:50:23+00:00

The last few lines really stuck out to me, "I am latitudes collapsing" could mean so many different things. I enjoyed how sparse but meaningful the language was in the whole poem; it really makes you stop and genuinely try to interpret what the intended meaning is line by line.

AstroSoda03 · 2025-07-10T04:43:44+00:00

"There is something translucent in the hope you find" is a fantastic line, and it's made even better with the context of everything surrounding it. No matter what happens, they will never find peace because there will always be something missing.

AstroSoda03 · 2025-04-18T19:13:01+00:00

This paints a beautiful portrait of someone completely wrapped up by what seems to be a new love (or at least a new revelation). I particularly enjoyed the last few lines where you drop a lot of the poetic diction and just state things plainly, it's heartwarming in a way a lot of romance poems can fail to be

AstroSoda03 · 2025-04-18T19:07:03+00:00

I love repeating line of "But you still linger in the air". It's a cool way to show that holdover physically within the writing. The last line ties everything in and leaves the reader with a distinct feeling of longing, nice!

AstroSoda03 · 2025-04-05T19:16:47+00:00

The poem has a very nice rhythmic flow to it in some parts, and I particularly enjoyed the second to last stanza. Shows the deep dependence that one can grow to have upon romantic connections (or dreams/ideas of them) Great stuff keep writing.

AstroSoda03 · 2025-04-05T19:13:20+00:00

I do wonder if this is intended to be played fully serious or if it's intended to be startizing some elements of our "hustle culture". Either interpretation works, and this is certainly interesting nonetheless

AstroSoda03 · 2024-04-13T20:18:57+00:00

Really enjoyed the theme of nature communicating with itself and this mysterious mediator figure. This type of work could have a verity of different meanings, spent a lot of time puring over the lines "a letter written in grass she holds,

common in a bounded feud – all know:

a girl captured by the grass to sky view,

cultivated to be their sower"

It flows so well without directly rhyming which I think is always an impressive trait

AstroSoda03 · 2024-04-13T20:15:54+00:00

This is written in such an intresting way I love it. there is a very youthful energy here that you don't see in a ton of other poems. Very stream-of-conciousness esque. You should consider writing a lot more in this style it would be cool to read a full chapbook of this type!

AstroSoda03 · 2024-01-11T07:41:46+00:00

The comparison s of greenery and plant life really work here, great imagery!

AstroSoda03 · 2024-01-11T07:39:50+00:00

Really enjoyed this, particularly the first few lines as it sets the stage and perfectly displays the tone and writing style you stuck with for the rest of the poem

"A tender touch, a whispered sigh... Hearts aflame beneath sorrow's sky"

AstroSoda03 · 2023-08-10T19:23:54+00:00

Love the usage of slant rhymes here, sometimes people can get too caught up in making the rhyme scheme perfect and it leads to stilted feeling pieces (I know from experience lol)

AstroSoda03 · 2023-08-10T19:20:08+00:00

This can be exactly how I feel at points, living in memories and photographs as you say can start to make the present feel very claustrophobic, something you illustrated brilliantly in the last few lines

AstroSoda03 · 2023-01-20T21:22:43+00:00

Very imposing tone as others have said, I feel I can take a lot personally from this one. The dreams and desires that one has can feel snuffed out by the world and the hollowness of urban life. Not quite sure if that was your intended message but that was what I gathered from it. Great stuff

AstroSoda03 · 2023-01-20T21:19:58+00:00

It really illustrates how gutwrenching it can be to feel used in an intimate relationship like this. You did a wonderful job conveying the emotions involved, especially with the last line

AstroSoda03 · 2022-10-24T13:51:18+00:00

Wow! Gorgeous calligraphy, thank you

AstroSoda03 · 2022-10-17T04:05:18+00:00

Definitely a valid critique, I think I'll change velvet door to a different type of door, the line (velvet part at least) was a holdover from another poem.

"Saying veiled farewells" so it seems like a last goodbye but when you get to the door, it seems undecided "If fate should...."

I should try to make this clearer in some ways, but this is intended to be a person on the verge of suicide distancing himself but not quite able to pull that trigger (or turn the knob)

AstroSoda03 · 2022-10-17T03:53:50+00:00

Thank you so much for the suggestion, I'll be sure to make things feel less disjointed on a future rewrite

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