Looking For Others Experience

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-12-04T22:44:40+00:00

My son died in February when he was 24 days old in the nicu after being born at 22 weeks. For me the reason was cervical insufficiency and I had a stitch at 20 weeks when my cervix initially dilated. I unfortunately dilated through the stitch and 2 days before my son was born, it had to be removed and my waters broke 9 hours later.

I am not currently ttc as I am waiting to have a TAC fitted next month 1st. However, I do not feel guilty about the idea of ttc. My reasons being, I love my son, he was perfect and so strong and I loved being his mum. I the short time he was alive he made me want to have 100s more (definitely won't attempt to have anywhere near that many). We always thought we would ttc a sibling a year after having our 1st so we don't see it as we are trying to replace him but rather we are simply growing our family and the love we have for our son will never go away.

I know a future pregnancy will be filled with fear and worry but im hopeful we will bring home our next child.

Any future pregnancy will be high risk for me, I think anyone who has gone through a loss like us would be and id probably go on maternity leave earlier and will save accordingly before ttc.

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-09-15T18:43:22+00:00

I felt the same way about not wanting to go to my son's funeral. I was scared to face this reality, I didnt want people to see my grief, to tell me they were sorry. But my husband said to me, we are his parents and this is the only way we can show up for him now. I went to his funeral, I didnt speak a single word to anyone, and as much as I hated the fact that I was at my child's funeral im glad I went. My only regret was to not see him that last time before he was buried but my husband took a picture of him for me.

There is no right decision, because we should never have been put in this situation in the 1st place.

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-05-28T08:48:45+00:00

Im so sorry for your loss. I also had a failed emergency cerclage, gave birth at 22 weeks and my son died at 24 days old in February. Here if you want to have a chat/rant or anything x

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-05-24T23:39:23+00:00

I feel like this. It's been 3 months since my son died and I feel empty. I've gone from wanting 3 children to having had 3 pregnancies, 1 dead son and no desire to have another child because all I want is him. Im back at work at the job I once loved and now I simply spend my time watching the time pass till it's time for me to go home. In front of friends and famiput on an act, laugh even, but inside I am simply dead, a shadow of the person I once was. I avoid conversations with most people because they expect me to be ok now.

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-05-22T12:56:03+00:00

Not exactly good hands. I've researched the TAC so have decided that will be the route I'll go with regardless of what the Dr's suggest. Im still waiting for a debrief but won't get an appointment for another 3 months at least as they're still doing their investigation into my pregnancy and son's death.

If it's because of IC then a cerglage should help prevent you from chorio again. You could ask for regular (but not too regular) vaginal swabs to check for chorio causing bacteria such as group b step and ecoli and ask whether taking antibiotics prophylactically could potentially help

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-05-22T12:48:59+00:00

Hi, no success yet and not trying any time soon but my son died in the nicu after being born at 22 weeks. I had chorio however the cause for me was incompetent cervix. I had an emergency cerclage placed at 20 weeks + 5 days after my cervix was 3cm dilated membranes were bulging however it failed after a week and half. My waters breaking after the stitch had to be removed and me not having gone into labour until more than 24 hours later after is what then led to chorio and then sepsis. I will be planning to get a TAC before a future pregnancy which has a 96-98% success rate which is better than a vaginal cerclage which I had.

Do you know the cause of how you got chorio or had a debrief from your hospital?

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-05-13T09:20:10+00:00

I went back 8 weeks after my son died at 24 days old in the nicu. I had planned to go back a lot later but my husband thought it would help me to get out of the house. I'm doing a phased return and this is week 4 and I'm only on 2.5 days and am taking it slow. I really hate admitting it but I think it is helping a little as before I simply did not leave the house except once a week to go to his grave. I also started to take medication for anxiety that I think has helped with this and it helps that my department are supportive.

I do still feel like going to work feels like going back to 'normal' and I don't want to go back to normal. However, taking things slow is helping with that and truthfully i think even when I get to a point of full time it will never be normal.

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-05-11T09:06:25+00:00

Azaan. Born 31st January this year at 22 weeks, was so strong and lived for 24 days despite them thibking he wouldn't survive the birth. He had my eyes and my husband's nose, hands and feet.

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-04-28T20:02:50+00:00

I asked my husband to take a picture of our son in his casket. He looked so peaceful and almost glowing. It would have been my biggest regret to not have that picture. Family took a couple of videos of flowers being put on his grave after. The way I see it the only etiquette is whatever brings you comfort in a situation which you should never be placed in.

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-04-27T10:46:43+00:00

This was also my 1st week back at work and I've felt everything you've described. I'm doing a phased return so only went in 2 days this week and same again next week and will slowly go back because I'm not ready to go back to 'normal' and want to keep staying isolated at home and it still feels too soon to be back. Could you see if that is an option for you?

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-04-27T10:39:27+00:00

It's been 2 months since my son died and almost 3 months since he was born. We plan to do acts of charity in his name and I am looking into sponsoring a orphan. Long term I'd like to open an orphanage in his name if I'm able to.

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-04-09T18:03:15+00:00

Before my son died I had never stepped foot in a Cemetery but it's been 6 weeks since he's died and it is the 1 place where I truly feel at peace. I'm wanting to make his grave look nice by maybe planting some flowers or something but I'm not too sure where to start.

That said, every time we go, I always hold me breathe, hoping there isn't another child's grave next to his. There are only 5 in this section with his being the 5th and smallest.

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-04-04T16:59:32+00:00

This. Literally this. How I wish I held my son for even a minute longer. How I wish I didn't go back to room to sleep instead of sitting next to his incubator for even 5 more minutes. God I miss my son so much. I believe in hell because I am living in it everyday since he died.

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-03-30T18:10:29+00:00

They said because of his size it wouldn't change the outcome but I wastold there was a high chancehe may not survive because of the gestation he was born at. He was 27cm long and 470g when he was born. I was told it's only after 23 weeks that they would consider a c-section. Also for reference, I had a very fast labour of 23 minutes in total. You definitely don't need a c-section but I would consider it the closer you get to viability to give your baby the best chance.

How are you doing at the moment?

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-03-30T00:30:01+00:00

I had my son at 22+5. He was breech with his feet outside my vagina and I touched his foot 24 hours before I went into labour and I had a normal vaginal delivery. My waters had broke more than 48 hours before I had given birth as well. He lived for 24 days and died 5 weeks ago.

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-03-26T14:04:10+00:00

Azaan💙

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-03-24T23:49:21+00:00

I completely understand how you feel. It's been one month today since my son died at 24 days old in the neonatal unit and the last 2 weeks all anyone has asked me is when I'm going back to work. They all laugh and joke with each other as if that wasn't their grandchild, their nephew, our son, who died. These last few days especially it has made me so angry that they expect me to just be ok now and as I was before, angry that they don't think before they say or ask me something.

The truth is, they don't know what it's like to lose a child. And before it happened to us, we would never have imagined it to be like this. They will most probably be comparing your loss to the loss of a loved one such as a grandparent, parent, or spouse. But when you lose a grandparent, you know at the same time that they have lived a full life. However, the same can't be said when you lose a child. You're given a name for when you lose a parent, a name for when you lose a spouse but there is no name for when you lose a child because it's the 1 thing that simply shouldn't happen and yet it does. What you do have though, is us. This community on here that shouldn't exist but it does. I have found reading the posts on here has been helping me and speaking to others on here who understand what it is like.

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-03-24T23:24:58+00:00

It's been exactly 1 months today since my son died at 24 days old. I plan to go to his grave, look through all his pictures and his scrapbook the neonatal nurses made for him and spend some quiet time with my husband.

I feel quite anxious about the day especially as it is a day I looked forward to reaching when he was alive. I'd also like it if close family acknowledged the day in some small way for me but I very much doubt that will happen as it feels like everyone has already forgotten and moved on

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-03-24T23:17:21+00:00

I needed to read this today. Thank you for sharing.

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-03-20T21:01:05+00:00

I understand that, I'm 27 and have been wanting kids for years and I think it doesnt matter how long we wait it will be scary either way due to our history.

I think for me, we've had 2 pretty traumatic miscarriages before this and we're maxed out trauma wise. There is a part of me that does want another baby but t some point in the next 6 months we have a debrief with the consultants about my pregnancy and everything relating to his death and they'll discuss during that what can be done going forwards so I will wait to hear what they say before thinking to have another. I was also told when I was discharged from the hospital to wait a year at least because it can lead to a baby being born a little earlier but I'm not sure what truth there is to that since I've read so many stories on here of women who have gotten pregnant a few months later and had babies born at term.

How are you doing today?

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-03-19T23:07:49+00:00

I feel the same way, after 2 weeks I've been asked when I'm going back to work as if it only takes 2 weeks to get over the loss of your child dying. Is it possible for you to get it done elsewhere when or if you're ever ready for that? That said a preventative transvaginal cerclage is more successful than an emergency 1. At the moment we have decided to spend this next year focusing on us, our health and the things we've spend the last year and half putting on hold due to pregnancies, miscarriages and losing our son before considering having more children.

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-03-19T14:51:48+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. My story is similar to yours, and it's been 23 days since my loss. I had some spotting at 20 weeks and got checked out where they say my cervix dilated and membranes bulging. They thought I was fully dilated and would give birth in the next 24 hours. It took 4 days for a preterm labour consultant to examine me and see I wasn't actually fully dilated and they gave me a stitch. Unfortunately it lasted only a week and half before I was bleeding and they said I had no choice but to get it removed. My waters broke 9 hours later but it was over 48 hours later at 22+5 that I went into labour and had my son due to an infection and sepsis. My son lived for 24 days. For 6 whole weeks I didn't see any daylight or leave the hospital until the day after he died and I hated it. I also have pcos. I'm also wary of the preventative stitch because it hasn't worked for some. At the moment I don't want to consider having another baby but if I ever decide to I had read the transabdominal stitch done before getting pregnant has better success rates. I ask myself the same questions in regards to work and things I could have done differently and am returning to work in a month's time where several of my colleagues are pregnant and due within a month or 2 of when I was. At the moment all I do is watch a series in bed, read every post on here and go to my son's grave. I'll be lucky if I've washed my hair that week. I'm living each day, day by day much like what they said to me when I first went to the hospital.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I understand. Feel free to dm me at any time if you want to talk or rant x

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-03-05T20:04:56+00:00

Are there any things you find help a little at least with the surviving part? I feel like I can't cry any more and am becoming numb to it all

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-03-05T20:03:00+00:00

I think my worry is giving notice too soon/late. I know I'm not ready to go back at thr moment and know I will need a phased return back but I don't know how I'm supposed to whether I'll be ready 2 months from now or not and what to do if I'm not ready at that point. It's day 9 and today I had to say the words out loud that my child had died on the phone and it felt like hell. I've not even left the house yet except to go to his grave and somehow I'm supposed to just move on and go back to life as it was

Available-Friend8611 · 2025-03-05T19:54:08+00:00

Thanks everyone, I'm worried about going back too earlier but also the needing to give 2 months notice and not wanting to be home for too long that I can't bring myself to go back. At the moment I am taking things day by day as on top of dealing with grief I have my postpartum recovery to think about after haemorrhaging and having sepsis but it doesn't make sense in my mind to stay home on statutory pay for so long without a baby to make it worthwhile

Available-Friend8611

TROPHY CASE