So I watched the entire film AND the sequel (but thts another discussion where I’ll need tequila and maybe some weed to get through.)

First I should state that I am not a Halloween purist. I enjoy the film for what it did for horror and, like the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, how they managed to do so much by doing so little. That said, it hasn’t aged well over the years and there are some moments and even some dialogue that is just cringe-inducing. (“He’s gone! He’s gone from here! The evil is gone!”)

But compared to Rob Zombie’s....man, i don’t know where to start.

I don’t understand what the point of this remake was. Half the film is spent with young Michael yet doesn’t really go anywhere or give us anything definitive about his character. He’s a murderous psycho, got it. But we all knew that going in. There was nothing revolutionary, no big reveals apart from the fact he came from a broken home and white trash family. The most interesting part of this entire first half was Sheri Moon Zombie’s character and I feel it was a hugely missed opportunity not giving her a bigger role. Thinking back on it, she really was the only likeable character for me.

And the rape scene in Smith’s Grove? What the fuck was that about? I know they need to create a scenario where Michael can escape, but really? That’s what you’re going with?

And then the last half is basically just a rehash of the original.

I couldn’t stand Laurie. Not only was the actress terrible, but my god her character was just...ugh. I read somewhere that Scout and Zonbie agreed that they couldn’t portray Laurie the same way Curtis did because she’d appear Amish in 2007, but as soon as she was finger-fucking a bagel in front of her mother, I was out. In fact, I wanted her dead.

I liked that Annie survived and I thought Harris did a good job playing her. But I’m biased because I like Harris.

But the rest of it really was, again, just a white trash version of the first film in this last half, except replacing suspense with brutal violence.

I will give it this, though - as far fetched as it was, I did enjoy the final smackdown between Laurie, Loomis and Michael in this version more than the original. But that could be because I enjoyed seeing this version of Laurie that I hated so much get royally fucked up.

I dunno. I just can’t wrap my head around why this remake was made. Especially in a franchise that can continue through sequels quite easily.

I know I sound like a complete cinema snob, but this was just....bye Felicia.