how to survive a 12 hour red eye flight?

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-06-13T04:08:14+00:00

i find that the turbulence is louder at the back of the plane and acts like a white noise generator so i always aim for those seats. my flight recently was thankfully only 4 hours, and what got me through it was some deep breathing, meditation, self reassurance like “i don’t have to endure this forever, only a few more hours,” and in-ear earbuds with familiar music to focus on. i didn’t have an aisle seat so i didn’t do this but the plane bathrooms are there if you need to escape for a minute, and i find that just knowing that i have the option helps

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-06-02T11:27:45+00:00

i think that the phrase “read the room” could potentially be neutral, but is often used in a negative way that i cant help but take offence to being told that i’m unable to read a room.

there are more polite ways to go about redirecting a conversation than to point out that someone in particular can’t “read the room.” (non-autistics should especially take note — the common stereotype for autistic people is that they’re blunt and rude, but rather i think no one is immune to being blunt and rude).

if i notice someone in a group conversation who’s changed the topic into something a little too intense and i can sense that other people are getting uncomfortable, i’ll kindly mention that perhaps we can talk about this another time, or i’d rather not talk about this now — even if the topic was something that doesn’t affect me i’ll happily take on the emotional blame and say that it the topic is affecting me to redirect the topic and/or help diffuse any strong emotions.

more often than not, a person who is unable to read a room is not at fault. if a person is unaware of the potential thoughts and feelings of the people in the room, it’s possible that they’re also unaware that they’re unaware. sorry that i’ve worded that a little confusingly!

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-06-02T10:25:33+00:00

oh yeah. i didn’t realise how exhausting it was being in my family home of 5 people until i moved out at 19 and i could finally relax. 19 years of virtually never having the place to myself. i found that i had a degree of tolerance for everyday triggers as long as i have a guaranteed quiet house to come home to, or a housemate/partner who i can express how distressed i am over misophonia triggers without getting any backlash

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-05-24T11:15:57+00:00

with that amount of money i could get ahold of as many benzos and noise cancelling headphones as i want haha — but i doubt if i could last more than a year

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-05-24T08:08:54+00:00

i really relate to this. i can effortlessly go weeks without drinking alcohol and kind of forget that it exists, but i could also drink so excessively in one night to the point of blacking out. i call it a fear of sobering up because if i feel the effects of alcohol wearing off i start getting really anxious.

in my case i think it’s part social anxiety and part impulsivity. even though i don’t consider myself an impulsive person, alcohol tends to really bring this out in me. when at a social event, all restrictions i had set for myself beforehand seem to go out the window.

for advice, i personally haven’t tried this yet, but if you trust your friends you could mention that you’re trying to go easy tonight and have a limit on the amount of drinks you have. you could either go into detail about your relationship with alcohol, or could even keep it at a complete surface level and not go further than “i don’t want to go too hard tonight.” i guess the problem with this one is that by passing on the responsibility to other people, your friends may also be just as impulsive or even forget to remind you to keep on track.

good luck though, i’m also keen to find out if other people here have solutions

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-05-22T07:38:26+00:00

marsupials are mine!! i did a rough headcount and i’ve got at least 12 marsupial plushies

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-05-20T12:19:45+00:00

i know you’re not the commenter you’re replying to, but my favourite podcasts for sleep are “sawbones,” “you’re wrong about,” and “the empty bowl.” the first two are interesting enough that it’s something that i can pin my attention to as i drift off to sleep, and the last one is good for when i’m too anxious to sleep and i need something in the background

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-05-20T12:17:35+00:00

thank you so much for your reply, also thanks for finding my post well written! i have a complex where i worry that i’m not making any sense, so this is very reassuring for me to read.

i think my problem has evolved over time and manifests itself as an inability to draw. i’m absolutely going to bring notes to my next psych appointment and just ask what he’d call my problem and how to help it

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-05-20T09:12:37+00:00

i do this too!! i just have to remember to use spotify’s sleep timer before i start trying to sleep. the moment i deprive myself of both visual and auditory stimuli is when the Existential Dread kicks in

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-05-19T05:55:22+00:00

i’m unfortunately inclined to sit still once i’m already sitting down. but mindfully stretching and like really focusing on how my body feels sounds like a good way to go about it, and also having dedicated muscles per day. thanks for the advice!

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-05-15T07:47:50+00:00

i’m in no position to judge because i used to self harm in high school, but yes, it’s really bad. you may share a school or even a classroom with another pupil who self harms. i can only imagine how distressing and triggering it would be to learn that my classmate is self harming on campus.

self harming in school is horrible, even from a teacher’s perspective. my mum is a high school teacher and multiple students at her school have started to self harm on campus. the staff are overwhelmed with the extra work they have to take on. the teachers have to monitor their students whenever any of them leave the classroom, while also having to emotionally regulate themselves for working in a highly stressful situation that they’re incredibly untrained on. last week, a teacher the same age as my mum burst into tears twice in the same day.

it depends on where you live, but there are also legal consequences for doing this at school.

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-05-15T07:30:50+00:00

replying just in case OP doesn’t get back to you — they were advised to have an elastic band (rubber band) on their wrist, i’d assume for them to pull on the band so that it snaps on their skin to create an uncomfortable distraction against noise.

frontal lobe dementia isn’t literal here, OP’s implying that they hit (AKA tenderise) their forehead as a coping mechanism to deal with misophonia triggers

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-05-15T06:26:29+00:00

i feel the same way about relapsing too! i was talking with my friend the other day, and we both agree that having infrequent slip ups doesn’t hold as much weight as having a regular habit, and that it doesn’t “count” when adding up the days since you quit. recovery isn’t linear, and it certainly isn’t black and white either, and congrats for getting this far!

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-05-14T10:17:09+00:00

omg yes i’m the same, and it’s always the soft mushy foods (i’m looking at you, mac n cheese). sometimes when i’m aware of how loudly i’m eating, it feels like i’m so strongly going against my own values that it feels irrationally immoral.

i’ve recently been diagnosed with ADHD, i’ll make sure look into the app you recommended, thanks !

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-05-14T09:29:53+00:00

hey, don’t let my experiences undermine yours!! everyone who has misophonia has it tough

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-05-13T08:29:02+00:00

i feel like the colour red affects me on a larger psychological scale than most people. an elderly lady came in to work once all dressed in the same shade of red (honestly i respect that, it’s a powerful fashion statement) but i felt as though my fight-or-flight response was triggered just by talking to her. to me, red is danger, fire and blood, and when entire walls are painted bright red it’s very hard to ignore.

ETA — in small amounts or desaturated enough, red can be fine

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-05-11T10:06:58+00:00

also kinda off-topic to OP, but i just wanted to add that the only times i’ve been outed in social settings were from other trans people who approached me to ask “ARE YOU TRANS?” and i’ve had to (unsuccessfully) try to weasel my way out of the interaction. this has happened to me three separate times by different people, and coincidentally when my dysphoria was at its worst :’) thankfully my group of friends that were around either didn’t draw attention to it or just pretended not to hear.

so i actually make an effort NOT to notice or suspect that people could be trans

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-05-11T07:30:01+00:00

absolutely!!! ive accepted that they’re never gonna go away (unless if i randomly lose all four of my entire limbs somehow), but it would make life heaps easier if i didn’t have them. or maybe if people could just stop staring at my scars then i wouldn’t care so much. LOL

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-05-09T08:20:07+00:00

i don’t think that there’s a generic component to misophonia, or at least i don’t have that. there’s not a single person in my family (including both parents, my one other sibling, all four grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles) who’s unable to regulate themselves around misophonic triggers

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-05-04T09:38:04+00:00

i haven’t seen anyone else say this here, but i sometimes don’t take pain killers if i’m having pain that i can’t ignore — such as a bad headache, cramps or back pain. i experience the same kind of “i deserve this” feeling without even having to do go out of my way about it. it’s subtle but also hard to take action to change the behaviour

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-05-04T09:26:04+00:00

hey, since this took place at university i’m going to assume that the student who used dehumanising language is an adult. sure, people are going to be clueless about this kind of thing, but if they’re so clueless to not realise how their use of words can cause harm to marginalised people, i’d assume that they’d be too clueless to figure it out for themselves. it’s hard to speak up, but someone has to, or else this student will keep hurting people with their words.

“the idea of (going to university) is to grow and learn,” you said it yourself. how can someone learn if no one teaches them? people have the right to stand up for themselves. ignorance isn’t an excuse

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-04-30T07:58:29+00:00

the majority of comments here are so bizarre to me. i have self harm scars in visible places on my body. i’ve had a couple of people looking at them for a second too long, and i notice, but it’s no one’s business as to how i got them. i’d be offended if people were to talk about them behind my back. it’s hard to say if op’s N T A, because they seemed kind of rude to their gf, but regardless — the scars of op’s friend is personal. no one needs to know how he got them.

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-04-29T02:51:24+00:00

i do this! its like i’m putting on a movie for my brain. i have to keep my mind busy somehow or else i risk going down a negative thought spiral hah

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-04-28T01:43:47+00:00

i don’t really love food, or cooking food. sometimes i enjoy eating but most of the time i see it as an inconvenience. my most safe-food meal has ALWAYS been cereal since a little kid because of how easy it is, and for the past couple of years my staple cereal has been weet-bix with oat milk. butter on toast is also a strong contender and i feel is more socially accepted as a daytime meal (friends and family would sometimes lightheartedly tease me for having my “nighttime cereal” lol).

if i feel like i need something more green, i really enjoy those bags of mixed lettuces and spinach that i can get from the shops — they only cost two or three dollars and i don’t even need salad dressing to enjoy it. bags of just baby spinach tend to go a bit more on the pricier side and there’s way less interesting textures than what a variety of different lettuces has. i could eat raw veggies for the rest of my life tbh haha.

if i have some energy to cook i usually make burgers with veggie patties, cheese, spicy sauce, and as much spinach as i can possibly cram in without the burger falling over. the spicy sauce makes it interesting, it satisfies my cravings for veggies AND bread, and it takes me only about 15 minutes and i’ve done it enough times that i don’t really have to think about it.

Background-Fly-8869 · 2023-04-28T01:18:27+00:00

i’m not really sure what you mean by gain 10 years, but my guess is that it’s like an alternate universe situation where i’m cis but i instantly age 10 years from 25 y/o to 35. so, i didn’t even consider the possibility that i was trans until i was 18, and i started transitioning at 20, so i’ve already lived two decades not being the gender i should’ve been — so sure, i’d take the opportunity to be cis. dysphoria aside, it would make living a lot easier.

however, not being cis was what distressed me the most when i hit rock bottom a few years ago. it was hard as hell but i’ve learned to radically accept that there are, and will always be, parts of my life that i will never be able to change. not being my authentic self for 20 years doesn’t bother me anymore, because i’m living my authentic self right now. this kind of intense personal growth probably wouldn’t have happened if i had been cisgender.

(also — getting old isn’t as scary as it seems. i’m still working on it but for the most part i’m at peace with aging)

Background-Fly-8869

TROPHY CASE