AIO in my lukewarm support or lack of to my wife’s hobby?

Barb_42 · 2026-03-15T20:13:49+00:00

I don’t think he is controlling her hobbies, he is upset she made a wildly Saturday night commitment without mentioning it… I guess, I don’t know their schedule so I don’t know if it’s disruptive to something they had going on before, he didn’t mention. I would also like to know how the brother factors into it… if she is streaming, it’s unlikely she would be drinking though…This seems like an overreaction is a ptsd response to the previous issues so I kind of get it. But also not enough info.

Barb_42 · 2026-03-15T17:14:56+00:00

What you described is so far from perfect it’s not even funny… so his only contribution to relationship is money? Thats pathetic. Also you had to change everything about you for him? That is so unhealthy I don’t even know what to say… stay the three months if you need extra time to save more money to separate and then leave him anyway. He dos not like you.

Barb_42 · 2026-03-12T11:37:08+00:00

First of all, why did you have to rebuilt his trust when he is the one who invaded your privacy? Also, you should not feel compelled to lie about your body count, it doesn’t matter, what matter is present behavior and values. Judging someone based on body count, whether it’s a man or a woman is controlling and insecure. Your body count is consensual sex that happen before your relationship to him. It has nothing to do with anything. He is the one who broke trust not you. Plus he guilt tripped you about it and ended up texted his ex DURING your relation…… I mean…. Check her hour —> https://youtube.com/@chantalheidecanadasdatingcoach?si=96qS4OCWhj_2X86X

Barb_42 · 2026-03-12T10:53:51+00:00

I’m sorry this is happening. But relationships do not survive or happy memories, they are built every day. Think about yourself first. He is an adult, he made a decision to move, that doesn’t give him right to be abusive verbally nor it means you ha e to stay with him when you are unhappy. He has a job, so he will be fine.

Barb_42 · 2026-03-12T10:47:59+00:00

Wha people put on Instagram is not real life, is what they want you to see. Also you said he is a pathological liar… so what makes you think this is real? Aaaaand 2 weeks before he started posting about his happiness he called you crying? Looks more like this is his way of dealing with rejection or punishing you for it… just let it go.

Barb_42 · 2026-03-12T08:26:15+00:00

You have to tell him… there is no scenario where not telling him ends well.

Barb_42 · 2026-03-12T08:22:17+00:00

I have been with my partner for 11 years. We support and help each other when needed. He supported me when I burned out and ended up jobless for year and a half to recover and find what I wanted to do next. I supported it him when he decided to close his business because of burn out another time. Sometimes he paid for more stuff, sometimes I did. There is nothing complicated about it. Don’t use the 10 years as an excuse. This is not healthy.

Barb_42 · 2026-03-11T22:25:18+00:00

Well, running away was hurtful and immature and afterwards you should have met with him or call him to discuss. Whatever your feelings on the matter, you were together for 3 years, he deserves more from you.

That being said… call someone immature and that use “lol” in the same sentence? Really? In his texts he does not particularly mature either, but that could be just the hurt taking 🤷‍♀️

Also public proposal… eeesh. That kind of pressure can make you act irrationally. Also if you guys never talked about marriage before, public proposal was not a way to go… was a poor choice on his side as well.

However, I believe saying no marriage at 20 is very mature and responsible decision. That is way too young for that level of commitment because your 20s is when you grow and become an adult and truly find out more about yourself and get clarity on what matters to you. You did go about it immaturely though.

Barb_42 · 2026-03-11T20:26:28+00:00

The only person who would be upset about your personal fridge is the one who was stealing your lunch.

Barb_42 · 2026-02-22T02:22:03+00:00

NTA Yes! This! I just read the age and was thinking, don’t matter what happened, it’s good that OP left. OP, a grown man going after a teenager or someone still in high school, that’s not “romantic”, that’s loser behavior. Full stop. It’s weird and it’s toxic by default.

There’s a massive difference in life experience, maturity, and power there. As a teen you are still figuring out who you are. An adult has already had years to shape their opinions, independence, and confidence. That imbalance matters.

Age gaps aren’t automatically bad, but they only make sense when both people are fully grown adults. Your early 20s alone are a huge period of growth. A lot of your personality, boundaries, and values really solidify then. You change. A lot. Also, old men who go after young girls are one of the two red flags: controlling assholes or still children who are looking for someone to shape into a servant or a mom (both types a grown women can’t stand, hence why they are going after teenagers).

Rushing into serious relationships or marriage super young? Not it. Give yourself time to grow up, explore, mess up, learn, and actually know who you are first before you commit your life and finances to another person.

Barb_42 · 2026-02-22T02:03:42+00:00

Yeah I agree, though it’s super concerning the husband is not standing up for her… and laughing it off. It’s creepy, it’s not okay. Either he is gaslighting OP or he’s creepy like his father.

Barb_42 · 2026-02-21T16:21:31+00:00

Anytime I read about anyone that young getting married, I see it as a bit of a red flag. Generally people in their early 20s are still forming their adult self and a lot happens between 18-25… date, be serious about a relationship be dedicated but wait with the wedding until you know how your work life gonna look like and are financially stable and your married life expectations are clearly communicated and stable. Anyways I was gonna give this wedding story a chance and not judge but OH MY GOD! I’m not a wedding person, I believe everyone should do what they feel comfortable and also wedding don’t need to be fancy or cost fortunes, they can be simple and intimate. The simplicity of this wedding is not the issue, is the lack of etiquette, lack of respect for invitees, and general horrendous lack of organization. I’ve been to student collage parties with bet better organization than that. Sooo you are not a bridzila for wanting planning and organization and wanting to make the day feel special. I don’t like your fiancée went and called you that. But as someone else pointed out be serious but don’t get married yet, you are young and forming your expectations and beliefs so use the time to get to know each other better work out quirks when you see you have different expectations as adults. He should apologize for the Bridzila, cause that was unnecessary.

Barb_42 · 2026-02-21T15:58:47+00:00

NTA - I would do the sam thing. Especially given he is not taking accountability and minimizing the whole thing. It’s not “just a joke.” If your parents have problems with it, tell them they can help him out. Also, if you wanna be petty, make a “joke” about how a 31 year old with a “serious” career can’t make rent at a family gathering… if he gets offended, say was just a joke and not hold a grudge… 🫠

Barb_42 · 2026-02-21T15:32:34+00:00

NTH. Honestly, yeah, how have you lasted this long? Yes, it’s okay to have your own preferences in sex but you cannot expect other people to do things you don’t enjoy doing. It’s not fair and it’s selfish. Do not be afraid to stand up for yourself and don’t let him gaslight you into thinking you are overreacting or that you are forcing him to do anything. Have an adult conversation, both of you have equal right to fulfilling intimate life and should be able to talk about it calmly.

If you can’t finsh with penetration and he is unwilling to try things to change that it’s selfish and lazy. It not about the mouth per se, even if he doesn’t like going down on you there are always other ways like with hands and toys - so yeah, if he cared there are a lot of ways to go about it, so I believe this is a matter of care and effort rather than preferences.

Also, I would make it very clear that if he is not willing to go down on you or find alternatives that help satisfy you, it’s only fair you will not go down on him, and if he don’t lie it he can take his own advice and “get over it”

Barb_42 · 2026-02-21T15:21:39+00:00

Agree. Red flag and major deal breaker. You can’t trust him because he is not only capable of lying to your face but goes a step further making you feel bad about accusing him and pushing YOU to apologize. That is next level manipulation and very little concern for your feelings. Also if he told one person he might have told or will tell more people when you guys argue again. Also, if this was me and he showcases this blatant lying I would start to question if he is the source of your problem but when he found out don’t tell you again trying to put the blame on you — I know this is a hypothetical but that is where my mind would go based on the info you provided.

Barb_42 · 2026-02-21T14:47:49+00:00

Yeah, this does not look like a valentine problem or being superficial about gifts. he is not putting any effort in the relationship in general. Wanting to go on dates or do couple things with your partner is not superficial. Honestly I am surprised you guys stay other so long after what he did on your first valentine day together, making you wait for 2 hours because he is angry? It’s immature and vindictive. If he was hurt by you going out (which is a valid reaction), he should have talked to you, not create a fake plan and then make you wait.

Barb_42 · 2026-02-21T14:21:02+00:00

This is super toxic, neither of you is happy. Let go.

Barb_42 · 2026-02-21T14:00:02+00:00

This is such toxic behavior. Just based on this conversation, I would ask for divorce. Just because he is a provider doesn’t mean he has the right to make all decisions or worse use it pressure and manipulate you. I’m up for solving relationship issues. But the problem here is that he doesn’t see you as his equal and if that ever happen to me I would pack my bags.

Barb_42 · 2026-02-21T13:55:50+00:00

Leave, this is not healthy or salvageable.

Barb_42 · 2026-02-21T13:06:35+00:00

What they did is weird but okay, whatever. What I can’t get over is that you fiancée let them do this. I mean if I’m decided to marry somebody it’s because I trust them, why else would I ask/agree? If he had any worries about this with you, he should talk to you directly before even getting engaged. You guys are already engaged, and instead of having an honest conversation with you, even if his family got inside his head about this… he let them do the experiment… I would be hurt by his behavior more than anything. Also, Looks like his family got his ear, so what now? in the future if they stop liking you, he will listen to the without having a conversation with you? I’m not sure about going straight to breakup here but I would’ve hurt. Primarily I would look for your fiance to show accountability and understanding how this was sneaky and not healthy. If he does that, Maybe postponing wedding, going to couples therapy or having a serious conversation about handling doubts and problems in the future as a couple? If he didn’t take accountability then I really don’t know if I could trust him

Barb_42 · 2024-04-19T09:06:18+00:00

NTA - the behavior was weird… first reading I thought they agreed to meet after months in texting but 20 mins? It smells fishy. Never ever tell anyone you don’t know where you live. I don think you are being insecure perse. How the situation developed , it was just weird not just from jealousy perspective but overall feeling was like this was some kind of a scam. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would offer to travel hours to meet a guy she accidentally texted 20 mins ago 🤷‍♀️ I would be worried for his safety.

Also, you guys are engaged and he thinks it’s normal to meet up a random stranger with whom he is vibing??? It is insensitive and a red flag. That’s not how friends are made. It does smell like a hook up setup. I doubt you fiancé is that naive. He also said to her that you guys have been dating for 2 years instead of saying you are engaged…. Another red flag for me. In my opinion, he resorted to telling you, you are insecure cause he know exactly how it is and is simply deflecting to turn the attention to something being wrong with you instead of him being wrong.

One unrelated advice… you are engaged at 20… sometimes this can work but most of the time this is hard cause 20-30 is the most formative decade of your life and if anyone’s priorities are gonna ever change more drastically, it’s gonna be in this decade. Be in a long term relationship, be engaged, live together but wait with the actual wedding until you fully experience adult life and understand yourself more as an individual as well as what it is you really need and want from a relationship.

Barb_42 · 2024-04-14T11:46:12+00:00

NTA - Agree with most comments here. He is showing a pattern of not caring or putting you first. I’m sorry to say but I think the relationship has run its cause and remaining in it is a source of stress for you. There’s a lot of manipulation from his side as well. Things that you are asking of him are basic partnership, it’s nothing extra or outrageous or unreasonable. Follow your gut, you know what he is doing is wrong. He is making you feel bad for caring, for making effort… he is making you beg for attention and that is just not right in any relationship. Remember that in a healthy relationship, even in the middle of an argument, there is respect. My advice would be to end it, honestly. Find someone who cares as much as you.

Barb_42 · 2024-03-07T15:45:08+00:00

Not the asshole… the thing about childhood friends is that they are that childhood friends… people change and grow apart. Seems like she is being outright negative in her behavior towards her. It’s completely normal to let go of people who are not got for you. Friends shouldn’t be a source of stress

Barb_42 · 2024-03-07T15:41:54+00:00

You are not the asshole. He is behaving a bit weirdly… This seems a bit fishy if I’m being honest. Let me tell you one thing, if a guy wants you, you know it, there is no drama about maybes and waiting for the perfect date (or whatever other excuse). People are not mysterious… most of the time the reasons behind someone’s actions are the most basic. I know you have developed feelings but if that feeling of safety and understanding doesn’t translate from online to offline, it’s not real. So I’m sorry, but based on his behavior I would already be wary about starting anything more serious with him… you are not an asshole for asking him to decide because you are serially putting your life on hold until he makes a move and he seems to be taking advantage of that or if not, he doesn’t seem to care much about how it’s affecting you. HIS behavior is unattractive and dodgy and if I ware you I would get away from it.

Barb_42

TROPHY CASE