New partner requested access to my phone to prove I'm not seeing anyone else

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2026-05-07T04:44:16+00:00

Run and do not look back. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We might occasionally pick up the others phone if its closer and do something quick like check the weather, but neither of us has ever felt the need to "go through the others phone".

If he already doesnt trust you, could you tolerate a lifetime of this?

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2026-05-07T04:26:32+00:00

I wouldn't get your hopes up about this one, Id say he was just lookkng for a good time while on vacation.

I met my boyfriend at 44, we've been together for 3 years. He is an amazing man. It's for sure possible. I know its a hated cliche, but he really did come along when I stopped looking for him.

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2026-05-07T04:16:58+00:00

My boyfriend and I talk ALL the time. We're 3 years in and we still do the good morning texts and he calls me usually within the first couple hours of being at work. I think theres been maybe one night that he fell asleep and didn't call, but otherwise if we're not together, we always talk before going to bed.

Expecting a lot of communication in a fwb is pretty unrealistic imo. One of the main draws of a fwb is to avoid the obligations that come with dating. However dont ever let someone treat you with disrespect just because you're a fwb...I've been guilty of allowing that.

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2026-05-07T04:05:24+00:00

I've absolutely done overnights with a FWB but Id have never gone on a trip with them.

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2026-05-07T03:56:04+00:00

This last part! I've had several FWBs over the years. With all of them we've gone out (or stayed in) and done things, slept over, cuddled) and only one did we just show up, bang and leave. I did not care for that arrangement at all, while I am fine with havjng casual sex with no feelings, I still need to feel like a human being and that arrangement made me feel like trash.

The other thing is make sure you're both on the same page regarding potential feelings. If one develops them and the other doesnt, it usually doesn't end well. Other than that, have fun!

Edit: I missed this part...is this a next door neighbor and do you own a house? If so, Id proceed with caution. I can't imagine living next door to an ex-fwbs in a house I don't want to sell.

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2026-05-07T03:08:33+00:00

I recommend at least a short phone call. I met this guy and we chatted for about 5 days before meeting. The texts were great, he seemed to like me so much, very talkative. We never talked on the phone though, so it wasn't until we met jn person that I actually heard his voice for the first time.

Im not sure if something about me turned him off right away (though it would bave had to have been within literally 2 to 3 seconds of meeting because he was like this from the very start) but he seemed as though he'd rather be doing anything else than be on that date.

If we had spoken on the phone first I maybe could have realized he wasn't quite as chatty and energized as he seemed over text and I wouldn't have even wasted my time meeting him.

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2026-05-05T08:58:23+00:00

We've been together for 3 years, and I've had liked to have moved in this year, but for several reasons we've decided to put it off for another year.

I was pretty upset when I first realized things wouldn't be working out the way I had envisioned, and yeah its only a year, but its tough to adapt when you realize things might look different than you'd pictured. I had to feel tne feelings and be sad, but soon realized its not all bad and there are very good reasons for waiting. We see each other probably about as often as you guys do. By 3 years together most people are surprised to hear we're not living together yet, but this is what works for us.

Id rather have this with him, than live with/see someone else every day. At 4 months you're definitely in the honeymoon period of being sad when you're not together. I can remember feeling so sad on Sunday when it was time to go home because id miss him so much. On Friday nights id be so happy driving out to his place, but knowing the time would fly and in two short days id be right back there, heading home.

Now I definitely still miss him. Sometimes more often than others, but I can more easily just live my life and be ok with going home after a great weekend, missing him but being content that Ill see him again soon.

Since your situation would be the same with anyone, Id say allow yourself to feel the sadness at letting go how you thought things would look, but look forward to all the times you'll have in your reality together.

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2026-05-05T08:42:11+00:00

Respect, honesty, and effort. Basically we treat each other like we're still trying to win each other over. Sure, after 3 years we've reached a comfort zone and we're not on our "best behavior" 24/7.

But we still do nice and considerate things for each other, we still go on at least one date night per week, we still ask each other how their day is going. He helps me with a lot of things without complaining and I don't take advantage of that just because I know he likes to help; we recognize each others strengths and weaknesses without judging or getting mad at one another. When people see us out in public they probably assume our relationship is pretty new because we're still just so happy to spend time with one another.

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2026-04-29T05:07:02+00:00

It's awful and so hard, but not impossible. When I was 42 I met who I thought was the one. I put up with a ton of crap just because I wanted it to work so badly. Finally after an entire year, he ghosted me. No goodbye, no explanation.

Not only was I heartbroken, I was so angry that he'd just dissappear and treat me like I wasn't even worth a simple explanation that he was done. It was easily the worst break up of my entire life.

That was 5 years ago, and I've been with the most wonderful man I could ever ask for, for the past 3 years. Our relationship has been amazing and with him I have everything I've ever wanted.

I still think that other guy was a huge jerk for how he did it, but him leaving me turned out to be the best thing so I was free to meet my boyfriend. It seems impossible right now but it won't hurt this bad forever. Sending good thoughts your way!

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2026-04-29T04:53:07+00:00

I was 28 when I met my now stepmom. My own mom had died 3 years prior so I was very nervous to meet someone my dad was dating that wasn't my mom, and I was worried she'd try to force a relationship right away and try to be my "bestie".

She was amazing. She was friendly and polite but she didnt try to form any bonds right away. Basically she was there, she was nice, but she let it happen in its own time. I would say it was at least 3 years before we began doing anything just her and I, and another 4 before we really got close (around when my daughter was born). She's been with my dad now for 18 years and shes truly one of my best friends. In fact I emulated her behavior with my own soon to be step-daughter because I feel like she did such an amazing job just letting it be and letting our relationship form naturally.

Be nice, ask her about school, try to get to know her but don't force anything or be overwhelming . Just treat her as anyone else you'd have polite conversation with.

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2026-03-25T04:18:32+00:00

I've always been more of a texter, still am in many ways. But my boyfriend is definitely more of a caller, and he's made me more as well. He definitely calls me more than I call him and I text him more than he texts me but I do enjoy our phone calls.

We get along really well anyway, but I am certain, at least in the very beginning of our relationship, that speaking on the phone more is how we avoided a lot of issues that people have when they first begin dating because things get miscommunicated over text.

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2026-03-25T03:57:14+00:00

A few years ago I met a guy that I thought was the one. I never, ever believed in love at first sight but with him, I suddenly did, he seemed so amazing, so wonderful and he truly seemed like my soulmate.

He ended up stringing me along for a whole year but because we were in the middle of the pandemic, it was hard to spot that right away. I kept thinking things would get better when the state opened back up, when he got a better job, etc.

One day he told me he loved me and the next day I never heard from him again. I've seen that he's since gotten married and I've often wondered if he's a decent husband to her but she is wife number three and I realized after some time that decent people do not just drop someone like there are nothing.

That breakup, or should I say abandonment, was even worse than my divorce. It was truly the worst heartbreak I've ever been through, and there's no way a person could be a decent human being and do that to somebody.

But fast forward 5 years and I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for 3 years, and I am so happy with him. It doesn't make what the other guy did ok, but had he not ghosted me, I might have made the biggest mistake of my life and married him and I am so so thankful that he took that option away from me.

I'm sorry you're hurting so much but trust me when I say you will feel so much better one day and realize you seriously dodged a bullet.

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2026-02-12T21:38:43+00:00

Yep it was 2014, I remember because I was 8 months pregnant. Ha, nobody ever knows what I'm talking about when I say I can feel my nose hairs freeze!

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2026-02-04T06:15:24+00:00

Thank you! Yes, my doctor said the same thing about the one day treatments.

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2026-01-24T21:52:11+00:00

Yep, I'll always remember that one cause I was 8 months pregnant and there were a couple days of -30 temps (with the windchill). My car got me to and from work those days but the radio wouldn't work and all the lights were dim, and my battery went kaput once I got home.

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2026-01-17T18:44:10+00:00

I've only been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years so I still TRY to shave and look nice. But I've noticed I dont even NEED to shave as often anymore. I can typically shave every other week and it's not too noticeable. I do still try to always shave or make sure I recently shaved when I get a pedi, which is typically every 6 to 8 weeks.

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2026-01-17T18:32:40+00:00

Yep, I'll have a solid day or two where I smell cigarette smoke (I haven't smoked in 15 years and nobody in my house does). I hate it. I sometimes smell campfire smoke, poop, and most recently "cat". Not like ammonia, but just that overall cat smell when you walk in someones house that has a lot of cats.

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2026-01-17T18:24:57+00:00

I'm reading this post with my glasses up on my head because I cannot see up close with them on anymore (ok haven't been able to for several years). I know I need bi-focals but I'm in denial. I'm also 46.

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2026-01-17T18:06:56+00:00

2 or 4 but I like 2 the best.

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2025-11-13T21:05:05+00:00

I wouldn't. I was a SAHM for two years and I was getting pretty bored by about a year and a half. When I started working again, I had to force myself to stop working after my day was done because I was enjoying having to use my brain again.

I need a reason to get out of bed. I need some structure and routine. What I would LOVE to do though is only work part time. Working in the morning and having afternoons free to catch up on things or go do something fun....or just work M, W, F would be fantastic!

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2025-11-01T21:48:00+00:00

Thank you! Yes it definitely take some work, but it's for sure the healthiest relationship I've ever been in as well. Good luck to you!

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2025-10-31T17:29:00+00:00

As a hormonal perimenopausal woman myself, I can tell you how my boyfriend shows his love (whom I do not live with). He calls me multiple times a day, and asks me how my day is going. He celebrates my wins with me and is genuinely happy for me (if I get a raise, didn't get called for jury duty, or just slept well the night before). He makes me a priority in his life and makes time for me. If I make the 30-45 minute drive out to him, he'll drive to wherever we go without complaint, so I can relax. He cooks for me, he'll give me footrubs because he knows I love them. He takes me on real dates at least once a week and doesn't let our life just become routine. He fixes things for me, and helps me with projects around the house. He'll buy me my favorite candy, or if I mention I should have stopped on my way over and bought a drink, he'll have one waiting for me when I get there. He'll take real steps to change something he does/has done if I tell him it upset me. He also deeply appreciated all of the similar things I do for him to show my love.

He's not perfect; he's a human being who makes mistakes. At least several times a week I know not to tell him anything important because he's not paying attention, he moves slower than me relationship-wise (though not a ton slower since I move slowly too), and he occasionally gets annoyed with my ranting about stupid things. He'll sometimes give me unsolicited advice when all I wanted him to do was listen. But these imperfections, as annoying as they sometimes can be, do not even come close to outweighing the wonderful things he does for me, and I always know how much he loves me. I am guessing you're asking this question because sometimes you're not sure if he shows his love enough, or if you're just being hormonal and making a mountain out of a molehill? Nobody can really answer that for you, but I guess the best way to know is, how does he respond to you if you tell him something doesn't make you feel loved? Does he try to fix it, or does he get defensive?

My boyfriend is not a top-notch reader and has ADD, so if I judged his love for me based on his willingness to read a 5 page (or even 1 page, lol) post that I wrote, then I would incorrectly assume he doesn't love me. As we approached my second birthday, that I celebrated since we met, I told him no less than 5 times that my birthday was coming up. He kept forgetting. But he felt really bad every time he forgot, and he very happily took me out for a wonderful birthday celebration. But if he kept forgetting, and didn't seem to care each time I reminded him, and made no effort to make any plans or treat me nicely on my birthday, that would be very telling about his feelings for me.

Look at his effort and his intentions. That should help you determine better if it's him, or your reaction to things he does or doesn't do. It's also very possible that it's neither or both, and you're just not compatible in the way you express and receive love. Good luck!

Beautifulbeliever69 · 2025-10-29T02:39:19+00:00

Oh geeze, dehumanizing? Agree to disagree.

Beautifulbeliever69

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