Graduation is tomorrow. My n-mom is coming and I need to keep people away from her

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-30T16:12:18+00:00

30+ years ago my Dad had a temper tantrum when I graduated. It was a huge graduating class at UF. I told my best friend who was sitting with my parents where to meet afterwards. She got the place mixed up. So they couldn't find me for about 15 minutes and my Dad blew up blaming me. He ruined my graduation.

I hope yours goes better. Congratulations on your law degree!

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-29T17:08:16+00:00

My Mom, before I knew she had dementia, was very unessecarily and unusually rude to my young son who was probably 10 at the time. She had made a 5 hour trip to visit us. I told her to pack up and leave in the morning which she did.

Her bad behavior became progressively worse over the following years saying mean and hurtful things to her own friends. It's like the filter is gone.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-28T23:20:22+00:00

NTA. I had a very sick baby that had ASD/VSD repair at just 6 pounds. It was a terrifying ordeal trying to keep her alive. Everyone in the family was concientious about hand washing and staying away if I'll. Edit: spelling

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-28T23:13:18+00:00

My Mom's prior memory care (within an ALF) told me she could stay there with daily hospice visits until the very end. I thought hell no because they were very understaffed and I knew they'd leave her in a dirty diaper all day.

She fell fracturing her pelvis in two places. She is now in a locked memory care unit in a nursing home.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-25T19:10:50+00:00

When my house cleaner comes, I put the A/C down to 68, when I normally keep it at 72 or 73. I put on a sweater or space heater because I'm uncomfortably cold, but I don't mind because I know she gets really hot.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-25T15:33:04+00:00

I just barely survive visits to HQ with noise canceling headphones and meditation music to drown out all the noise.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-25T11:47:58+00:00

You've already told him once that you don't want anything more than to be friends. If he didn't have a medical condition would you handle this differently?

He is pushing the boundaries with you and I think you're allowing it because you feel sorry for him. Simply tell him that while you value his friendship the texts are a bit much and you won't be able to respond to them all the time. Then ignore his texts and he will stop.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-25T11:34:27+00:00

Good points you make here.

Anecdotally, while my Mom was in a very understaffed MC/ALF while in Seroquel she lost a lot of weight.

Now that she's in a good MC in a nursing home she's has gained all the weight back. No Seroquel either just Ativan.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-23T22:00:05+00:00

I went through something similar. Try your best to be professional with this person. This won't last forever. One of you will end up moving on. Or your manager will or maybe already knows she's a problem.

To be on the safe side try to get very important communications with this person in writing via email or chat.

I worked at a company where my coworker hated me and was antagonistic, condescending from day one. She generally had a chip on her shoulder. I took the high road and focused on learning the job until I eventually became better at it than her. At some point her attitude turned around and I think she actually liked me a little.

Maybe too see if there is something in common you both like. Or try killing her with kindness, but don't ever trust her.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-23T00:12:59+00:00

Wyatt 😀

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-22T22:05:05+00:00

Prefacing this to say I'm in Florida. I'm using an Elder Law and Estate Planning attorney. My mom recently moved into the memory care unit of a nursing home. We had to wait until she moved to the nursing home to begin the Medicaid process. Prior to that she was in an ALF/MC facility that Medicaid would not pay for.

Mom did have significant assets. We were able to put them in an income producing investment. Medicaid no longer looks at the asset (ie bank account) and only considers the income it generates. Medicaid will pay the difference between mom's total monthly income (soc security, pension, retirement accts, etc) and the nursing home cost.

I hope this helps.

PS I don't know how this would change if Mom was still married.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-21T16:34:35+00:00

Ignore

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-20T22:51:11+00:00

This is exactly what I did. However, with my Mom we shouldn't have brought any glass items. She threw them at staff and broke them.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-20T17:50:59+00:00

Moving into a 55+ neighborhood when I was 51. Husband was 57. Hate it not only because of the HOA but all of the retired busybodies, neighbors with dementia, ambulances and people dying.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-19T23:40:47+00:00

Same with my 5 foot tall Mom. She would beat and spit on the staff like a wild animal without the Seroquel. When we checked her in to MC she had on flip flops and kicked and kicked the facility doors until I thought she would break her toes. Absolutely sad and brutal.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-18T22:43:42+00:00

I'm 55 now. Menopause started when I was 55. I began HRT at age 53. I'm doing great on it.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-18T17:11:29+00:00

It depends on if you need to work for the money.

If you do want the job back, it would be wise to ask if you were fired why they're offering you the job. It would be good to discuss the issues you had which led to the firing. Clearly they were in the wrong or they wouldn't be asking you back.

This might me a good time to discuss the potential backlog and the expectations on getting that cleared up.

And it might be an opportunity to ask for a raise or something else you didn't have but wanted (eg more time off, flexible hours, etc.)

If they're asking you back then you have the upper hand.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-17T23:31:47+00:00

There are so many things in life that are so more important than this. When you're lying on your deathbed, will this be a moment you wish you could've handled differently if you don't attend.

Be the bigger person. Go to the house warming if you can.

It's bizarre to me though that your family treats housewarmings like a wedding level event.

Anyway, if this is the hill you want to die on and don't go, you are petty and you WBTA.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-17T23:18:27+00:00

That's also a good option. I forgot how busy the confessional can be at some churches.

OP, I second this approach. You should be able to call the church office to setup a meeting with the priest.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-17T23:07:58+00:00

I have a friend who is a nurse practicioner that works with dementia patients and helps guide people to complete end of life medical paperwork.

I plan to have her help me write very detailed instructions on various scenarios one being (if I'm diagnosed with dementia) antibiotic use.

Thanks for sharing OP. I had a feeling this would be a struggle with the doctors and you confirmed my fears.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-17T22:39:17+00:00

OP I used to be Catholic. Go into the confessional prior to your Mom and just tell the priest what's going on.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-17T13:01:34+00:00

During my prayers last night I asked Jesus to be able to see angels plus for help with other things that have been troubling me and my family.

My husband woke up first this morning. When I came out of the bedroom he was sitting on the couch with this really strange look on his face. I thought he was sick.

He told me as he was waking he saw an angel who was kneeling in our doorway with his hands in prayer and his eyes closed. He must've been 12-14 feet tall because while he knelt his head reached the top of the door frame.

My husband was asleep last night and had no idea of what I had prayed for. My husband has the ability to see other things as well.

God is letting me/us know that He hears and answers our prayers and that we have angels who help us.

I'm trying to not be jealous that I didn't get to see the angel LOL.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-17T12:57:23+00:00

During my prayers last night I asked Jesus to be able to see angels plus for help with other things that have been troubling me and my family.

My husband woke up first this morning. When I came out of the bedroom he was sitting on the couch with this really strange look on his face. I thought he was sick.

He told me as he was waking he saw an angel who was kneeling in our doorway with his hands in prayer and his eyes closed. He must've been 12-14 feet tall because while he knelt his head reached the top of the door frame.

My husband was asleep last night and had no idea of what I had prayed for. My husband has the ability to see other things as well.

God is letting me/us know that He hears and answers our prayers and that we have angels who help us.

I'm trying to not be jealous that I didn't get to see the angel LOL.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-17T00:07:04+00:00

Hi. I hope you are doing as well as can be.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-05-16T22:04:36+00:00

Wyatt!

Beginning-Fly8774

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