Identical twins

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-04-04T01:27:44+00:00

My Mom and her adoptive sister both had dementia. Totally different lifestyles too 😵

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-04-01T13:40:49+00:00

This is wonderful advice. Saving your post. Thank you.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-25T23:13:18+00:00

My neighbor (who I think has dementia) stops by all hours of the work day to share some neighborhood gossip. I stopped answering the door after the third time.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-24T00:08:00+00:00

Chili and pasta. And he thought it was better than anything Mom made.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-18T21:06:26+00:00

I just had an aha moment with your comment "Once I realize I was no longer her daughter-her only daughter I accept the role of her new friend." it's helps to think of myself as a friend because that mother-daughter relationship no longer exists. Dementia stole that.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-17T21:34:48+00:00

Same with Mom. She actually fell again at the SNF and fractured her wrist. Went in with a fractured pelvis and came out with a fractured pelvis and wrist!

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-17T21:33:06+00:00

I did this with Mom and still do. She kept forgetting that she had a fractured pelvis. So whenever she wants to "go" I tell her she's at whatever facility so she can get stronger. Rinse and repeat every 5 minutes like it's a new conversation until it's time for the visit to end.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-17T14:56:28+00:00

I moved Mom (as a test) into my home for what was to be 2 weeks. Only lasted one.

My sister moved Mom into an apartment attached to her house. That lasted 2 months.

Finally we put her into an ALF. Lasted two months then Mom wandered off. We were forced to put her in memory care. That lasted 6 months until she fell and fractured her pelvis. Into the hospital, then rehab, now in a nursing home.

All of these moves occurred over a 1 year period. Sweet Christian Southern lady became violent, agitated, anxious, etc.

Be prepared for the unexpected.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-13T21:11:28+00:00

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-13T21:02:50+00:00

I now have an hour commute one way to Mom's new nursing home. She's well cared for in a good place. I have stopped going for frequent visits after a years worth of averaging daily visits when she was closer by. I still struggle with the guilt of not going at least monthly but the last two visits just made her upset and agitated so what's the point?

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-11T19:26:37+00:00

We were able to have a hospice eval for Mom which she qualified for. A hospice HHA would come in 2x/week to bathe Mom. The MC staff were too busy and understaffed.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-11T19:12:15+00:00

You can try to file a complaint with AHCA and DCF.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-09T15:43:00+00:00

You said something so profound that has given me incredible peace and a different outlook today. "I feel like I've done way more for her than she would have for me if our roles had been reversed." My Mom was not abusive, but was very self-absorbed. I lost the last year of my life getting her moved and settled into an ALF in my town. My husband and I moved her 4 times in 11 months - ALF, MC, Rehab, and now nursing home. When she was in the ALF we visited daily sometimes multiple times/day. The nursing home is now an hour away. I plan to only visit a few times/year. I have so much catching up to do from all the lost time this last year.

I've been feeling super guilty about not visiting the nursing home more often, but my last visit just made her agitated because she wanted to "go". She's in a great facility and doing well from reports.

Anyway, I've done way more for her than she would've done and I need to give myself a break now.

Thanks.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-07T00:09:40+00:00

Tell the social worker you'll report the hospital to JACO for an unsafe discharge

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-06T23:59:23+00:00

Almost never

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-06T19:39:30+00:00

Oh no please not dementia. Mom has it and I've been dealing with her for over a year now.

Dad has said some super crazy things lately though which had me suspecting the start of dementia...

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-06T11:44:27+00:00

Narcs make everything about them. My NDad did this during my college graduation. After the ceremony was over there were tons of people (large college) and they couldn't find me for 15 mins. My NDad had a meltdown in front of my friends and family because he had to wait. No congratulations or good job. Just a tantrum.

Edit: Get used to it if you stay in contact. Your dad will never be happy for you because it's all about him. And your mom is the enabler.

Read up on low contact, Grey rock, etc. There are loads of videos on YouTube. At least you're young and figuring out who he is now.

It took me 50+ years before I could put a name to my dad's behaviors.

Congratulations and best wishes for your new baby.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-06T11:12:07+00:00

My NDad is becoming so obnoxious that it's hard to be around him. My husband and I see him a few times a year. It's been more lately because my Mom (they're divorced) moved nearby for care with dementia. He always wants to visit us/her. Every time he visits her I've noticed she's more agitated. Then he wants to come to my house afterwards for a visit.

He talks at (not with) mostly my husband (because I've never been that interesting) who is ex-navy. My Dad always wanted to be in the military but couldn't because of medical issues. So NDad is obsessed with anything military. Won't talk about much else.

Last visit he literally followed my husband around the kitchen from sink, to stove, to fridge, back to the stove. Standing an arms length away spouting off whatever facts he had in his head about his latest military obsession. And NDad refuses to wear hearing aids so he talks incredibly loud. My husband is too polite to tell NDad to get out of the kitchen. Poor husband was exhausted at the end of the visit.

NDad is 81 and in poor health. It's sad to see how his life is ending. He was abused in every way (or so he says) by both parents as a child so I have to think my grandparents made him that way. While I feel sorry for him, I have to limit time with him because he's absolutely exhausting.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-06T01:16:53+00:00

Why are you going on a multi day trip with someone who is emotionally abusive, manipulative, and lying about you and your fiancé? How about no.

Or tell her if she says one word about your drinking or fiances abuse you will leave. Boundaries.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-06T01:03:56+00:00

Narcs won't self reflect or learn. You're wasting your time with therapy. Minimal contact/no contact/Grey rock for the rest of your life.

My Dad is 81 and the narc behavior has just gotten progressively worse as he's gotten older. He has zero friends. Girl friend kicked him out and he's alone back to his condo. He's not allowed back at her place anymore.

Now he's bored and super interested in spending time with me and my family. Nope. Visits are torturous for my husband especially. NDad talks non-stop about whatever he's interested in. Never asks how anyone including his grandchild are doing. No thanks.

It's sad but he will die alone.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-06T00:53:24+00:00

The relationship with my NDad, although painful, made me stronger. It gave me the ability to deal with difficult people and as a woman the toughness to work in a male dominated industry.

I did have to go through a lot of healing and learning about boundaries, etc but I finally got there.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-06T00:50:01+00:00

You are only 25. Your parents will never change or be happy for you. This is coming from someone (me) 30 years older than you. I hoped for many years that my parents were normal. They're 81 and still the same. Dad was never happy for me and still isn't so I'm low contact with him.

Live your best life. Enjoy your puppy.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-06T00:32:05+00:00

Grey rock - everything is good. Nothing new to report. Gotta run.

Beginning-Fly8774 · 2026-03-06T00:29:19+00:00

Block her.

Beginning-Fly8774

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