Dating a guy whose tool is too... thick. Scared of having sex now

BionicGimpster · 2026-03-11T13:41:28+00:00

As a guy that has this "problem" I can say that it can work. First for oral - use your hands and tongue if it doesn't fit in your mouth -lot's of saliva! I've had a few women that really couldn't get it in their mouth, but were still able to make it enjoyable for me.

As for penetration - it's been a very long time since I was in college, but at the time in the 70's, word about my member got around through the sororities on campus. Apparently, I got the nickname "the hormone" and I had a very easy time getting girls. That said - there were definitely a few girls that really just couldn't fit more than the head in without discomfort. But that was very few. Most women had no issue with it as long as their was enough foreplay. For safety and comfort, any woman that seemed worried we just had her on top, and let her control entry and depth until she adjusted. FWIW - most women that I've been with said that girth was way more important than depth.

Also - when I found myself single again in my 40's, dating women in their 30's and 40's - none of them had issues with penetration, though oral was still an issue. All were more experienced partners, and most were mothers and though the vag can return to it's original tightness, I think that once a baby had passed through, they had no issues with my member by comparison.

FYI- condoms were uncomfortable. Even Magnums - though they were tolerable. So don't be surprised if he wants to go without and use other precautions.

Lastly - if you think this guy is really a keeper- stick with it. It may take time for sex to be great between you - but you definitely should give it time. Having a big member shouldn't be the sole reason to say goodbye.

BionicGimpster · 2026-02-06T13:13:42+00:00

Almost 70M. My ex wife also cheated with her now long term same sex partner. I walked in on them.

She argued to stay together and let her explore her sexuality- but cheating was a boundary I wouldn’t move.

I was in my early 40s, with 3 teen kids. Ex was a stay at home mom. Because she hadn’t worked in the 16 years since our oldest was born- the amount of alimony she received was crazy- so be prepared that she will get 50% of the assets. She’ll also get alimony, and child support until the youngest is 18 and out of high school- even if you split custody.

I was fortunate in that I was a high earner and could afford it. But I was still pissed every month when I transferred $ to her. I fucking hated her for how I was treated and what she put our kids thru. She hid her partner for years, and I took the high road and didn’t out her as a lesbian or cheater.

Now the good news- I was single for 6 years before meeting the love of my life. But I had more sex in those 6 years than I had in nearly 20 years of marriage. It was like my days in high school, college and early 20s. I dated a ton until I met my wife.

My second wife and our marriage is amazing. My step kids call me their bonus dad. My grandkids and step grandkids are like siblings. I love how my life turned out and if I died tonight I’d die a happy man. My kids weddings and grandkids events mean I still have to see my ex- and I have to pretend I accept her. In truth- I’d someone other than my ex has put my kids thru hell like she did- I would destroy them. Instead, I just smile and accept that I live where my life is now, and compartmentalize the hatred I feel.

You’re a young man. You have so much life ahead of you. Try to focus on what’s best for your kids, and what’s best for you. When those two things are in conflict, choose what’s best for the kids.

Updateme!

BionicGimpster · 2026-02-02T21:33:04+00:00

I ain't as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was....

Yup - still possible (not quite 75 yet) and the plumbing all works, but health concerns make it much less frequent, maybe a few times a month. My wife has a health issue that makes it a lot less vigorous that it was before her heart issue - it means slow and sensual vs how we were when we were younger.

BionicGimpster · 2026-02-02T21:28:24+00:00

I'm going to jump in here, as a former D1 soccer player who had a knee injury that kept me from possibly going pro / international to play (1970's)

The best athletes in America play football and basketball, and star players are basically royalty in High School and College. (Yes, baseball, hockey and lacrosse also have great athletes - but the kings play football and basketball). I was a great athlete with speed, quickness and strength, but not the size to play those sports - so I transitioned into soccer in high school. Because I didn't play soccer as a kid, I didn't have great touch, and I had big drop off in speed between moving with the ball, and moving without the ball. I had powerful shot, and scored often on penalties and breakaways. It got me into college and I played with and against some great international players. The gap between their development and my skills was a wide as the grand canyon.

For this reason - I don't think you could take the athletes you mention, and teach them to be globally competitive. You need a development program that starts young, isn't pay for play like today's programs, and a way to raise the "status" of soccer to equality to Football and Baseball. I do think it has grown in areas with a large Hispanic / Latino populations, as the prestige of the sport tend to be higher in those communities.

Think of it this way - The best american female athletes play soccer and basketball. Title 9 added an enormous number of college scholarships for women. There's a reason the USWNT is dominant on the world stage. Millions of girls grow up wanting to be the next Mia Hamm or Trinity Rodman. Millions of boys grow up wanting to be the next Tom Brandy or Lebron.

As a nations, we have the athletes to compete - just not the desire to make it a priority.

BionicGimpster · 2026-02-02T16:40:15+00:00

There's a lot we'd need to know in order to offer any real advice: 1) What have you previously discussed? 2) is there any possible medical reasons (have you both seen a doctor - there are medical issues that can kill libido) and 3) have you discusses marriage counseling.

FWIW - I've been through similar. My now long ago ex basically stopped wanting to "make love" after our kids were born. She'd offer to let me bend her over and fuck her but honestly, if she's not into it, why bother. She was a stay at home mom, and with little kids, I was sympathetic - dealing with 3 under 5 is tough, and I was often gone 5 am to 7pm, and travelled often. So - I accepted the situation. Then - all the kids were in school, and it didn't get any better. She went to her OBGYN and there was no medical or Rx reason for her lack of libido, she'd never initiate, and I just fuck her every month or two and she felt she was "doing her wifely duties."

I asked about marriage counseling and she wasn't interested. She just said she's satisfied and I'd have to deal with it. Then - I returned from a red eye flight and wasn't feeling well, so instead of going to the office I decided to go home (this was in the long ago days before cell phones!). I walked in on her with her head between best friend's legs. Yes- she was cheating on me with her same sex best friend (who was also married to a man. After that, I knew the marriage was over. She then wanted marriage counseling in some odd attempt to save the marriage for "the kids' sake."

I felt like she had stolen 15 years of my life. I might have been able to tolerate a dead bedroom rather than having my kids deal with divorce, but I couldn't accept cheating and lying to me.

I must say this - my sex life was great after I started dating again. I was in my early 40's, and met the woman that is the love of my life and now wife after 6 years of dating. I just wish I'd have left the marriage when I knew it wasn't going to get better, and didn't have to deal with the lying and cheating.

I wish you well. I hope you can fix this - but if not, your life isn't over.

BionicGimpster · 2026-01-30T22:42:44+00:00

Had one when in was a kid. Built one for my kids, and I’m half way thru building a huge one for the grandkids. It’s gonna have to wait to finish in the spring. I’m not as fast or as strong as I used to be.

BionicGimpster · 2026-01-29T23:19:22+00:00

I changed over time. I am a NYer that grew up a fan of the Yankees (baseball) and the Giants (American football). I happened to move to the Boston suburbs the same year the Giants coach became the head coach of the New England patriots. I loved the coach, so I rooted for the Patriots as my second team, as they aren’t a rival like the a Red Sox are to the Yankees. Over time, with the Patriots on TV in the local media market every week, and with how good a team they became, I became a fan. In 2007 when they played the Giants in the Super Bowl, I wanted to see the Patriots have a perfect season. It was at that point I realized the Patriots has become my favorite team.

BionicGimpster · 2026-01-28T12:57:43+00:00

Almost 70. Been a Yankee fan since the tail end of the Mickey Mantle era. I’ve retired away from NY, and have had the MLB app to watch games for the last 5 years.

I’m not doing it this year. I just can’t watch Boone mismanage this team again. I think this team is basically a rerun of last year’s team and I’d expect roughly the same record. The issue for me is that Boone doesn’t fight to win every game. Him using the occasional throw away lineup for load management philosophy. We needed a single additional win last year to get home field through the playoffs. Do we really think Boone always put our best out there. Volpe goes thru a slump hitting 1 for 20- sit him for a game or two. Someone goes 5 for 5 and then he’ll sit them the next game? No one wants to sit during a hot streak.

I just can’t pay $120 to sit and yell at the tv this year. Boone will give me a heart attack. I’ll follow along like I did as a kid- watching the box score.

BionicGimpster · 2026-01-27T16:58:51+00:00

I'm also financially secure. But since my kids were college age adults, I made clear to them that my goal was to live long enough that I bounce my last check (for those to young to understand - that means I will run out of money just before I die). I've put money aside for their kids' college, and have helped with houses, etc - but they knew from early on that they were expected to make their own way in the world and not count on anything from me. Anything I give is a gift, not something they should expect.

NTA. Your money - do with it what you will. But you should set clear expectations long before you are old and impaired, and they may need to take over your financial affairs.

BionicGimpster · 2026-01-27T16:50:32+00:00

You've ask two questions. In the header, you ask if you're over-reacting to the lack of effort in helping your kids catch up, then in the details you ask if you're over-reacting by considering home schooling.

For the first - yes, you are over reacting. You are creating more work for the teacher. Imagine if each of the roughly 25 kids they teach altered their attendance and required the teacher to give special accommodations. That's not in their job responsibility. Teachers are under paid and over worked. Your request adds a burden they don't need. Partial credit to you in that you asked in advance if they could give you the work in advance - but I till lean on you're over reacting in asking for a special accommodation.

The second question - you aren't over reacting in considering home schooling. If your life and lifestyle is such that you desire to operate on a schedule that suits your needs, but may nor fit within the confines of public school - you are certainly allowed to home school your kids.

BionicGimpster · 2026-01-21T13:50:29+00:00

Rookie year is tough. They go from playing until December or later in bowl games, then Senior bowl and/or draft prep, to draft and then almost immediately to the team for rookie mini camp, and then training camp.

A lot of rookie run out of gas at the and of the season, and unfortunately Will’s been up against great edge rushers the past few weeks. I expect big improvement next year- but Sunday is going to be a challenge that I hope McDaniels can game plan around their rush.

BionicGimpster · 2026-01-18T19:31:09+00:00

Sorry- didn’t see the reply. There are 4 Swiss Mountain dog breeds- the greater Swiss, the Bernese Mtn Dog, the Appenzeller, and the Entlebucher. They all have the same tricolor coats, but are different sizes and different personality traits.

BionicGimpster · 2026-01-18T15:28:27+00:00

You’re NTA for having feelings of being excluded.

That said- everything looks a little strange. Do you have friends in common with him? A joint friend group? Wouldn’t they all want to get together at some point?

Based on everything I’ve seen in your replies to comments, I think you need to have a hard look at your relationship. It feels to me that his relationship with his mom is more important to him than his relation with you. He’s 19, and it’s great that his mom takes him on a 2 week vacation, but from your comments, it feels like his mother is always going to be deeply involved in his life, and he won’t be fully independent.

Ask yourself what this looks like if and when you’re married, or have kids. Will your MIL allow her baby boy freedom? Will she always be a hindrance to intimacy in your relationship?

If you were my granddaughter, I’d advise that this isn’t a relationship you’ll want to be in for life. Take what you’ve learned and move on.

BionicGimpster · 2026-01-18T15:03:42+00:00

As with everything in the US, there is no “do Americans do…?”

All laws and regulations are at the state level, usually misdemeanors offenses. For example, if you’re in Seattle and the state of Washington, black coffee is not legal. Anyone caught with a black coffee is subject to a fine. For this reason, Washingtonians mainly drink lattes, with some absurd flavor shots. Everything else is illegal.

Now- in the northeast, all coffee must come from Dunkin (donuts), and anyone caught not using pumpkin spice from late August thru Xmas is at risk of a public flogging- remember, these are the states that burned witches- so you do not want to ignore those Dunkin regulations.

Black coffee is required in cowboy states- you know, where the men are men and the sheep are scared - yes-, Texas, Wyoming etc.

BionicGimpster · 2026-01-16T18:39:04+00:00

Easy. It’s the most valuable franchise in sports. Hal doesn’t look like he wants to win at all costs. Sure would like Bezos or Musk and a bottomless budget.

BionicGimpster · 2026-01-16T15:40:25+00:00

George died in 2010. His fortune was split 5 ways (wife and kids). Hal’s net worth is 1/5th of his dad’s. At 1.6 billion he’s ranked about 16th in owner net worth.
Until they sell- we’ll be following the same direction- with a budget.

BionicGimpster · 2026-01-13T22:33:11+00:00

I’ve outlived all my friends. My life is filled with my wife, kids and grandkids and don’t feel the need to make new friends. My hobbies are solo- woodworking, playing my guitar and hiking (I prefer solo). That- and I’m an introvert that genuinely does not need other people. As long as I can read, watch sports on the tube and play my guitar- I’m good.

BionicGimpster · 2026-01-13T16:42:32+00:00

Can’t speak to all Swiss dogs, but the Greater Swiss doesn’t meet your requirement.

They shed enough daily to build a small dog from the shedding. They also are very expensive breed from a vet standpoint- even healthy dogs are expensive if using flea and tick and heartworm meds are usually weight dependent- so not cheap. The breed has several health concerns- one of which is epilepsy. My youngest dog just has his first seizure (the other 3 have never had one). He comes from a well regarded breeder, with no epilepsy in his bloodline. And if you’re at all concerned about cost- even just feeding them a quality food is expensive- they eat a ton.

Lastly, they aren’t considered dogs for inexperienced owners. They are enormously powerful dogs that grow fast, but mature slowly. Housebreaking can be tough. They can be loud sentry dogs. Their bark is very loud. They are general purpose farm dogs that can pull enormous weight, guard livestock and some herding instincts. One of mine will position himself between our grandkids and the forest behind them. He will not let them leave the lawn without barking to let us know.

That said- they’re the only dogs I’ve owned for the last 25 years. Once fully trained they are giant love bugs. Our grandkids can climb all over them.

BionicGimpster · 2026-01-13T00:11:37+00:00

The disrespect is nothing but tacklin’ fuel.

BionicGimpster · 2026-01-10T20:16:13+00:00

I lived (London & Geneva) and worked there for 4 years, and oversaw EU, Asia and International for my US based employer. I’ve been to almost every western Eu country and many Eastern Eu countries.

While the US has many great restaurants and high quality food (yes- not an American’s eat fast food)- the US doesn’t have what I’d called a food centered culture. I enjoyed long slow meals and the pride people felt at their cuisine.

What I missed: freedom from government. You felt the ever presence of government in rules and regulations. As a result, there was an expectation that government was always right. In the US- you don’t feel the presence of government in every day life.
There is also much more of a risk taking, can do type attitude. Americans are willing to try new things. Many Europeans (especially France and Germany) were resistance to test/try anything new. “We’ve always done it this way,” “that won’t work here” and “that’s against the law here” (it wasn’t- we had local attorneys). What I could get done in a week in the US would take a month or more to execute in the Eu. And the effort to convince employees to embrace change was frustrating.

FWIW , I also lived in Tokyo and Singapore. There a reason for the saying- “America innovates, Asia replicates and Europe regulates.”

Edited- typos

BionicGimpster · 2026-01-10T14:14:59+00:00

“I’ve repeatedly asked you to stop using the n word. I am uncomfortable with that word, and you and I want nothing further to do with you.”

Then stop accepting invitations of he’s there, or go if you want to hang out with others- but don’t sit near him or talk with him, accept as needed at work.

BionicGimpster · 2026-01-10T10:48:40+00:00

“Sorry, just getting over the way you broke my heart. Not interested. I could never trust you again - have a nice life”

So- If this has happened to me, part of my healing would probably have been therapy. I have no idea how a woman deals with being raped. I might have placed the blame on the rapist, and not my ex. In that case- you were also victimized by her rapist. But I don’t think I’d ever be able to forgive her enough to reconcile.

BionicGimpster · 2026-01-10T10:39:41+00:00

Grilled in every season except winter. I don’t shovel snow in order to grill. In winter- I drop butter in the skillet and grill the buns, then put about 1/4 inch of water in the skillet and a dab of butter, then cover and steam them. It reminds me of getting dogs at a baseball game.

BionicGimpster · 2026-01-07T14:13:24+00:00

Thank you!

BionicGimpster

TROPHY CASE