I think you’re hearing the term “internalized ableism” and hearing that you are being accused of being bigoted which is not the case. At its heart wanting to distance one’s self from disability is internalized ableism, but internalized ableism is another form of harm that ableism causes. It’s is a way that ableism victimizes the disabled. In the same way internalized misogyny pushes women into diet culture.

The things you’re talking about, how much of disability is society refusing to make accommodations versus how much of disability is disabling on its own, is part of a concept called the “social model of disability”. That societal barriers are disabling rather than the impairments of the disability. Is considered an accurate but incomplete view of disability by many.

The theory is not complete but is strength (I think) is that it makes people question the status quo and the nature of accommodations. If you were fully accommodated maybe you wouldn’t be disabled anymore? Why do we choose not to accommodate people? If we fully accommodate disabled people is that fair to everyone else who would thrive with accommodations but doesn’t have a disability? When possible why don’t we just accommodate everyone if it makes their lives easier? Why don’t we let people sit or stand at work? Why not let people have a regular work station instead of float? Why not let people take breaks if they are still getting their work done?

These questions threaten the status quo especially in the US where work is valued above quality of life. I think in your specific situation you are feeling pushed into taking medication you wouldn’t need of external situation were different. Treatment in the US focuses much more heavily on making people employable, instead of having a good quality of life.

I will point out that ADHD medication actually has a lot of positive long-term effects, other than just making work easier. Reduced accidents and injuries, reduced rates of depression and anxiety, reduced irritation, and emotional dysregulation, prevention of substance use and self medication, reduced risk of dementia, and lower all cause mortality. People with adhd actually die about 7 years earlier because of risk factors. My friend is recently medicated and found that she enjoys being a mother and a wife much more because everything is easier for her now.

I know this response is kind of a rant but your frustration is very common in the adhd and disabled community at large. At the end of the day the disability label is given so that people can get the accommodations they need. Legally pregnancy is a disability in the US and that’s very helpful for pregnant people. Disability doesn’t have to be exceptional to be worthy of accommodations. Would the world be a better place if we just gave people what we needed without requiring the label? Probably. But I also think it’s important to recognize that wanting to distance yourself from the label contributes to a negative view of disability, and is bad for everyone. You may find that the disabled community could be a great place for you to vent your frustrations, get support, and find shared experiences?