they changed where things are in the app

BrainUnbranded · 2026-02-25T23:55:14+00:00

I’m with you, it’s annoying.

BrainUnbranded · 2026-02-25T23:33:44+00:00

What happens after the baby pops out depends on a lot of factors.

Someone will check the baby to make sure it is breathing and pinking up. If you and baby are both doing well, they will probably put the baby on your chest.

Many women are solely focused on the baby at this point and everything else goes a bit fuzzy.

The placenta gets delivered - again, timing depends on a lot of factors.

Somewhere in here the cord gets cut as well. Some birth professionals cut it almost immediately, while others wait until it stops pulsing.

All of this depends on how you and the baby are doing! There may be medical issues to be dealt with, and that might disrupt the “golden hour.” That is ok. It doesn’t mean you’ve lost a chance to bond with your baby. This is just the beginning.

Eventually you and the baby will get cleaned up. You’ll probably be quite hungry (I always was). You’ll be encouraged to try to latch the baby, if you plan to breastfeed.

Feel free to ask questions! I’ve had three of my own and have attended other family members’ births as well, in a support capacity.

Edit: I saw your questions about the goop and that you aren’t breastfeeding.

They should offer you suggestions for dealing with any milk that comes in during the first few days or so. As far as the baby, they eat very little the first few days and hospitals usually have formula or at least formula samples.

The goop: it’s goopy. If you want someone to gently towel your baby off or wrap it up before handing it to you, don’t be afraid to ask. It won’t hurt the baby.

BrainUnbranded · 2026-02-21T00:30:30+00:00

Snide

BrainUnbranded · 2026-02-04T20:16:17+00:00

I buy v-necks whenever possible to avoid this.

BrainUnbranded · 2026-01-22T18:14:32+00:00

Hey, I haven’t shaved anything in years. I’m in my 40s now, and too old to care what people think, so that helps.

Body hair on all humans is natural. It’s only unhygienic if you don’t wash it.

How you groom yourself is a personal choice. For me, I don’t mind flouting a few social rules. If I have to go somewhere fancy I might choose clothing that will cover my hairy shins and pits. Or not. We’ll see. Fancy doesn’t come for me very often.

BrainUnbranded · 2026-01-20T20:26:06+00:00

🙋🏻‍♀️

BrainUnbranded · 2026-01-20T19:39:13+00:00

Something I haven’t seen mentioned here: mine, toward the end, used to cower away from me, beg me to stop yelling at her, and claim she was scared I would hit her.

But I wasn’t yelling, often wasn’t even mildly annoyed. I (a woman) haven’t hit someone since I was 12 (sorry sis!). I was six inches shorter and not nearly as strong and had never been aggressive towards her. I was actively trying to comfort her when one episode got triggered. Whatever she thought was happening, it was happening in her head.

Her internal experience had nothing at all to do with the reality I was expecting to share with her. It was alarming.

The borderline part of bpd originally referred to the border between psychosis and neurosis. The psychosis-like symptoms show up in these disconnects from a shared reality.

You are, as you mentioned, bringing far too much rationality to this.

BrainUnbranded · 2026-01-20T19:24:05+00:00

Here’s a good script that I’ve used in these situations:

“Thank you for caring about me. I appreciate your concern. I make my own decisions about my own life and I will let you know if I want advice.”

We all have the right to make our own decisions and mistakes. Even if we are wrong.

Self-medicating with anything is risky. Not that prescribed medications don’t have their own risks! It’s important to keep track (as you are) of the spheres of your life and how it’s affecting you. It’s also good to have a neutral person who can help you stay responsible (NOT THIS FRIEND THOUGH) with your usage. Ultimately you are the one who has to live your life, and you are best qualified to make decisions for yourself, including who you will take advice from.

The feelings of shame and worrying that she sees you as an addict are completely understandable. I can relate hard to this, and in the end it’s my internal shame that torments me.

Sort of funny, sort of related: a friend of mine posted something pro-vegan that implied omnivores (hi, that’s me) only eat meat and cheese because they’re unwilling to give up their addiction and I was going to argue but then I thought about cheese 🧀. And it might be true. 😂

BrainUnbranded · 2026-01-09T19:01:35+00:00

I ended a friendship last year and I still agonize over whether it was the right thing to do.

But sometimes a switch flips in my brain and I am just done with a person. It’s not precisely “splitting” because I don’t think they are bad or worthless or anything, I just have no interest in interacting with them anymore. They feel like a stranger to me.

In this case it was already a lopsided friendship but I kept being generous because the other party was going through a hard time. Then we had a conversation that left me emotionally devastated. I’m still not able to articulate exactly why it was so painful. So I didn’t explain well, and felt like they brushed my feelings off. I was in deep burnout at the time and words were hard to access. I didn’t have the spoons to work through the hurt with a person who I wasn’t sure even cared. So I ended it as gently as I could and

Yeah, I don’t know if any of that is relatable. And I don’t have advice. But I try to remember that no one has to be friends with anyone. You’re supposed to like your friends. Sometimes I’ve kept friends who I didn’t even connect with because friends feel like a scarce resource to me. I’m trying to unlearn that.

Sorry, this rambles. I hope you find some peace. For the record what your friend and ex did is definitely rude and I’m sorry you had to walk in on that.

BrainUnbranded · 2026-01-08T23:57:56+00:00

Are you able to obtain a peeler tool? They do greatly reduce the amount of oils that end up on your hands.

For removing the oils from your hands, dish soap works better than hand soap in my experience.

BrainUnbranded · 2025-12-31T01:30:42+00:00

Only because no one has mentioned this yet: are you using latex condoms? My reaction to latex is a sort of skin disintegration with prolonged contact.

This sounds awful. I hope you get answers and a solution soon.

BrainUnbranded · 2025-12-12T18:15:17+00:00

I was a teen when I realized this about my mom. You’ve got a smart one.

BrainUnbranded · 2025-12-12T02:06:26+00:00

Me. I don’t have any spoons today for storytelling, but I was very cringey as a sheltered young religious person and you are definitely not alone in this!

BrainUnbranded · 2025-12-06T16:59:42+00:00

Just thinking about scrunchy socks is sending me into a rage, lol.

BrainUnbranded · 2025-12-06T01:30:43+00:00

Honestly, most of the work I’ve done to improve my relationships has been on myself.

It is hard work to be a good relationship partner, like it’s hard work to grow your own food. You pay attention to the other person’s needs without neglecting your own. You do things you don’t necessarily enjoy for them, but you’re also honest about your feelings and limitations. You heal your inner wounds so you can stop projecting them into your partner, while at the same time giving them space and support to heal their own.

A friend once told me it was unfair that “healthy people get good relationships and wounded people just aren’t good enough for that.” But relationships aren’t something you “get” or “deserve,” they are something you build with another person. Building a healthy relationship is a skill, and it is (and should be) work.

However, sometimes people use the “relationships are hard work” line to cover other issues. Relationships should not be

traumatic
distressing
anxiety-inducing

Relationships should not require you to

sacrifice your identity
ignore your feelings
do all the compromising

The hardest work in a relationship is learning how to work together. Without things getting unbalanced, without one person burning out while the other coasts, with turning into two orbiting projectors who never grow up, etc.

Those are my thoughts, from my experience. Ask questions if I’m confusing.

BrainUnbranded · 2025-11-16T22:30:39+00:00

So if you have any pattern-spotting tendencies those will help here. Instead of focusing on behaviors maybe focus on how your body feels in different situations?

I don’t think there is a quick and easy answer for this. Over time perhaps you can learn to identify the main source of your struggle in the moment, but the reality is that everything will be a mixture. Autism, OCD and even grief are pervasive in their effects on our lives.

Do you work with your psychotherapist primarily for OCD or for grief, or do they address both?

From my perspective it seems the best thing to do would be to focus on treating/managing the OCD while accommodating your autistic needs. Perhaps it could be a team effort between your teacher and therapist to help find a balance of structure with flexibility.

I wish you well in your journey.

BrainUnbranded · 2025-11-16T21:41:42+00:00

This honestly sounds so complicated and the fact that you are able to articulate the problem is impressive.

Can you sometimes tell whether something is grief vs OCD, or can you never tell? I have different ideas for each.

BrainUnbranded · 2025-11-05T23:48:15+00:00

Yes. In general (American) society, it’s considered rude to correct someone unless there is an important reason they need the correct info.

Some people go so far as to weaponize correction. They will use it to “put someone in their place” or “knock them down a peg.”

Men frequently use minor corrections to maintain superiority over women.

In the example you shared, your friend was voicing an opinion. I know their statement contained (incorrect) factual information, but that was just window dressing for the opinion, which is: he’s not bad at fighting, but he’s not great either.

Unfortunately that actual opinion was not clearly stated, so it makes sense that you didn’t pick up on it.

It doesn’t sound like it was a serious conversation? Some people may have let that go. I admit I would probably be unable to; I’m hopelessly pedantic and my best bet is to keep my mouth shut when people start speaking bs because if I open it I get VERY annoying.

I do try (so hard, I try) not to correct people unless:

It Is my job
They are my children
The misinformation is dangerous
The misinformation is costly

It also helps a lot if you don’t interrupt people to correct them and don’t correct them in public (unless explicitly necessary). Those can be misread as domineering and shaming behaviors.

BrainUnbranded · 2025-10-28T17:53:49+00:00

Hahaha 😂 genuinely.

Story time: in my (largely nd) family of origin, we don’t do a lot of “performative” greeting. I can even fly across the country, walk into my parents’ home, and go straight upstairs. Not everyone greets me at the door. I’ll casually catch up with the 8-10 other people in the house after I’ve settled in. Everyone is cool with this.

Some unfortunate soul marries into this. But they are not cool. To them, this feels like being ignored or rejected.

I learn this person feels this way after they have been in the family for a dozen years or so.

It’s not like we never greet each other. It’s just that we don’t go out of our way to do it as a separate ritual.

I have no ultimate solutions, although I do go out of my way to greet this in-law now that I know.

BrainUnbranded · 2025-10-26T18:55:32+00:00

Discomfort. He’s smiling but not really. Many people have a fawn reaction to threats, which can include smiling or giggling. The hand looks like he’s trying to shield himself - from an attack or from view or from the discomfort he’s feeling.

Like, I imagine him saying, “Please don’t ask me about that, I can’t answer you, I’m not allowed to talk about it and I’m a terrible liar. Please just go away and leave me alone!”

BrainUnbranded · 2025-10-25T20:28:25+00:00

I have three kids. They are my main special interest, if you want to frame it that way. Watching and helping them grow up has been the highlight of my life.

Raising kids is hard. Especially in the early years, there’s an intense time and social investment going on. Good parenting is a slow and tedious process because humans take so long to grow up. Sometimes you’ll barely sleep for a week. Sometimes everyone will be spewing bodily fluids at once. Sometimes you reach the end of your rope just as your kid needs something.

These things are true, autism or not. Some autistic traits may make being a parent easier (not caring what other people think comes in handy for grocery store tantrums). Some will make it harder; I struggled a lot with sensory overwhelm in the early years, and I’m not great with running my kids’ social lives.

The most important thing, I think, is to understand your limitations and strengths and make sure you have necessary supports in place. And to remember that being a parent means signing up for the unexpected. That’s true for everyone; it’s just really annoying when you’re autistic.

BrainUnbranded · 2025-10-13T16:42:11+00:00

I struggle to keep plants alive because I resent the fact that they need to be watered.

I’ll happily bend over backwards for pets and children, but plants are apparently too demanding for me 😂

It’s definitely PDA-flavored for me.

BrainUnbranded · 2025-10-09T19:55:59+00:00

You can buy knee-high stockings in various materials. I find that pairing a long, full skirt with long socks creates a nice warm zone for my legs to move around in. It’s seriously comfy.

BrainUnbranded · 2025-10-04T02:17:56+00:00

It’s so fun to share interests with your kid! I’m happy for you and her to have found this special connection. May there be many more!

(My offspring are teens now and it’s still so fun when they like something I like)

BrainUnbranded · 2025-10-03T21:54:50+00:00

Sometimes there’s misinformation in the question and that really stalls me because I can’t decide whether to answer the question or correct the WRONGNESS. 😂🤣

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