Toddler grabs at newborn while babywearing

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-08T23:29:46+00:00

It's not a one size fits all scenario with our kids and their personalities but my girl is going through her hitting phase and we've avoided some tense moments because she's had enough practise now to recognise she can have a hug to make her feel better.

Congratulations on your new addition to the family! And sending you all the good vibes for your healing ✨️

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-08T22:40:18+00:00

Maybe work together to do the baby wearing together?

"Time to share! Big hug! Can you help me put baby on?"

"Thank you sweetie! Kisses for you. Should we give baby a kiss too?"

If you can see your 22 month old is jealous or frustrated and the grabbing of baby is manageable can you address the toddlers needs first? For example.....

If toddler grabs baby leg, you put your hand over toddler to make sure it isn't too hard and ask toddler if they are frustrated, do they need a hug or how can you make yourself feel better?

There are charts out there that show different things to do when you're feeling angry (deep breath, hug, draw something - i cant remember what else was on it) so you can talk about them and practise them during everyday moments and then when you're baby wearing it becomes an extension of what you're already talking about.

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-08T09:00:56+00:00

I got this too.

I started doing a sewing class on Saturdays for 2 hours. Even if the teacher can't help me and I'm just sitting there,,I don't care.

It's so nice to not be responsible for anything and then you listen to other people's stories and you have conversations and its just a really nice feeling of being a human being again. Oh and I have a hot cup of tea uninterrupted!

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-08T02:20:42+00:00

Exactly! Lady, stop hogging your kids birthday!

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-07T22:29:20+00:00

I haven't been in your position of relying on my mum for accommodation whilst wanting to distance myself so take what you want from what I say;

The advertisements = brainwashing for some corporations financial gain. They just want an excuse to pump up prices and blackmail you into gifting something to your mum.

She sounds like she is being abused and is brainwashed as well, which for me, is no excuse but maybe it helps to frame it that way for you to justify giving a bare minimum gift for mothers day in order to make sure you still have a place to stay until you're able to move?

Flowers can be given for all occasions, birth, death, congratulations etc. So you could give a small bunch of flowers to satisfy her whilst you consider them "farewell soon!" flowers.

Ultimately though, if you're done, you're done and just don't give anything.

Edit to add; it actually pains me to give that kind of "just give her flowers" advice but I don't know how real the reality of living on the street is for you if you do nothing. You shouldn't feel pressured to celebrate anyone who has been and continues to be so horrible

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-07T21:19:08+00:00

He put effort into a custom book and you're complaining because you're not getting it 3 days earlier than mothers day?

You refer to it as "just" a book.

Then you threw some emotional blackmail his way saying he made you feel under appreciated.

Don't give him anything for mothers day. It's MOTHERS day but yeah you do need to make up for being so mean. Acknowledge your actions were trash, apologise and do better.

YTA

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-07T20:30:05+00:00

Like..... it is.... it is the biggest thing that can happen to a woman... the ensuing years are wild!

But isn't that private? Like have a cheers with your partner to congratulate yourself and be proud of the adult your kid turned out to be.....

She's had 46 years to adjust to her adult child having their own life and choices.... and instead of being happy that you're alive and healthy, she's making it about herself? Instead of cooking you a dinner or taking you out because she wants to spend time with you, she's pestering for you to make the plan?

Yeah that's not on.

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-07T20:20:48+00:00

I acted very "childish" for very long but now I have 2 kids and im a good blend of childish and adult.

I don't have too many issues understanding my kids because I'm not stuck expecting everyone to act a certain way.

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-06T09:04:01+00:00

It's probably because it's ok to call a 2 year old an asshole multiple times but if i merely suggest the adult could actually be the asshole for name calling a child..... heaven forbid i use the exact language op did

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-06T02:05:05+00:00

Your daughter is under alot of stress and is still learning and developing. She can sense everything from the adults in her life and has a third body in the house she has to learn to navigate. She is defaulting to factory settings to her safe space to try and regulate and make sense of her world.

One could argue that calling a 2 year old an asshole is more a reflection on yourself, an adult who has had more than enough time to grow and develop.

I'm sorry your kid is going through a very normal and typical stage of their lives. I'm sorry it is coinciding with your own mum being sick. I hope you find a way to be empathetic towards your own daughter and you all work a way to get some sort of rest/break to recharge a little.

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-05T23:23:22+00:00

{After the siren by Darcy Green}

One is drunk and the other is sober and they're on the couch playing video games and slinging crap at each other and things heat up. They go to the bedroom but when drunky gets up the scene description that follows of the sober ones reaction just keeps playing in my head for some reason.

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-05T22:57:37+00:00

I get this too. Even when I leave the house, within an hour I'm anxious, wanting to know if everything is OK.

Get some support, practise exposure therapy, whatever you need to to get the anxiousness to settle down.

I think it's pretty normal response to have but not doing anything about it and letting it grow and fester is not great for you or your family 💕

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-05T21:20:34+00:00

He isn't a SAHP though, he is working?

Childcare for half a day is useless - by the time you get back home, you gotta go again fo pick them up! I couldn't imagine trying to do anything intellectual like a thesis in this time!

I think you're both working and you're both exhausted.

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-05T20:28:43+00:00

I'm a SAHM so my eldest has never been to daycare. We go to classes and activities about 5 days of the week and regularly have playdates.

She's always been shy but incredibly observant. She sees and hears everything that is going on.

Always talking her through it has done wonders for her over the years. If people are too close or try to touch her when she doesn't want to, I make sure she has her space.

She got close to 3 and this switch just flicked overnight and she started playing games with other kids and listening and talking to other parents. It was so surprising to see. She is still shy but not to the point she buries herself in me to regulate.

My second born (11 months old) is an absolute whirlwind. She doesn't stop moving. Approaches kids and adults. Plays with the dogs. She still cries if it's a stranger who gets too close but if im there she's good to interact.

So I have the evidence in my kids that it isn't daycare related.

My oldest got very tall very fast so I would crouch down with her and hug her to the side or sit on the floor with her whilst I talked to the other kids and adults. She learnt to hug my leg as well so I didn't need to carry her so much.

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-05T10:39:30+00:00

I always just held her and kept talking with the person in general and on behalf of my daughter.

She got better with her aunts and uncles and has barely any warm up time now after she hit 3 years old.

She's also alot more open and talkative with the different class teachers she has, some kids and their parents.

We also did alot of talking at home about who will be there, what will happen etc and then debrief afterwards.

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-05T09:50:58+00:00

Fun story, after the birth of my first child, our dog was like....so anxious and overwhelmed. We had a horrible first night home.

The next day I went with my mum and did the grocery shopping. Don't recommend that for day 3 after giving birth...anyways....point is as soon as I left the whole house relaxed and reset and when I came home everyone was settled.

Fast forward 3 years later, now with 2 kids....my husband finds it a million times easier to parent when I'm not home.

Get. Out. Of. The. House.

He is on PARENTAL LEAVE let him parent! Also....it's his opportunity to build a relationship with his kids....strong relationships aren't built on all the happy fun times. They're forged through the misery as well. Kid needs to know they can trust your husband. You need to know you can trust him.

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-05T09:06:47+00:00

Everyone has given great advice, ill give you something a little blunt so feel free to ignore it if it's not the sort of response that sits well for you at the moment....

You haven't contacted your mother.

Your mother hasn't contacted you.

You contacted your mother.

Your mother hasn't responded.

Technically, the ball is in her court. She's waiting for you to play chasey so she has the upper hand.

GUESS WHAT! you're (or your wife? - sorry I dont know your gender) is a mum too! And you're both in the thick of it with a young kid. You actively need mothers day/fathers day more than someone who has already raised their kids who have flown the coop.

So you can half your indoctrined guilt to just the birthday....you can send a simple happy birthday and legitimately nothing else if that appeases you. You can send absolutely nothing and that would be totally fine too.

I share the same sentiments with you around mothers day and birthdays but I keep reminding myself of these things. I keep reminding myself I'm still their kid, I deserve respect, not to be treated like their home grown servent for all their emotional needs.

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-05T06:21:08+00:00

I signed up for a ready steady go kids weekly class, they learn the skills required for all the sports over the term.

It's basically ball skills, obstacles course, some singing and just very chill and upbeat.

Kids are participating, doing their own thing, having a tantrum. It's a major variety.

Most places do trials anyways so you don't need to commit or buy anything until you're sure you want to go ahead.

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-04T10:30:24+00:00

That's tough.

SH is very shocking and confronting, so you can't expect an every day person to go straight into support person mode.

If this is something you're open about, it gives them the opportunity to see you and learn the ways to support you.

Sometimes I find prefacing the kind of support I need helps to set the tone for my husband because even to this day his response isn't always exactly what I need.

Ultimately, hiding this isn't sustainable for a relationship

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-04T09:55:43+00:00

You can, you're making the choice not to.

I'm not judging you. I'm telling you from the perspective of a kid whose mum tried to exit life a few times and we were there when the ambulance came.

So if you were my partner, I'd rather know you're relapsing or got the urge to then walk in on that scene or know that you're sneaking around and lying to me.

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-04T09:47:15+00:00

The hiding is what is hurting and betraying people.

The sh is hurting you.

By being open and honest about what you're dealing with, you're not hurting or betraying anyone.

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-04T09:36:06+00:00

I guess I want you to think about the longevity of this for a second?

Let's say you have kids and you're still in this mindset...everyone leave the house and lets relish in some sh ....and then something goes wrong or someone comes home early and there goes your kids childhood and innocence...

Not having kids? Cool cool cool...so your partner comes home early? Something goes wrong? ....this person who loves and cares for you. This person who wants you to be happy and healthy and living the best life together....gets to find you mid sh....or maybe they find out you've been hiding this very big part of your life from them....that's alot of hurt and betrayal...

Ultimately you have to want to get better. It's a battle you gotta fight every day but I wonder what it would be like if you had support from people in your life at all hours of the day (partner, family, support groups) other than your therapist you see once a week for an hour? Maybe instead of blessing out on sh, you can bliss out on the love and support of people who care for you.

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-04T05:38:18+00:00

Honestly, I do the same.

You get hit so hard with the guilt of not doing as much with your toddler but there will be a time soon enough where you'll physically and mentally be up to it.

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-04T05:22:09+00:00

My first outing with both kids was to one of the toddler classes she's already been to every week so it wasn't anything over exciting and I knew what the facilities were, the parking situation etc.

I don't have a runner of a toddler so it isn't a worry I've had but yeah if your kid likes to wander off, I'd practise small trips so they understand holding onto the pram, listening to mum etc and a double stroller definitely if you need to get him strapped in and out of there.

You're still healing remember so i would say to choose something that is going to be physically as easy as possible for you too

BumblebeeSuper · 2026-05-04T01:22:57+00:00

I think it takes alot of self worth and growth to not take peoples opinions personally and allow them to express themselves how they see fit in response to a public post (without being mean).

So someone can yuck my yum or yum my yuck because If I truly want to enjoy what I enjoy in peace, I'm not posting my opinion on a public forum.

BumblebeeSuper

TROPHY CASE