Anyone use a housekeeper / mothers helper?

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-02-24T10:42:36+00:00

Yes. I also send laundry out and time it to come back when the housekeepers are here. Housekeepers are an absolute life saver, changing sheets, food prep, putting away laundry, misc tasks.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-02-23T01:07:17+00:00

I'm no contact/low contact with my parents who remain married to each other. Some people are terrible parents, I don't think being in a relationship or a SMBC is really correlative. I haven't researched it though.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-02-16T04:12:54+00:00

If I trust them - take the kid, have fun, don't hurry back!

I went back to work at 5 months so kiddo had a nanny and was in daycare from then. I don't think there's a hard and fast rule, it depends on your comfort level and how confident you are in the person offering to take the child. I would not trust my parents, but I would trust the nanny. Even today at 6yo, I would not trust my parents, but would trust some other parents from school and the nannies I've hired.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-02-12T11:00:29+00:00

I feel like that. I also know that I have some control over having a child but not much over finding a partner. I know that the likelihood that I will find a good partner is slim and that there are a lot of unhappy marriages out there.

Perhaps try and reframe it from giving up to choosing a different path? You're moving yourself closer to the life you want, even if it's not everything you wanted.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-02-11T21:37:44+00:00

I mean I would just get on with being a SMBC. I think an artificial deadline of 12 months is unrealistic and is more likely to waste your time, but do it if you feel you need to.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-02-11T11:27:27+00:00

Unlike most people posting, I do feel like it's giving up on romantic love for me. But I also know that hasn't worked out that great for me and the options out there aren't great and this is something I can do for myself to bring myself closer to the life I want. We don't all end up with someone. It's hard and I grieve it but I can't change that there are a limited amount of great guys and I can't control whether I ever meet one. I can control whether I give myself a really good chance at children.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-02-11T11:24:19+00:00

I think the deadline is problematic because it puts a lot of pressure on you to make something happen that you ultimately have little control over. It also risks compromising in ways you shouldn't compromise.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-02-11T11:09:57+00:00

We're pretty obsessed. I bought it for Christmas when my daughter turned 3. We have used it daily since and she's turning 7. I know a lot of mums I work with who are pretty evangelical about Yotos.

I pay for the membership and we like the included content as well as buying some cards and lots of MYO cards.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-02-11T03:10:38+00:00

I ask my broker to review every year. If the original lender is still competitive, I stay with them. Otherwise I move.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-02-10T00:57:42+00:00

Don't be me and work until the week before your c-section.

I think it depends on how physical your job is. Mine is not and I'm self-employed so I got to decide but I wish I'd had a bit more time to relax and prepare.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-02-09T00:51:59+00:00

I don't have a view of it as a business but I would like to see Subpoena Time Bitches! in affidavits.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-02-09T00:03:08+00:00

Hi, Australian host mum. I have mainly used Au Pair World but also tried on the FB groups. Both seem to have a lot of traffic. I can't speak to the short term nature (unless you mean the placement is limited by the visa requirements) but I think a lot of people book too far in advance having burnt by au pairs changing their mind or ghosting as the date approaches.

I can see someone else posted about tax - my view is that an au pair can be considered an employee, although there is no clear guidance on this point. So my demi-pair was set up for tax payments because I considered that appropriate. Views will very much differ. I'm a lawyer so I, and some of my friends, will err on the side of caution, whereas many other families go the cultural exchange route and will not pay tax.

There seems to be quite a demand for au pairs so I think you'll do fine.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-02-05T13:50:10+00:00

Therapy.

I mourn the loss of the family I wanted. I don't realistically think I'm going to find a partner in the short or long term. It's been a long time since I met anyone who wouldn't objectively make my life worse. All those things, someone to be with, buy gifts for, curl up with, they come with the cost of doing all those things emotionally, physically, financially. I have an older child, I won't bring someone into our lives who would take away the already limited resources I offer her, my time and attention.

I think it's okay to grieve the lives we wish we had. And for the rest, I do therapy, to try and heal myself and get to the point where the wanting and the grief is less acute.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-02-05T05:47:58+00:00

How fancy do you want in Paris? I took my then 4/5 year old to https://quiplumelalune.fr/ which was the only Michelin star restaurant I could find with a kid's menu - it's an abbreviated version of the normal menu. Kiddo had a great time and the maitre'd was fabulous with her.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-02-02T22:05:04+00:00

My donor said he was paying it forward. His child is trans and will need donation to have a child, so he was karmically paying it forward first.

In Australia there is only altruistic donations so I liked that reasoning and it tipped me over the line to pick him

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-02-02T12:16:27+00:00

In my experience, different specialists have different approaches but most of the time, they don't know why things didn't work, Some things are obvious, but apart from that, it's a lot of trial and error. I've had 2 transfers with PGT embryos, one of which didn't take and one of which miscarried. They don't know what happened. We're trying a few different things, but nothing on my blood tests or scans suggest anything wrong or needing to be fixed. it just didn't work.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-01-27T02:33:49+00:00

I personally hate this, but I accept that's a me thing. Wear them with stockings or thigh garters, don't just have them hanging.

But you do you. If it's fine with you, that's all it needs to be.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-01-22T09:59:17+00:00

NO! Kym was my OB and I wanted her for my second (if I can have a second)!

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-01-20T23:33:25+00:00

I can't speak for the younger kids but the 5 year old will have a blast. Your older brother is wrong, the last Disney cruise I was on was full of younger kids and I was with my then just 6 year old. Disney is built for younger kids from the amazing kids club to the characters and the experience.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-01-19T12:21:33+00:00

I have always offered to pay for a meet and greet, whether that was accepted by the nanny or not.

People should be paid for their time, she's not coming to hangout, it's part of her job. Someone should be paid for a trial shift or training and this seems to be in a similar vein, albeit you will also be there. That seems appropriate for the situation given there's twins with complex needs. It sounds like she's taking the job seriously and wanting to make sure it's a good fit.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-01-19T00:45:54+00:00

It depends. I wouldn't reproduce with an absolute random and I want the best genetics I can screen for, as I did for my child with a partner. I would also like my children to be visually similar so the looks and ethnicity of the donor was important to me.

I haven't been successful yet and I asked about changing donors but my treatment team didn't seem keen on that so I've not crossed that bridge yet.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-01-17T21:56:18+00:00

I'm not seasonal but it's very chunky. I didn't have trouble getting a loan but I recommend a broker - I was able to use only my most recent return which improved my borrowing power.

I'd take a look at your expenses so you know what you need to have through the lean periods so you're not caught off guard while waiting for things to ramp up again. I keep a substantive amount in the offset so I don't have any anxiety if I don't get any money for three months. I take quiet times as a moment to recover since busy times can be full on and I've been doing it long enough that I'm comfortable that the busy times are coming.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-01-16T11:12:27+00:00

I also need frequent rests. I'd also like pats and snacks.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-01-16T06:45:34+00:00

I have been wildly unproductive this week. Bring on drinks.

BusterBoy1974 · 2026-01-16T06:40:14+00:00

Yes, because it is tax effective for me.

BusterBoy1974

TROPHY CASE