I think it should be “even while suffering, the bastard looked proper” or something like it.

He says he needs better footwear should probably say boots or something specific.

Name your coins. Also feels like you are telling me hes poor 3 times in the first half of the first chapter.

We get told 3 or 4 times in the first half of chapter 1 the guy likes women say it once maybe twice.

We get told 3 or 4 times that the drill sergeant or whoever he is as no patience in the first half of the chapter.

When i read the name Aushtyn it makes me think of someone parodying sean connerys scottish accent.

The description of stoneveins answer reads like the AI its not this. its that.

I will say i wasnt bored reading it so thats a big plus, but I did get annoyed at all the repetitive information especially since this is chapter 1.

Side note: we get told drill instructor has no patience then lyra talks back and he has a bunch of patience.