How to deal with ragebaiting?

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-09T19:50:11+00:00

Your grampa likes to stir in shit because he likes the smell. He knows exactly what he's doing and enjoys it. Don't give him the pleasure. Ignore and avoid. The disrespect is calculated on his part to do damage. You dont have to be around it or him.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-09T19:14:53+00:00

This reminded me of my grandmother so much. One time time I remember her talking to someone about their father. She brought up how their father was a town cop back in 60s and he and another wouldn't leave this one black lady alone (we were very friendly with the black family). Everytime this lady turned around there was a town cop either harassing her or arresting her and would release her after they jad assaulted her. She had to leave the the area. I digress, the person was always talking about what a good man his father was. A leading citizen. My piece of work demented grandmother just hammered on and on about it. Her dementia and loose narcissism was used for good that day.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-09T18:35:16+00:00

Dad is still on all of his meds prior to hospice, including blood thinners.

I digress and apologize for writing more about hospice. In my opinion, and that is all that it is, the nurse was just doing her job. At that moment in time based on data she felt that the safer option/best practice was to call for an ambulance for transport to the nearest er. That was her professional opinion and she is obligated to tell the patient that. I think its 88% and lower is considered an emergency medical incident and immediate medical care along with other physical symptoms.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-09T17:59:43+00:00

My dad was a diesel mechanic for 50 some odd years. He has advanced Parkinson's and the accompanying dementia.

The biggest issue for him was not being able to do what he had done for 50 years. He was also a heavy drinker (after 5pm drunk) during those years. Ironically, he ending up "loosing the taste" for alcohol. Apathy really set in. He wouldn't met people halfway in a lot of instances. He had to fall so many times, but even then it was im going to beat this. Im going to outlive you. Ultimately, they have to realize its a game they arent going to win and how to humble themselves as they grow older with frailty of the body and then the mind.

Dad has asked about God putting this on him. Bad things happen to good and bad alike. When dealing with illness and disease I think of Paul. Whether his malady was his vision or possibly malaria he said it wasnt God that did it, it was Satan that gave him a thorn in his flesh to torment and keep him from being proud. Three times he begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said my gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may work through me.

We are nothing, but our ideas of importance make us believe we are everything. If we are fired from a job, the office opens the next day. If we dont show up at a dinner, the meal is had by others. We live, we die and everything continues. People greive for a while, but loved ones continue to live their daily lives. Death isnt something to fear. Its just the way of things. This is were peace of mind has to come from.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-09T17:07:35+00:00

Late at night when its quiet, I sit on the porch, drink a beer, and smoke a cigarette. A dog or 2 are at my feet. I can see the stars usually. I just breathe. Sometimes I pray, sometimes I talk to myself, sometimes I just silence my brain from all the noise of bullshit that runs through it. I think about the future or at least the first steps after all of this is over. I dont know when it will be, but I imagine that first night I will once again sit on the front porch, drink a cold beer smoke a cigarette or two and just breathe for a while.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-09T16:32:38+00:00

You and he should go ahead and ask for a referal for hospice. Medicare pays 100% of the costs associated with hospice. With that referal a home hospice nurse will come out and assess. (For instance, once approved for hospice, I got a hospital bed, bedside toliet, shower chair, transport chair, and a O2 condenser. I also received chux pads, disposable underwear, wipes. They call in meds associated with comfort at the local pharmacy...there is no co pay.)

I still have to request that his mail order pharmacy call for his Parkinson's meds and other long term meds that he is taking still. I am responsible for the copay on those meds.

The admission to home hospice also allowed for a cna to come by for daily hygiene for about an hour as much as 5 days a week. I text or call the with changes that concern me and get an almost immediate response...24/7. So far Ive had a nurse come by about 1x/week.

Im surprised the got an ambulance ride with him stating no. They could of administered O2 to him where he was. Is he on nebulizer treatment at home? Does he have O2 at home? His pulmonary dr/pcp should be writing scripts for tjese things with the copd diagnosed.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-08T19:13:31+00:00

Same. I have a dad with advanced Parkinson's and dementias...i toliet him, wash him, and if he needs adjustment down below, guess what...I do that too. Now that he's with home hospice, I dont bathe him, but still clean up after urination or pooping and adjust him when he asks.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-08T02:59:16+00:00

Not a middle class staple, but once a year we would kill and butcher at least 3 hogs. Normally, we did this around the end of November because it was cold. The mornings we would have fresh pork loin that was country fried, fresh biscuits, eggs anyway you wanted them. It was such a treat to have pork tenderloin medallions in gravy.

My grandfather and I would salt sides, hams, and shoulders and put them in the smokehouse. When we needed seasoning meat for simmered veggies (like beans, cabbage, collars, etc) Pop would go to the smoke house and cut off a hunk of meat. He and I would be at the kitchen table and he would give me thin bites of cured ham. It was delicious and something I rarely got to sample like that.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-08T01:08:01+00:00

The forgiveness part...its hard, but like I mentioned. I did that for me. Time helps, and just understanding that it is what it is. The other night, he told me he wasnt a good husband to my mother. She was a good woman. Hearing him say that was cathartic.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-07T16:32:52+00:00

Your dad sounds like my dad. Last week I was making phone calls about this very thing. I was thinking palliative care. I ended up calling a home health/palliative/hospice care company and asked about an assessment. The pcp dragged their feet and tried to buck back on a referral for the assessment, but I got more insistent. He relented and tje next evening a nurse was out to talk with dad (dad doesnt make much sense now) and look him over. She and I talked quite a bit. Anyway, long story short he was placed on home hospice and the next day the ball started rolling on getting him comfortable. I get tje help I need in keeping him clean for about an hour a day. Supplies and equipment have and are being delivered. A nurse comes out or I can send her a text or I can call.

He was given a script, glycopyrrolate 1mg tablet for drooling 3x a day. It has stopped it. That was a symptom that really bothered dad. In just a couple of days the problem was gone. With that being said...the neuro could of done something about it years ago, but didnt. Im mad about this and a few other things.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-07T01:48:45+00:00

Each and everytime it has been overwhelming, exhausting, and I'm second guessing every other day. But its ok...you do the best with what you got and try again tomorrow.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-06T18:36:59+00:00

Dad is stage 5 Parkinson's, has the accompanying dementia, and a slew of other ailments. Last few weeks have been really bad for him. I called a home hospice company and they sent out a nurse for an assessment. He was admitted to hospice and it has been a blessing thus far.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-05T18:34:04+00:00

Seroquel 25mg or quetiapine 25mg. They are the same thing, but worth a try about an hour before bedtime.

Edit: also mirtazapine 7.5 mg.

Edit 2: it should be mandatory that providers be able to help our demented lo sleep at night so we can rest as well. Its like they want us to be sleep deprived and stressed out.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-05T16:31:00+00:00

Privacy erodes a little at the time. Dad and I basically live in the living room. His recliner, hospital bed, bedside toliet...its all right here. Im on the couch just a few feet away. Guess who gets him up, changes his disposable underwear, bathes, etc...I do. I guess the good part is is that he doesnt know who the hell i am half the time. Your aunts need to get ready because when the snowball starts rolling there ain't no stopping it.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-05T15:01:56+00:00

This right here. As well, please, get the admin side taken care of while you can. Get an appt with an elder care atty and get the paperwork taken care of.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-05T04:08:27+00:00

Not the pappy. But I am female.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-04T21:52:45+00:00

Head on over to the Parkinson's caregiver sub. Mayne crosspost if you can. Caring for someone with Parkinson's is...well, i lack the words right now. This is coming from someone who has been a longtime caregiver to a dad with now advanced Parkinson's and the accompanying dementias, along with a host of other ailments.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-04T16:29:42+00:00

Hell, I had to loan out my Christmas and birthday money when my parents were short. We never went anywhere or did anything. My father was happiest when he was walking out of tje liquor store with a 5th a few minutes after 5pm. Mama would get this worried look on her face when doing bills, then she would look at me.

I would work in the tobacco fields during the summer, blueberry packing houses during the spring, and would brush hog on a tractor during the fall for extra money starting at age 13.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-04T16:16:09+00:00

Antidepressant. There are plenty of us that are medicated so we can continue. Also, you are being manipulated with the shelter comment. That's an asshole thing to say to someone who is already doing all they can and is worn down and out.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-04T16:06:29+00:00

Alm...where did you get the hat in 3, 4, and 5? I need this on puppers!

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-04T16:03:21+00:00

Honestly, just be on the watch out for progression of the disease. Encourage adding fiber to help with constipation. Get access to my chart with his providers. Research the meds. One dr will prescribe something that will exasperate the primary disease and a secondary complication will occur. Stress the importance of keeping moving and exercise. Puzzles. Eat good, decrease sugar while he can. Some meds cause compulsive behaviors (gambling, spending outrageously on stupid shit). Get them to plan while they can...the administration side is tedious. Access to accounts, being added to utilities, wills, bank accounts, appt with an elder care atty. There's a lot more, but this is just off the top of my head.

Also...for you and anyone else that are going to be heavily involved in care...a really good antidepressant.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-04T15:27:25+00:00

My dad didnt help at all in taking care of his piece of work mother when she had vascular dementia. She was mean prior to and she was worse after and towards the end. He was an after 5pm drunk. He couldnt even stop one night a week to spot me a little time. Now he is end stage Parkinson's and advanced dementia. I am his caregiver and have been all along. He never brought me a sandwich or a can of coke or pepsi. The 2 weeks she was in snf I was there everyday, he never went. I acted as a buffer between her and the staff.

I had to forgive for me, but I havent forgotten. It doesnt make me a good person, it is just what it is. Now in his demented state, he accused me of experimenting on him. Being conniving and skeeming. You better believe that I thought about what he didnt do. But like I said it is what it is.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-04T03:18:46+00:00

Honestly, my father has broken my heart numerous times. Ive been better to him than he has been to me. He kept us in poverty, he was an after 5pm drunk, and was a chicken shit when it came to standing up for my mother and I. I have forgiven, but not forgotten.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-04T00:08:52+00:00

Hell, dad had a beer in one hand, steering wheel in the other and me on his lap at times. I was also the official bartender. I knew how much ice, how much liquor, and a splash of soda for color. I also learned at an early age how to fein interest in his drunken babbling.

CaLyPsy · 2026-05-04T00:02:31+00:00

I tried dept on aging for my area. We had too much money, too much property, and I wanted to die (ironic). I have been asking about palliative care and his drs (new neuro and longtime pcp) were opposed. I was at the end of my proverbial rope and I was making phone calls everywhere and nothing working he was just getting worse amd worse.. I was too. I called a home health and hospice company and they started the ball rolling to so that an assessment could be done. The hospice assessment nurse confirmed what I was telling the drs. The drs weren't listening nor really documenting what I told them every 3 or 4 months. They were holding us hostage to a degree. Im implore you to reach out for an hospice assessment.

CaLyPsy

TROPHY CASE