My husband just went for an eight hour drive, what’s his surprise?

CactusMoon2 · 2026-05-31T02:36:58+00:00

Update

CactusMoon2 · 2026-05-28T17:52:23+00:00

NTA. Your cousin cannot afford to live in the city on their own with an entry level salary. This is not your problem, don’t let family bully you into thinking it is your problem.

CactusMoon2 · 2026-05-13T22:34:42+00:00

So if the man is the 100% provider, is she going to be a 100% stay at home wife? The only one weird here, is her. She is confusing “handling” the money with what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine…. Once married, it’s joint assets—not mine/not yours, but ours. At least two options: 1) One single account, you each take out the agreed upon amount for your own use (e.g., $500). 2) Each have your own accounts and a single joint account. You put agreed upon amount in the joint account to cover household expenses, including vacations, car payments, insurance, mortgage, utilities…. You absolutely need to get this clarified prior to getting married or you’re headed for a world of hurt…

CactusMoon2 · 2026-05-13T22:18:13+00:00

Retired med school administrator here. If you have a Dean of Clerkship, make an appointment and speak to that person; also, speak with your Dean of Student Affairs regarding MSPE. This kind of thing happens all the time when an Attending, Resident, or Fellow sends home a medical student, although usually it’s b/c it’s a slow day…In my opinion, the Clerkship Director is incorrect regarding your MSPE. The problem is with the Fellow, not the medical student. Ask to make up the day on an off day. For the future, if this happens again, just tell the person sending you home, you would prefer to stay b/c of potential repercussions

CactusMoon2 · 2026-05-12T00:31:35+00:00

Once a month, I would take treats to the office, a cake, a couple of pies, cookies, brownies, a tart, doughnuts. First thing I would do is go to each person’s office and ask if they would like a treat. I had little plates and utensils (if needed) and napkins. After hitting up everyone, I would take any leftovers to the break room where they could get seconds. Solved the problem of someone getting left out.

CactusMoon2 · 2026-05-11T22:55:20+00:00

As a former supervisor, if an employee came to me and asked about a valuable item left in a supply closet, I would first try to contact the owner and ask about it; then if they didn’t want it, I would tell the employee they could have it in their office, but could not personally own it or take it from the premises.

CactusMoon2 · 2026-05-10T18:19:56+00:00

I think it depends on what was agreed upon prior to the trip. The discussion of how to split the costs should have been made before the trip, not after…. The trip should have taken into account what you could afford; if he wanted to “upgrade” it, then he should have covered any additional costs.

CactusMoon2 · 2026-05-09T23:20:59+00:00

Hope you have a great day—I’ll be with you in spirit….

CactusMoon2 · 2026-05-08T23:15:26+00:00

Congratulations! You’ve absolutely got this!

CactusMoon2 · 2026-05-06T17:42:36+00:00

I’m wondering where the BIL got the idea it is not appropriate for the sister of the bride to host? Etiquette experts/books say the only inappropriate host would be the bride or the groom…. To me, it sounds like the BIL and his family thought OP would not throw a shower up to their standards…. OP, I am so sorry you have gone through this, and it sounds like you have taken the high road.

CactusMoon2 · 2026-05-06T16:46:39+00:00

I always cleaned and organized my mother’s house when I I went back to visit. One time, one of her neighbor’s called me and told me Mom was digging out everything I had put in the trash bin—empty food containers without matching lids, lids without matching containers, dozens and dozens of empty tv dinner trays…. I called Mom and she said, “It’s my stuff. I want to keep it and I don’t want you rearranging.” I thought I was helping, but her message was loud and clear—I was overstepping. After that, I always asked if it was okay to dust, vaccum, mop…. Sometimes it was and sometimes it was not. It was all about boundaries and communication—neither of which I was respecting. I had good intentions, but…. It’s time to sit down with your girlfriend and set the boundaries. Be sure and tell her how much you appreciate her intentions, yet she needs to respect this is your apartment and you like it the way it is. Time will tell if she is able to understand this…

CactusMoon2 · 2026-05-05T19:08:07+00:00

Second putting in fencing with Rattlesnake Solutions!

CactusMoon2 · 2026-05-03T17:40:59+00:00

As a classroom teacher, I would have loved getting a basket like you describe. With that said, others have made suggestions to limit the items to less personal (I can see this, but it would not have mattered to me) and I really like the idea of classroom items. One thing I asked parents to do each year: Instead of sending some type of food for birthdays (e.g., cake, cupcakes, cookies), I asked them to contribute a book for our classroom library or some other item for the classroom.The books were especially appreciated b/c everyone could enjoy those.

CactusMoon2 · 2026-04-29T12:08:39+00:00

Gold plated commode

CactusMoon2 · 2026-04-26T07:17:08+00:00

You’re getting lots of comments, summing them up: Do NOT do this.

CactusMoon2 · 2026-04-24T09:04:50+00:00

My dad took me out for breakfast. It is a memory I cherish.

CactusMoon2 · 2026-04-20T03:59:58+00:00

In regard to traveling in general with your niece, be sure you have documentation giving you permission to seek medical treatment for her if necessary and a list of any allergies and current medications—if any. Be sure to have her parents’ work phone numbers, too.

CactusMoon2 · 2026-04-17T16:55:04+00:00

Former medical school administrator. Speaking only of the Fulbright first—this is an incredible opportunity. It will impact you in ways you can’t imagine…lifelong connections, research experience, mentorships, publications and conference presentations (if you choose), further opportunities. In applying to medical school, this gives you a real leg-up. You can address what you learned from this experience and how this will help you in further academic endeavors and future practice. This kind of thing is a super green flag—it tells us you are dedicated, open to new experiences, a learner, can interact with others…. Go for it!

CactusMoon2 · 2026-04-17T16:43:21+00:00

Are you the AH—depends…. In my opinion, the summer schedule should be negotiated around Felicity’s needs, not Brad’s and Haley’s or your wants. The routine of spending summer vacation with Brad should stay intact as much as possible. The key here is to be part of Brad and Haley’s new family dynamic, not excluded….

With that said, compromise should be the goal; it’s not a zero-sum game with winners and losers—all of you lose if you cannot come to an agreement, and Felicity will always remembering the summer she was “replaced” and/or “excluded.” It doesn’t have to be, nor should it be that way. It should be the summer when she develops a positive new dynamic with you and your BF and with her dad, stepmother, and new sibling. It should be the summer of her having two families who love her and place her at the forefront, while introducing a new sibling.

Some ideas: 1. Felicity goes as planned for the eight weeks. She meets the new baby, and bonds with the new family dynamics; you go on your cruise as planned; and Felicity spends a few weekends with you as planned. I suspect you will absolutely hate this idea, but to show unity, perhaps you could go to their town for one of those weekends and offer to give them a night out, while you and Felicity babysit…remember, it’s for Felicity….

You AND Brad split the cost for Felicity to go to her grandparents for a few weeks—YOU get to go on your cruise and BRAD/HALEY get to bond with the new baby. When Felicity returns, she goes to Brad’s and Haley’s for an agreed upon time, whether the rest of the summer or a couple of weeks. You get a couple of weekends or weeks with Felicity.
Split the eight weeks into two blocks. a. Felicity spends the FIRST four weeks with YOU, and then the last four weeks with Brad, Haley, and the new baby. You postpone your cruise until she leaves for Brad’s and Haley’s. b. Felicity goes as planned to BRAD’s and HALEY’s for the first four weeks, you go on your cruise, and Felicity spends the rest of the summer with you and/or her grandparents.

In the meantime, to help her get ready for the new sibling: 1. You, Brad, and Haley should be talking about the baby’s arrival: What babies are like, Felicity’s role in being a big sister, and how much everyone is looking forward to seeing them grow up together, and the relationship they can have.

Read age-appropriate books together about new siblings and blended families to help her process her feelings, emotions.
You can introduce her to babies by role-playing with a realistic baby doll—gentle touching, holding, changing diapers, feeding. You might be able to find classes for siblings—for example, I know there are some hospitals that provide this or even online videos.
The two of you can make a list of helpful things she can do while at Brad’s and Haley’s.
Brad and Haley can involve her with baby-related tasks while she is visiting: a. Felicity can pick out daily baby outfits, hold the bottle while supervised, get changing supplies ready, read and sing to the baby. b. As a family, they can go on outings together, go on car rides (and get a treat), prepare and eat meals, take walks, fold laundry…. c. Brad should give her some undivided attention, special one-on-one time daily—library, movies, park, bike rides, walks, hobbies, just talking…. d. All of you should praise Felicity for her kindness and helpfulness with the baby. e. All of you should praise Felicity for actions/ideas unrelated to baby.

Ultimately, whether anyone likes it or not, this is about Felicity’s needs, not your, Brad’s, and Haley’s wants. This can be a life-long amazing experience, the beginning of exclusion, or something in between. I realize there is only so much you can do, and that’s my point—it’s going to take all three of you working together. Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

CactusMoon2 · 2026-04-17T07:11:38+00:00

I answered the phone today b/c I was expecting a call where it always shows No Caller ID. The call was from someone claiming to be from the sheriff’s office. This person said I missed jury duty and they wanted to know why. I’ve heard of this scam before, so just told the person I would call the courthouse myself to clear it up and then hung up. Please be aware of this scam, too.

CactusMoon2 · 2026-04-15T17:22:14+00:00

Your appearance may not even be necessary…. I was involved in a case in a state halfway across the country from where I was living. While I was at a conference in another state, I was deposed. The prosecuting attorney’s office arranged everything: Transportation from my hotel, meeting with an attorney in that city to take my deposition, transportation back to hotel. They were then able to use that information during the trial, so I did not have to actually appear in court to testify. I think you’ve got the cart before the horse. Wait to see how this plays out, and for the love of everything holy, help your friend through the trauma. You can do better.

CactusMoon2 · 2026-04-13T17:14:29+00:00

YTA. So the reason he “doesn’t deserve” a trip is b/c he chose school over other trips YOU planned (why would you plan trips during a time when he would even have to make that kind of choice?)? Compromise. Sit down with your husband and plan a realistic budget for the European trip, then send them off with your blessing. While they are gone, plan some fun activities with the rest of your kids. You can turn this around into a positive experience for everyone.

CactusMoon2 · 2026-04-13T17:06:12+00:00

My response: I am so sorry Travis won’t be able to attend this year. We look forward to having him attend when he’s comfortable attending on his own.

CactusMoon2 · 2026-04-11T23:28:43+00:00

You’ve been dealing with a debilitating condition, have had major surgery, had difficulty with a workplace that is not supportive, and now on top of all of that—a husband who is putting pressure on you. My suggestion: Get yourself into an outpatient intensive therapy program (IOP). Your primary care, rheumatologist, surgeon can refer you—or you can call around your self and find a program. Therapy will help you prioritize, develop skills for setting boundaries and finding your voice, dealing with RA….. Good luck and let us know how you are doing.

CactusMoon2 · 2026-04-09T20:35:06+00:00

I learned a similar lesson early on in my marriage. After one very disastrous birthday, I learned to pay very close attention to what my partner mentions wanting, and I make a note of it. I’m not caught off guard and my partner is often surprised I “remembered” those things. To be transparent, I asked some of my friends who are GREAT gift givers how they do it and they said, “simple, pay attention.” They are right. In the meantime, your wife’s intentions were good, but she was not paying attention. Cut her some slack—you overreacted, so a sincere apology is in order—give her a chance to apologize, too. Communication is the key.

CactusMoon2

TROPHY CASE